Chapter 20
The market was busier than I expected.
Vendors selling simple snacks and merchants bargaining over heaps of fruit filled every corner.
The cacophony created by so many people at once breathed life and energy into the market.
It was an entirely different place compared to my dark and quiet room.
For someone like me, who preferred being alone, it felt rather out of place.
As I looked around the market, memories from the past began to resurface.
I quietly started to step into the market, feeling a wish to revisit those memories.
Once I entered, the scenery felt like it overlapped with echoes of the past.
“It’s the first time I’ve come to a place like this since I visited the market with my sister Siabel and Sion a long time ago.”
I spoke to my attendant, who was quietly following behind me.
He was always the one to listen first and think about what I said.
My attendant had become the only person I could easily share my thoughts with.
“Did you go with Lady Siabel and Lord Sion?”
“Yeah, it’s back when I was still close with my family before I shut myself away in my room.”
“I see.”
It had been several years, but the bond between my sister, brother, and I was enviably harmonious.
Siabel, who took care of her younger siblings with a sense of responsibility from a young age, and my adorable younger brother Sion, who followed me like no one else.
Now, every single conversation with Siabel felt unbearably heavy.
And my relationship with Sion had turned into a cold, fragile sheet of ice, unlike the warm days of the past.
But at least back then, I could confidently say we were close.
“Back then, Sion was the cute little brother who looked up to me more than he did to his older sister…”
Why has it all turned so tangled now?
I knew the reason all too well.
“Everything started going wrong once I hid away in my room.”
Siabel Shianella, confident and skilled in her swordsmanship, with a strong sense of self-belief and responsibility.
Sion Shianella, bright and surprisingly gifted at divine magic, showing remarkable aptitude as a priest.
In the midst of them, I, who couldn’t even bloom a single flower, had become the subject of their chatter.
Unlike my sister, I bore the name of Shianella, yet I couldn’t wield a sword properly, failing as a woman.
Sion Shianella, despite sharing the Shianella name, excelled at divine magic, while I, Shione, scarcely knew what I could do.
The whispers spread like a sharp weapon, piercing deeper into me than anything, filling me with unbearable guilt for being part of the prestigious Shianella family.
How could someone like me be associated with the Shianella name?
When I could no longer bear the weight of my name, I sought refuge in my room just to breathe easily.
I believed that at least in my room, I wouldn’t have to hear my name echoing through the outside.
I thought I could forget the exhausting days and breathe freely.
But even my room wasn’t entirely safe.
When I barricaded myself inside, the only connection to the outside world, the servant I trusted,
I found out he spoke about my troubles with amusement.
The betrayal from someone I thought was on my side felt sharper than any knife, tormenting me.
I no longer wanted to trust anyone.
“The longer I stay locked away in my room, the harder it becomes to escape, I ended up forgetting that.”
What started as a haven to breathe and live turned into my prison.
People outside became untrustworthy.
Was I disappointing them with my state?
Siabel, who had been my solace until the very end, and Sion, were now silent with not a single word exchanged, turning cold.
I felt sorry. I had no words.
But now I just didn’t know what I should do.
My motivation for life had deflated.
All I did was lie on the bed, stuffing my face with sweets to relieve my chronic stress.
My vitality waned, and my appearance became increasingly pitiful.
“Amidst all this destruction, you showed up.”
When I was waist-deep in lethargy, Ray, my personal servant, appeared.
The moment I spoke his name, I felt a flicker of longing to see him, turning back slightly to glance at him.
He met my gaze as usual, with a blank expression.
Then, I noticed the slight upward curve at the corner of his lips.
“I’m glad you arrived before it was too late.”
His expression was humorous enough for me to smile in return.
“Yeah, but wouldn’t it have been better if you had come a little earlier?”
With a small laugh, the heavy atmosphere lightened a bit.
Right, I didn’t come here to unload such dark stories.
I reminded myself why I brought Ray to this place.
I began to walk slowly through the market with Ray.
“Is there anything you wish to eat?”
“Hmm… if I could have something to munch on.”
I looked over at a vendor selling grilled skewers in the distance.
I remembered the time when Siabel bought me some skewers.
I recalled the memory of sharing them with Sion, holding his hand.
“I want to try that skewer over there. I’ll give you some money, so go buy one for me too.”
“Understood.”
I handed my wallet to him.
“I’ll be back swiftly.”
“There’s plenty of time, so don’t rush.”
Before long, he returned holding a skewer in each hand.
He offered me the one that looked a bit meatier.
“Here. You should eat it while it’s warm for the best taste.”
“Thanks.”
“I’m the one who should be grateful for you considering my share.”
I took a big bite out of the skewer he offered.
Unlike the food I had eaten while riding in the carriage, the rich juices flooded my mouth with flavor.
Why is it that meat tastes so good no matter how much you eat?
Before I knew it, all I held was just a wooden stick.
Ray was staring at me blankly.
“Ah, um…”
Nobles aren’t supposed to act this silly…!
I felt embarrassment creeping up, and my words got tangled.
As a result, my face felt like it was on fire.
But I couldn’t back down… somehow I had to maintain my composure…
“What, why are you staring at me like that…!”
Alright, maybe that was a bit more natural…?
“Nothing much. If you’d like another, just let me know. I’ll be right back.”
“…I’ll just accept the thought.”
With an internal sigh, I started wandering the market once more.
…I still had things I wanted to say. But I wanted to speak in a quieter place, not here in the market—
Finishing up my market stroll came first.
As I quietly walked around, I spotted a modest stall displaying cute accessories.
Sion once bought a small hairpin from a stall like that to give me as a gift.
Once again, memories of the past began to bubble up.
As I reminisced momentarily, Ray approached me for some reason.
“Forgive me for overstepping, but I thought you might like this. Please hold still for a moment.”
“Uh, wha…?”
He pushed aside the ends of my hair and pinned a small hairpin at the tips.
Ugh.
How annoying is it that he always tries to fluster me with a nonchalant expression? I pinched his arm.
Only then did Ray draw back with a slightly pained expression.
“…That hurts. Please let go.”
“Hmph, next time you should show a bit of emotion when coming closer.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
Finally, I released his pinched arm and grabbed his wrist, leading him along.
He followed obediently, as if he was more likely to be the one needing protection even when he was the one acting all tough against goblins yesterday.
Something felt off about him today.
“Didn’t you ask me what I wanted to talk about? I’d prefer to speak somewhere quiet instead of this noisy market.”
“…Understood.”
So we walked away from the market, reaching a place with minimal human presence.
This should be a good spot to talk…
I took a deep breath for a moment.
“Phew…”
I still hadn’t expressed my gratitude to him properly.
I wanted to use this chance to do so.
Thank you for believing in me when I was fading away.
Thank you for giving me new hope when I had given up everything.
Thank you also for bothering to take care of things you didn’t even have to.
“Ray—”
Just as I was sorting out my feelings and about to speak,
Suddenly.
“…Ray?”
He drew his sword, exuding a colder, sharper demeanor than usual.