The House at the Edge

The question hung in the air, mocking me with its simplicity. "Then?" What was I supposed to do?

I felt trapped, like a bird with clipped wings. The weight of my mother's neglect and indifference weighed heavily upon me.

The memory of his childhood abuse by his biological mother seared through his mind like a hot knife. The traumatic experience had left deep scars on his soul, forever marking him.

In that moment, he felt a jolt of anger and helplessness. He had endured such pain and mistreatment in his own past, and now, his adopted mother seemed to be repeating the same cycle of neglect and indifference.

My biological mother frequently belittle and demean me making me feel worthless and unloved.

He clenched his fists, the memories of his abusive biological mother filling him with a mix of bitterness and anger. The words she had spat at him, blaming him for his father leaving and for her miserable life, bounced around his mind like a cruel taunt.

He could still hear her sharp, cutting words, each syllable echoing in his ears like a cruel whisper, "Your father would have stayed if you hadn't existed. You're the reason we're stuck in this cramped, dirty house. If it weren't for you, our lives would be better."

"BUT!

"I didn't make the choice to be BORN. How could you put the blame on me!" My voice trembled with emotion.

"How could you put the blame on me?" I repeated and my voice growing louder.

" I DIDN'T ask to be born. I didn't choose this life! And I certainly didn't ask to be born into a FAMILY that DOESN'T want me. You can't hold me accountable for the consequences of your own choices!"

Everytime i try to voice out my feeling it would end up with a big slap.

She would also be physically abusive, lashing out at me with harsh words and physical violence. I has a few cuts on my body, bruises and even broken bones. I even once get to the ED because the severe of bleeding being abused.

My heart ached as I remembered how detached and distant my mother could be. Words of affection and comfort were rare, almost non-existent. She would often come home late, or sometimes even disappear for weeks at a time, leaving me feeling lost and abandoned.

The long periods of neglect and indifference had left deep scars on my soul, contributing to my feelings of insecurity and worthlessness.

"The words hung in the air between us, their implications sinking into my heart like jagged, poison-tipped arrows.

"AND YET..."

"AM I really a misfortune?!" I repeated, my voice quivering with a mix of surprise and despair. "Is that why both of my mothers hate me? Is it my fault that everyone leaves? That I am alone?"

I felt a wave of confusion and shock wash over me, the realization of my own self-doubt and despair hitting me like a tidal wave.

I felt a mixture of suprised and confusion. I was taken aback by the suddeness of the statement that was delivered. 

I felt a mixture of indignance and anger rising within me, fueled by the accusation that I was responsible for the tragedy that had befallen us. But at the same time, I was bewildered by the audacity of my mother to make such a claim.

"You've never trusted me in the first place, have you?!" I shot back, my voice filled with frustration.

"You didn't pick me up because you wanted to. You did it because you were FORCED TO, right?"

"How could YOU!..."

"YES! If it wasn't for Father, I would have NEVER taken you in as my son!"

I felt my heart clench and a lump form in my throat as I heard what she said.

Her words stung like a slap to the face. The confirmation that my mother never wanted me, that I was an unwanted burden thrust upon her because of my adoptive father's wish.

My voice quivered as I pleaded for answers, tears streaming down my face.

"I just wanted a family and affection..." I repeated weakly, my voice filled with anguish.

"Am I really that unworthy of love and acceptance?!"

Her next words slammed into me like a gut punch.

"YOU are a killer! You will never receive one!"

"But...but...I never killed anyone?" I protested in confusion, my voice wavering.

"RIGHT?!"