ALL NOVEL Chapter 3 - A Typical Declaration
After narrowly stopping the fight thanks to the threats and force of the others, I tried to return to my own little pocket of darkness by squatting down again.
“You’re one of the main guests at today’s banquet, what are you doing sulking here?”
This azure-haired woman trying to console me was the scion of a ducal family, one of the heroes who massacred countless orcish armies on the battlefield.
“Lady Camilla Argos. Though you may be a monster who piled mountains of corpses with your spear, have some tact. You are biologically a woman, so you should understand the count’s situation, should you not? The count is menstruating…”
This one making such a ridiculous joke was the emperor of this empire, a hero renowned for beheading famous orcish swordsmen on the battlefield.
“Your Majesty. Those words are severely lacking in decorum. Please watch your language and conduct.”
And the woman pulling on the emperor’s ear was the empire’s empress, a mage who may have had trouble moving but defeated countless enemies with a single stratagem.
“……My absence would hardly diminish this event. In fact, it might even brighten things up.”
And I was bound by the same ‘hero’ label as them. Merely bound by the same label, with an actual standing that could not even be compared.
Someone like me belongs trapped in a small darkness, for everyone’s sake.
“Instead of sulking alone like some tragic heroine, come out.”
Camilla tried to grab my arm and pull me out, but I had confidence in resisting at least that much.
“Your fiancée would surely be captivated to see you give a commemorative speech. Just let it all out today.”
“I doubt she’d be captivated – she’d probably beat me instead.”
For she too disliked me, like most others. Or rather, it would be more accurate to say she had come to dislike me. And I had no intention of judging right or wrong based on such feelings.
Personal feelings should be entirely free, and others have no right to judge their form. So I did not wish to unnecessarily try changing the direction of those feelings through pointless words.
And the reason for her hatred stemmed from simple facts. As a criminal, I had no right to open my mouth to her.
“Then why not just call off the engagement? I could arrange a setting with my noble younger sister instead.”
“Are you insane? She’s still only 14 years old!”
“…Rumors of meeting a 14-year-old girl would be quite unpleasant. It would just add another raindrop to the lake that is my ill repute.”
“Your Majesty, please be more selective about who you jest with.”
I wondered what meaning such pointless jokes could have. Discussing a schedule that would never actually happen was as meaningless as it gets.
“There is one thing I’m curious about, however.”
“Oh, has my younger sister piqued your interest? Her personality is a bit much, but she’ll become a beauty soon enough…”
“What is the meaning behind the act of marriage? Is it a ritual worth the effort put into it? When it simply involves living in the same space, exchanging bodily fluids, and reproducing.”
I could not understand the meaning behind the act of marriage, the act of bearing children, or any related acts.
“Seems he was raised in some mountain…”
“Well, seeing the brat in his family, a mountain might have been better, milady. One’s environment has immense influence over human thinking, after all.”
Of course, my so-called friends did not give me a proper answer.
“Raul, your way of thinking has not influenced that request you made, has it?”
“…I wouldn’t know.”
“I would advise a bit more prudence. If emotion gets involved in a momentous decision that could greatly impact your life, you are bound to regret it.”
“Well, is it possible to avoid regret just by making a decision without emotion? Humans are inherently creatures of regret, after all.”
“You fool. If someone is worrying about you, at least acknowledge it.”
The empress seemed quite worried about me.
“The empress worrying about me, how enviable. I’ve never experienced it myself.”
“Shall I fix that for you?”
“No, it’s not worth paying for. Please keep it safe and sound.”
“Likewise, it has no value worth keeping safe for me. I shall discard it.”
…That was a close one. If the emperor and I had not leaned back, the empress would have neatly separated our upper and lower bodies.
“There are quite a few attempted regicides today. The issue is the capability of these would-be assassins.”
“The attempted assassinations don’t bother me, but having the hem of my coat sliced is quite vexing.”
“…Count, are you saying some torn coat hem is more important than the emperor’s life?”
“It was a newly prepared outfit, after all. If it was an old one, it might have been an equal issue.”
