The World Has Become Kinder to Her

“Before my body… my heart?” What exactly did that mean?  

“Do you remember me when I was nineteen?”  

The pitiful girl who had once begged for a single night from you.  

“It’s a memory I cannot forget, no matter how hard I try.”  

Kenneth’s response was as calm as the approaching dawn, while Lotus’s gaze wavered like the tumultuous sea. She felt as if she couldn’t breathe.  

“How… how could you…?”  

“I wonder the same. I had hoped you would forget the foolish me from back then.”  

As Lotus staggered, Kenneth quickly caught her. Although he was the same man as before, her body’s reaction to him now felt different.  

The sensation of his breath near her ear made the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end.  

“Apologies.”  

“…Thanks to you, I didn’t fall.”  

“I’m sorry for startling you.”  

“You don’t seem all that surprised yourself, Sir Zahard.”  

“I’ve simply grown used to situations where I should be surprised.”  

“If only I could borrow even half of your composure,” Lotus murmured weakly. Her mind felt completely blank.  

Turning back time was impossible, even with the most powerful magic.  

But somehow, this had happened, not just to her, but to someone else as well. Could there be others who had returned to the past, besides her and Kenneth?  

“Is this some sort of joke by the gods…?”  

Kenneth’s lips moved as if to say something, but strangely, no sound reached Lotus’s ears.  

“What did you say, Sir?”  

“…You didn’t hear me?”  

“No, I couldn’t hear anything.”  

“There seems to be a restriction.”  

“A restriction?”  

“I was trying to explain the current situation as far as I understand it, but as soon as I spoke, an indescribable restriction was placed on me.”  

“All I saw were your lips moving.”  

A restriction. It wasn’t something Lotus had ever considered, since she had never intended to reveal the truth about her return to the past.  

Lotus took a deep breath and thought it through.  

‘If I tried to explain my regression in detail, would no one be able to hear me either? But there weren’t any restrictions in our earlier conversation. That means…’  

Indirect mentions and methods of explanation must be allowed.  

“Sir, if my clumsy thoughts are correct, this world might be placing restrictions on us as a form of self-defense.”  

“Self-defense?”  

“Reversing time goes against the natural order. To prevent similar incidents or actions, it would make sense to block the spread of information. Imposing restrictions on speech is an effective way to do that.”  

As she spoke, her green eyes shone with a wisdom that surpassed her earlier fear and confusion. The brilliance in her gaze, now carrying a newfound vitality, was more beautiful than any emerald, and Kenneth couldn’t help but be captivated by it.  

From a young age, he had been forced to give up many things—smiles, affection, even the position of heir to the Marquis of Zahard, which everyone had assumed would be his.  

Whenever he reached for something he wanted, it only resulted in conflict and chaos. So, he had learned to let go, discard, and live without—except for his sword.  

Victory, wealth, and honor all became fleeting to him, and with time, he lost the desire for them as well. But now, for the first time in his colorless life, there was something he wanted, something he longed for deeply.  

“…You are already composed and wise enough, my lady.”

“That’s because you don’t know me very well,” Lotus replied with a trembling voice. “I’m actually very confused, scared, and terrified. Waking up with memories no one else has… it made me feel like I was abandoned in a world I didn’t belong to. But hearing that you feel the same… it makes me feel like I’ve found a companion. Please don’t take that the wrong way.”  

“Not at all. I’m glad if I can be of any comfort to you,” Kenneth replied softly.  

“But… even so, you proposed to me? How could you?”  

Lotus, who had been speaking almost like a songbird, suddenly blurted out, her face full of confusion.  

“I… I’m the woman who ruined you, Sir Kenneth.”  

She had heard it all. The rumors that had once spread through society, the scandal involving Kenneth Owen and herself.  

After she had been seen leaving Kenneth’s estate early one morning, gossip had run rampant. People whispered that the noble knight, supposedly so dedicated to his training and uninterested in women, was not as virtuous as he appeared.  

Yet despite the rumors, Kenneth had remained silent.  

He never came to confront her or asked her to explain herself, nor did he add anything to the rumors that had already circulated. He simply focused on his duties, and over time, the scandal faded.  

Had it not, Lotus would have found it even harder to face him now.  

“I was already broken a long time ago. Calling me ‘noble’ or saying you ‘ruined’ me is inaccurate.”  

“Sir Zahard…”  

“It wasn’t until I met you that I realized I was already broken.”  

“Sir…”  

“Shouldn’t you call me by my name now?” Kenneth’s voice softened with his request.  

Lotus felt her cheeks flush slightly at his words.  

In the past, when she had asked him to spend the night with her, his only request had been a simple one.  

—”If you wouldn’t mind… could you call me by my name, at least in this moment?”  

—”…Kenneth.”  

And now, he was asking her again. Lotus couldn’t bring herself to refuse this small request.  

“…Kenneth.”  

“So this is what it feels like, to be called by name.”  

