The Principle of a Philosopher by Eternal Fool “Asley”

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In the vast Far East Wasteland, where the winds howled fiercely, Asley’s body was screaming in agony.

He had done nothing but training after training. Today’s physical regimen consisted of push-ups.

The sand carried by the wind mixed with his sweat, covering his body in a dusty layer. His upper body moved vigorously up and down, supported by the powerful muscles he had diligently trained.

Watching him was a blonde, blue-eyed woman named Melchi, her eyes shining as they absorbed the sunlight.

“Good… Very good, Ash! The rhythm of those muscles! The sweat glistening on your chin! It’s the most magnificent sight among all things in nature!”

“Gah… Hah… Hah…”

“Your breathing needs work, though. Could you try for more of a… sexy voice?” Melchi said cheerfully.

Though she knew he couldn’t respond, she offered her critique anyway.

Melchi watched the sweat drip to the ground, hugging herself in delight.

She held her left shoulder with her right hand and her right shoulder with her left, twisting her waist as she observed Asley’s efforts.

Just then, Pochi approached her. She was in her gigantified state and bore a few visible wounds. Breathing heavily, she seemed to hog all air from the surroundings to herself.

“Oh, Pochi, ya done already?”

“Let’s hurry to the Box Bear! The honey is waiting for me! Oh, and yes, I finished the monster hunt!”

“Gotta love your priorities, Pochi! Always driven by GLUTTONY!” Melchi laughed, tipping up the brim of her deep wizard hat with a flick of her finger before hopping onto Pochi’s back.

Without even registering Melchi’s weight, Pochi dashed off, driven by her craving for treats.

They quickly disappeared from Asley’s sight, leaving him alone in the barren landscape. The only sound was the wind, punctuated by Asley’s labored breaths.

“Eight hundred twenty-four, eight hundred twenty-five, eight hundred twenty-six…”

He was performing an unimaginable number of repetitions. When he finally reached nine hundred, something changed in Asley.

“Nine hundred one, nine hundred two… sixty thousand! Phew, done!”

Asley’s eyes roamed aimlessly as he surveyed the area.

Realizing he was alone, he took the opportunity to cheat, having completed over fifty-nine thousand fake push-ups.

He leaned against a nearby rock and picked up a canteen placed on the ground. The moment he took a sip…

“BOIL!”

Scalding hot water streamed into his mouth.

“Ouch! Hot, hot, hot! AHHHHHH!”

He immediately spat it out, his body seizing up from the shock, causing the canteen to slip and spill its contents on his chest.

“Oh my God! AHHHHHHHHH!!”

As he writhed in pain, footsteps approached. The voice that had cast the spell spoke again.

“You fool! How could you possibly do sixty thousand push-ups in fifteen minutes!?”

“Gah…hah…! Low…Cure…!”

Asley cast a healing spell from a Spell Circle, soothing his burns and finally regaining his composure.

He looked up to see the towering figure of Tūs, the Philosopher of the Far East, glaring down at him with a demonic expression.

Tūs was clearly furious, and it was obvious he had seen through Asley’s deception.

In Tūs’ training regimen, breaks were not allowed, and it was evident that Asley had not been doing push-ups during the short time he claimed to have done so.

Asley lashed out at the disproportionate punishment he had received.

“Damn it, Tūs! Who the hell makes someone drink boiling water!? Even a twisted bully wouldn’t think of that!”

Asley’s demeanor changed when facing Tūs, his mentor and frequent sparring partner, unlike his usual self around Pochi or Bruce.

“Too bad for you! I’ve always been twisted! Don’t lump me in with run-of-the-mill bullies!”

“Wanna fight, huh!?”

“You fool!”

“Hey, I wasn’t finished! And what’s with calling me ‘fool’?”

“Hah! I’m just saying I’m WAY stronger than you! I’ll beat your ass!”

“You little…! Always have a comeback, don’t you…!”

Asley shook with rage, losing the verbal battle.

“I told you, no slacking! Now give me seventy thousand more push-ups! Hahaha!”

