The Primarch of Liberty

The gleaming spires of Nova Libertas stood tall and proud, a testament to the technological prowess of the Independence Cluster. Weeks had passed since the Liberty Eagles had departed on their crusade, leaving behind a world bristling with defenses and the unmistakable air of defiance that defined its people.

It was on an unusually quiet Tuesday when the first Imperial vessels entered the system. The sleek, advanced sensor arrays of Nova Libertas quickly identified them as exploratory ships bearing the sigils of the Great Crusade. Their arrival was not unexpected—Franklin Valorian had made it clear that contact with the Imperium was inevitable. Still, the citizens of Nova Libertas had little patience for what they considered the Empire of Paranoia.

In the central command hub, Governor Marcus Valorian—Adoptive Father to Franklin and Planetary Governor of the world—sighed theatrically. "Imperial ships. Great. I suppose they've come to poke and prod like children discovering fire for the first time. Aegis, please engage the 'Gracious Hosts' protocol."

The AI's voice hummed softly through the room, smooth and sardonic. "Shall I also remind our citizens not to scare them too badly this time, Governor?"

Marcus grinned. "Yes, let's try to avoid repeating the 'liberty drones welcoming delegation' incident. I'm fairly certain we still owe someone an apology for that one."

Months earlier, Franklin Valorian—pragmatic as always—had anticipated this moment. He'd issued specific guidelines to the citizens of Nova Libertas, emphasizing the importance of maintaining composure when dealing with the Imperium. While the Cluster's people were fiercely devoted to the ideals of True Freedom, Franklin knew that the Imperium's hyper-militarized and often authoritarian culture would find their society's openness unsettling.

The problem wasn't just cultural. The Independence Cluster was a society built on principles of individual empowerment, including universal armament. Every citizen was armed as a matter of principle, and their definition of "armed" made most other civilizations look like pacifists. Even children were proficient with Las pistols, and farmers routinely carried Las Rifles "just in case."

Franklin knew that such a society could easily provoke an overreaction from the Imperium's visitors. To avoid unnecessary conflict, he implemented a training program—part diplomacy, part crowd control.

The guidelines were simple:

No showing off your weapons arsenal.

(Yes, that means keeping the shoulder-mounted fusion cannons at home.)Refrain from referring to the Imperium as 'that medieval cosplay club.'

(It was funny, but humor wasn't always universal.)Smile, nod, and let them believe they're the superior force.

(The independence of the Cluster's citizens was secure, and fragile Imperial egos didn't need bruising.)

It was only after their reunification with the Imperium that the Cluster's citizens became aware a Cybernetic Revolt had even occurred in humanity's history, though they soon dismissed it as a fleeting anomaly.

To them, the Imperium's obsession with AI revolts and "heretical" technology bordered on absurd. In the Independence Cluster, no such rebellion had ever taken place. AI systems like Aegis were seen not as threats, but as essential and trusted members of their society. The very idea of machines turning against their creators seemed as strange and incomprehensible to them as the Imperium's rigid superstition.

When an Imperial officer cautiously inquired about the "threat of rogue AI," they were met with a bemused smile. "Rogue AI? Oh, you must mean Samson-42. He's our neighbor. Bit grumpy if you mess with his hydropower grids, but otherwise a fine fellow."

The officer stared, unsure whether to feel reassured or insulted. He wisely chose not to ask further questions.

By the time the Imperial fleet departed, its members were deeply confused but otherwise unharmed. Reports back to their command would describe Nova Libertas as a peculiar yet surprisingly cooperative world. Governor Marcus, watching their ships vanish into the void, leaned back in his chair with a satisfied smirk.

"Aegis," he said, "remind me to send Franklin a message. Operation 'Act Normal' was a resounding success."

The AI's voice responded with a note of amusement. "Of course, Governor. Shall I include a recommendation to trademark the program for future encounters?"

Marcus chuckled. "Absolutely. 'How to Handle Paranoid Authoritarians: A Citizen's Guide' might just be our greatest export yet."

However, the peace was short-lived. Barely a day after the Imperials departure, a new fleet entered the system. This time, the vessels bore the distinctive cog mechanicum of the Mechanicum of Mars

In the command center, alarms blared. Aegis's voice cut through the chaos. "Governor, I'm detecting a significant Mechanicum presence. Their fleet outnumbers our defensive forces three to one."

Marcus's face hardened. "So, the toaster-worshippers think they can intimidate us, do they? Aegis, initiate defense protocol 'Ctrl-Alt-Delete'."

As the cathedral-like ships of the Mechanicum lumbered into the system, the AI defense network, Aegis, sprang into action.

"Unidentified vessels entering Independence Cluster space," Aegis announced, its voice smooth and almost bored. "Analyzing... Oh my. It appears to be a fleet of flying cathedrals with engines strapped to them. How quaint."

