Chapter 4
The Marquis and Hession turned their gazes toward Lotus. Her expression remained indifferent, as if she had no interest or expectations.
“…Is that so.”
Lotus struggled to hide her surprise. Thanks to the marchioness, she had confirmed the time period she was in: she had returned to three days before her debut in Bahamur’s high society at the Harvest Festival Ball, at the age of seventeen.
*If I’ve truly returned to the past, this isn’t the worst situation,* she thought.
At least it was before she got involved with Rikheus Hycen, the man she had loved and the one who had hurt her more than anyone else, driving her to suicide.
It didn’t matter whether this was the future she had yet to experience or the past she had already lived. What mattered was that Rikheus was like a swamp that dragged her deeper into despair.
*This time, I won’t get involved with him at all.*
All she had to do was avoid making the foolish mistake of asking him to dance at the debutante ball.
*Yes, that’s the best plan.*
As she bit her lip, thinking about Rikheus, she heard the marchioness’s voice continue in her ear.
“…What are your plans for your dress?”
“Huh?”
Caught off guard by the question, Lotus nearly dropped her spoon again. The marchioness noticed and frowned slightly but continued without making a fuss.
“I heard you purchased something for the ball… but what exactly?”
“Yes, I picked something appropriate.”
In the past, the money the marquis and marchioness had grudgingly given her wasn’t enough to buy a dress befitting a marquis’ daughter for a debutante ball. Lotus had to settle for a dress made from a more luxurious fabric than her usual clothes, but still far from the opulence expected.
*And I was ridiculed by the other young ladies for it…*
Even if something similar happened again, she had no intention of asking the marquis and marchioness for more money.
She didn’t want to hear them call her *a girl who doesn’t know her place,* and regardless of what she wore, she knew the other ladies would have something to say about it.
*Wearing a beautiful, extravagant dress won’t change my birth.*
Whether this was a dream or the past, her memories of the debutante ball had long since caused her to give up any hope.
“I’m sorry, but may I be excused? I’m feeling a bit unwell.”
Since she wasn’t going to eat any more, it was better to leave and allow the others to dine in peace. Lotus quickly made her way back to her room.
Her main concern now was determining whether the memories in her head were just a dream or reality.
Although knowing the truth might not change much in terms of her actions, there was a world of difference between facing reality knowingly and being swept along blindly.
***
A typical noble young lady might ask those around her to verify the situation.
But in the Estelle household, Lotus had no allies, and there were many restrictions on what she could do.
To gather information, she discreetly glanced at the newspapers in the parlor. They were filled with articles about the upcoming Harvest Festival.
It wasn’t enough to determine whether her recent experiences had been a dream or reality.
*I’ll have to go outside.*
Unlike the cherished daughters of other noble families, Lotus had plenty of experience wandering the streets alone.
If she managed to avoid the eyes of the maids and servants, she could gather the information she needed outside.
Everything had seemed so simple, but things began to take a strange turn. Lotus, having comfortably eaten lunch in her room, was preparing to head out when Jane knocked and entered, disrupting her plan.
“Miss, are you going out?”
“…No, I wasn’t planning on it.”
“That’s perfect! Then please come down to the parlor with me.”
“Why should I?”
“There’s someone you need to meet.”
“I don’t feel like meeting anyone.”
“Ah, miss…”
“Is this another order from the lady of the house?”
Jane and the marchioness seemed to be under a misconception.
The only reason Lotus had allowed Jane to assist her in the morning was that she had been too mentally exhausted to resist—not because she liked Jane.
While Jane had never tormented her like Giselle, she was just as indifferent to Lotus as the others in the mansion. The morning’s events had simply unfolded during a moment when Lotus was too dazed to object.
To suddenly act familiar with her now because of that small favor? It was laughable.
Though Lotus found the situation ridiculous, she didn’t say anything sharp to Jane. Her status in the mansion was already low, and it would be dangerous to provoke the maids who served the marchioness too much.
Reluctantly, she followed Jane to the parlor.
There, she saw several maids along with someone from outside the estate:
“Hello, Lady Estelle. I am Madame Lisette, the owner of a small boutique in the capital.”
Madame Lisette. Even Lotus, a powerless illegitimate child, had heard of her.
