The Priest Wants to Retire

〈 Chapter 69 〉 Cigarette

*

As a proper adult, there are certain behaviors one should avoid in front of minors.

If you’re a couple, it’s fighting. If you’re a teacher, it’s excessive corporal punishment. If you’re a college student, it’s drunkenness.

But if someone were to ask me what the most fundamentally taboo act is, I would answer without a moment’s hesitation.

Smoking.

”Just one little stick·····.”

”Yes!”

With a troubled heart, I fumbled with the tobacco leaves while the Hero watched me with sparkling eyes.

There was no doubt that there was a bundle of naive expectation hidden in those innocent eyes.

While I might be considered an adult by the standards of this world,

according to my old-world values that I haven’t completely shaken off, standing before the Hero, who is clearly of an age to be called a girl,

the reason I was hand-rolling a cigarette, the last time I smoked is a vague memory.

”Hero, it’s not too late. Could you please switch to something else····.”

”N-no! You made a promise!”

”What’s so great about seeing me smoke? Think it through. You have nothing to gain from this. How about we all go to a play in this area tonight instead?”

”There’s no such thing! It’s unacceptable! What I want to see is the Priest holding a cigarette! And not just the two of us, but all together! It’s not even up for discussion!”

The heartbreaking tone in her voice constantly stirred my heart.

I knew all too well how cruel it was to dangle something before her.

But I had my own lines that I couldn’t yield. I couldn’t easily give up the attempt to sway her.

What the Hero demanded in exchange for granting me freedom of movement was that I show her myself smoking.

In fact, this wasn’t the first time the Hero had made such a request.

Ever since the day I confessed to her that I was a smoker in my youth,

she started bombarding me with questions about whether I had any old photos or the types of cigarettes I used to smoke.

Eventually, she began insisting that I show her myself smoking.

It seemed that my claim that no one in this monastery had ever seen me smoke piqued her curiosity.

I never expected things to escalate to this point, so I was just feeling a headache.

”You bring my heart to a boil and then just abandon me! How cruel! Are you playing with me? Priest! Is this what they call being toyed with?”

”I give up. I’ll do it. Please, just lower your voice a little.”

Though it felt unintentional, the forceful threat from the Hero was more than enough to crumble my resolute will.

Thus, having beautifully succumbed to her overwhelming pressure, my only choice was to quietly pick up the cigarette kit in front of me.

Ah, that pungent yet light sensation. How many years has it been?

”Where did you get this handmade cigarette kit I used to use? This was discontinued ages ago; it should be hard to find now····.”

”I asked the people who attend to me! They managed to get it in just one day!”

”Ah····.”

I paused to pay my respects to the efforts of my attendants, who had to become Stevan Giovanni simply because they couldn’t refuse the request from the supreme being of the system.

”What the····.”

”Oh! So that’s how you make it!”

While I was rolling a cigarette in front of a minor while wearing priest’s robes, my already dizzy head from the hangover was pounding even more.

Crunch!

Placing the filter and tobacco leaves in the roller, I put a paper underneath and rolled it all up.

I hadn’t put a cigarette to my mouth or even smelled the smoke in years.

However, seeing my fingers skillfully completing the cigarette without much attention paid, it seemed my body still vividly recalled those memories.

”Using this as a starting point, please never start smoking or anything like that in the future. Understood?”

”I beg you to keep that worry to yourself! My interest lies solely in the sight of you smoking, Priest! Not the cigarette itself! I’m quite curious as to why so many people are desperate to enjoy something as dreadful as that!”

”You don’t need to think that deeply. I see it as those who have nothing substantial to boast about just puffing away to flaunt it to others.”

”Hmm? I don’t fully understand, but is it similar to wanting to blow hot breath on a cold day?”

”Haha, you’ve got it right.”

”Oh! So that’s it! But! Priest! It’s true that even the Saintess has never seen you smoking! Is that really true?”

”Yes····. It is. Ever since the day I wore the priest’s robe, I haven’t even held a cigarette since.”

”Is that so! It’s the first time! I get to be your first! Heh, heh heh····.”

What could possibly be so amusing about seeing an old man like me rolling a cigarette?

For reasons I couldn’t quite comprehend, the Hero seemed overly excited and was bouncing her upper body sporadically.

Lick!

As I sealed off the neatly rolled paper with my spit,

a unique and adorable noise typical of someone weighing too heavily on an old bed echoed through my ears.

Swallow!

Right after that, a sinister rustle that suddenly fell into the room filled with the sound of paper folding and unfolding broke the silence of my awareness, adding a hint of impurity to it.

”Hero?”

My gaze instinctively followed the source of the sound, catching the Hero’s face, now crimson like ripe autumn leaves.

”Ah, ahh····.”

Her wavering pupils were firmly fixed on the end of the cigarette I had sealed with my spit.

”Ah, I’m sorry, Hero. It might have been a bit messy, right? It’s a habit, and I did it without realizing it.”

There’s nothing better than spit for sealing a cigarette.

Though typically mild glue is used, the foul odor from the cigarette can seep in, and it’s quite bothersome.

So every time I rolled a homemade cigarette, I always sealed it this way.

I anticipated that licking the paper would seem pretty disgusting to others,

but perhaps because it had been so long since I rolled a cigarette, I momentarily forgot that the Hero was right here.

”P-Priest····.”

”Yes?”

”I-if it’s not too much trouble, can I just take a single puff of that cigarette?”

”Huh?”

The bold suggestion, like the flutter of a butterfly’s wings, swelled into a massive storm in my mind.

”No! There’s no way! The agreement was that you would only watch, and I generously allowed it!”

”C-can’t you just make an exception for once! Just let me lightly graze it with my lips!”

”No! This is something I cannot concede! You holding the cigarette in your mouth is something I cannot allow, even if it means getting dirt in my eyes!”

”Then at least! Let me just lick the tip! Just the tip, is that too much to ask!?”

”Hero!!!”

That desperation resembled someone lost in the desert finally finding an oasis.

”How much! How much do I need to give you!? Alright! I’ll bite it! I’m not even asking to lick it! If you could just let me catch a whiff of its surface! I’ll give all my wealth that I was going to share with society to you, Priest!”

”H-Hero, calm down!”

”If that’s not enough, I’ll throw in Bigtim’s too!”

”!?”

Boom!

Just then, there was a sound from outside, like something large had fallen to the floor.

But at that moment, I had no mental capacity to pay attention to such pointless distractions.

The Hero, who was satisfied just to see me smoking, suddenly seemed intensely interested in the cigarette for some unknown reason.

In my mind, aside from the noble sense of duty to keep that cigarette from her, there were no other emotions to be found.

The one standing in front of me was the Hero. I had no way to counter her strength.

The reason this tense standoff was able to persist was precisely because the Hero was hesitating to forcibly take the cigarette from me.

But how much longer would that hesitation continue? It was uncertain.

I had to make a decision quickly.

Alright. Since it has come to this!

Fwoosh! Fwoosh!

”A-ah!!”

I quickly lit the match and hurriedly brought the flame to the end of the cigarette.

All I did was light the end of the cigarette,

yet the sense of accomplishment swelling in my mind felt as if I was relishing the same exhilaration Prometheus had felt when stealing fire from the gods.

”Aaaaaah!!!”

”Huff!”

The smoke I had inhaled after so long and in such a rush was incredibly harsh.

It felt like my throat was burned and my lungs were scorched.

”Cough! Cough!”

Because of this,

at that moment, I had no way of knowing,

that someone had been eavesdropping on the fragments of conversation shared between the Hero and me.

*