The Mad Rat’s Lab

“Tsk! And here I was hoping for something interesting to happen…” I shake my head while observing the purple crystal representing the dungeon core. “Even here, at the most important part of the dungeon, that fool only put a falling corpse trap. What did he expect to achieve? To kill an unsuspecting invader? Hah! Such a lame plan.”

Right when I stepped in front of the core, a corpse fell from the ceiling. It surprised me, but it was the only thing it achieved.

“Still, I don’t understand how the author of this guide didn’t say anything about this trap. Is it a new one…? No, given how weak it is, it doesn’t feel like a recent addition. Then… did the author leave it out on purpose? Hmm…”

It could be. It wouldn’t be the first time a player intentionally hides information to make the others suffer the same fate as they did.

“It’s weird if we take into account the details about the other areas, but… only the author knows.” I shrug. “Still, the guide was pretty useful.”

It’s thanks to it that I was able to clear this dungeon so fast.

Preparation is key to success.

Know yourself, know your enemy, and you’ll win any battle. Only fools go into a dungeon without prior knowledge of what they’ll find. Doubly so if your objective is to analyze the player’s thinking patterns and prepare a strategy against them.

“Author of How to Stay Sane in The Mad Rat’s Lab, thank you very much for your help. I’ll remember you and the tips you give in your guide.”

Though I must say it’s weird he sounds crazy in the guide, something that contradicts the title itself. He must be doing it on purpose, to catch the reader’s attention.

“Alright!” I dust my hands. “My job here’s finished. Now it's time to make it clear to everyone that he’s not worthy of the Evil Mastermind nickname. It should be me, not him, the only one allowed to wear such a title!”

I’ve been working so hard to follow my teacher’s steps… how dare he steal my place?

I know luck is important, that must be why he’s the one getting famous. But luck isn’t everything. If I beat him in a battle of wits, I’m sure everyone will forget about him and start praising me instead.

“There are rumors he’s related to that bitch Anthemia…”

Just recalling her stupid face gives me a headache. That stupid, brain-for-muscle barbarian… I hate it so much when they compare her to my esteemed teacher!

I calm down my breathing and trembling fists. My bloodshot eyes gradually refocus on the dungeon core in front of me.

“No, believing in rumors is worthless. He might not have anything to do with her at all. I can ask him directly when we meet. If the rumors are true… it’ll give me a second reason to humiliate him. Regardless of the truth, what I have to do is the same.”

I crush the dungeon core and the win message appears in front of me.

“You exclusively rely on luck and surprises. Your plans aren’t evil, they’re unexpected at best. Any pain you inflict on the invaders is purely a bonus. I’ll show you what real strategy and planning are, so-called ‘Evil Mastermind’.”

Unconsciously, the last two words come out filled with venom.

As I disappear from the dungeon, I start thinking about the message I’ll send him. I’ll make sure he doesn’t suspect a thing until it’s too late… Hahaha!

“Get ready, because I’m coming.”

Everything’s within my grasp, as it always is.

 

---

 

“I don’t want to, but I have to… Aaaagh! Why is life so difficult sometimes?”

I hate this, just thinking about it gives me a headache. But I know it’s something I have to do, so I should stop making excuses.

“...but I don’t want to!”

Shit. I don’t have a way to avoid it, so I should stop wasting time and start. You can do it, Andreu! I’m cheering for you!

… Thanks.

I extend my trembling finger and bring it close to the dungeon menu. There, a dreaded icon is flashing, trying to get my attention.

It’s the message system.

I’m sure you’re surprised right now. The message system? Why do I fear the message system?

The answer is simple: I’m not. What I’m scared of is the number right next to the icon. 150+, it says. Also, and more importantly… I know where most of those messages come from and don’t want to read a single one of them.

“Aaah, shit… Why did I have to accept to go there in person?”

From that day I went to their cathedral, there’s been a constant influx of messages, the content of which I don’t want to know.

“When will my life return to normal…? Will it ever return to when I didn’t have to worry about receiving an avalanche of messages every day? …from crazy players, at least.”

If you’re asking why I didn’t complain before this before, it’s because I have been postponing the inevitable until now.

The thing is I must check every single message because there’s some important stuff mixed in there. Like messages from my friends, from unknown people who ask stuff about my videos, or people crying about how hard my dungeon is.

I especially don’t want to miss the latter.

“Alright, let’s do this… the sooner I start, the sooner I’ll finish.”

With a trembling hand, I slowly bring my finger closer and closer to the dreaded button. Of course, as any normal adult would, I’m hiding my face with the other and peeking between the gap of my fingers.

“Let’s ignore the subjects and skip directly to the text inside. My head will explode otherwise…”

When most titles contain fanatic ways to call me, it’s better to skip them.

