The Trashy PD Has To Survive as an Idol

“…Yes, Y-Yes?”

“It was immediately after the explanation ended—just 4 seconds later—when Kang Ichae spilled the beans.”

That figures. I knew Kang Ichae would do something like this…

Ding!

[…Is there even a point in counting 4 seconds?]

Exactly my thoughts.

If it took only 4 seconds, it meant he betrayed a member right after hearing the instructions. Oh, no, maybe he took a whole 4 seconds because he was pondering over what TMI to share?

“This, this guy…!!”

Our innocent puppy, Jeong Dajun, either out of shock or just wanting to overact, plopped down on his knees. I clicked my tongue and pulled out an envelope of money.

“Hey, get up. You’ll get your knees dirty.”

“Is this really okay, Ichae-hyung?! How can someone do this??”

“I’ll recite the information as it was given to us: Jeong Dajun sometimes wears anything he can find in Hoyun-hyung’s wardrobe.”

I paused in the act of taking out the money and asked,

“Is that even TMI? I already knew that.”

“There’s more.”

The staff said briefly.

“‘Last week, he wore stolen underwear.'”

“…”

Ha…

That’s some TMI worth thinking about for 4 seconds, Kang Ichae…

I handed over the money without protest and looked at Jeong Dajun, who immediately made a sad face.

“I did laundry late, okay! Hyung, that was brand new, still in its packaging, right?? I’ll wash it and give it back!”

“Don’t you ever return it. Consider it a gift. Please keep wearing it, our maknae.”

“Eh? It’s clean, though??”

After brushing off the guy who clung to the fact that clothing and underwear both touch the skin anyway (they’re totally different, fuck), I looked at the staff.

“Let’s play another game. You must have prepared the money anyway.”

“Of course.”

Lee Jihyeon must have predicted it would come to this from the start. The members, with a friendship that’s broad yet shallow, specialized in tripping each other up. The staff must have been ready for more games.

Especially if they assumed Kang Ichae and I would be on separate teams.

I smiled.

Prisoner’s Dilemma, my ass.

“Let’s play the TMI revelation game.”

Let’s see how this goes, shall we?

.

.

.

Who cared about keeping members’ secrets? It had turned into an all-out revelation war.

Reveal something, earn 3,000 won; get revealed, lose 5,000 won.

“Back in the day, Ichae-hyung broke his arm while sledding on a rice sack with me during winter!”

Plus 3,000 won!

“Seonghyeon got drunk once and hit his forehead on a utility pole while walking. He begged me to keep it a secret!”

Plus 3,000 won!!

“Jiwon sometimes practices rapping alone in the shower, and he sucks at it!!”

“…Ah, I already knew that.”

“Shoot…”

Plus 3,000 won… NOT!

Having spewed out utterly useless and uninteresting TMI, I earned about 20,000 won and even bought ice cream to appease the still furious Jeong Dajun. Even after eating something sweet, Dajun’s mouth was still pouting.

“Come on, even after all this, they still have nearly 100,000 won left, don’t they? We’re left with just 10,000 won after buying ice cream.”

“That’s what I’m saying.”

“Aren’t they scared of being exposed… Ah, hyung, wanna try this mint chocolate?”

“No.”

I smiled gently.

“Hyung is full just watching our Dajun eat.”

“Huh, what’s with the sudden…?”

Jeong Dajun looked up at me with eyes full of unexpected emotion. I decided to act like a good hyung by indulging him as he muttered, “Mom said she didn’t like black bean noodles.”[1]

As we enjoyed our moment of harmony with each other, our money was snatched away.

“Five thousand won deducted.”

“…Excuse me?”

What the heck??

Determined to sell out the members, Kang Ichae was hell-bent on extracting every last penny from us.

We only had 10,000 won left!

“Hey, this isn’t right.”

“Ack!! I can’t take it!!”

Unable to tolerate losing money, I was pissed off to the max.

“It’s Kang Ichae!!”

Jeong Dajun, seriously pissed off, ditched the respectful “hyung.” Then the staff calmly replied,

“No, it’s Seong Jiwon.”

“…?!”

…Seong Jiwon?

“…Eh?”

Both Jeong Dajun and I, agitated and upset, blinked in surprise at the unexpected news.

As we exchanged bewildered glances, the staff read a message off their phone verbatim.

“Hoyun really hates mint chocolate. ‘Why not just brush your teeth while eating ice cream?’ he once mockingly said.”

“…!!”

Shocked, Jeong Dajun’s eyes widened as he alternated his gaze between his mint-flavored ice cream and me.

“…So.”

“…”

“That’s why you were so sweet earlier.”

“No, it’s not.”

I broke out in a slight sweat as Dajun murmured in a gloomy tone, “So… I’m just brushing my teeth after all,” and continued to munch away.

“You like SolX’s…”

Okay, I get it, I’m sorry…

Before our maknae could start a full-scale rebellion, I looked on with a puzzled face, wondering how to appease him this time, when the bombardment continued unabated.

“Five thousand won deducted.”

“Ha, who is it this time?”

“Forget it. Just give up and brush your teeth or something, hyung.”

“Just stop sulking. I said I’m sorry, alright?”

“Stop sulking?? Do you think that sounds like you’re actually sorry, hyung?”

“What, you want me to attach a heart to my words or something?”

As Jeong Dajun and I were bickering back and forth, the staff merely reported in a calm manner,

“Kim Seonghyeon’s revelation: Jeong Dajun, who always yelled at Seo Hoyun not to disturb his studying for the college entrance exam, was actually seen going to the PC room with Kang Ichae.”

“…!!”

“‘…he went quite often.'”

I opened my mouth… and my eyelashes fluttered rapidly.

