The Priest Wants to Retire

〈 Chapter 61 〉 Confession

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A gamble where you only lose what you already have.

No, it’s practically a self-inflicted wound.

Even I, the one who uttered those words, couldn’t hide my embarrassment.

How must the Hero have felt hearing that right in front of me?

For someone who claims to be clergy, to casually bring up unwanted desires he couldn’t shake off himself.

Even though it was all to awaken the Hero’s consciousness.

If it had been the usual me, such shameless words would have been unimaginable.

Unless something went seriously wrong in my brain or verbal centers, there was no way I would have said such a thing.

Why on earth did that absurd nonsense come out among all the other words? I wondered about that too.

I could only imagine that the voluptuousness of the Sister, which I had inadvertently witnessed before entering this place, had a significant negative impact on my judgment.

”Holy Power has ceased to be applied…!”

However, at that moment.

The suspicious woman who had been diligently fulfilling my request to keep quiet suddenly revealed a look of shock.

The Holy Power that had been seeping inside the Hero’s soul seemed to halt its movement just as she had said.

Realizing this too late, my consciousness became chaotic.

I hurriedly turned my gaze toward the Hero’s hair.

The white intrusion that had risen from the tips of her hair had now reached the top of her head, moving sluggishly since the moment I uttered my faux pas.

”P-Priest…?”

The Hero, staring blankly up at me, moved her dry lips.

Right then.

Like a small sprout rising in a barren wilderness.

In those bewildered eyes, in which I could find no trace of emotions, I caught sight of a faint ray of conscious light.

This was effective.

For some reason, it seemed clear that my absurd confession was helping the Hero regain her consciousness.

That’s why.

Fighting against the burning shame, I decided to confess a few more of my hidden flaws to her.

”Hero, actually, before meeting you, I used to smoke cigarettes and stuff.”

”Huh?”

The Hero tilted her head slowly.

That expression, full of doubt, made it look as if she were a little puppy who didn’t understand human speech.

And it made sense.

Because I was the one who had always strongly advised my colleagues against smoking, calling it the most useless act there was.

”I tried to quit many times, but it never went well… The only reason I managed to quit now is that my life has become so poor that I can’t even afford cigarettes. If my life had always been affluent, I surely would still be clinging to that harmful thing.”

Explaining one’s own shameful past in a way that sounds good to others is quite the ordeal.

Moreover, the one I was confessing my flaws to was someone who embodied purity and righteousness, like a human version of the very definition of those words.

The pressure was indescribable.

”You know I have a weakness for alcohol, right? Actually, I’ve cut back a lot on that too. Even when life gets tough, and I have to worry about my meals tomorrow, for some reason, I just can’t seem to quit drinking.”

It was a one-sided confession that didn’t receive even a nod or a brief word of agreement.

But from those tear-streaked eyes, staring straight at my shabby condition, I knew she was listening intently.

After tightening my eyes in a moment of resolution, I continued speaking.

”Haha, it’s pitiful, isn’t it?”

”N-No…!”

That question, delivered with a self-deprecating laugh, wasn’t meant to expect an answer from her.

I cautiously restrained the Hero, who seemed like she might retort against my words.

”The reason I started sponsoring the orphanage was simply that I wanted to be special, Hero.”

I wanted to be special.

I wanted to be admired. I wanted to be respected. I wanted to be upheld.

I wanted to be better than others.

No, I wanted to reign above others.

I had resolved to live this life that way.

When I had just begun to enter puberty.

I had thought the memories of my previous life slowly surfacing like buoys on the sea were a divine revelation to fulfill that desire.

However, I had neither the talent, background, nor bravery to realize that ambitious vow.

I had tried to struggle, but ultimately, it all ended up being futile efforts.

I had despaired.

No, I had acted like I was despairing.

I had made efforts, but I didn’t give it my all.

I had done my best, but I wasn’t really sincere enough not to leave room for alternatives.

Eventually, I stopped looking up.

It was far more comfortable to walk with my head down toward the ground than to precariously push forward while gazing at an unreachable sky.

”At that moment, I just happened to catch sight of you, Hero.”

I didn’t care who it was.

Even if they were the world’s worst villain, I would have reached out.

And even if they were the world’s greatest hero, I would have pushed that hand away soon enough.

I simply wanted to indulge in that petty superiority, thinking I was better than those who were worse than me.

Feeding stray cats while pretending I have no responsibility—my actions were no different from those selfish individuals.

”Do you understand, Hero? I am that kind of person.”

Perhaps it was because everything around us was quiet.

When I came to my senses, I had already carelessly spilled out words I hadn’t planned to confess.

The pathetic reason I reached out to them.

The trivial reason I withdrew that hand.

Even the ridiculous reason I brought that filthy hand back to them.

”So you don’t need to feel guilty, Hero.”

Given how things had turned out, I didn’t want to see her face.

I didn’t want to disappoint her.

I didn’t want to be disliked by her.

I wanted to avoid experiencing how small my existence was in front of her, a colossal standard of judgment.

”I’m not a noble person who can help others without a valid reason, nor am I responsible enough to right the wrongs I’ve committed throughout my life.”

I wanted to atone, but I didn’t want to suffer under the weight of that sin forever.

I knew I would be labeled a selfish jerk.

Eventually, I would try to let go when the time was right and would attempt to forget.

The weight of two lives was far too heavy a burden for weak me.

”So, I’m the one who should apologize.”

I had to hold back the tears, at least.

After all, that would be far too cowardly of me.

To try to mitigate my own faults while crying during a confession!

I needed to control my expressions and emotions.

I had to maintain a brazen face to allow her to get angry if she wanted.

”I’m sorry, Hero…”

BAM!

Right at that moment.

Before I could even finish my sentence, something came flying at my stomach like an arrow, causing my body to lurch forward.

”Hero…?”

She embraced my waist with her whole body and threw me to the ground, burying her face in my abdomen as she spilled heartfelt words out to me.

”You came back to us…”

The light weight I felt on my stomach was in stark contrast to the truly heavy feelings behind those words.

”The Priest… Uncle still returned to us…”

The Hero still had her expression hidden against my clothes, but I could sense from her damp voice that she was biting her lip.

”I’m not as great as you think, Hero. I still have many foods I can’t eat, and on nights I have nightmares, I cry pathetically. I often forget my duties because of my selfish desires. Sometimes, I… engage in indecent… indecent activities with the Priest! I have the audacity to have such inappropriate thoughts—a lot of them!”

”Hero!?”

My heart felt like it plummeted.

It wasn’t solely because of the Hero’s shocking confession.

With each word she spoke, the divine energy that had turned her hair white began to dissipate like the spring rains soaking into the earth.

”On the day of my inauguration ceremony, I declared my willingness to give my life for peace and safety in this world. That was a lie—a blatant lie.”

”…”

”It was hypocrisy. It was a facade. It was extremely despicable pretense.”

”…”

She spoke as if shedding some thick burden off her mind.

But then.

”If the world needs me, I will gladly offer my body, but that’s not for the sake of the world. While this world is indeed a treasure, it doesn’t compare to the value of what I truly desire.”

”I don’t need anything. Status, honor, this world—they’re all unnecessary to me. But! I will protect it. I will fiercely defend it! Even if it costs me my life, I will ensure peace arrives in this world! So… So…”

”Can I have the Priest?”

That faint, fluttering worry, just like a breeze carrying uncertainty, held the essence of a fragile girl.

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