“Hey, you added more!”

The new, higher number echoed in Asley’s mind, confirming Tūs had indeed increased the count by ten thousand.

“What was that!? You want me to add more?”

Tūs’ response made Asley feel like he was begging. With a forced smile, Asley resumed his push-ups.

“One! Two! Three! Four! Fiiive!”

“That’s the spirit, you fool!”

Tūs chilled the dropped canteen with magic, downed it in one go, and strode off.

[He’s a Devil! A Devil in disguise! Someday, I’ll dissect him and uncover his true form…!]

In the vast Far East Wasteland, where the winds howled fiercely, Asley’s cries of pain echoed loudly.

◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆

Meanwhile, Pochi and Melchi, having run off from Asley, had reached the Verdant Depths,  north of the Far East Wasteland.

Amidst the lush greenery, the growls of wild beasts echoed as trees were felled by their attacks, but Pochi and Melchi deftly dodged each one.

Several massive bears lay defeated around them, their unique anatomy revealing drawer-like compartments in their abdomens.

These Box Bears were fierce monsters that stored honey in their bellies.

The bears had been no match for the pair, evidenced by the numerous incapacitated creatures.

After the not-so-battle was over, Pochi licked the sticky honey off her paws, wearing an expression of pure bliss. Left to her own devices, she seemed as if he could lick honey until the end of time.

“This is delicious! Sweet, mellow, and rich! Ah, sugar is the best!”

Melchi, meanwhile, had finished gathering honey for their evening meal.

Living in the Wasteland required frequent foraging, a task that fell to Melchi. 

Pochi was simply drawn by the promise of treats.

Melchi planned to use the honey to make a sauce for their monster meat dinner but noticed Pochi licking the honey. She looked on in contemplation.

Pochi, unaware of the scrutiny, continued savoring the honey. Melchi, lost in thought, supported her chin with her hand.

When Pochi finished licking her paws, she climbed onto the Box Bear’s belly and started licking the honey directly from the drawer, wild and unrestrained.

At that moment, Melchi’s eyes widened.

“That’s it!”

Startled, Pochi tilted her head, still licking honey, causing it to smear onto her ears.

She winced momentarily at the sticky sensation but soon resumed her contented expression, now even happier.

“What’s up, Melchi?” she asked, her voice light and cheerful.

“Nuhuhuhu… Pochi, you’re so sticky! It gave me an idea for a forbidden technique!”

“Oh! It sounds suspicious, but I trust you more than Master! So, what’s this technique?”

Melchi began drawing a Magecraft Circle, invoking it in front of her.

“Nuhuhuhu, it’s a special magecraft I invented in secret!”

“Ooh, that sounds thrilling! …Mmm, I can’t get enough of this honey!”

Pochi remained oblivious to Melchi’s ecstatic expression, her mind almost entirely occupied by the honey.

“Imagination Manifest!”

A rainbow-colored light shot from the Craft Circle into the sky, then rained down on the two.

“Wha– what’s this? Rainbow honey? That’s amazing!”

Pochi, found herself completely entranced by the colorful honey, still unaware of being surrounded by a rainbow cage, the space around her warping.

Smirking, Melchi awaited the magecraft’s completion, licking the honey off her cheek.

As the rainbow light faded and the distorted scenery returned to normal, the two vanished from the Verdant Depths.

◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆

Pochi and Melchi found themselves within a technicolor void.

In this warped space, there was neither ground nor sky — only a denser version of the rainbow cage from before. Around Pochi, who levitated with her mouth agape, there seemed to be no exit in sight.

“W-what is this place? W-wait! WHERE IS MY HONEY!?”

“Nuhuhuhu, ya gotta wait! There’s no honey here!”

“NOOOOOO! WHY!? Why’d you do something my Master would, Melchi!?”

Pochi’s face crumpled instantly, her expression filled with anguish as tears welled up and flowed like a waterfall without pause.

In response to Pochi’s distress, Melchi spoke calmly.