“…Jeong Dajuuun.”

“Waaah!!”

Kkikigik.

As I slowly turned my head to look at him, Jeong Dajun, seemingly truly shocked, waved his hands frantically.

It was already too late.

“Hyung, Hoyun-hyung. Just listen to me for a sec. There was a real reason for that…!!”

“I’ll open a workbook for you when we get back to the dorm.”

“Ah, no!”

And so, both teams spilled TMI after TMI until eventually, all our fortunes were snatched away, leaving us with empty hands.

“Alright~, the revelation battle is over! Great work~!”

Only the planning team staff seemed very pleased. Their faces were all smiles, probably excited about making good content and getting off work early.

On the other hand, we were left without any money…

And above all, Jeong Dajun had lost the “trust” he was vehemently preaching about to the other members just an hour ago in the blink of an eye.

“Ah.”

I trudged along and then, bam, ran right into the other team.

“Look at these heartless people here!”

“Woah, Dajun studied hard, didn’t he?!”

Kang Ichae retorted as Jeong Dajun suddenly showed off his expanded vocabulary while pointing fingers at the other team. But I was just as annoyed and crossed my arms.

“Did you enjoy it?”

“Yeah, it was really fun, wasn’t it?”

Even Kim Seonghyeon, who had bumped his forehead against a utility pole while drunk, seemed pissed off and sneered. He had asked me to keep it a secret, but did he really think I would?

Kang Ichae, who allegedly broke his arm sledding, didn’t seem to care much either and chuckled at the camera, waving his hand…

But maybe because I was the one who had been ripped off, I was seriously pissed.

“…Ha, enough. You’re not going to let us starve, right?”

= Just give it a rest and feed the kids.

Although it was fun, the planning team staff, perhaps frightened of my menacing look, pulled out a new box.

“Here, here’s a chance for a revival round~. Pick one of these five notes! You only get one chance, and whatever you pick will be given to all members.”

“Oh? Can I look too?”

Kang Ichae, curious about what was written in the notes, approached the box, and the planning team handed them over without suspicion.

“Let’s see, one is for a fancy restaurant, one is for instant cup noodles~. The rest are almost duds?”

“Is grilled eel available at the fancy restaurant?”

“That damned eel…”

I muttered to myself, but Kang Ichae cheerfully smiled and kept pestering the planning team. Overwhelmed by the pressure, the planning team staff finally gave up.

“Assa~.”[2]

Kang Ichae folded the note he had been holding and put it back in the box, then turned to the members with a fox-like smile.

“Is it okay if your favorite Ichae picks?”

“You could pick without talking like that.”

“Then I shall choose.”

“…?”

Something about Kang Ichae seemed fishy…

“Let’s see~ Ichae’s hands are healing hands~.”

After much contemplation, Kang Ichae rummaged through the box and finally selected a note, smiling.

“Drumroll, ta-da~!”

“Open it!”

“…Ohhh!!”

“Hyung! Jackpot! Fancy restaurant~!!”

“Oh my gosh~!!”

What the…

How did he do it?

“Wow, what…?”

The planning team was taken aback by the immediate good fortune. Everyone was making a huge fuss around Kang Ichae.

Except me.

With a 1 in 5 chance, how the hell did he manage to pull out the note with the fancy restaurant?

…Luck?

No, that can’t be it.

There must have been a reason. I approached the discarded box to take a closer look and let out a hollow laugh.

…The corner of the note that read “Go to a fancy restaurant” was slightly, very sliiightly bent.

Has he gone mad?

He must have folded the edge while checking them and then put them back in the box. That way, he could tell by touch.

Is Kang Ichae really 21?

Acting like a gambling pro, huh? How does one even know such tricks for gambling, let alone boldly execute them in front of a camera (even if it’s just for self-recording)?

Did Kang Ichae find the fountain of youth?

While I was reasonably suspecting that Ichae might be in a similar situation as myself, the planning team leader, who had just joined us, muttered, oblivious to everything,

“Wow, really the chosen one. Ichae really must have been born lucky.”

“Jackpot…”

No, our main rapper wasn’t just lucky with draws; he’s seriously twisted. Kang Ichae strolled over lazily and flashed a grin upon seeing my expression.

“Hoyun-hyung ~ let’s go eat some grilled eel!”

“…Fine, let’s go recharge our energy.”

As the planning team, who I thought would be on guard until the end, left with a sigh, not having realized they’d been duped by Kang Ichae, Seong Jiwon’s phone rang.

“…!”

After checking his phone, he flinched and quickly shoved it back into his pocket. Then, he put on a nonchalant expression and walked over to the staff.

“Let me help you with that.”

“Oh, thank you.”

“Do I move this over here?”

Watching Seong Jiwon spread kindness around with every fiber of his being… I headed straight back to the van.

After a brief conversation with the new road manager, I sank into my seat and fiddled with my phone before looking up.

“By the way, manager, did Seong Jiwon mention wanting to change his phone number?”

“Huh?”

The manager, busy organizing schedules, tilted their head in confusion.

“When? This is the first I’m hearing of it….”

…Ah.

“Is that so? I must have heard wrong.”

“If he wants to change it, just tell me! I’ll apply for it right away.”

“Okay.”

The manager, who was quick to handle work, stepped out of the van to make a call.

I propped my chin on my hand and thought… then rubbed my tired eyes and covered myself with a blanket.

“…I’m right, aren’t I?”

[You’ve never been wrong before.]

Seeing the system window readily admit it only made my mood sink lower.

Seong Jiwon had started some big mess…

And he hadn’t told me about it.

[1] It’s a line from a classic Korean song.

[2] 아싸 is like “yay” or “hooray” in English.