The True Confessions of a Nine-Tailed Fox

“Taking control of West Serica? With the representative of the great Lady Piri by my side? ‘Tis an honor undreamed of!” gasped the foxling, before she flung herself to the floor and prostrated herself at my claws.

At least, that was how I thought she should react.

Instead –

“Did you say West Serica?” Her brow furrowed delicately (although not delicately enough – I’d have scrunched my forehead less). “But…we just came from West Serica. Shouldn’t we be taking over South Serica?”

Oh no, not this again. I personally had no objections to dethroning Jullia, but Anthea would squall like a raccoon dog pup if I did. I didn’t want to deal with that.

As I have already told you, a five-tailed fox must aim higher than supplanting mere petty queens. Lady Piri has the situation in South Serica well in paw. You, however, are uniquely suited to taking control of West Serica and beginning the reunification of the Empire with that as your base of operations.

To my everlasting frustration, that logic still didn’t satisfy her. “But there are so few people in West Serica to take control of. Shouldn’t we move north to conquer North Serica or East Serica?”

Absolutely not. The Claymouth Barony was in East Serica. No way was I subjecting Floridiana, Dusty, the Jeks, or even the baron and his family to an invasion, not when the barony was finally on better financial and political footing.

And as for North Serica – who would want to go there in the middle of winter? The whole point of this expedition was the balmy weather and the tropical beaches.

Are you questioning Lady Piri’s strategic reasoning?

The foxling opened her mouth, glanced to her right at Steelfang, then to her left at Stripey. Neither spoke up to support her. She shut her mouth. I thought matters were settled when she opened it yet again.

“But why – forgive me, O representative, but I don’t understand Lady Piri’s reasoning. Can you please teach me what her strategy is?”

(Going somewhere much, much warmer to escape this miserable rain.)

Lady Piri has determined that a strong base of support in West Serica will be crucial to the reunification of Serica. You cannot expect all operations to succeed on the first try. When they fail – here I ignored her indignant whine – you will need a secure stronghold to which you can retreat in order to regroup, reassemble your forces, and reassess your strategy.

I was rather proud of all the alliteration, but Stripey’s long neck contorted in a way that suggested he was choking back laughter. Good thing beaks couldn’t curl up at the corners, because his mirth was contagious. Maintaining my dignity around him was truly difficult sometimes.

The foxling blinked and drew the logical conclusion, which was that she was so silly and inexperienced that she’d forced me to state the excruciatingly obvious. Her cheeks flushed with humiliation.

“Taking over the mines and quarries in the Jade Mountains makes sense,” Steelfang said all of a sudden. “The lowlanders always want to trade for jade and gold and silver.”

Maybe he thought he was being helpful, but he really wasn’t. From what I remembered, the mines and quarries were in the northern part of West Serica. In other words, the cold part that was even colder than this South Serican winter I was trying to escape.

I wracked my brains for a good rebuttal. What did the southern part of West Serica have that might be valuable enough to justify taking over it first? What had Pallus said about it? That it had fishing villages and harbors, and less feisty fish?

Hmmm, fish? Was seafood a sufficiently valuable natural resource to justify a takeover? Well, depended on the types of seafood and their rarity, I supposed.

But – harbors. There were harbors in the south.

We shall commence from the south, where there are natural harbors, I pronounced.

Ah, to establish sea-trade networks? Stripey asked.

“But I thought…,” Lodia began before all eyes turned her way and she clammed up. “It’s nothing.”

It’s not nothing, I said. What are you thinking?

“Oh…. It’s just – I thought, isn’t the Dragon King of the Southern Sea charging very high tolls for using his waters? Which is why sea trade between South and East Serica stopped? Um, if the tolls are so high, how will we send ships west…?”

It was a valid point.

We’ll negotiate with him, I assured her. He will see that receiving some tolls at a lower rate is better than receiving none at all because they’re too high.

“Oh, I see.” She nodded vigorously. “And then you can build a Temple by the harbor, like you wanted to, so all the sailors can pray to the Kitchen God before and after their voyages!”

I knew I kept her around for a reason.

Precisely. I turned back to the foxling and Steelfang. Commence your conquest of West Serica from the south. I expect you to take the factors we have just discussed into account as you plan the campaign.

The foxling muttered to herself as she ticked them off on her fingers, trying to commit them to memory. It didn’t exactly inspire confidence that she wound up with a different number of fingers every time. I raised my wings at Steelfang.

He grinned back, showing all his pointy teeth. Hopefully that meant he had the situation in paw.

“I want to go too,” said Lodia out of nowhere.

What?

Under the force of my stare, she flinched but kept talking. “I’m the Matriarch, aren’t I? If we’re establishing a new Temple, shouldn’t I go?”

“But it’s too dangerous!” Bobo protested for me. “The Wilds are…wild! There are ssso many demons! You’ll get hurt!”

“If it’s safe enough for her, it’s safe enough for me,” she argued, pointing at me. “I have to go. I’m the Matriarch.”

Yes, you’re the Matriarch. You are the head of all the Temples that are and will be. That’s why we can’t risk you.