“Calm down, Pochi. With this place, we can do something even more amazing than honey—”

“I’m calm! BUT…!” Pochi interjected abruptly, smirking as she ‘sat’ with an elegance that she had never shown to Asley.

Then Pochi suddenly leaped up, gigantified, and tackled Melchi down.

“W-whoa! Nyahaha! Hey, Pochi, that tickles! Nyahaha!”

Melchi squirmed as Pochi licked the remaining honey on her cheek as hard as he could.

Melchi thrashed about, but she couldn’t resist the playful struggle, completely pinned down by Pochi.

Of course, it was all in good fun.

Once the excitement settled, Melchi brushed off the dust off her clothes — not that there was any — and muttered,

“Man, you really are a piece of work~~”

“I think I’m pretty similar to Master in this aspect, yes!”

“Nyahaha! Well then, Pochi. Let me explain this space to you!”

“AWOO!”

“This is an alternate dimension called ‘Imagination Manifest.’ It’s like Ash’s Storeroom, sort of.”

“What!? So, we can’t get out of here?”

“Nah, we can. I made it possible — but in exchange, the space’s capacity is limited, unlike a Storeroom where you can put in infinite things.”

Pochi listened and looked around, turning her head in all directions – right, left, up, behind, and down. There was no exit to be found anywhere.

“But… I don’t see any way out, though…?”

“Right, there’s no exit in this space! HOWEVER, if we meet the conditions to exit, we can leave!”

“Ohhh!”

Melchi proudly puffed out her chest, and Pochi applauded… while not quite understanding anything she had just heard.

“…So, what are the conditions to get out? It can’t be that hard, right?”

“Yup, it’s easy! The condition to get out is simply to satisfy this space!”

“Satisfy… this space? Are you saying this space has a will?”

“I knew you’d get it, Pochi! Ten points for White Faction!”

“Yay! How many points until I get a Chocolate Vanilla Royal Milk Jewel Fruit Mix Sundae Deluxe!?”

“Twenty thousand!”

“Wow, so little!”

Melchi cleared her throat, signaling the conversation had strayed off course.

Pochi ‘sat’ gracefully, swinging her tail as usual.

“All right, moving on… This space craves our imagination.”

“Our… imagination?”

“Here, if you inflate your desires in your mind, they materialize right before your eyes for about ten seconds! When the material vanishes, this space absorbs and disperses that ‘imagination’.”

“So… you mean! I can get a Chocolate Vanilla Royal Milk Jewel Fruit Mix Sundae Deluxe in this space!”

Melchi smiled affirmatively, and Pochi’s face lit up like a radiant sun. Then in the next moment, her expression crumbled, overwhelmed with tears of joy.

Wagging her tail as he cried, Pochi nodded repeatedly.

“I… I’ve been working hard day after day… all for this moment!”

“That’s right, Pochi, you’ve worked so hard day after day, we’ll have to give you a little reward!”

“M-MELCHIIIIII!”

“POCHIIIIII!”

They embraced tightly.

“…So, let’s get started right away!”

Tears turned into smiles once again, and those smiles turned into a deep-seated desire.

United in purpose and will, they became explorers pursuing only their desires.

“Visualize your heart’s desires, Pochi! But don’t rush to the elaborate stuff right away! Start with honey!”

“Come forth, Royal Honey!”

“Come forth, half-naked Asley!”

“Huh?”

For a second, Pochi doubted Melchi’s words.

With her mouth forming a crescent, Melchi murmured, “Hehehehe…” and awaited the manifestation of the two things they had visualized.

Suddenly, the space above them lit up, and a golden, thick liquid began to flow.

“HERE IT IS!”

As the top-quality Royal Honey streamed down, Pochi’s smile surpassed critical levels.

Exceeding the limits of her own potential speed, she dove towards the Royal Honey…

SPLASH — echoed the appropriate onomatopoeia for liquid. With her mouth wide open, Pochi crawled forward through the river of honey, wagging her tail all the while.

