ALL NOVEL Chapter 2
002 – Normalizing the Butt
What if I could go back to the past?
What if I could return to before my legs were wrecked?
Hehehe—just thinking about it gave my lower body a tingle.
“Of course, there are moments I want to go back to. But before I answer that question, could you please take off your shoes? Is that a foreign style? Do you really walk into your house with shoes on?”
Even if the world crumbles, I need to uphold some standards.
At my words, Seoga-eul hesitated for a moment before removing her heels.
“Ugh, why is the house so damp? My stockings are all soaked.”
Swoosh-.
In the end, Seoga-eul took off her stockings, revealing her white feet.
It was the first time I saw a pretty young woman take off her stockings, and my heart raced wildly. Were feet really supposed to be that white and beautiful? It was incredibly stimulating.
Seoga-eul elegantly lifted the discarded stockings like a snake’s skin and tossed them into a container.
“Is this the trash can?”
“No, that’s my cooking pot.”
“Oh, really? Anyway, you know that all abilities arise from strong desires, right? My latest developed ability is even more so. But I don’t have time to use this ability. I’m about to die.”
Die?
She seemed perfectly fine.
Just as I was starting to think she might be a really weird girl, Seoga-eul continued.
“If there’s someone who can tame even the ferocious demons like family, then it would be right to entrust my last ability and opportunity to you. It’s like going all-in on a bad hand in poker.”
“Entrust? With what?”
“If you go back to the past, find me. And train me. But it won’t be easy. The me back then was definitely no pushover, even in my own eyes. So, you might have to kidnap me and train me thoroughly.”
Kidnap?
She was really a crazy woman.
Putting together all the nonsense I had heard today, is this it?
“So, you can send me back to the past, and if I do, you want me to kidnap you by any means necessary. Right? Forcefully get me to train you?”
“Not training, but training!”
Same difference.
I’m telling you, this was a bluff that even a fool wouldn’t fall for.
But she was a pretty girl, so I entertained the thought that if I kept going along with her, we might get closer.
I really am a genius.
In reality, Seoga-eul nodded as if she was impressed by me, saying, “I’m glad you understood quicker than I expected. I heard you’re a middle school graduate. I did some investigation on you.”
“I’m the smartest among middle school graduates. But why do you insist on kidnapping? Can’t I just be honest with the past you and seek cooperation?”
“Cooperation? Absolutely not. I know myself too well. And it’s better to keep it a secret from everyone as much as possible. There was a traitor among humans. I couldn’t figure out who it was, and that’s why it turned out like this.”
Swish-.
Seoga-eul lifted the wet clothes.
Now that I noticed, there was a deep scar on her sleek abdomen, as if she had been stabbed by something.
“Ow, that looks excruciating. A traitor, huh? What a horrible bastard to do this to someone.”
“I think so too. If I hadn’t been lazy with my training, things might have been different. So, you have to put in the effort.”
“Effort is fine. But, wasn’t your family a famous wealthy household? Even if you go back to the past, how would a commoner like me manage to kidnap you?”
“That’s for you to figure out. But to give you a hint… on nights when there’s a full moon, I tend to get particularly weak. It’s a secret I’ve never told anyone.”
I made a secret with a woman!
Could it be thanks to the fan I picked up from a junk pile? That thing had to be my lucky charm.
“Okay, assuming everything you say is true, what’s the payment? Can you really give me everything I ask for?”
My heart raced intensely.
If I get a lot of money, I’ll buy tons of ramen.
And ketchup. Sausages too!
Feeling good with that happy thought, Seoga-eul interrupted.
“I’ll be honest. I don’t have any money right now.”
“What? You said you’d make a request and you don’t have money? Are you kidding me? You don’t even have food? If you’re broke, at least provide some food!”
“I don’t have food either. I spent everything escaping the watchers in the city. I went through a lot to meet you.”
“So you’re flat broke!”
No matter how pretty her face was…
Does she see men as suckers?
“Just because the men you’ve met so far may have done everything for free, I’m not that easy to fool, you know?”
“Not easy to fool?”
Swish-.
Seoga-eul, with her narrow eyes open, glanced around.
I discreetly hid the swimsuit photo book that was hanging on the wall behind me, and it was a perfect motion so I wasn’t caught.
“Hanam-jin, you don’t have a girlfriend, do you? Haven’t you ever dated?”
“What are you talking about? I was quite popular.”
“Oh, really? Then let’s say that’s true. The payment for this job is ‘soft soft’ twice. How about that?”
“What?”
Soft soft? What does that mean?
I had no clue what that word was, but it sounded like my brain was frying.
Is this something taught in high school or college?
As a middle school graduate, I couldn’t figure out what the ‘soft soft’ was!
“Well, I’ll slowly send you back to the past. By the way, I can pass my powers to someone else. This is also a secret that no one knows, but I’ll give you《Emotional Insight》, which helped me the most.”
Fwoosh-!
As Seoga-eul placed her hand on my shoulder, my field of vision suddenly began to shine brightly.
Whatever was happening, it was definitely unusual.
“No, wait! Hey! I only accept payment upfront!”
I don’t know what soft soft is, but I need to receive it in advance!
Thinking this, I shouted desperately, but when I came to my senses, I was standing in the middle of an eight-lane crosswalk.
“What the heck is this?”
“Ah, my phone—.”
For some reason, right in front of me was a high school girl bent over picking up her phone, showing off a huge butt, while to my right, a truck driven by a drunken driver was barreling towards us at breakneck speed.
