The Trashy PD Has To Survive as an Idol

Screams erupted among the fans.

[Aaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!]

[Wowowowowow this is totally unexpected fuck fuck fuck Aaaah Jiwon-aaaaah]

Could this really be happening?

“Uhhhh???”

“Seong Jiwon!! It’s you, you!”

“Me? Really me?”

An excited Kim Seonghyeon grabbed Seong Jiwon’s shoulders and shook him. Jiwon had been a nominee, but he had never expected to receive an award for the Please Take the Camera OST; he was genuinely surprised.

“Go on, hurry.”

“Ah, uh….”

As the members pushed him forward, Seong Jiwon, finally snapping back to his senses, repeatedly bowed amid the pouring applause while ascending the stage.

He was smiling, but the members, who had been with him almost 24/7, could tell otherwise. Jiwon’s face was filled with question marks.

By the time he stood in front of the microphone, he seemed to have calmed down a bit and looked okay.

“Congratulations, Mr. Seong Jiwon!”

Yu Jia handed him flowers, and Min Jiheon gave him the trophy.

When he received the flowers, Jiwon had such a moved expression that he didn’t know what to do with himself.

It probably didn’t mean much, yet it reminded me of Jiwon clapping fervently when Yu Jia appeared during Shining Star.

“Th-thank you. I’m Seong Jiwon. I really didn’t expect to receive this award… um, I’m truly happy.”

While Jiwon gave his acceptance speech, the members beside me bounced around excitedly. On the outside, I wore a soft smile, but on the inside, my mind was racing.

Seong Jiwon winning the Best OST Award?

Could The Dawn’s popularity alone secure an OST award?

No, not Jiwon by himself.

This year, the dramas and OSTs had generally flopped. Please Take the Camera was a bit of an exception, thanks to its excellent script by Kim Sukhui and its already solid fanbase. However, the drama’s high ratings were largely due to the hard carry of Min Jiheon and Yu Jia’s acting skills. As a result, the song “Humble Confession” remained constantly at the top of the charts.

Moreover, it was the song that played every time Min Jiheon cried in the drama, often marking the end of the episode.

Does that mean it gained some popularity along with the drama’s recognition?

…Hmm.

My thoughts were slightly drifting elsewhere, however.

This was because the camera work had been too obvious.

Min Jiheon and Yu Jia presenting the award, Please Take the Camera OST, and occasional glimpses of me, the one playing the role of PD Lee Jeonghun.

…Is this rigged?

…I didn’t know how they did it.

But it certainly seemed like some trickery was afoot, even if vote manipulation felt like a stretch.

From the beginning, it was pretty clear that there was no intention to hide the bias towards Please Take the Camera, especially when Min Jiheon, just before announcing the Discovery of the Year winner, mentioned “someone with deep ties to us.”

It feels shady—.

“…I’m really happy. I’ll work even harder to be a Seong Jiwon you can be proud of.”

—Let’s not ruin this!’

I brushed away my thoughts, seeing Jiwon’s embarrassed smile.

So what!

I had long since sold my conscience to hell.

When given, one must eagerly accept.

Jiwon’s “Humble Confession” had done well on the music charts, and the OST awards given to idols had been scarce lately, so I decided to quickly bury this matter.

As I was finalizing my thoughts and about to turn my head, I locked eyes with Kang Ichae. He seemed to share my thoughts as he was smiling slyly.

“I’m happy.”

= This is a push, right?

“Must be, right?”

= Of course, yeah. ㅇㅇ

While exchanging glances with Ichae, Jiwon finished his speech and returned to his seat. He spoke well on the stage, but once seated, he tilted his head, still looking puzzled.

Ichae and I quickly changed our expressions and congratulated Jiwon,

“Congratulations.”

“Oh, thank you…!”

“Thanks to a good lead vocal, composers like me can make a living~.”

“Ahaha.”

Jiwon looked down and fiddled with the flower petals. There was no need to explain the situation to Jiwon. Even if he knew, it wouldn’t change anything; an award was still an award.

Above all…

“…It’s really nice.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes.”

How could I tell someone who cherished the flowers and smiled so tenderly?

