The Priest Wants to Retire

〈 Chapter 58 〉 Hypocrisy

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If only they hadn’t entered my view while I was floundering in inferiority.

If I hadn’t carelessly reached out to them.

If my Holy Power hadn’t manifested.

If only that moment when I randomly reunited with them had shown their appearances to be less shabby than the ones I witnessed.

Would the conclusion of the story have been different?

I knew too well that adding “if only” to a past that had already passed was an extremely futile and hollow act.

Still, every time I closed my eyes, drenched in damp fatigue, I couldn’t help but sketch that blueprint on the canvas behind my dark eyelids.

A future where I don’t get entangled with them.

Days of comfort where I wouldn’t have to shudder in guilt and wouldn’t have to be troubled by a sense of wrongdoing.

Dreaming of a free life where I could simply enjoy the blessings scattered before me without knowing their existence — where nothing weighs me down — I couldn’t help but indulge in those thoughts.

But.

That fleeting escape from reality was always shattered by another voice of myself nestled within my thoughts.

You disgusting bast*rd.

It was an undeniably reasonable and justly said remark, leaving me unable to muster a proper rebuttal.

The reason I decided to help them was solely to fill my insignificant ego.

And my decision to stop was simply due to my whim.

Struggling to save them was also thanks to the chance encounter in a village where I found myself unwillingly dragged along by someone else’s hand.

Had the course of events deviated just a bit, I undoubtedly would have let them die without feeling an ounce of guilt.

No, I even doubted whether I would have cared about their lives at all.

A few little chicks I had bought out of mere curiosity near school in childhood.

There aren’t many who remember the names I had given them until adulthood.

It’s your fault.

The inner voice that felt particularly vivid today pressed me again.

Look closely at the results brought forth by your hypocrisy.

That scolding voice uprooted the strength from the hands I had placed atop my eyelids to turn away from the past.

“Nice to meet you. I am Regis Lowville, a mid-level Priest working as an Adventurer.”

“It’s nice to meet you too! I am Triana Abigail, a prodigy who will become a great Hero in the distant future!”

The gray past projected right before me began to merge with the vision in my memory.

Now that I think about it, it was truly a hilariously tragic spectacle, where lies bounced back and forth.

Why hadn’t I noticed the unnatural atmosphere where we both acknowledged each other’s identities and yet pretended not to?

“Your whole body is covered in blood… Abigail sister…”

“I’m fine! It’s not my blood! Uh, yeah. My, my blood… it’s not my blood…”

“Shaking like that and saying such things… Hah… Come here. I will wipe it off for you…”

“Hah, haha! I apologize!”

What unfolded right after was the memory of finishing our first adventure.

It was the vision of me carefully wiping off the monster’s blood and entrails from the Hero’s body.

“Didn’t you realize now? The life of an Adventurer is a dangerous profession that involves such horrific humiliation. So, why don’t you think it over again before talking about being an Adventurer?”

I was so focused on wiping the blood off her face and accentuating the dangers of being an Adventurer that I didn’t even notice the heartfelt expression on her face until much later.

Her trembling lips. The gradually reddening tip of her nose.

Why hadn’t I felt anything from her tearful gaze that pierced through the torn glove, staring intently at the scars engraved on my palm?

“No! I want to be an Adventurer! I have to be the prodigy who will become a Hero in the future!”

“Ah, yes…”

I shouldn’t have just brushed off the slight tremor hidden behind her brave ambition.

“Ugh! Now that I’m relaxed, I feel my legs going weak! If it’s not a bother, may I lean on you for a moment?”

“Excuse me? Why are you leaning on me instead of your reliable little brother?”

“I’m sorry! Bigtim is currently! Due to the tension from just finishing my first kill, sadly I have no strength left to lean on him!”

“Wait? But you were standing just fine a moment ago? You can still see… Wait, why are you suddenly lying on the floor? Bigtim brother?”

“…”

“Then, excuse me!”

“Ah, Abigail sister?”

Poof.

She gently settled herself into my arms, and I shouldn’t have overlooked the fact that she tried to grasp my collar with her trembling hands.

◈◈◈

“Hero Punch—!”

The gray vision that I had been ignoring aggressively shoving itself in front of me now began to stretch its claws into recent memories.

