The Way Ahead

The moon was full once more. Had he ever seen it not be full, actually? Was this one of those things that was just different on Joriah? Maybe the moon actually glowed instead of just reflecting the sunlight? Eh, he’d keep an eye out for it now that he thought about it.

Edwin floated along on his back, gazing up at the sky in thought. Should he pass judgement on Lefi for trying to help him, albeit in a suboptimal way? He more or less excused Inion for a similar thing, but it wasn’t as much of a blunder. She may not have respected his autonomy much, but at least it was only in minor ways.

Now, Lefi certainly had learned from his mistake, so that was a positive. But it was only thanks to his actions that Edwin had found himself in mortal peril to begin with at that point. But maybe it helped him realize he wasn’t ready for mortal peril?

Yes, it was mortal peril of his own making, and he probably couldn’t blame Lefi for his decision to stay and fight once he did know of Niall’s crimes, but he stood by that decision as well. In retrospect, sure. Lefi would have killed all the bandits if he hadn’t, but he didn’t know that at the time. He would have had to find an authority figure in a town two days walking away, then persuade them that he wasn’t crazy and give them directions to a tower which was almost invisible until you were up close.

If he had failed at any of those steps, Niall would have been free to carry on chopping up people and putting them in potions. He might not have even been able to find the Ruined Tower again for all he knew.

But he had still been in that situation because of Lefi. And worse, it was only because of the adventurer’s aid that he had won. It didn’t sit right with him, not in the slightest. Had he really never won a fight, completely on his own? He’d escaped the dwarves, but apparently he had almost literal plot armor in that fight because of karma or whatever Inion was talking about. He’d fought and beat Niall and his crew, but that apparently depended on Lefi’s buffing Skills.

He’d… managed to kill a house-sized bear, that was something. Though that had just been running like mad and letting gravity do the work, so did that really count? He’d managed to kill a panther… but had set himself on fire and needed Inion to ensure he didn’t die from his wounds.

He’d outright lost to the bugbear assassin the dwarves had sent after him, and only the last bit of karmic repayment and Inion saving him was the reason he was alive now. Once again, it had taken quite a bit of recovery afterwards. He kept expecting the assassin to show up again with a metal arm and an eyepatch, ready for a rematch besides. You always confirmed the kill, after all. Whatever. That was getting off track from his brooding.

Then there had been that random bandit. He’d won, sure. But he also suffered quite the wound in the meantime. Sure, he was fine, but that was just a… random person with like one or two fighting Skills at most. If he had been a Lirasian Farmer initially, Lirasian Reaper was probably just one or two Paths away.

Edwin sighed. At least he had been able to beat a spider, though again he was injured. What if it was just a little bit worse? Were his claims to fame, when down to purely his own merits and skills, really running away from a bear, getting badly stabbed while fighting a farmer, and killing a spider?

He wanted to be strong, darn it. He didn’t want to have to depend on the whims of other people to determine if he’d be safe. His training matches with Lefi might have progressed… adequately, but the man still seriously outclassed him, and Lefi himself said that he was far from the best direct fighter out there.

If Edwin came across someone who was actually good at what they did and wanted him dead, if he didn’t have someone helping him either invisibly or obviously, was he just doomed? Probably, in all honesty. He might be able to run. Maybe. But that wasn’t good enough.

Gah. He wanted to run off into the night and prove that he was capable of standing on his own two feet. But that would be really, really stupid. He couldn’t, and he knew he couldn’t. So… he was stuck with people. Ugh.

He swatted at a branch, annoyed with himself as much as he was anyone else. Why did people have to be so complicated? He needed people but didn’t like them…

Oh woe is me, he sarcastically mused, Having really strong people who want to and can help me. How much better off I would be without them, probably lying dead on the side of the road or in the middle of the Verdant somewhere.

He found another branch to swat at. Why did he have to be so complicated? He needed himself but didn’t really like his own emotions at times. Things would be so much simpler without emotions.

He held back a scream of frustration. Even out in the middle of nowhere, he didn’t want to let his frustration be that obvious. He didn’t want to make Lefi think he was having emotional issues, after all.

Right, because the mumbled and sudden excuse trying to get away from Lefi totally didn’t clue him off. Ugh. I would be lucky if he didn’t think I hated him now. He doesn’t seem to dislike me that much, maybe I was just being paranoid last time? Or maybe it is the extrovert thing. I don’t know, why is this so hard?

Sure, he knew that everyone was an emotional wreck with their own unique concoction of problems, but really. Who wanted to get close to someone who was clearly having emotional problems that they couldn’t deal with? Well, sure. Some people would. But they’d be primarily attracted to his emotional problems, either out of pity or some misguided attempt to try and help, and he didn’t want to deal with either of those motives.

Now, emotional vulnerability… that was supposed to help, right? He was pretty sure it was supposed to. Not that it ever had for him in the past.

Ah, whatever. Maybe he’d find a friend at some point. A peer, rather. Not someone like Inion, for whom he was at best some kind of pet. She clearly didn’t see him as worthy of taking care of himself, or having his own opinions. But was that really so bad? She did care about him, he was pretty sure. She just had her own ways of showing it. And he did have trouble taking care of himself, clearly. That’s why he was moping under the cotton candy-colored moon away from everyone instead of dealing with his emotions in a healthy manner… not that he knew what a healthy way to deal with his emotions was.