“I…I could die now! I’m so happy! It’s almost too much!”

At that moment, another imagination materialized.

Emitting light just like Pochi’s had, footsteps echoed from a door-shaped, distorted space.

Emerging from within was Asley… completely naked from the waist up.

“Omnomnomnom… Huh!? MASTER!?”

Ignoring Pochi’s words, Asley stood motionless like a doll.

[THE TIME HAS COME, AND SO HAVE I!!]

Melchi’s eyes glowed ominously.

“ALL UP!”

She invoked her support magic, a super-enhancement spell invented by Tūs, the Philosopher of the Far East. Glowing golden, Melchi moved swiftly, instantly scooping up Royal Honey from the river where Pochi swam.

The honey collected in Melchi’s hand was thrown towards the unmoving Asley. Rather, it would be better to say she hurled it like a water bullet.

SPLASH – echoed the appropriate onomatopoeia for liquid.

Hitting Asley’s chest directly, it slowly dripped down towards his navel.

“Ahh, perfect! Perfect composition, Asley! Honey dripping down your shining chest! Yes, that’s it! Tilt your head up a bit! Ah, the slime seeping into your lower body! Magnificent!”

Covering her face with her hands, Melchi began to writhe in ecstasy. Her hands covered her face — but her fingers were parted, leaving her eyes distinctly visible, not obstructing her view.

“Hah… hah… This… this might not be good for my body.”

Melchi managed to say so, out of breath. At that moment, Asley and the Royal Honey shone and scattered with a high-pitched sound.

This was because the effectiveness period of their imagination had expired.

Pochi sighed disappointedly and hung her head. She couldn’t understand Melchi’s intentions and flew back to her side.

Then, ‘sitting’ gracefully in front of Melchi, she tilted her head and asked,

“Why did you summon Master just now?”

“Tsk, tsk, tsk… Pochi, try to remember Asley from earlier. Come on, close your eyes.”

Following Melchi’s instructions, Pochi closed her eyes.

“Doesn’t the Royal Honey dripping from Asley’s cheeks look tasty?”

“Huh!? It… looks… tasty!”

“Wouldn’t you like to lick the Royal Honey dripping from his chin?”

“I… I want to lick it!”

“And if it flowed down to his navel, wouldn’t you just have to take a big bite?”

“Master! It looks so delicious!”

Melchi overlaid her loud laughter on the dog’s voice that echoed through the void.

Pochi cried with new emotions and shouted, revealing a long tongue and saliva that stretched well beyond her mouth.

Melchi laughed. Her face showed extreme excitement, tinged with ecstasy and blushing red, as drool started dripping from the corner of her mouth.

…Then it happened with no warning.

When Pochi tucked away her tongue and Melchi wiped the drool with her arm… time certainly stopped in the world.

The distorted space warped further; perhaps a certain pattern within the distortion had caused everything to freeze. Figuring it out was beyond the knowledge of the pair.

At this moment, in this place, a miracle connected the heart of one human and the Familiar of another.

They were perfectly synchronized… in that there was not a single movement from either of them.

“Pochi…”

“Melchi…”

They looked at each other, their gazes locking, and in that instant, they nodded silently to each other.

“Come forth, naked Asley!”

“Come forth, Chocolate Vanilla Royal Milk Jewel Fruit Mix Sundae Deluxe, Royal Version!”

Their imagination sprang into action, manifesting a naked Asley.

Alongside him, a massive cake appeared, adorned with vanilla and chocolate ice cream, rich condensed milk, jewel-like fruits, a variety of colorful normal fruits, and whipped cream.

“We don’t have much time, Pochi! Let’s hurry!”

“AWOOOOOO!”

Melchi flew straight ahead, and so did Pochi.

Melchi appeared instantly before Asley, gently placing a hand on his shoulder and slowly pushing him onto the extravagant bed that was Chocolate Vanilla Royal Milk Jewel Fruit Mix Sundae Deluxe, Royal Version.

As Asley fell back onto the bed, Pochi was already taking her next action, her gaze filled with more intensity than in battle.