Another voice within me reprimanding me grew increasingly clear, as if in synchrony with that transformation.

You broke the statue you painstakingly crafted in your hometown to find her?

The voice that had been swirling only within my mind slowly took on a definite form and solid presence, mocking me right by my ear.

If one’s shadow were to gain will, would it not look like this? The thoughts surged forth totally unbidden.

Facing a nightmare that poked at the most vulnerable part of my psyche was so terrifying that I could feel my grasp on reality wearing thin, and it made me doubt whether I was even sane at the moment.

Did you just abandon this wonderful child? Honestly, a man shouldn’t be doing that! If you commit a sin, you must take responsibility!

Demanding an answer from me while not forgiving any rebuttals, that absurd righteousness suddenly threw its arm around my shoulder and snapped its fingers.

By the way, this was what happened the night I smashed the statue.

Snap.

With a solid echo erupting from my thumb and forefinger, the gray vision before me twisted its form yet again.

Sizzle. Crackle.

Right after that, the spectacle that unfolded before my eyes struck me like a shock that made my heart freeze.

“Ugh… P-Priest… Uncle! Huh! W-where, uh! Where are you…”

The Hero, desperately trying to find me while burying her cries in her pillow, as if frightened that someone might hear her weakness.

Her pitiful agony was so intense that it instantly vaporized all the dependable impressions I had held of her until now.

Why don’t you respond? While she is frantically searching for you, you are having fun with another woman, with no chance to reach out to her.

A biting mockery. A sinister sneer.

It had my face, yet it bore an expression I, the owner, had never seen before, as if robbing something from my embrace.

I’ll take responsibility for delivering this to her. You can leave now. I thank you. In fact, I want to thank you instead.

That was a letter.

A forced goodbye letter, written by my hand at Apis’ request.

That child must have had an exceptionally strong spirit. I had kept an eye on her for a long time. She wouldn’t budge despite multiple attempts, you see? So, I was getting antsy. Our means and frequency of contact with you are quite limited.

What in the world are you saying? I wanted to ask that, but no sound came out.

It was right after that it dawned on me that my mouth, my body, my mind weren’t moving as I wished.

But just when I was deep in thought, you gave that child a gigantic hole in her heart! Thanks to you, things went smoothly. I appreciate it!

It was then.

From the dark floor, black tentacles rose, curling slowly around my entire body like a headless snake.

Before long, they turned to stone, dragging my motionless body, unable to resist, slowly into the darkness of an unseen abyss.

You don’t mind, right? After all, deep down, you wanted this to happen! Now you won’t have to see that child’s face again! Don’t worry! I’ll take care of it for you!

Those words were undeniably tempting.

Facing a problem and then running away is quite possibly my nature.

If someone can take on my role, then the responsibilities I should bear and the duties I must fulfill can be cheerfully shrugged off with a big smile!

You can escape.

The words I most wanted to hear at this moment.

Every single moment I wished someone would say to me.

Yeah, that was it.

Grab.

Huh? What? Did you forget something?

Like a person floundering in water, my wayward hand, reaching out without hesitation, firmly grasped its arm.

In that murky haze, the reason my hand shot out like an arrow to grab its arm was something even I couldn’t explain.

“One question… Ugh, cough! Do you, do you know when the w-wonderful Hero’s birthday is?”

Birthday? Ah! You mean the day that child was born?

An eerie silence hung in the air for a moment.

Soon, it regarded me with a look of astonishment and said with a grin.

Of course, I know! That child’s birthday is January 1st! She was born on the day the year begins—

Puk.

However, that sentence was never completed.

Locked in a gripping hold on its arm with all my might was my left hand.

With my right hand imbued with equally potent strength, I struck its face with precision.

“Wrong.”

BAM!

Right after that, the sensation that coursed through my fist and the rough rumble ringing in my ears were an entirely different matter from hitting a living being.

It felt closest to the unique relief of smashing thin ice with my fist.

“How dare a mere creature…!”

Gone was the transcendent atmosphere from before.

It, looking just like me, clutched its shattered face in apparent agony, snarling in a voice filled with contempt.

Soon, as pieces of my face began to rain down from its visage, the darkness surrounding me — which had been filling my space — began to crack like an eggshell.

A silhouette obscured within the dusky veil soon revealed itself.

“P-Priest…?”

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