“An amusing joke, but I’ll take it as a serious statement.”
This was the nature of my relationship with them.
We exchanged attacks that could have killed each other, and even when I spoke seriously, they took it as a joke. Yet none of it felt particularly special.
I could not define the feeling from these meetings, but I suspected it fell on the positive side.
With them, I could lay out everything I wished to – my emotions, my plans, everything except what I could never reveal to anyone. Because those things could not greatly impact my relationship with them.
“…The fact that you have not left yet means you all intend to stay until I leave this room, I suppose.”
“You may be utterly oblivious when it comes to human relations, but at least you’re perceptive about things like this.”
“I simply dislike troublesome things. Human relations or otherwise.”
“That is quite regrettable. For if you do not leave, it will only become more troublesome.”
“Do you intend to punish me?”
“Unfortunately, I do not possess that level of cruelty. It would suffice if you simply accompanied me on a hunt…”
I quickly fixed my attire and gripped the doorknob.
“Shall we go?”
“At any rate, you are quite the colorfully disloyal brat.”
If I went hunting with His Majesty, I would inevitably either take my own life or take his. This was not a joke, but a certainty. And I wished for neither outcome.
And that mindset led me to turn the doorknob and open the door myself.
“So do you intend to speak to the people today?”
“That would be more efficient.”
“You really don’t consider things like atmosphere, do you?”
“There’s no need for atmosphere when discussing unpleasant matters.”
Camilla laughed softly, as if finding the trivial exchange amusing.
“Since time is short, we should get going. A banquet without us would feel quite empty.”
“In fact, people prefer parties without their superiors present, Your Majesty.”
“Let me just say this – don’t drag out your speech again. If you spend another hour just on that, I’ll skewer your tongue.”
“…An imperial banquet without the emperor might not be so bad from time to time.”
“You are all quite colorfully disrespectful.”
After such meaningless banter through the hallway, ascending the stairs gave us a clear view of the party hall from beyond the railing.
“And now for today’s main event! His Imperial Majesty’s congratulatory address.”
“…”
Those of us familiar with the emperor, myself included, chose to briefly extinguish the lights of our consciousness for a moment.
We simply did not have enough energy to focus on meaningless platitudes and empty phrases that were essentially devoid of substance.
“…Therefore, it was thanks to all of you here that this empire was able to withstand the orcish alliance’s onslaught! I hope for your continued support in recovering from the scars of war and regaining our golden age!”
Those words were met with thunderous applause, relighting the momentarily extinguished lights of consciousness.
“And now I wish to yield the floor to my dear friend, a man of great merit in the war, the Count.”
After descending from the stage, His Majesty yielded the spot to me.
“Speak boldly to those bastards. We’ll take care of the rest as always.”
“…Understood.”
Taking the stage, I observed the eyes of the countless people looking up at me.
Shock, loathing, contempt, a sense of betrayal…and someone’s endless hatred. Excessively familiar emotions by now, but ones that would disappear before long. Not that I would likely miss such things, of course.
“I am Raul Berger of the Berger family, who stands before you today in recognition of a small contribution made during the war.”
Many may not know the meaning behind my name, but none would be unaware of the epithets that follow it.
Failure, disgrace, the demon who killed heroes, murderer, massacrer…all manner of unsavory epithets belonged to me, stemming from simple facts.
Though there may be excuses for them, no one would listen. And I too was aware of that fact, so I did not wish to waste time on meaningless excuses.
“As of today, I hereby relinquish my lordship to my younger sister and depart quietly for convalescence in the outer territories.”
Typically, a shocking declaration is met with silence rather than gasps.
“…That is all.”
I was not so pathetic as to ramble on about circumstances no one would listen to. Nor was I talkative enough to speak of things no one asked about.
In this situation, I believe no one is to blame. If I had to pinpoint a cause, it would simply be that I was born this kind of person.
“And thank you.”
The myriad gazes directed at me began unifying into shock. Not that it meant anything to me.
Everything was far too familiar, and that familiarity made it impossible to breathe.
I simply wished to breathe. Surely even I had that right, did I not?