The Kind Older Sister Is No More

Why on earth am I doing this?

Noel sighed as he looked over the papers. He had not caught a wink of sleep the night before, and the shadows under his eyes were particularly dark.

The night before, try as he might, he could not fall asleep. A certain someone’s voice remained in his head, lingering ever so faintly so as to prevent his consciousness from drifting.

The moment his head sank into the pillow, the words Irene had said earlier in the night would jolt him awake. Even if he were off guard for a single moment, immediately recall what Irene had said to him last night. He would remember her soft spoken voice, and it shook him to the core.

It must be me…

Never had he imagined Irene would let him hear such a response. No, Noel did not intend to reveal to her any of his weaknesses in the first place. But that desperation -- that momentary feeling had overwhelmed him, and he had acted on impulse.

The stone that Ascardo had thrown drew ripples within him, and Noel had let slip in front of her, if only briefly, the very weakness he was afraid she would see in the first place.

I was too...anxious.

Since she and he were only in a contractual relationship, they were tied together merely out of self-interest. There could be no other link. --Noel was certain. However, what if the possibility of a man appearing who could give her an irresistible condition, arose? Or what if she left him because of a condition which he could not provide; because she found a special relationship with another man. If that ever happened, what was he supposed to do?

Of course, he believed in her. She had a side of trust and sturdiness, unlike her delicate exterior. Rather, he often found himself relying on her.

And to think about it. Had it not been for her, he would not have been able to get through the situation he was in. Noel paused. Still unable to believe the train of his own thoughts…

It’s me.

Noel rubbed his face frustrated and shook himself out of his thoughts*.

 *This sentence is a metaphor transliterating to ‘Noel washed his face dry.’ It’s a gesture where he buries his face in his hands to express emotions like frustration if you’re embarrassed or disappointed, so I interpreted it as he’s frustrated at himself.

Although he was discriminated against by his brother, he pretended to be fine on the outside. However, the nagging sense of inferiority was subtle but pervasive. Noel had always been conscious of his birth -- his illegitimacy. And a part of him could not let go, as if it was an obsession. That was why he had been affected by Ascardo’s provocation.

 *When I mean brother, Ascardo’s actually his cousin, but the word ‘Hyung’ is indifferentiable.

How pathetic.

Sighing for the nth time, Noel who was absorbed in his thoughts, lost track of time. That was when Tom knocked, and then discreetly opened the door. In his arms, he held a large pile of documents. Dutiful as ever he walked up to aloof Noel.

Noel said that he would announce the marriage at a banquet a month later, so it seemed that the number of things that needed to be dealt with increased and there were many people to check.

Tom, thumping down the pile of papers onto his desk, looked at Noel and asked with a bewildered face.

“Your complexion is terrible! Did you stay up all night? Couldn’t sleep?”

(Tom is my fav lmao)

“...”

“If you can, go to bed early and get up early. There is only one month left before the marriage announcement, so you need to manage yourself properly.”

“...What a nag. Are you protesting?”

*(against how Noel takes care of himself)

When Noel responded sarcastically, Tom replied with a submerged smile, as if clueless on what Noel had meant.

“Absolutely not. How could I possibly do something like protest? If my Lord belatedly informs me that he will announce the marriage at the 700th-anniversary banquet in a month, then it is my job to proceed with the work.”

“...sorry.”

When Noel softly apologised, Tom stared at Noel without saying anything.

That humility was something peculiar to Noel. He always did -- apologise. Unlike other nobles who prioritised authority, Noel always accepted his faults and did not hesitate to apologise or ask for forgiveness. And he knew Tom was just concerned for him.

That is why I follow him. Even though...

Tom was fully aware that for any domestic servant, Noel’s background made him a master rudimentarily unpleasant to serve. It would be hard on any servant to be ostracised because of their master’s respective identity. Or, how their master came into power. Especially in such a prestigious household name as the Kristen’s.

Finally, Tom sighed.

“No need to apologise. As you said, I am your limbs; your vassal and am ready to accept your will at any time. So, my lord can call me whenever you need.”

“I do not think of you simply as a vassal. Because of you, I was able to survive in this desolate place.” Noel said sincerely. 

Tom gazed at Noel with a bitter face. Looking at him now as a fully grown adult, he remembered the first time he had met him.

Terrible.

Recalling that time in the past, he felt sorry again.

“But what is that?” 

Noel asked, pointing to the envelope at the top of the documents pile. Only then, did it come to Tom’s mind.

“Ah.”

Tom smirked.

“This is an invitation.”

“Invitation?”

Noel asked again because it was rare for an ordinary invitation to arrive right in front of Noel.

“Where is it from?”

Tom did not answer, instead, he handed the envelope to Noel.

“I brought it here because I was wondering if you would be interested in it this time.”

Upon receiving the invitation, Noel opened the contents. Reading the heading, his expression became strange.

“This is an invitation from Duchess Jasmine.” 

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