The Princess's Feathers

I exhale the most hard-fought sigh of my life, trying to calm my racing heart. I haven’t been welcomed into their flock just yet, but getting the elders’ approval is perhaps the biggest hurdle to overcome.

“Asha,” Uma speaks up, talking over the murmur of conversation from the crowd. “Before we continue, you should know what will be expected of you as a member of this flock.”

I nod to signal my agreement.

Kuro told me this would be the next step: A verbal agreement that I would respect and follow the rules of the flock. I’ve been steadfast in maintaining that I would agree to join them no matter what, and I even went so far as to suggest I ask the elders to skip this part of the process because it wouldn’t matter. No matter what, I have to join them.

But Kuro was noticeably anxious about my enthusiasm.

‘Asha,’ she said. ‘I really think you should listen to the elders if you make it that far.’

‘Why?’ I asked, quirking my head. ‘Kuro, I have no other choice. I’ll have to accept your rules, regardless of their inconvenience.’

In response, she turned her head and averted her eyes.

‘What?’ I said. I knew she was hiding something that made her uncomfortable. ‘What’s so bad about them that you can’t just tell me?’

Her brow furrowed, and she shook her head. ‘No. It would be best if you heard it from the elders. I won’t tell you.’

Kuro warned me last night that ‘certain things’ would be expected if I joined the flock. It sounds awfully ominous, but what other choice do I have? My alternative is to die alone on this continent, so there is none.

Uma continues, “If Keuvra does not wish to share his thoughts on your arrival, then we will hold you to the same standard we judge every other member of this flock. To that end, you must come of age.”

Khosa grumbles, “By crossing from the Farlands, she has already passed one of the trials.”

“But she wishes to return to her Kin in the Farlands, to one day become a Lemur again,” Meldi speaks over the two in a concerned voice. “This is why we needed Keuvra’s guidance!”

Wait, what?

This is why they needed to summon Keuvra? Because I want to return to Ellyntide once I become a Lemur? A dread builds in my stomach, rattling my voice as I dare ask, “Is that a problem?”

Meldi turns towards me, and her red eyes meet mine. Although she’s a Lithan, I’ve seen her expression before; it is the look of a heartbroken mother who knows she’s about to deliver terrible news. “Fress… if you were to join our flock and become Keuvra’s Kin, then… you would be expected to start a family. To join our flock is a lifetime commitment.”

What?!

The force of her words smacks me like a locomotive, draining the air from my lungs. My legs falter and slip, and my stomach wrenches. In order to survive, in order to turn back to normal and lead Ellyntide… I have to commit myself to be a member of their flock forever?

I…

“But I can’t possibly do that!”

How could they expect me to remain in their flock forever? What am I supposed to do when I turn back to normal? A lemur is only useful as prey on this continent. They won’t insist I remain a Lithan, will they?!

And how could I commit myself to a partner when my goal is to turn back to normal?! It wouldn’t be fair to my partner or me. I’ll be so small compared to them when I’m a Lemur! How would we love each other? Would they even retain feelings for me? To say nothing of what the response would be when I returned to Varecia with a Dragon for a partner!!

There’s also the lingering matter of… well. Expecting me to start a family and raise children is a huge thing to ask when I don’t even know if I can reciprocate romantic feelings for men. I know I can for women, but… are those types of relationships allowed here? Would they even know what I was talking about if I asked? I don’t think I’ve seen any same-sex couples here. What if they don’t allow them?

“Asha…” Meldi stares at me with pain in her eyes. “I understand how difficult this is to accept. But these are ancient rites that have existed for generations. To raise kits to adulthood is essential to the flock’s survival.”

Survival, huh. So that’s what it comes down to.

Framing it that way, there’s no need to ask if they’ll allow same-sex couples: they won’t. Even if someone in the flock has those preferences, they’ll still have to take a mate with the opposite sex to raise children.

“The way I see it,” Uma says. “You have little choice but to accept this path — to join our flock as a Loner and come of age. Even if you discovered a way to control when you turn back to normal, the crossing to the Farlands may already be impassable.”

I-impassable!?

I flick my eyes between the elders in disbelief. “How?! I just crossed it yesterday!”

“In harvestwing,” Uma continues. “The winds in the crossing grow stronger with each passing day until it is no longer safe. Daughter-Of-Kelani, you seem naturally adept at flying, but even you must have had considerable difficulty yesterday, isn’t that right?”

I nod absentmindedly, recalling just how difficult it was to gain altitude in the strong gales at Archer’s Point. “I completely lost control of my flight trying to find calm winds. I almost gave up and landed.”

Uma’s expression turns grave. “Then you are already aware of how dangerous it is to make the crossing. Soon the winds will blow so fierce as to make it impossible. It will not be safe again until greenwing.”

