The True Confessions of a Nine-Tailed Fox

“Where are we now? Are we there yet? I’m tiiiired.”

“You were perfectly capable of walking much longer distances when you were a normal horse. Stop fussing.”

“But I had to walk all day, and now I have to walk all night. I’m sleeeepy. I’m tiiiired.”

“How can you be tired? You’re a spirit. Look at Bobo. She doesn’t even have legs, but do you see her whining?”

“She’s too nice to say she’s tired.”

When Floridiana’s and Dusty’s heads both swung towards Bobo, she forced a cheery grin to reassure them. “I’m fine. Don’t worry about me!” She was starting to tire, although it was less from muscle strain and more from mental stress.

Another explosion boomed somewhere in the forest to their left. Not so close that the shock wave flattened them, but still much, much closer than Bobo liked. None of the Claymouth bandits or the Baron’s guards used explosives, so she’d never realized that such horrible things existed.

“Maybe I can climb a tree to sssee where we are?”

“Good idea,” said Floridiana, making Bobo smile with pride. “I’ll go with you. Dusty, stay.”

The horse snorted and stamped one hoof. “As if I have anywhere beeeetter to go.”

“And speak properly. Stop pretending you’re Lord Magnissimus.”

“I am NOT pretending to be Lord Magnissimus! I am the Valiant Prince of the – ”

“Yes, yes, you are. Come on, Bobo.”

Leaving the horse to stomp on a patch of moss, Floridiana selected a tall tree that had sturdy branches and narrow leaves that wouldn’t block their view. She crouched, sprang up, and swung herself onto the lowest branch, then hauled herself up from branch to branch. Bobo slithered after her, taking care not to exceed the human’s pace. Together, they looked out over the forest.

Then they kept looking for a while.

“Well,” said Floridiana at last. “That’s…something.”

“Wow!” was the only word Bobo could find to describe the battle. Hundreds and hundreds of those vicious trees ringed the city, while soldiers shot exploding crossbow bolts at them and tried to burn them up.

While Bobo had been gawking, Floridiana had been craning her head around and analyzing the scene. “The Lady of the Lychee Tree must have summoned lychee trees from all over the fief! Just look at that!”

Bobo followed the mage’s finger. Long, winding tracks of naked earth, each the width of a root network, led from all directions to the ring of trees. “Wow!” It really was the only word for it. “Good thing we’re not in a lychee tree!”

Which was when she realized that all the nearby trees had stopped creaking and swaying after the shock wave passed – but their tree had not.

“Ummmm, is it jussst me, or do you sssee that too?”

Floridiana, however, was still studying the battlefield. “I’ll bet that’s the commander. I wish I could see his standard…. I wonder if it matches any of the ones in A Mage’s Guide to Serica…?”

“Ummmm, Mage Floridiana?” This time, Bobo gave her a gentle nudge, careful not to startle her into losing her grip and falling. “Why is our tree the only one ssstill moving?”

The trunk lurched. One root slowly pulled itself free of the earth, braced itself, and helped pull another root free. Dusty whinnied and backed up.

Floridiana gasped. “Quick! Down!” She started to shinny down the trunk – but not fast enough.

The tree gave another lurch that nearly knocked Bobo off. She wrapped herself around a branch and squeezed, while Floridiana clung to a branch.

The tree lurched the opposite way, then back again, in a rhythmic motion.

“Is it – is it walking?” Bobo asked.

She peered down through the leaves. Yes, yes, the tree was definitely walking. It started off slower than Taila when she was a toddler, but gradually picked up speed. Dusty was trotting after them, head tilted all the way up.

“What’s going on? What do we do? What do we doooo?” he neighed.

Without releasing her death grip on the branch, Floridiana called back, “Keep up! We’ll wait for a good opening and jump onto your back!”

Bobo dangled down from her branch. Below them was a churning mass of roots that would trample them into mush if they got tangled up. “Can you ssslow the tree down? With a ssspell?”

“Oh!” Floridiana fished her seal out of her pocket with one hand – and then realized that she needed both hands to ink it. “My seal paste is in that pocket.” She pointed with her chin. “Can you get it out?”