“You can call me by my name too, you know,” she offered, trying to regain her composure.  

“Then may I call you Lotus?”  

The name, meaning “lotus flower,” was beautiful and elegant, but to her, it always felt like an ill-fitting title, especially since she had been mired in so much scandal and disgrace. Yet when Kenneth said it, it evoked a strange feeling, much like it had that night long ago.  

“…If you wish.”  

“Lotus.”  

He spoke the name without hesitation, and her heart pounded loudly in her chest.  

“You don’t look well,” he remarked.  

“There’s been a lot to process… and even more to think about.”  

“I apologize.”  

“It’s not your fault, Sir. But… I think I need some time alone.”  

It was her subtle way of saying she wished to retreat to her bedroom, and the act of standing before him while trying to maintain her composure had become too much.  

“Of course.”  

Kenneth bowed respectfully before descending the stairs.  

As soon as Lotus entered her room and closed the door behind her, she sank to the floor, her legs giving way.  

‘Get a grip, Lotus!’  

But no thoughts came. Her heart was still racing, but her mind was blank.  

‘Not only have I returned, but Kenneth has, too. He remembers the past, and despite that, he proposed to me. Has he gone mad, or is it me?’  

—”I wanted you to escape this place, yes, but more than that… I wanted to tie you to me, publicly and legally.”

Kenneth’s words, about wanting to possess her heart before her body, echoed in Lotus’s mind. While she understood his desire to make their relationship official and legal, as well as his sweet words about capturing her heart, none of it truly resonated with her on an emotional level. She knew Kenneth wanted her, but she couldn’t see that as love.  

She had never been loved sincerely by anyone, not once in her life.  

Lotus was well aware of both the allure and the danger of her beauty. Her face and body had always made it easy to entice men.  

There were women out there who were more beautiful than her, or who had better figures, or who were more skilled in bed, but Lotus had no idea what it was about her that made men so easily fall for her.  

Sometimes, she wondered if she was cursed by some devil.  

Even if she hadn’t chosen the path of the “Queen of the Night,” she probably wouldn’t have been able to avoid becoming entangled with numerous men.  

Men always claimed to be enchanted by her beauty or the way she playfully smiled at them.  

But what they were really drawn to was their own lust.

As the illegitimate daughter of a marquis, many men looked down on her or treated her carelessly.  

Before her connection with Frederick, Lotus constantly had to be on guard against unwanted advances.  

The lowlifes she encountered were cunning, their tricks numerous. It was common for them to spike her drinks with drugs or lead her into secluded places.  

Though there were times she received help, more often than not, she had to handle those situations alone.  

Most of the time, a threat to take her own life with the dagger she always carried was enough to make them back off, but some men took her threats as part of the game.  

In those moments, Lotus had no choice. Pretending nothing was wrong and accepting their advances was less painful, both physically and emotionally.  

The world was full of men who looked normal on the outside but were monsters beneath the surface.  

Even men with good reputations often acted like rabid animals when faced with her beauty.  

Having met many such men, Lotus was grateful for how Kenneth had handled their first night together—gentle and respectful.  

She was also grateful for Frederick and Theodore.  

Both of them had the power and status to force themselves on her if they wished, and she wouldn’t have been able to resist.  

‘Frederick likely didn’t bother because he had other women to satisfy him. And Theodore… he’s always been rather detached.’  

Though detached, Theodore had shown surprising vigor in bed, and Frederick, despite his other women, had been rather insistent at times.  

But unlike other men, they never crossed the line. They desired her, yes, but they maintained a certain respect.  

‘…It wasn’t bad. Neither of them ever hurt me or left scars on my body, and they even discouraged me from using drugs when they found out.’  

Lotus didn’t particularly enjoy being with men or sleeping with them, but she needed their favor and influence.  

To avoid ruining the mood during such encounters, she had started using a small dose of an aphrodisiac before engaging with them.  

She knew the concoctions, made from unknown substances in the back alleys, weren’t good for her body.  

But taking them dulled her senses, making her feel less shame and despair, while helping her give the responses men expected.  

—”Don’t ever take that stuff again! Do you know how dangerous it is to use unregulated drugs? I swear on my honor, on my mana, that I will never force you. It’s enough for me that you stay by my side as an object of observation!”  

—”Lotus. While you are undoubtedly alluring, it saddens me that the beautiful expressions you made last time were because of a drug, not me.”  

After Frederick found out about her use of the aphrodisiac, he had stopped touching her for a while. He even refrained from any physical contact with sexual implications, going so far as to only stroke her hair or kiss its ends, as if trying to reassure her.  

Theodore had reacted similarly.  

Being well-versed in botany and medicine, he even made her an herbal remedy to help detox her body from the accumulated toxins.  

If not for the consideration these two had shown her, Lotus might have ended up viewing all men, except for rare cases like Kenneth, as nothing more than beasts.  

Their ability to show care when it was needed allowed her to maintain a longer relationship with them than she would have otherwise.