“The first one is: ‘Oh dear Mad Rat, our greatest…’ This one goes to the blacklist. Next! Let’s see. ‘To our distinguished god…’  to the blacklist too. ‘All Shall…’, blacklist.”

Like this, I continue adding more and more players to the blacklist.

Reporting them for this would achieve nothing, they haven’t violated any rules. But this way, the game will prevent their messages from reaching me. The only way to circumvent it is to create a new account with a different nickname and start from scratch, something no normal player would do.

…but they might. They’re crazy after all, so who knows how they’ll act if they discover I’m blocking their messages.

At least, by putting them on the blacklist, I should reduce the number of messages I receive.

“Ah, this one is from Ricard. He’s asking if I want to play with him…” I awkwardly scratch my head. “It’s from the past week, so it might be too late to answer now.”

Though, to be honest, he might as well be inside the game and will agree to play right now if I give him a positive answer. But I must finish this before I do anything else. Now that I’m in the middle, I must see it to the end.

Mostly because I won’t ever come back if I leave now.

“I’ll leave Ricard’s message for now. The next one… I see… aha, aha… to the blacklist it goes!”

One message leads to the other and, after what seems like an eternity, I finish reading the messages. When I raise my head to check the time, it turns out it’s only been fifteen minutes since I started, but to me, it seemed waaaaaaaay longer. My brain is like mush.

“I guess this is what happens when you read five words per message on average, that it takes a short time to read them all.” I shrug. “I wouldn’t do it any other way, though.”

If five words per message are enough to crush my spirit, reading everything would kill me.

After a few messages, I decided it was better to classify all the messages first. With my advanced reading technique, I classified all messages into blacklist and non-blacklist. Now it’s time to read those that don’t come from the madmen.

“Well, maybe they’re crazy too, who knows. But they shouldn’t bring me as much of a headache as them.”

I take one last glance at the blacklist. “Oh my god. I’ve never seen such a long blacklist before…” I gladly close the window and decide to stop thinking about them so I will soon, hopefully, forget about them.

Hopefully.

“After Ricard’s message, there was one from my sister saying something about the voices of my monsters… I wonder what she was talking about. The next one is… Ah! A crying player! I love these!”

I laugh at the message before continuing. From the 150+ messages, the list has been reduced to a meager thirteen.

The last message, though, piques my interest. It’s from a player called Brainiac.

… I’m not going to comment on his nickname. It’s too easy a joke.

 

[Brainiac]

‘Hello, Disguised Koala. Or do you prefer Mad Rat?

I’ve been impressed by your dungeon. I’ve recently invaded it, and the monsters you created surprised me quite a lot. I heard about you from the forums, and I now understand why the players love to go into your dungeon so much.

I myself have an interest in tricky and dangerous traps. I love driving my invaders to the brink, forcing them to exhaust their resources until they die, exhausted and feeling useless.

Do you want to have a Dungeon Battle with me? I’m sure we can learn from each other so we can improve at the same time. What do you say? Are you in? Or will you chicken out? Hahaha!’

 

“It is indeed an interesting proposal,” I stroke my chin as I think. “It’s been a while since I last had a PvP battle. As he says, it’s in PvP when the best ideas tend to pop up. It’s also a good place to learn dirty tricks and tactics, as players use all their means to win…”

The only thing that matters in PvP is victory. Players don’t start a Dungeon Battle expecting to delve into a nice, heartwarming dungeon; they start a Dungeon Battle to show they’re better players.

This is why they think of all sorts of cheating the game to their advantage, planning impossible traps, extremely dangerous monsters, or almost unsolvable puzzles. Everything they can to try and win.

And, as the amazing player I am, I benefit from it.

Although I don’t participate in a lot of PvP battles, some of my best ideas come from them. Like the Tunnel Mimic, which I created when I was battling Laura before knowing it was her; or the Panicky Spitters, which I created after having to run after a key monster for five minutes to open the next door.

“I’ve decided! I’ll accept his challenge!”

After writing that message, I hope he doesn’t disappoint. I hope I can steal… I mean, take one or two ideas back with me.

“I’ll accept the challenge, Brainiac… Hahaha! Such a lame name.”

I thought Ricard was the one with the worst naming sense… I might have found somebody worse than him.

 

“Three things related to DMA I wished never happened? Hmm… The first one is that time I tripped into a lava pool right before the dungeon core. That slip cost me the finals.

The second is when I forgot to turn off the camera and everyone heard my conversation with my sister. Since then, there has been no end to the mocking.

And the third one… Does it have to be about me? No? Alright. Then, the third one was the day the Evil Mastermind met Brainiac. If only they never met each other, things would have been a lot different.”

- Excerpt of an interview with a high-ranking DMA player.