“You won’t be risking me. I’ll stay right next to you and Bobo and Stripey, and it’ll be the safest place in Serica.”

Her unconditional faith actually brought an unfeigned tear to my eye.

Stripey eyeballed me. It is true that things may go more smoothly with Queen Jullia if Lodia isn’t here, he whispered.

Anthea’s dealing with that, I whispered back.

But it may be better if she doesn’t need to waste time reassuring the Queen that Lychee Grove isn’t trying to usurp her power through the Matriarch, and can focus on expanding the Temple’s influence instead. And the girl’s right, you know. The safest place for her is right next to you.

Because Heaven loves me so much? I retorted, thinking of my execution. No, the safest place then really had not been right next to me. Or anywhere near me, for that matter.

Because you spread chaos wherever you go. At least if she’s right next to you, your instinct for self-preservation will cover her too.

He was mostly correct, so I decided not to point out that very spectacular exception when my instinct for self-preservation had utterly failed me five hundred years ago. After all, Stripey had a point. This was Earthly court politics. I could handle it, but it could go sour for Lodia while I was away, and I didn’t trust Anthea to shield her. If it came down to a choice between her own furry neck and Lodia’s, the raccoon dog would shove the girl under the carriage.

Very well then, I told an anxious Lodia. You make a compelling argument. You may accompany us.

I expected Anthea to put up a fight over losing her Junior Wardrobe Mistress and her future embroidered gowns to demon-infested West Serica – but to my surprise, she didn’t. Maybe she, too, foresaw less conflict with the queen if we removed this supposed threat.

As for the queen, she and her earls went into ecstasies at the news that a fraction of the ex-demons would be leaving instead of staying to unsettle the inhabitants in and around her capital.

Floridiana’s gonna scream when she hears that we went to West Serica without her, commented Stripey.

Yeah. Yeah. She will. I could already imagine the ex-traveling mage’s horrified rictus when she received the news.

“Oh no! Ssshe’ll be ssso sssad!” cried Bobo. “Ssshould we sssend a letter and invite her?”

She’s teaching! I objected before Stripey could. She literally just got home!

Admittedly, I didn’t know much about pedagogical theories, but presumably frequent interruptions in education didn’t make for very effective education.

To my surprise, however, Stripey backed up Bobo. We don’t know that she’s teaching. She was away for a very long time. They might have hired another teacher. We should write to her, just in case.

You want to drag another human into West Serica? Are you trying to feed the demons?!

“Humans live in West Serica,” Steelfang corrected me. “Isn’t that why she’s going?”

Lodia gave a determined nod, mouth set in a line that said she absolutely refused to be left behind now that she had decided she was going.

I still don’t get why she wants to go, I muttered under my breath before I reminded Bobo, Even if we wrote to Floridiana and she wanted to join us, it would take too long for the letter to reach her and then for her and Dusty to travel here.

“We can sssend a ssspirit with the letter! And Dusssty can run really fassst.”

Not that fast – I began, but Stripey interrupted me.

Yes. Let’s do that. It’s going to take us time to plan and prepare for this expedition anyway. We should give her and Dusty the choice.

It wasn’t exactly a choice. I already knew Floridiana’s answer. While I personally thought she shouldn’t be given the opportunity to succumb to temptation, everyone else in the room agreed with Stripey.

Overruled, I left the writing of the letter to them.

In retrospect, I shouldn’t have.

I would have sent one copy of the letter, with a disposable spirit, and given up when we heard nothing back.

Who could have predicted that Stripey and Bobo would send not one, not two, but three copies of their letter with three different spirits – a hawk, a gazelle, and a pigeon – on three different routes through or around the Snowy Mountains, just to make sure our invitation reached the Claymouth Barony?

I learned later that the pigeon and the hawk made it there, but only the pigeon survived the return flight. Bedraggled and missing many of his wing and tail feathers, he delivered Floridiana’s reply.

It said: Dusty and I are coming. Don’t leave without us.

Great.

However, as Stripey had pointed out, expeditions such as this one didn’t come together overnight. There was a lot of logistical stuff to deal with, which I delegated to the foxling and her chieftains. I’d say that I was busy directing Temple affairs, but I wasn’t. At this point, between Katu, Camphorus Unus, and the priests (mostly Camphorus Unus and the priests), the Temple basically ran itself.

I mostly huddled in my sleeping box and did my best to stay warm.

You’re not even a cold-blooded creature like Bobo, Stripey chided me, but I burrowed further into my nest of soft cloth.

She’s a spirit. I’m not.

Neither am I now.

He was right. If he hadn’t gotten mixed up in my plan to take out Lord Silurus, he would still be an immortal duck. I felt that odd twinge in my chest again. Was it an early warning sign for a heart attack? This South Serican winter was really wreaking havoc on my health.

When my heart didn’t fail immediately, I told Stripey, Well, all of my joints ache, so I’m staying right here. People know where to find me.

Yes, but that doesn’t mean you should –

A commotion in the hall cut him off.

I wiggled out far enough to poke my head over the edge of the box. What’s going on?

A moment later, I had my answer when one very excited mage, one very dirty horse, and one very wind-blown dragon came charging through the door.