Normally, Jiwon would have been quick to catch on to why he received the award, but right now, he just smiled, his face flushed with excitement.

He might find out eventually, but there was no need for that to be today.

…Wow, the attention is no joke.

Discovery of the Year Award, and now the Best OST Award. Even those who were skeptical before were starting to turn envious.

Regardless, I continued chatting away with Jiwon.

If you’re jealous, you should work tirelessly and earn awards like I do.

If you haven’t received an award, then better hold your tongues, you punks.

Anyway, the members enthusiastically enjoyed the rest of the performances while still hugging the trophy.

After a brief intermission, the second half came to an end.

The stage plunged into darkness. Yet, the fans, quick to notice, screamed excitedly once more.

It was time for the collab stage between the hottest idol groups, Black Call and White Cherry.

“You drive me crazy

Please tell me, whether this is love,

No, this might be calamity.”

It was a given that the biggest cheer came when Joo Woosung, who had been on a roll lately (well, not like they needed to keep riding the wave with their success), appeared on the big screen.

“The ceaseless fireworks, it’s almost like fate.”

…Their knife-like choreography is killer.

They really didn’t need to worry about scandals.

With their overwhelming talent, they didn’t need to strategize like me. It was a performance that could enchant anyone who saw it.

Both Black Call and White Cherry were already top-tier idol groups. Plus, they had done countless co-ed collabs during their active periods, so their fandoms weren’t easily shaken either.

As if to prove my thoughts, the reactions popping up in the system window were generally favorable.

[Wow… there’s a reason why everyone’s all about Joo Woosung, for real]

[That guy… was he born to be an idol? How could he get even better than six months ago?]

[ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ White Cherry’s live performance is insane…. How can it be better than a recording

└I freaking love this unnie ㅜ Always clinging to the members off stage but totally dominating on stage

└└There’s a reason their group name is White Cherry…]

[This year’s collabs are all legendary ㄷㄷ The Dawn & Lea Purple, Black Call & White Cherry…

└The showdown of the century between the Aegyo Machine and Kim Bokbap[1]

└└ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋSo Hoyun’s is one thing, but now Joo Woosung is just a food item? ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ]

As the EX-grade ending pose hit the big screen, the members, who had been holding their breath during the performance, finally exhaled in relief amid the roaring cheers.

“—Wow, that was truly amazing.”

“How do they do that?”

Even Kang Ichae was stroking his chin in admiration, his eyes sparkling. Next to him, Jeong Dajun nodded vigorously, but then tilted his head in confusion.

“Wasn’t the atmosphere a bit tense when they came down?”

“Really? Maybe it’s because of the song’s concept?”

Obviously.

It was bound to get tense if you were on the same stage as your ex.

Live a little kinder, Joo Woosung.

If someone like me was telling you that, then you know it was serious.

At that moment, as I was drinking from a water bottle on the table, I locked eyes with someone.

I naturally turned my head, and so did the other person, as if they happened to look my way.

Right.

As I closed the bottle cap, I thought to myself,

Wouldn’t it be strange if there were no incidents at an awards ceremony?

.

.

.

After the year-end performances were over and we returned to the van, I changed into comfortable clothes and stepped outside. Making the excuse that I had to run an errand, I headed to the restroom, which was some distance away from the parking lot, and soon someone followed me in.

“Good work out there.”

“Ah, you too.”

It was that male idol who had been involved in a scandal with Lea Purple. Was it his third… no, fourth year since debut?

I think his name was Yoon Heeun.

He seemed more composed than I expected.

Waiting for him to speak first, I turned on the water at the sink to wash my hands and scanned the restroom’s interior. No one else was around, and as for recording…

Ding!

[No people nearby, no recording, no filming! All clear!]

It would have been nice to use this feature sooner.

I clicked my tongue softly and roughly pulled out a paper towel. Then, as I slowly wiped my hands dry, the guy leaning casually against the sink finally started the conversation.

“I saw your collab and performance. It was really impressive.”

“Ah, really?”

“Congratulations on the award, too.”

“Thank you.”

I answered nonchalantly. Just as I was about to leave, without even the courtesy of saying “I also enjoyed your performance,” he blocked my way, looking slightly flustered.

“Um… Seo Hoyun-hoobae.”