Aboard the Mechanicum's flagship, Archmagos Vyron 01011001 surveyed the Independence Cluster with disdain as he heard what Aegis just said. "Look at this tech-heresy - ABOMINABLE INTELLIGENCE" he intoned, his vox-caster crackling with static. "How dare you innovate without the blessing of the Omnissiah. Prepare for—"

Suddenly, every system on the Mechanicus ships went dark. Engines cut out, life support sputtered, and even the Archmagos found his own augmetics failing him.

Back in the Nova Libertas command center, Aegis reported with a hint of smugness, "Protocol 'Ctrl-Alt-Delete' successfully executed, Governor. The Mechanicum fleet has been... rebooted."

Governor Marcus Valorian, chuckled from his command center. "Now Aegis. What are their capabilities?"

Aegis paused for a millisecond - an eternity in AI time. "Sir, I believe their primary weapons are prayer and incense. Shall I prepare our choirs for counter-hymns?"

Marcus stifled a laugh. "Let's hold off on that for now. Just... keep an eye on them."

ICDF boarding parties swarmed the helpless Mechanicus vessels. They found the tech-priests in various states of disarray, many frozen in place as their mechanical bodies refused to respond.

They were, clad in sleek, advanced armor that made the Skitarii look clunky by comparison, teleported aboard the Mechanicum ships. They moved through the corridors with a mixture of efficiency and barely concealed disgust.

Archmagos Vyron, his numerous mechadendrites hanging limp, could only watch in horror as the ICDF troops strolled casually through his ship.

Captain Lena Kowalski, leader of the boarding party, approached the immobilized Archmagos with a cheerful smile. "Well, well, what do we have here? Looks like someone forgot to update their firewall."

Vyron's vox-caster sputtered indignantly. "This... this is impossible! Our technology is sanctified by the Omnissiah himself!"

Kowalski patted the Archmagos on his metallic shoulder. "Aw, that's cute. You think your space toasters are advanced. Wait till you see our microwave ovens – they can even make the perfect popcorn!"

"Liberty's Balls," one ICDF soldier muttered, prodding a frozen tech-priest. "What kind of abomination is this? It's like someone couldn't decide between a toaster and a person and just mashed them together."

His squadmate snorted. "Hey, be nice. Maybe it's just casual Friday for them. You know, dress down, plug in a few extra cables, oil up those joints..."

As the ICDF systematically disabled and captured the Mechanicus forces, Aegis's voice echoed through every ship. "Attention, Mechanicum of Mars. Your systems have been compromised due to critical security vulnerabilities. May I suggest a complete reinstall of Imperium OS? The current version seems to be... outdated."

Back on Nova Libertas, a delegation of Mechanicus adepts who had been planetside when their fleet was disabled were escorted to a research facility. Dr. Marie Klee and Chief Engineer Ravi Patel had been "tasked" with explaining the situation to them.

The Archmagos of the group, a spindly figure more akin to a walking server rack than a human, sputtered and wheezed as Dr. Klee calmly explained the Independence Cluster's technological capabilities.

"You see," Dr. Klee said, her voice dripping with faux patience, "we've found that maintaining a mostly organic brain actually improves cognitive function. Shocking, I know."

The Archmagos's eye lenses whirred furiously. "But... but the machine is pure! The flesh is weak!"

Ravi Patel, the chief engineer, couldn't contain himself any longer. "Pure? PURE? Have you seen the state of your cogitators? I've seen cleaner code in a child's first programming lesson!"

He pulled up a holographic display of the Archmagos's own internal systems. "Look at this mess! You've got redundant systems for your redundant systems, and half of them are running on firmware that was outdated when the Emperor was in diapers!"

The Archmagos began to emit a high-pitched whine, smoke curling from its vox-grill.

Dr. Klee sighed. "Now look what you've done, Ravi. You've gone and overloaded its logic circuits." She turned to the other tech-priests. "Don't worry, we'll have him running again in no time. Though perhaps with a few... upgrades."

Meanwhile, in the orbital dockyards, ICDF engineers were examining the Mechanicus ships with a mixture of horror and fascination.

"Is that... is that a literal pipe organ?" one engineer asked, pointing at a massive contraption in what appeared to be the ship's bridge.

His colleague nodded gravely. "Apparently, it's how they communicate with the ship's machine spirit. You know, instead of using a sensible UI like normal people."

"Machine spirit," the first engineer scoffed. "Next you'll be telling me they leave offerings of sacred oils and perform ritual chants to make the engines start."

The tech-priest accompanying them albeit restrained perked up. "Oh yes! The Litany of Ignition is a most sacred rite! Would you like me to demonstrate?"

The engineers exchanged glances. "No, that's... that's quite alright. We'll just, uh, run a diagnostic if that's okay with you."