Wasn’t it talking to people? He was pretty sure that talking to people was supposed to help. Maybe emotional vulnerability tied in there somewhere? He couldn’t remember. So should he talk about his feelings with Inion?

Eh, going off of past experience she probably either wouldn’t take him seriously or might even laugh at him if he tripped over his explanations at all. Granted, that one time he had been saying some pretty stupid stuff, so maybe he did deserve it?

No.

He shook his head.

No.

He wasn’t about to share with Inion. No way. That was just asking for problems there. Sharing stuff with Lefi might make the overeager adventurer try to spend even more time with Edwin, but it would just be out of pity.

Actually, that was the problem overall, wasn’t it, what it always came down to? He didn’t want to be pitied. He didn’t want people spending time with him because they felt bad for him. He didn’t want a babysitter making sure he didn’t kill himself, he didn’t want sympathy from people to be the pillar of their relationship.

No. No.

That would not be him. He refused. If someone were to want to spend time with him, he wanted it because they chose it, not out of some sort of obligation. Nobody was obligated to do anything for him, any more than he was obligated to do things for other people. You didn’t ‘owe’ anyone anything inherently.

What did he even have to complain about? Oh no, he had it so hard on Earth. All basic needs he could ever want taken care of. Went to a decent school, had decent grades. Wasn’t a complete hermit unless he wanted to be.He just didn’t have anyone who preferred his time. So what if he couldn’t just spontaneously do something with someone? He didn’t need that anyway. He could just read, or work on homework.

He wasn’t jealous of people who were always off with their friends, not in the slightest. Every picture posted of them going swimming in the summer just meant they didn’t have an internship. All those times they watched a movie in a group meant they weren’t studying for the next test. Who really lost out there? He certainly didn’t. His life was great! He was just fretting over literally nothing.

He could make friends, sure! He already had… like six people who could stand his presence. Inion, Lefi, Yathal, Kyni, Fissath, Tara…

Eh, Tara probably didn’t count. It was her job to put up with him, after all.

Rizzali, maybe? Hmm. Nah, it was his job as well and he more cared about Edwin’s unique Skills than anything.

Kynigos didn’t count either. He was a dog, and dogs weren’t exactly choosy about what humans they liked. He wasn’t counting ‘not hated by dogs’ as an accomplishment.

Of course, that meant that Yathal probably didn’t count, either. He was just a kid and Edwin was the cool older adventurer who had potions and could fight with a stick and had magic. If he didn’t come across as cool to a kid when he could do literal magic tricks, he was doing something terribly wrong.

Did Lefi count, then? The guy seemed to like everyone, but that just put his approval at about the same level as dogs and kids. He was basically an anime protagonist, you’d have to literally kick his face in to maybe get him to dislike you.

Edwin buried his face in his hands in shame. Did that make him the sulky supporting character who only existed to show how gosh-darn cheerful the hero was, because look at how mopey that person is and wow aren’t you glad he’s not the protagonist? How the hero would do something to win over his affection and then he’d be relegated to the backseat for the rest of the story?

Please, no. Just… no.

Okay… so, moving on from Lefi… Well, there was Inion. But did she enjoy being around him, or did she just like being away from the water? He wasn’t sure, but given how much time she spent just lounging around every day… could she really like him that much?

Well, she at least tolerated him, that was all he was looking for anyway.

Yay.

Edwin kept floating around for a while, watching the moon slowly rise as he thought about all sorts of different stuff. He messed around with Prototyping some- man, the Skill was leveling at an insane rate lately. The double boost from Lefi and Inion apparently stacked with some SKills and was really great- and tried juggling apparatite from his back, and upside down.

The stars were very beautiful, and the sky was just as spectacular as always. Earth’s sky had never gotten old to him, what with him living out in the middle of nowhere and with minimal light pollution to interfere. The infinite variety of the stars endlessly entranced him, and he always pitied the people who never saw the stars because they lived in cities.

Here, though? If he thought dark nights on Earth were spectacular, they had nothing on the astral tapestry above him now. Even the light of the moon couldn’t wash out the sheer variety of colors on display, and he was endlessly entranced by the display above.

He really should stay awake more often. This time of night, everything was phenomenal, not that the earlier hours, when he was normally awake and admiring them, were any less brilliant. Night was so nice, and he was looking forward in some regards to Watchful Rest getting to the point where he could stargaze while sleeping, and just generally enjoy the night. After all, there were fewer people, less noise, less clutter, more stars… there were no downsides.

That was when he noticed the eyes.

He’d always thought it was stupid, the idea of glowing eyes in the darkness, letting you know that some sort of dangerous predator was lurking in the dark. They were always blood-red and hungry. Sometimes slitted. Never friendly. And always hundreds, opening up one at a time to slowly reveal a pack of ravenous wolves.

But these eyes probably weren’t glowing. No, they were just reflecting the moonlight from above, which made it look like they were glowing, right? They probably weren’t red either, that was just the pink light of the sky, surely. They weren’t slitted, either. Just a vast array of red, luminescent orbs with a perfect circle of darkness taken out of the middle.

They did look hungry, though.

And there were a lot of them.