“Yes?”

I turned around with an innocently ignorant expression.

“Do you have time for me to ask something? Just five minutes.”

“…Sure, go ahead.”

I replied with a touch of reluctance, causing Yoon Heeun’s eyebrows to twitch, but soon he let out a nonchalant smile.

I sized him up as I watched him.

Well-groomed hair, stylish look, smooth demeanor.

He’s calm, but…

“Do you have Composer Lim Hyeonsu’s contact information?”

“…?”

I stared blankly at him without answering, and Yoon Heeun laughed awkwardly, pretending to be embarrassed.

“Ahaha, I mean, I could get it through someone else, but I thought it would be easiest to contact her through you.”

“…?”

“With all the controversy about plagiarism and whatnot, I heard the composer is quite sensitive these days. They say if you contact her directly, she might completely cut off the music.”

Ah, Lim Hyeonsu.

At that, I scratched my cheek lightly.

So, it had come to this.

I had expected the backlash to be intense, but given how small the industry was, word traveled fast.

Can’t be helped.

It’s her karma.

No news was good news, as they said.

I started off thinking about Lim Hyeonsu, who’s probably enduring countless moments of disillusionment in California and energetically wandering in search of love.

“But why through me…?”

“Ah, Seo Hoyun-hoobae has received quite a few songs from the composer….”

“Yes.”

“And you know what else?”

What?

Yoon Heeun flashed a smile, seemingly indifferent.

A smile that was smooth yet crafted through numerous trials and errors, like a mask.

A smile I had seen too often, one that made people feel filthy.

“You both are special, you know.”

“…”

“I have someone who’s been helping me out, but it’s not enough. The company has been making all sorts of proposals, but none of them really appeal to me; I’m getting tired of them. If anything, I’d prefer something that reflects a bit of my own style.”

I stared at him as I played with the corners of my mouth.

“Ah, so what you’re saying, sunbae, is…”

“Uh-huh?”

“You think I prostituted myself to get those songs, and now you’re itching to do the same?”

“…”

I chuckled, rephrasing his words in my mind.

But my true feelings were different.

This is bullshit…

It had been a while since I had heard this kind of talk.

Even during my PD days, I often heard whispers about me using my pretty face to get work or, conversely, about them pushing their offers onto me. But those talks would always vanish when they faced me directly.

After gaining some recognition, I made sure no one in a so-called higher position could bring up such nonsense in front of me.

Disgusting.

I finally understood the origin of that earlier smile. It was born from the disgusting discomfort of feeling that one more step forward would plunge me into a sticky mud pit.

“If you want to talk that lowly, then go ahead, why don’t you?”

Yoon Heeun smoothed out his slightly furrowed brow and gave a brief nod.

“There aren’t many reasons for a sudden rise in this industry. Watching the awards today, I became certain of it. So, I thought Seo Hoyun-hoobae might be the same.”

“…”

“…Well, I went through it too. I took a bit of a hit after the scandal with Lea Purple.”

I stared at him for a moment, then pulled out my phone.

“Oh, quick on the uptake.”

Yoon Heeun smiled broadly, perhaps thinking I was going to nicely contact someone for him.

“Thanks. Next time, I’ll tell you about something even better….”

Ignoring his words, I pressed the numbers deliberately for him to see and then raised the phone to my ear.

“—Yeah, hello~!”

“…?!”

“Hello, Ms. Composer.”

Yoon Heeun’s face, in front of me, twitched with confusion.

“What, what’s going on…?”

“Ah, it’s nothing much… I’m here with Yoon Heeun-sunbae, and he asked me something. But it seems like a question that’s hard to answer on my own.”

I tugged the corner of my mouth into a smile.

“He asked if I got my songs through sponsorship?”

“…!!”

Yoon Heeun’s complexion turned pale in an instant.

I didn’t care. I brushed my falling bangs to the side and deliberately raised my voice, exaggerating my tone.

“Yeees? Are you crazy? Who the hell brings up such crap? Tell them to fuck off with their filthy words right now~!?”

“…”

“Aigoo, guess I was wrong~. Sorry for dirtying your ears~.”

I snickered, glancing at Yoon Heeun. Now completely pale, he desperately snatched my phone.