Breeeeee-!
The driver’s blood alcohol concentration was 0.15%.
That level would yield 1 to 2 years of imprisonment or a fine of up to ten million won.
How do I know that? I wanted to not know that either.
‘Wasn’t this where my legs got wrecked! Did I really go back to when I was 19?’
This was a situation I had repeated in dreams countless times.
The only difference was this.
「Name: Kim Man-duk
Status:《Drunk》 – Completely wasted. Unresponsive.」
「Name: Baek-Yeoul
Status:《Suspicious》 – Suspecting that the man behind her might be staring at her butt while she picks up her phone.」
Strange words appeared before my eyes.
Is this the effect of that 《Emotional Insight》 or whatever?
Anyway, I had truly returned to the spring of my 19th year, a pivotal moment in my life—five seconds before the drunken truck accident.
I regretted that day so much.
But now!
A second chance had come before me!
“Get lost from my life, you heavy butt girl!!!”
Bang-!
I kicked the high school girl’s butt with all my strength.
“Ahhhh!”
She soared through the air like a soccer ball and flew to the other side of the crosswalk.
Startled by the sight, the truck driver slammed the brakes and crashed it into a nearby tree.
Screech-Thunk-!
“What the! There’s been an accident! An accident!”
“Call 119! 119!”
“Yeoul! Are you okay! Yeoul! Hey! What on earth did you do! Kim Sil-jang! What are you doing!? Catch that guy!”
“Ha-ha! This is it! This is it! I finally kicked that butt!”
Thumping-!
Like a player who scored a goal in the World Cup, I shook my hips back and forth, then ran away from the street.
# # #
The world crumbled the spring I turned 20.
Now, it was the spring of my 19th year.
As I looked at buildings still standing tall and cars zooming by underneath them, my body trembled with excitement.
The world hadn’t fallen apart yet─.
“The cars belch out fumes like killing machines, and people carelessly smoke as they walk down the street! Even the aunties throw food to cats without a second thought!”
Seeing the cat moms wandering the neighborhood brought tears of joy to my eyes.
Drip-drop-!
What a beautiful sight this was!
Ever since the world fell apart, the cats had all been eaten by starving people and hadn’t been seen!
“I absolutely love cat moms!”
Keep feeding stray cats!
So there’s plenty to eat later!
No, that’s wrong.
The one I want to devote my burning love to is actually someone else.
“Seoga-eul, my goddess! My light! From now on, any insult directed at Seoga-eul is an insult toward me.”
I thought she was a pretty-faced psycho with a tendency to fabricate stories.
Yet, here she was, sending me back to the past for real!
Thanks to her, I preserved my leg health and could inhale the fresh scent of exhaust.
Above all, the best part was ‘home’.
The old, worn-out cottage my parents left me when they passed away.
In this backward neighborhood with a decline in population due to low birth rates—it was a place where not even foreign workers seeking cheap rooms came to stay.
“And in my left pocket, I always have the house key.”
Jingle.
Where in this day and age do you find a house without a door lock?
Right here!
I passed through an alley where trash was strewn around, opened the yard gate, and entered my home.
The living room with a wooden floor decorated with an old flat-screen TV and family photos.
And there it was—a fan I’d used all summer instead of a broken air conditioner, along with a school uniform I hadn’t worn since first year of high school.
Clack-. Hooosh-.
I pulled the cord of the wall-mounted fan, switching it on, and then plopped down as my legs gave out.
I could barely pull one cord, yet this cool breeze felt incredibly refreshing!
“This is life.”
Let’s check the kitchen—there’s about a box of ‘real ramen’ lying around.
I wonder if General Guan felt this happy when he went to a water park like I do now?
“It’s a ramen party!”
As if possessed, I filled a pot with water, excitedly putting it on to boil.
Then something clicked in my mind.
Did I forget to put in enough ketchup?
No, what I forgot was─.
“─Seoga-eul.”
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Seoga-eul herself asked me to kidnap her.
I had done errands for money several times, but asking to kidnap yourself was one of those bizarre requests that only comes once in a while.
To compare it to absurdity, it was on par with the request of the long-time section chief, Kim Jang-dong, asking someone to tie him up with rope and whip him.
For now, I casually switched on the computer that was functioning perfectly and searched for ‘Seoga-eul’.
“Awakening that unexpectedly manifested seven years ago. The birth of a new human race?”
“Seoga-eul of Seo Nam Group confirmed positive in examination results, becoming the 1193rd awakened individual in Korea─”
“Government is preparing measures in response to the emergence of genetic mutations among teenagers─.”
Even back then, Seoga-eul was famous.
“She was the same age as me?”
But, despite sharing the same age, the difference in circumstances between an orphan Hanam-jin living in a rundown cottage and a princess Seoga-eul from a wealthy family was like comparing an ugly stray cat doomed to be euthanized to a breed cat that would be taken home from a wealthy house.
It was honestly more than that.
“How could I possibly kidnap a girl like her?”
It was a headache.
Should I just ignore this completely?
“But this world is bound to fall apart someday. And to prevent the complete collapse of the world, Seoga-eul had said she needed to train hard. In other words….”
It meant that if I wanted to live happily for a long time, I needed to kidnap Seoga-eul and train her as a warrior.
Could I do it?
Honestly, I felt confident that I could.
After all, I was the man who had tamed that ferocious demon, Ying-ing!
“First things first, let’s have a ramen party today!”