“Okay!”

With her long body, Bobo could always use part of herself to hang on to the tree, so reaching the mage was easy-peasy. Wrapping her midsection around a branch, she curled her tail around the dish of seal paste and held it steady for the mage. Floridiana coated the seal’s base thoroughly, scowled at the tree trunk, and ordered, “Stop.” Then she pressed the seal against the bark. When she removed it, the glowing red characters of her name remained. Almost at once, the light faded, leaving only a normal seal stamp.

The tree hadn’t slowed down at all.

“How long does the ssspell take to work?”

In response, Floridiana repeated the process. “Stop!”

Was it Bobo’s imagination, or did the rocking motions falter for a breath? “I think it’s working!”

“Not enough.” The mage thrust her seal into the dish, then slammed it onto the trunk, over and over, getting more and more frustrated with each spell. “Stop. Stop! STOP!”

By the time they reached the edge of the forest, the tree had slowed quite a bit. But it had also carried them much, much closer to the very battlefield they were trying to escape.

Not so far away, a new band of riders had arrived. The man who Floridiana thought was the army commander was obviously mad. As Bobo watched, he raised a hand and slapped another man across the face so hard that she could hear the smack. She didn’t want to be anywhere near those people.

“We ssshould go. We ssshould go now. Can you jump?”

All of a sudden, a familiar voice yelped overhead, Stars and demons, what are you doing here?!

After the Earl backhanded his mage for verifying that the stamp on the cease-and-desist order came from Queen Jullia’s true seal, I decided to put some distance between myself and the men. Mages were a prickly bunch. They didn’t appreciate being humiliated. And if this one retaliated against his liege lord, I didn’t want to be anywhere in spell range.

I was streaking for the forest when one last lychee tree came galumphing out, late to the battle. Maybe this one had come from furthest away, or maybe the Lady of the Lychee Tree was running out of energy.

Or maybe this one had a mage clinging to its branches, stamping its trunk over and over and yelling, “Stop! Stop! Stop, I tell you!”

Seriously! I left them in the forest for a few hours – a few measly hours! – and they managed to wander onto a battlefield?!

Stars and demons, I snapped, what are you doing here?!

At my scolding, their heads jerked up.

“Rosssie!” Bobo cried, her joy entirely at odds with the scene before us, “you’re back! You’re sssafe! How’d it go?”

At the same time, Floridiana groused, “What does it look like we’re doing here?” and Dusty helpfully explained, “This tree started walking.”

Yes, thank you, I can see that! But why were you in a tree to start with?!

Bobo’s coils sagged sheepishly. “We got lossst in the foressst…ssso we thought we’d climb a tree to sssee where we were….”

Floridiana, on the other hand, matched my glare with one of her own. “You flitted off to goodness-knew-where. How were we supposed to know when you’d return – if ever? What did you expect us to do – wait for you in the same spot until we burned to death?”

What do you mean, “if ever” – wait, burned to death?

“Half of the freaking forest is on fire!”

When I followed her stabbing finger, indeed, clouds of smoke billowed over the treetops to the north of Lychee Grove. In fact, I hadn’t seen so much smoke since Cassius burned down his own palace for the world’s most opulent funeral pyre.

What happened there? Why’s the forest on fire?!

“Why do you think the forest is on fire?” This time, Floridiana gestured so wildly that she nearly clipped my wing.

Since I could tell this was a stressful situation, I let it pass. Is there anyone else in the forest? Any humans, I mean? Or sparrow spirits? I added as an afterthought.

If so, we had to get them out.

Floridiana flung up her hands, nearly falling off the branch, but Bobo reassured me, “I don’t think ssso. We didn’t sssee anybody.”

“It was just us and the soldiers,” Dusty confirmed. “And the soldiers are either dead or they left.”

Okay. Good. That matter settled, I nodded to myself. Now, how do we stop the Earl and the queen’s cousin from fighting…?

“How about you put that demonic brain of yours to work and figure out how to stop this tree?” Floridiana snarled.