Oh dear.

“Composer! Hello, this is Yoon Heeun.”

I handed it over without much resistance, and he hastily answered the call.

Was he worried he’d never get another song?

“That thing I said earlier wasn’t actually what I meant, that was….”

Yoon Heeun fumbled for excuses, then furrowed his brow slightly. After a long wait, he realized he couldn’t hear the other person’s voice.

He blinked, realizing something was off, then pulled the phone from his ear and looked at the screen.

Just the main screen with apps.

It was not on a call.

Meaning?

Obviously.

I hadn’t called Lim Hyeonsu.

“Ahaha, sunbae, you’re quite good at talking to yourself.”

“…”

“Ah, am I the same?”

With my arms crossed, I laced my self-introduction with sarcasm.

Yoon Heeun blinked at me a few more times, then began trembling. I snatched the cell phone from his hand and stuffed it into my pocket.

“…Didn’t you make the call?”

“Of course, I didn’t.”

Why would I tell such filthy stories to someone who was living the good life? Were you out of your mind?

My acting skills have been on the rise lately.

Ha, seriously. At this point, don’t I actually have a talent for acting?

With such trivial thoughts, I fiddled with my ear.

“Have you resolved the misunderstanding now…?”

“…”

“Unlike you, sunbae, I’m quite naive, so I feel a bit wronged when I hear such things.”

Lim Hyeonsu should remain blissfully unaware and enjoy a leisurely life in California. Only then can she return as a genius composer and be at my disposal.

I scanned Yoon Heeun up and down, his complexion changing to all shades like a traffic light.

It’s true what they say, you only see what you want to see…

Lea Purple was to be pitied for even being rumored to be involved with this kind of guy.

A sponsor?

Funny joke.

She wouldn’t do such dirty things, you little fuck.

“Are you done with the call? Then I’ll be on my way.”

“…Wow, seriously.”

As I sarcastically turned my head, Yoon Heeun, who had been grinding his teeth in frustration, shook his tightly clenched fist.

But really, what could he do?

He probably felt guilty himself, hence he couldn’t record any audio or video. And now he was being cussed at by his junior for doing something deserving of it, so what’s he going to do to me?

I came here thinking there might be something substantial, but it turned out to be nothing more than an unamusing incident.

“Take care~.”

Not wanting to waste any more time, I tried to walk past him disdainfully, but Yoon Heeun burst into a laugh of disbelief.

“Like attracts like, for sure.”

“…?”

“The main vocal is quite something too…”

My head turned slowly backward.

As I let go of the bathroom doorknob and turned around, Yoon Heeun, lifting one corner of his mouth, muttered,

“Now that’s an expression worth seeing.”

He continued.

“Daepaseong Entertainment is known for specializing in actors, isn’t it? Is that why? Both of you are really good at pretending to be so naive.”

…Was he implying that he had asked Seong Jiwon first?

To that kid?

I recalled Seong Jiwon from earlier today, smiling without giving away a thing while embracing a bouquet of flowers.

“…To Seong Jiwon?”

To me it was okay, but to him?

You had asked such a thing to someone ten years younger than me?

My mind was gradually growing colder when Yoon Heeun ruffled his hair and scoffed.

“Why? Didn’t you know? He was pretty sharp-tongued too.”

…

“He’s good at playing coy too, I see.”

He walked past me toward the door, then stopped and deliberately added one more thing before he left.

“As if he hadn’t done it already, playing all innocent….”

It seemed he meant that since Seong Jiwon’s former company had been D.go, it was obvious he must have done such a thing.

I remembered Seong Jiwon stepping back with a troubled smile on his face a few weeks ago during a conversation about a fan issue…

… and as my thoughts had reached that point, for the first time in forever, I felt my head spin.

Bang.

I flung open the bathroom door and stepped outside, staring blankly in the direction he had gone before heading to the parking lot.

Just then, Kang Ichae, who had been lingering nearby, spotted me and approached.

“Hyung, I was looking for you.”

“Is Seong Jiwon in the car?”

“…Ah.”

“…”

“Ah.”

With just one word, Kang Ichae seemed to realize what I was about to say, and while rolling his eyes, he subtly asked,

“Did he finally?”