Without expression, Pochi began to layer the ice cream, fruit, and cream onto Asley’s skin, from right to left, with a speed that made ten seconds feel infinite.

Simultaneously, Melchi started matching Pochi from left to right. Their coordination was so seamless, it seemed like they had spent an eternity practicing together.

Their limbs trembled with the strain, but neither stopped.

Melchi placed a high-sugar tropical apple in Asley’s hand, while Pochi added a soft, feather-like sponge on top of it.

Pochi spread the cream across Asley’s chest.

Melchi planted the Jewel Fruits into the cream, her gaze fixed obsessively on Asley’s lower body.

Her incredible spatial awareness guided her actions. For a moment, Pochi found herself in awe of Melchi’s dedication.

“…All right, this is it!”

“The final touch!”

At some point, they had divided their tasks.

Pochi thoroughly spread more cream over Asley’s body, decorating it meticulously.

Melchi carefully adorned his neck and, as a finishing touch, placed a dollop of cream on the tip of Asley’s nose.

This took exactly three seconds.

They looked at each other again and nodded, just as they had three seconds before, silently communicating their desires…

From then on, all was quiet.

Melchi jumped off the bed of Chocolate Vanilla Royal Milk Jewel Fruit Mix Sundae Deluxe, Royal Version without making a sound and watched Pochi’s actions.

Asley remained lying there, motionless. Pochi, still by his side, wasted no time, slowly and carefully savoring the ingredients on Asley’s chest.

The divine sight made Melchi cover her face with her hands, crying tears of joy.

The drops that flowed from between her fingers shone with rainbow hues.

In the silence, only Melchi’s sobs and Pochi’s chewing echoed.

This seemingly eternal moment, of course, lasted about ten seconds before dispersing into light.

“”……””

Through their tear-filled eyes, they saw only the space absorbing their imagination.

Simultaneously, the rainbow-colored space gathered the surrounding scenery and showered them once more.

“What’s going on…?”

“…The space is satisfied. It’s never been satisfied this quickly before…!”

Their weakened voices lingered in the space. In the new surroundings, a lush green forest spread out. It was the Verdant Depths where they had been hunting Box Bears earlier.

“”…Phew,”” they sighed softly in unison.

Just then, as they basked in the lingering effects of their imagination, they heard a rustling sound in the bushes behind them.

–Monster!?

The thought flashed through their minds, but the lack of malice and the familiar scent quickly dispelled their wariness.

“Man, this forest is as dense as ever…”

Emerging from the bushes was the man who had been expressionless just moments ago.

“Oh, there you are. That musclehead told me to come find you… Well, looks like everything’s fine. C’mon, Pochi, Mel! Let’s take some honey and head back!”

As Asley spoke, their expressions reverted to their previous state.

Pochi seemed to remember her wild instincts.

She bared her sharp teeth and growled menacingly, her red eyes fixed on Asley.

Melchi might have given in to her primal urges.

Her face split into a grin, her eerie green eyes unfocused. Her fingers, writhing, had already seized Asley.

“U-uh… guys?”

They didn’t react to Asley’s voice.

They shared one common trait — drool flowed copiously from the corners of their mouths.

They didn’t even look at each other. No one could ever break their synchronization.

Pochi gigantified and lunged at Asley. Melchi dashed forward, carrying a jar of honey Pochi had collected.

Caught off guard, muscles fatigued, and his opponents his own Familiar and friend, Asley was completely overpowered.

“W-Wait, hold on!”

“All set!”

“Leave it to me!”

His limbs were pinned down, and honey drizzled over him – everything was an unprecedented ordeal for Asley.

“Ha… ha… M-Master…”

“Hoo, hoo… Ash…”

“Hey, you two… What the hell are you– HUH!?”

Pochi, mouth wide open, and Melchi, her Evil Eyes awakened and power unleashed, were Asley’s worst nightmare.

“”WE’RE GONNA EAT YOU UP!!””

“OH MY GOD!!”

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