Yeah, good point. Their lychee tree was still galumphing along, proceeding towards the battleline. The nearest squad of Black Crag soldiers had noticed and were beginning to turn in our direction.

Why don’t you just jump down?

I couldn’t understand why they hadn’t done that already.

Floridiana looked at me as if I’d gone mad. “And get caught in the roots?!”

I looked down at the roiling tentacles that surrounded the trunk, extending out beyond the longest branches. Bobo could wriggle free, but Floridiana would get tangled in them, dragged along the ground, and mangled.

The Black Crag soldiers were readying their crossbows.

Floridiana leaned out of the leaves as far as she could and flapped her free arm. “Wait! Wait! Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot!”

Bobo stuck her head out too. “We got ssstuck in this tree! Can you help us get down?”

“Why didst thou climb a lychee tree in Lychee Grove?” one of the crossbowmen yelled back.

“We’re from the north! We didn’t know it was a lychee tree!”

Another soldier gestured for the others to stand down. It was the same pangolin who’d stopped us earlier. “I have absolutely no idea how to get you out of that tree. Good luck!” he called as the tree lumbered past.

Dusty blew a wad of spit at him.

As we approached the ring of lychee trees, they shuffled and swayed to make room. Our tree took its place and finally stopped moving.

Jump! Now! I urged, flying in circles around Bobo’s and Floridiana’s heads.

They didn’t need my urging. Floridiana was already edging out along her branch. “Dusty!”

The horse picked his way among the roots until he was right under her. Like a trick rider, she slid off the branch, fell several feet, and landed on his back. Meanwhile, Bobo slithered down the trunk and over the unmoving roots.

Let’s get out of here!

Together, the four of us rushed for the Black Crag line.

“Uh, should we stop them, sir?” a soldier asked the pangolin.

“No, just let them through,” he sighed. “They’re harmless. ‘Twill all be settled soon enough anyway.”

As one, we glanced at the Earl and the queen’s cousin. They were sitting on their horses, arms crossed, glaring at each other, while their subordinates discussed something.

“What are they negotiating?” Floridiana asked the pangolin, who didn’t seem to be such a bad sort after all.

“The terms of a duel, most like.”

A duel? Landing on her shoulder, I whispered, What sort of duel? What are the conditions? Is it to the death? Ask him!

Her jaw tightened, but she repeated my questions.

The pangolin answered, “To the death, most like. ‘Tis the standard. When our lord wins, we will take the city.”

When he wins? I eyed the Earl of Black Crag and the queen’s cousin. Of the two, the Earl did look more muscular. If duels to the death were standard here, maybe Jullia should have prioritized fighting skills over undying loyalty when she picked her emissary!

Now the two men were dismounting and drawing their swords while their retinues backed away.

Oh dear. I couldn’t let the Earl murder the queen’s cousin and seize Lychee Grove.

Floridiana, go stop them!

Forgetting herself, she whipped her head around and gaped at me cross-eyed. “What?!”

“The sparrow talks?” gasped the pangolin, just as shocked.

Thinking quickly for once, Bobo said in her best imitation of my voice, “No, no, the sssparrow doesn’t talk. It’s me. I’m the one who talks.”

Dusty put in, “The snake’s a – hey, what do you call those people who throw their voices around? Make it sound like somebody else is talking?”

“A ventriloquist.” Floridiana nodded firmly. “Yes, the snake is a skilled ventriloquist.”

“Oh.” The pangolin studied all four of us with interest, as if he expected us to put on an open-air market performance right then and there. Which, according to the other three, was in fact what we were doing.

Floridiana, go ssstop them! I mimicked Bobo’s hiss while she moved her jaws. Her motions didn’t really match my words, but no one noticed.

“The challenge hath been accepted,” the pangolin pointed out. “You can’t stop it now.”

We’re not going to cancel the duel. We’re sssimply going to modify its terms.

“Modify its terms?” asked Floridiana, Dusty, and the pangolin in unison, just like the rapt audience I needed them to be.

Yesss. We’re going to turn it into a lychee-eating contessst.