A fallen viscount’s daughter, Lisette had an extraordinary talent for designing and making dresses. Her creations had become so famous that they were now considered luxury items, not easily obtainable even with money.
In short, someone like Madame Lisette wasn’t someone a powerless, low-born illegitimate child like Lotus could expect to meet.
*Why would someone like her want to see me?* Lotus masked her confusion and responded politely.
“Madame Lisette, it’s a pleasure to meet you. I’ve heard much about your renowned reputation.”
“Oh, I’m delighted to hear that you know of me, Lady Estelle. And even more pleased that I’ll have the chance to make a dress for such a beautiful lady.”
At Madame Lisette’s cue, the boutique staff behind her began laying out dresses one by one.
As Lotus looked at them, she realized something:
*If all of this were just a dream, would these dresses feel so familiar?*
Dreams are often built on memories and reality. You could imagine things you had never seen, but not with such intricate detail.
These dresses, their designs and shapes, were ones she had definitely seen before. This realization convinced her that she had indeed returned to the past, retaining all her memories.
*Oh, God, what kind of joke is this?*
Her weary soul, already worn down by life, couldn’t find any joy in having returned to the past. If only she had been left to die in peace—why had she been sent back?
These were thoughts that might anger the dead, but she muttered them to herself indifferently.
That’s how drained she felt. She was not happy to have been given a second chance.
While Lotus sat in a daze, Madame Lisette and her assistants began dressing her in various outfits as if she were a doll.
With her delicate face, graceful features, striking red hair, and emerald-green eyes, Lotus looked stunning no matter what she wore. Madame Lisette showered her with compliments.
“Oh my, how perfect! Even ready-made dresses look as if they were tailored just for you. It’s such a pity there’s not much time left before the Harvest Festival ball.”
“Don’t worry. With a few adjustments, it’ll fit you just as perfectly as a custom-made dress,” said Madame Lisette with a smile.
“Madame Lisette,” Lotus called out.
“Yes, go ahead.”
“I didn’t have the chance to ask earlier due to the rush, but I never invited you here. Who called you?”
“Oh, it was the marquis and the lady of the house. They wished to purchase a dress and accessories suitable for the beautiful young lady of this estate for the upcoming ball.”
*Even the marquis is involved in this?* Lotus pondered, trying to understand their intentions.
The cruel words from her past echoed in her mind:
— *Ungrateful wretch! We raised you, and all you do is tarnish the family’s name!*
— *You think men are in the palm of your hand now? Pathetic. Just wait until your beauty fades a little more with age. Then you’ll realize that all they want is your filthy body.*
In the past, the marquis and marchioness had ground their teeth in frustration as they watched Lotus, treating her like a disgrace. But was it out of genuine concern for her foolish actions? No.
It was because Lotus had lowered her value, making it impossible for them to marry her off to the noble family they had targeted. Instead, she had gained influence over powerful young men by wielding her beauty, preventing them from selling her off like a prized possession.
*Have their thoughts changed because I’ve returned to the past?* Lotus wondered. It seemed they now intended to dress her up, increase her worth, and marry her off at a higher price.
*In the past, I hated that idea and did everything to resist…*
But now she was different. The woman who had ruled Bahamur’s social scene as the queen of the night for over four years was weary and exhausted.
She had no desire for revenge against those who had wronged her, nor did she have any passion for life. She felt like she had burned out, leaving only ashes behind.
*Should I just go along with their plan this time? I’m too tired to fight it.*
If she couldn’t bear their treatment, she could always end it again, as she had once before. After all, the second time would be easier.
“The altered dress will be delivered to the estate by tomorrow afternoon,” Madame Lisette said, taking her leave. But the string of meetings for Lotus didn’t end there.
She was introduced to a jeweler from the bustling capital and had to select accessories that matched her dress.
With her keen understanding of fashion and trends in high society, Lotus easily chose the necessary items.
Everything felt different from before.
In the days leading up to the debutante ball, Lotus spent her time reviewing the altered dress, trying on the accessories, and undergoing skincare treatments.
She wondered, *What’s the point of all this?*
Though the tasks were tedious and frustrating, Lotus remained expressionless, following the orders of the maids, or rather, the marchioness’s wishes, to the letter.