The Priest Wants to Retire

〈 Chapter 44 〉 Prisoner

*

My dazed consciousness snapped into sharp focus with a jolt from something sharp and metallic.

”Who are you! What did you do to my brother!”

The criminal’s appearance, piercing through the dark-adjusted retina, lodged itself firmly in my mind.

A scrawny body. Clothes riddled with holes. A musty smell.

The horrific reality, which I hadn’t realized until I saw it up close, jabbed at my heart more viciously than the blade that pierced my hand.

”Just so you know! There’s nothing valuable in this place, no matter how long you search! Plus, my brother and I are cursed and plagued! If you mess with us, you’re the only one who’ll suffer! So, if you don’t want to die, get the hell out of here!”

In contrast to her murderous tone, that little hand gripping the hilt of the blade trembled like a trembling reed.

Every time it shook, the blade tangled with her skinny fingers, wrenching the wound even more.

But with the half-mangled bodies in front of me, I couldn’t afford to overreact about a mere hole in my palm.

I forced back the moan that desperately wanted to escape.

Eventually, using my left hand to grab her neck and try to halt her movements, I had to give it a shot.

”Eek! Let go! Let go! Don’t touch my body! I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you!”

Her sudden, tearful exclamation disrupted my thoughts, causing that attempt to fail.

As I stood in front of her, panicking, I couldn’t muster the courage to explain the situation in detail.

It was then that I tried, in a pitiful attempt, to reassure her that I wasn’t suspicious.

”Cough, cough!”

”W-What…?”

I only realized too late that crimson blood was gushing from my mouth.

In fact, I had seen the signs since performing the prayer for the boy.

At that time, I could only perform a prayer if I made direct contact with the patient’s body, and the method of weaving divine power into the prayer was terribly clumsy.

Though it was called a prayer, it was practically just me digging out whatever divine power was within me and jamming it into the subject – that was the best treatment I could manage back then.

Because of that, I had no means of protecting my body from the poison emitted by the curse.

Even as the remnants of the curse that I had removed from the boy’s body eyed my now defenseless, power-depleted form, I had no choice but to give it up.

It was horrifying.

It felt as if someone had injected sticky mud into my veins.

The black mass of teeth felt like it was twisting my insides into a chaotic mess.

I found myself regretting what I had done and wishing I hadn’t been so foolish.

Yet, I couldn’t stop the prayer.

Even though half my face was devoured by dark splotches visible in the shadowy light.

Even though all that remained of my eyes was the weariness and illness clearly reflected in my right eye, which stared vacantly.

It was evident that the radiant glimmer in her gaze was judging my sins.

Even if it was a meager excuse, I had to carry on.

”Huff…”

”Eek! Let go! Let go! Let go! Let go!”

Desperately, I used the blade resting in my right hand as a bridge to infuse divine power into her.

Despite the furious punches and wild scratching around my eyes, I didn’t care much at that moment.

I had received sufficient compensation for my troubles.

”Huh? My arm? Huh?”

The moment her previously muted voice began to teem with vitality, a glimmer of hope sparked in my heart.

Like the moonlight parting dark clouds, guiding those lost to safety.

The sight of her body, starting from the arm where divine power seeped in, gradually diminishing the black blotches that had been gnawing at her, felt like salvation.

”Where else… do you hurt…?”

”…Huh?”

I spoke to her while bowing my head, hoping the night’s veil would conceal the criminal’s face from me.

Whether the liquid dripping from my body was blood or tears mattered little.

I felt only thankfulness that the unwelcome noise pricking my ears helped douse the burning guilt within me.

”Y-Yes…?”

”…That’s a relief.”

Seeing the girl gingerly exploring her body with a bewildered expression filled my heart with relief.

I thought I had made amends, that I had corrected things before it was too late.

Stupidly, foolishly, I genuinely believed that.

”W-Wait!”

Because of that.

I could easily shrug off her desperate voice trying to keep me close.

Once again, I turned my back irresponsibly on what I should have faced.

Unaware of the disaster that cowardly choice would summon later.

◈◈◈

When I regained my senses, it was already bright outside, and my ragged body was displayed in front of the house I resided in like a mannequin.

I suddenly chuckled at the thought of drunkards who can still find their way home, even in a stupor.

The fiery red face of my angry senior lingered in my mind, and the pale faces of other priests coming to check on me felt like disembodied spirits.

But amidst the throbbing pain all over and the burning thirst that begged for relief, I grabbed the doorknob.

”Ugh!”

But at that moment.

A sharp pain surged through my hand, electrifying my hazy consciousness.

The sight of the white bandage wrapped carelessly around my right hand, now stained crimson with blood, painted a vivid panorama in my retina.

Your divine power has been tainted by the curse, reaching a point of no return.

The scar etched into your skin contains both the curse and plague, beyond our abilities to cure.

Your ring and pinky are permanently damaged, leaving lasting effects.

Moreover, your body can no longer manifest divine power.

You can no longer be called a proper priest…

”Could I say… once was a proper priest…?”

As I stood there like a scarecrow, replaying my senior’s words like a broken record.

”Your letter delivery is here~”

A cheerful voice brought a faint light into my cloudy gaze.

Looking back, I saw the familiar postal boy rummaging through a large bag.

”Wow~ Looks like you’ve gotten a ton this week too! These scruffy letters… What will you do with them? Should we dispose of them like always, or…”

”No. Just give them to me.”

”Huh? Eek!”

The postman’s voice suddenly squeaked as he caught sight of my miserable appearance.

But at the time, I was more focused on the items he dropped in surprise.

I had no reason to spare a glance at his retreating figure as he hurriedly fled, dropping the letters from his bag.

”S-Sorry! Goodbye!”

The letters scattered carelessly on the floor.

I sifted through the mess, picking out the most familiar, scruffy ones, and bit down on them.

My right hand was too dark and stained by curses to move well, so I had to use my relatively okay left hand.

I lost track of time as I accumulated a mountain of letters.

Selecting one at random, I slowly tore it open and began to read.

‘Uncle. My brother is sick.’

‘I know calling the priest costs a lot, and I also know you’ve been really busy lately. So, I’ll give you all the birthday and Christmas presents I’ll receive for the rest of my life! Everything! I’ll give it all to you! Can you please ask the priests to take a look at my brother just once?’

‘If you help my brother get better, I promise never to say anything bad again. I won’t hit anyone carelessly, and I won’t complain about food. I’ll be kind to everyone, brave, and a person like the hero from a fairy tale who never tolerates injustice. So…’

Crinkle.

I had a feeling I understood the messy condition of the letter.

This faded handwriting must have been mixed with cheap ink diluted in water.

The paper itself seemed like something someone had thrown away; it reeked of the characteristic stench of a dumpster.

So, for the past few months, each time these letters arrived for me, I had thought that someone envious of my clear path to becoming a high priest was trying to make a fool out of me.

”…”

I folded the letter and tucked it away in my pocket.

The rest were tied together and carefully stashed in a drawer, left unopened.

The letters contained nothing but pleas about her brother’s illness.

Not a single letter mentioned that she was sick.

”Abigail… Bigtim… Abigail… Bigtim… Abigail… Bigtim…”

I whispered the names that had once faded in my memory, embedding them in my heart.

From that day forth, my life became a continuous cycle of recalling guilty thoughts and revisiting the sins I had committed.

That day, the sky was clear, without a cloud in sight.

In contrast to my heart, which was thick with dark clouds.

*