“You… know?”

“I overheard it by chance. I didn’t expect him to involve you too, though.”

Kang Ichae, with his hair still styled from earlier, scratched his head and crossed his arms as he faced me.

I moved my lips slightly, watching him. I didn’t want to share such filthy stories with Kang Ichae, and I wanted to ask why he pretended not to know… but that wasn’t what was important right now.

Just as I was about to walk past him and have a calm conversation with Seong Jiwon, Kang Ichae quickly grabbed my arm.

“Stop, stop.”

As I looked down at my captured arm and twitched my eyebrows, Kang Ichae soothed me with a gentle smile.

“Don’t go to Jiwon-hyung.”

“What?”

“He must have his reasons for not telling you, right? Don’t go stirring up trouble for no reason.”

…His choice of words irked me, but seeing Kang Ichae laughing so heartily and standing his ground like that, it seemed like there must be a good reason, so I couldn’t help but stop.

“Sigh….”

After letting out a sigh, I gathered the last bit of my patience and pulled my arm from Kang Ichae’s hand.

“…Ichae-ah, I’m not going to say anything to Seong Jiwon.”

“Hmm?”

“He’ll let things slide unless I bring it up first. That’s why I just want to ask.”

Seong Jiwon was decisive.

Objectively speaking, that was true. But to his members, he was also endlessly indulgent.

It was Seong Jiwon who was the first and most supportive of our acting endeavors. He would always laugh things off for the sake of The Dawn—for the members—as if it was the most natural thing to do.

So, how much had Seong Jiwon lost up until now?

He was like that.

Damned kind to the point of making me feel filthy.

“Oh…”

I was taken aback by the sudden exclamation in front of me.

“Um, hyung, it seems like you’re seriously misunderstanding something.”

Looking up, I saw Kang Ichae touched his lips with a complex expression and muttered,

“It’s true that Jiwon-hyung is unusually kind for his age, but he’s not soft.”

“…?”

“Look at your face. If you had heard what Jiwon-hyung said when Yoon Heeun asked, you’d be shocked.”

Kang Ichae scratched his cheek and then burst into laughter as he looked at me.

“It seems like Jiwon-hyung has been really good to you, huh? For you to think so highly of him.”

What he meant was that Seong Jiwon was selectively kind and soft to people.

I wasn’t sure what kind of expression I had, but Kang Ichae seemed to realize that I wouldn’t say anything more to Seong Jiwon and slyly curled the corner of his mouth.

“Right?”

“…”

“There must be a reason, so let’s just leave it be.”

That quick-witted brat.

I pressed my brow and swallowed a sigh.

I walked past Kang Ichae, who seemed to catch on quickly despite his young age, and strode forward. Ichae followed closely behind.

“What could it be?”

“What?”

“I wonder what you’re thinking to make such a face. What could it beee?”

…even though he already knew.

It wasn’t just about not speaking to Seong Jiwon directly; I was also annoyed with Yoon Heeun, who had caused all sorts of misunderstandings and frustrations.

“I need to get back to my roots.”

I replied offhandedly, and Kang Ichae let out a forced laugh.

Regardless, I needed to sort out where to start dealing with this mess as I continued walking.

Lim Hyeonsu, Seong Jiwon—a double-whammy.

It’s quite something to be this fidgety in such a short amount of time.

How long will it take?

Having a backer meant it would take some time.

Could I really fuck that bastard up?

Even in the same mud pit, the stickier and filthier it was, the harder it was to blow it up. Especially if the backer’s power was great.

But there’s always a way.

Always.

[Wow….]

I decided to contact Kim Jaeyeon as soon as I got back, all the while plotting a surefire plan to screw over Yoon Heeun.

[Poking Seo Hoyun, who has been quiet…]

Right.

A person should live as they’ve always lived.

I had been soft before, but I decided to return to my roots and do what I do best.

Kang Ichae muttered as if rhyming to himself,

“Our bunny is getting ready to cause a ruckus again….”

That meant an impending temper tantrum.

[1] “Bokbap” is Korean for “fried rice,” so “Kim Bokbap” is a fun nod to kimchi fried rice. Don’t forget, it’s Woosung’s favorite!