“Until greenwing? You mean I could be stuck in Felra until next spring?!”

The elders look at me in silence, their expressions filled with bitter truth.

I stare into the ground and grit my teeth. A torrent of negative emotions flood my head, and tears form in my eyes. I’ve come so far and endured so much to get to this point… But the deities have turned their backs on me, I’ve been given an edict I can’t possibly live up to, and I could be stuck in Felra for months.

What have I done to deserve all this?

Why does the very worst outcome always happen to me?

Why…

…

“Then, I accept!”

There is always a choice.

“I’ll seek a mate and come of age! I’ll do whatever it takes!”

So, I’ll choose to make the best of it.

“If this is the path the deities want me to take, then so be it!”

Wherever the winds may carry me.

With tears flowing from my eyes, I force myself to meet the elder’s faces. The deities may have forsaken me, but if their goal is to stop me, they’ll have to kill me. I told myself that for the good of everyone I’ve ever known, I could never give up on them. And just because things are getting hard, just because unexpected events are standing in my way... for them, I won’t.

Uma watches me for a moment before his expression changes. He seems pleased. “So be it,” he rumbles slowly and authoritatively. “Daughter-Of-Kelani, you will be expected to start a family and come of age.”

Fine.

The elders can expect as much as they want from me. But as soon as I figure out how to turn back to normal, I’m hightailing it off this rock and never looking back.

“We recognize that courtship can be a lengthy process. But understand that until you are mated and whelp, you will have fewer privileges in our flock.”

I exhale a little. That gives me some time, at least.

I don’t know precisely how old Kuro and Enyll are, but if those two are around my age and still single, then it’s clear Kin are allowed plenty of time to seek a mate. With any luck, I’ll be long gone before anyone can get upset at me for being single.

Of course, I don’t know what ‘privileges’ Uma is referring to. But Kuro and Enyll are not dead, so the penalties for being single can’t be insurmountable.

Uma continues, “As you have flown from the Farlands unassisted, you have already passed the trial of flight. The trial of might, to hunt and butcher a False-Kin alone, will still be expected of you.”

This worries me a bit. I’m bigger than a Redaga but smaller than every other Lithan I’ve come across. If killing a Redaga is challenging for even regular-sized Lithans, what does that mean for me? How hard would I have to train to kill one by myself? I suppose Fra was able to pass the trial, and she’s close to my size, but...

When I recall the fight I was in yesterday, I can only think about the look on his face as I lost consciousness. That insidious look of opportunism... it mirrors the look on Orie’s face as he thought he was about to kill me in the hollow.

...

I hope I’ll be far away from Felra before they expect me to fight a Redaga again.

“Do you accept these conditions, Daughter-Of-Kelani?”

Without question. “I accept.”

“Good,” says Meldi, hobbling to the front of the rock. “With her acceptance, Asha has secured our blessing. But to be welcomed into our flock requires the support of Kin. For those who have met Asha since she arrived in Felra, raise your voice if you would allow her into our flock.”

“I would!” A powerful and familiar voice — the one I wish was beside me this entire gathering — wastes no time answering Meldi’s call. I cast about and scan the crowd, following the line of turned heads straight to the source.

With a smile on her face, Kuro raises her head high. “I believe Asha will make a wonderful addition to our flock. She is smart, headstrong, and her intimate knowledge of the Farlands will be a boon to our survival.”

“I second Kuro!”

Before I can even react to her kind words, another familiar voice rings. I glance to Kuro’s right and spot Ykuvi among the crowd. “Our willingness to accept outsiders into our flock is essential to its survival. Asha has an unquestionable talent for flying, and I believe she could be taught to hunt as well as any other Kin.”

“She has my support!” Gima adds, standing next to him.

Oh, gosh. Gima too?! Last night Ykuvi said he would vie for me, but I was less sure how Gima felt. The old woman came through!

“Asha was kind to me!” Fra yells, straining her voice to be audible across the aerie. “She shared her prey with me! Please allow her to join us!”

The elders glance between themselves. Meldi nods to Uma, who glances over his wing and nods to Khosa. Despite looking at me askance ever since the gathering began, it seems her resolve is fading. She must be surprised at just how much support I’ve garnered in my short time here.

I exhale, feeling warmth spread flush across my heart. Even I’m a bit surprised by the reaction so far. I knew these four would probably vie for me, but to hear them say such kind words fills me with strength. It’s finally starting to feel like things are going to work out. Now, will anyone else speak up about me?

“I respectfully object.”

From the back of the aerie, a bitter voice echoes and puts a swift end to my short-lived enthusiasm. A Kin wings forward and lands on another elevated platform of interlocking rocks far to my left. I recognize their nearly crimson plumage, and my stomach churns.