Chapter 43: Guilty Memories
Savian Yelenta: Darkness and trees surrounded me as I looked around for any sign of life. The cold ground felt rough under my feet and the winds pricked my skin. The unforgiving darkness of the forest swallowed me as I walked ahead. The darkness started to clear as I saw a great fire, so big that it lit up the entire night sky. I walked forward and saw the fire eat away at a large village. The houses burned to ashes and the wells were smashed to bits. The fields of crops were destroyed and the village was filled with shouts and screams. It was hard to watch. Everything was dying, everything was being destroyed…. I walked forward to stop it, to find water, to do anything…I ran ahead and found an empty well, and I scooped some water out of it. I ran forward when I stepped on something soft. I looked down to see a body, a man, about 20 years of age lay lifeless on the ground. His eyes were filled with shock and his left eye was entirely gone. I stepped off him and I backed up. I looked to my left to see a man screaming and thrashing as his body was engulfed with flames. He fell on the ground struggling until he stopped. A child fell to the ground and I heard a sudden explosion as a piece of heavy stone propelled itself into the child’s body. The stone crashed into the wall and the child’s legs were all that was left. I saw a woman shaking a man to get up, but he wouldn’t budge. A blade went through her chest as she too dropped to the ground. Blades of green energy slashed through the village as I saw houses get split in half.
Dismembered bodies flew through the air and an arm landed before my feet. Red blood lined the dirt roads and mutilated bodies were thrown in the street, and hung on trees. I saw a man crawling to get away, desperately trying to keep himself alive. I aimlessly reached out a hand to him but it was too late. I saw a red flash slice through his neck and his head flew off his body. A figure stood over the man and he kicked his fallen head back into the flames of the fire. It was me, I was the figure. I saw myself look into the burning village with calm eyes. Two other people came out. Both boys were carrying two people on their shoulders, women….I heard them talk. “Alright! Jobs done, leave nothing and we’re good right? Let’s go home, we can’t stay for too long. Stealth mission right? Except you, Savitar, I guess you need to stay.” I nodded and walked with them.
“I’m gonna have some fun before though,” the boy dawned a lewd smile. “We both managed to get one,” he pointed to the person on his shoulder.
I walked towards them. No, stop, what are you doing? What is this? This killing, kidnapping, torture, and destruction…Why, what for? I heard myself speak, “Our job was to get in and get out. We needed to execute the potential snitch in this village but we ended up getting seen. It’s your fault..we had to do all this, we can’t have any wittiness. Get the fuck out now–before the Taegan empire finds out you were here.” I waved absently. “Go home, make sure to not tell anyone.” I sped off and my vision went black. I saw men and women standing before me. There were so many….hundreds of them…. They all looked at me with empty eyes and a small child came out of the crowd.
It stared at me with empty black eyes. “Why? Why did you kill us?” My eyes went wide. I backed up and felt myself start to hyperventilate. The child spoke again. “Why? All of us, why? What did we do? Did we do something wrong?” I ran and fell on my back. The crowd inched closer and kept staring at me with empty eyes. “We wanted to stay, what did we do? Why, why, why?” The people grabbed my face and they started to crawl over me. My breathing quickened until I was gasping for air. Small and large hands coldly clamped down on me as I felt tears coming out of my eyes.
“I’m…I’m sorry. All of you…I'm ... .so…sorry.” Tears flooded down my eyes as the people crawled over me and I felt the full weight of their bodies on my chest.
“I had to….I had to…..I had to….I FUCKING…HAD TO..STOP, STOP, GET OUT OF MY HEAD,” I felt my lungs collapse and my eyes turn red as I lost my consciousness. I felt blackness come over my eyes as I woke with a sudden gasp. I sat up, in my bed, after an afternoon nap.
I got up, washed, and sat on my bed. It was always torture to fall asleep….Everytime I slept I was bombarded with dreams. Nightmares and visions of the past…all of it haunted me. I put my face in my hands. I’ve killed so many people…kids, women, men, other warriors.. I’ve lived a dual life, a double life, a life that made me do unspeakable things… I stood up and I walked to the door. We had all gone to our rooms and decided to meet up to watch the matches, which were happening later in the day. I walked past Lila’s room and heard laughing. I listened and heard Geon’s voice in there. Same room, alone, for an hour… I rolled my eyes. I walked all the way to the lobby of our building and the man at the front desk called my name. “Savain Yelenta! Yes, over here! I have a letter for you.” He handed me a small white envelope and I took it.
“Thank you,” the man smiled and he went off to get more letters.
I opened it and immediately recognized the hand writing. It was Emmy’s..Her messy black writing and little drawings on the side of the paper all indicated that it was her. I opened it up and read.
Dear Savian,
I heard you won your first match! Congratulations, I knew you could do it. I find it funny that your teammates are who they are though, I’m sure you're being sooooo friendly to them. I hope you don’t get hurt too badly and that you come home soon. I’m okay now, I never got to thank you for bringing me to the hospital and saving me. I didn’t really get to thank your friends either. Tell them I said hi, I hope you have fun and win!
-Emmy
I smiled and put the letter in my pocket. I took out my picture of Emmy and looked at it. She was beautiful. Black hair, smooth and delicate white skin. She had a huge smile on her face and her white blouse and hat made her look even more vibrant. Her clothes never matched her; her royal face clashed with her country clothes. I felt a sudden pang in my heart. My chest started to lose its strength and I felt my lungs start to collapse. Emmy, Emmy, no, I’m sorry, please. My secret–the one I kept from Emmy–the one that I couldn’t tell anybody. The one that I would never forgive myself for… I ran back to my room in a flash. I locked the doors and fell on the ground. I covered my face and started to rock back and forth on the floor. Tears came out of my eyes and I focused on trying not to pass out due to hyperventilation. She was so nice to me, she was such a nice girl, she was the only girl that had ever loved me, but I did something terrible to her… Something I could never tell her.