The Priest Wants to Retire

〈 Chapter 14 〉 The Monkey’s Paw

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I think I finally understand why astronauts who return to Earth collapse on the ground.

It’s like bouncing around on a trampoline, and then… whoosh—the moment you jump on flat ground, a wave of nausea hits you like a ton of bricks! My legs just wouldn’t cooperate.

That feeling of relief slowly flowing in my body, like swoosh—combined with the satisfaction of having fulfilled my responsibilities.

I felt like I was swimming in consciousness somewhere, and this exhausting sensation was akin to a long-distance marathon filled with booze!

“Priest!”

The first to welcome me as I barely escaped from the so-called meeting room was the soft touch of a luxurious wool blanket and the worried voice of a Sister wafting over me.

“Are you okay, Priest? Please regain your senses!”

Even in this ragged state, that soft sensation made me feel a bit guilty for the manly side inside me wanting to cling to it. But there was no way I could resist this alluring comfort, so I went along with it!

“Uh… Sister?”

“Phew… Thankfully, your consciousness seems intact…”

This person… Was she the type who looks dry if dressed up?

As I marveled at this unexpected great discovery, I noticed the usually calm and collected Sister acting all flustered. Suddenly it hit me—I hadn’t submitted my post-mission report! My parched lips quickly fumbled for words.

“Ah… Regarding the Saint’s persuasion… I’m sure it went well…”

With great effort, I lifted my hand, which felt as heavy as rebar, and trembled, giving a thumbs up to signal that I had successfully defused the bomb.

“Hah… Yes, I suppose.”

A tone of voice that was both exasperated and weary.

I wondered if I had made another mistake. With a rusty creak, I forced my head up to look at the Sister’s expression.

“Priest, you haven’t changed a bit…”

Her gaze seemed filled with a sorrowful reminiscence.

We had maintained a slender connection since my apprentice days, but it was just a casual acquaintance where we barely knew each other’s name and face. Did we really have memories capable of eliciting such deep emotions? My mind flickered with that strange question, but with the state of the world being what it was, it was best to put that thought aside for now.

“Sister… My body isn’t responding, can you help me to where Priest Nobel is?”

“Yes… No problem…”

I showed her my shaking left hand, which was just barely twitching, and asked for her assistance.

Lifting my body from the ground like pulling up a radish, Sister effortlessly draped my arm over her neck. My manly pride took a little hit—but feeling inferior to a stronger woman didn’t leave any lasting bruises, thanks to my years of vaccination against such things.

“What exactly happened inside…? It seems like you’ve used the Miracle of Healing on yourself once…”

“I’ll explain the details as we go…”

Though she pretended to help me, I was practically being dragged along as if I were a sack of potatoes.

I suddenly recalled a clever crab I had seen in a nature documentary, supporting its coral friend while fending off threats. The crab provided protection while the coral offered a home and food—an example of symbiosis.

In my current state, with no shelter or sustenance, I felt more like a parasite than a symbiote. How silly that I felt inferior to a coral!

Just as my dazed brain was wasting capacity on meaningless thoughts…

“Yahh!”

I heard the cute scream of someone unknown right before my body thudded to the ground unceremoniously.

“Ah.”

Though my body was still regaining sensations, the pain wasn’t too harsh. But my perspective flipped dramatically! For a moment, I felt as if the world itself had turned upside down!

“S-sorry, sorry! Are you okay, Priest?”

The Sister hurriedly closed the distance to examine me, her outfit especially snug around her chest, cheeks red as a ripe tomato checking if I was injured.

That scene stirred up all sorts of chaotic thoughts in my mind.

I felt a faint touch on the tip of my left middle finger, something soft—and I couldn’t shake the feeling of danger from it.

“Um… Sister… Did I—”

“Don’t say it! I know it wasn’t intentional! But we need to check your injuries! You’ve already used your prayer for today, and you might be risking another big injury!”

“Sister… Did I…”

“I told you not to say it! Fortunately, it seems nothing is broken! But just in case, I’ll call your attending priest or another priest as soon as we finish with you!”

“What if my hand somehow touched your…”

“Didn’t I say to stop talking about that—!!!”

The Sister flung off her hood and threw it towards my face, hurling a loud and frustrated admonishment.

Hisss

It felt like she was calming her emotions rather than her breath. Her pale blue hair flowed dramatically, contrasting against her tomato-red face, with piercing blue eyes and a single tear forming at the corner, giving an uncharacteristically touching artistic touch to her icy demeanor.

If I could bring up this mess during a drinking session with other priests, I’d be the star of the day! But thinking about it was dangerous—my hard-won life could end up in the abyss again! I had to bite my lips stubbornly to suppress any unwarranted smiles.

“Now! Enough nonsense! Hand me the hand, Priest Regis!”

“Y-yes…”

The way she shot me that warning glance made it clear I couldn’t say another word.

While I shamelessly accepted her noble sacrifice for support, I couldn’t help but notice my guilty hand exploring her chest a few more times.

“Hwuuh! Gah! Hheuh…”

“…”

She seemed to think I wouldn’t notice, stifling her moans with great effort, while trying to act natural—I felt bad for her but couldn’t help but enjoy the struggle.

Earlier, my left hand had helped save my life, but was it now demanding a price in such an unwarranted manner?

I had heard of “The Monkey’s Paw,” granting wishes with a twist, but I’d never heard of a “Monkey Baby’s Hand” disregarding its owner’s wishes to pursue its own desires.

Even in that comic I once read about alien species invading human hands, at least there was some back-and-forth communication!

“Hey! I want to touch your chest! Please don’t!”

The corridor I frequented every day felt somehow a dozen times longer than usual, and I couldn’t help but think it was not just fatigue contributing to this feeling.

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