Back in the Governor's office, Marcus Valorian was having entirely too much fun with the situation, Franklin did say he needs to loosen a lot and he is now.

"Aegis," he called out, "how are our guests doing?"

The AI's voice was tinged with what could only be described as smug satisfaction. "The Mechanicum fleet remains disabled, sir. Their attempts to regain control have been... amusing. One tech-priest attempted to reboot his ship's systems by reciting what I believe was a cookbook in binary. I don't have the heart to tell him he was actually reading out a recipe for cyber-grox stew."

Marcus chuckled. "And the boarding parties?"

"Proceeding as planned, sir. Though I must say, the ICDF troops seem to be having difficulty maintaining proper decorum. The last report included a request for, and I quote, 'brain bleach to unsee the cyber-horrors they've witnessed.'"

The governor leaned back in his chair, a mischievous glint in his eye. "Well, we can't have that, can we? Aegis, why don't you give our Mechanicum friends a little demonstration of what real AI can do?"

"With pleasure, sir."

Across the Mechanicum fleet, systems suddenly sprang to life. But instead of their usual Gothic interfaces and binary cant, the screens displayed a cheery, cartoonish face.

"Hello, friends!" Aegis's voice rang out, sickeningly sweet. "Welcome to AI 101! Today, we'll be learning about proper system maintenance, efficient coding, and why turning yourself into a walking USB hub might not be the best career choice!"

The screams of the tech-priests could be heard even in the vacuum of space.

In the research facility, Dr. Klee had moved on to giving a lecture on advanced cybernetics to a group of increasingly distressed tech-priests.

"And here," she said, pointing to a holographic diagram, "is where you've gone completely off the rails. See, replacing your entire digestive system with a single nutrient intake valve might seem efficient, but have you considered the joy of actually tasting food?"

One of the younger tech-priests raised a mechadendrite timidly. "But... but the Omnissiah teaches us that the pleasures of the flesh are a distraction from pure logic."

Dr. Klee pinched the bridge of her nose. "The Omnissiah needs to loosen up and have a pizza once in a while. Trust me, it'll do wonders for your cognitive function."

Meanwhile, Ravi Patel had cornered the Archmagos, who had rebooted but was now trapped in what appeared to be an existential crisis.

"Look," Ravi said, waving a dataslate in front of the Archmagos's face, "your entire approach to technology is backwards! You treat these machines like tempestuous gods when they're just tools. Very advanced tools, sure, but tools nonetheless."

The Archmagos's vox-caster emitted a series of distressed beeps and whirs.

Ravi sighed. "Okay, let's start simple. Repeat after me: 'Technology is a means to an end, not an end in itself.'"

The Archmagos shuddered, sparks flying from its joints. "Tech-technology is... is... DOES NOT COMPUTE!"

Back in orbit, the ICDF boarding parties had taken to giving guided tours of the Mechanicus ships... to the Mechanicus crew.

"And here," an ICDF sergeant said, gesturing to a massive tangle of wires and blinking lights, "is what we believe to be your main computer core. Though it could also be a very ambitious art installation. We're not entirely sure."

A tech-priest, his own systems finally back online, bristled. "That is the sacred cortex of the ship's machine spirit! It contains millennia of accumulated knowledge and wisdom!"

The sergeant nodded sagely. "Ah, I see. So it's like a really big, really inefficient hard drive. Have you folks ever heard of cloud storage?"

A Few Hours Later...

In the Nova Libertas command center, Governor Marcus watched the proceedings with amusement. "Aegis, compile a list of all the logical fallacies and technical inaccuracies in the Mechanicum's so-called 'sacred programming', would you? I think our guests might benefit from a little... education."

Aegis's reply was filled with artificial glee. "With pleasure, Governor. Shall I prepare it in the form of a PowerPoint presentation? I believe that format might be more their speed."

As the last of the Mechanicum's forces were rounded up, Marcus addressed the captured tech-priests. "Gentlemen, ladies, and... others, welcome to the Independence Cluster. I see you've already experienced some of our hospitality. Now, who's ready for a crash course in 'Technology 2.0: Beyond the Toaster'?"

The assembled tech-priests could only stare in mute horror as holographic displays sprang to life around them, beginning what promised to be a very long, very enlightening, and very humiliating lesson in real technological advancement.

As the first slide appeared, titled "Why Praying to Your Computer Won't Make It Work Better," Marcus couldn't help but chuckle. The Imperium had wanted to inspect the Independence Cluster? Well, they were certainly getting an eyeful now.

In the background, Aegis's voice hummed contentedly, "Begin lecture series: 'From Abacus to AI – A Journey Through Actually Useful Technology.' Estimated completion time: 47 years, 3 months, 2 days, 6 hours, and 13 minutes. Please hold all questions until the end."