Chapter 80
“Uh…”
For a moment, he couldn’t think properly.
His throat closed up as if someone were strangling him, and his vocal cords were suppressed, preventing him from speaking. The monkey wrench, now lukewarm in his hand, suddenly felt weak, trembling at every joint.
He felt fear towards the presence before him.
“Director…”
In a shaky voice, barely audible, the other blinked.
“Alone, it’s too… dangerous.”
“…”
“We need to move together…”
“…”
No more words came out.
‘…Too dangerous alone?’
Does that even make sense?
So, actually… Isn’t that person more dangerous than all the monsters in the park combined? Maybe he’s not worth protecting, like the one I saw before. Not a monster.
The silent gaze felt heavy yet strangely insignificant, and the contradictory focus stared at Jung Inho motionlessly. He felt an unfamiliar unease from that round, empty gaze reaching him.
The standing posture, the hunched gaze. The eyes looking and the turned head, the blood he was shedding. Standing in front of the fire and shadows under the sky with saliva stains, he felt a discomfort that could not be called human.
“…”
But,
Jung Inho didn’t like to lose.
Forcing his mouth open, he managed to speak.
“We need to move together.”
“…”
“Nearby monsters seem to have been dealt with by you, Director, but there might be a group. Surely the remaining group is chasing after others who escaped. It will be a problem if you leave alone.”
It wasn’t a very convincing voice, but at least it was better than before. At least he didn’t stop in the middle of what he wanted to say, like a fool.
“Why… What’s the problem that keeps showing this kind of behavior?”
It wasn’t entirely guessed, but he said it naturally, trying hard.
“Get a grip, Director.”
“…”
“We want to worry about it too, normally.”
At least he thought he had that much right.
“Worry…”
In response to Jung Inho’s words, Lee Jaehun blinked his eyes.
The gaze that looked at me very strangely was filled with life for a moment that had never been there before, and it soon died again. Lee Jaehun rolled his eyeballs when Jung Inho stopped breathing at the phenomenon that occurred briefly.
After a while, it opened its mouth.
“Jung Inho-ssi.”
“Yes.”
“Why are you angry?”
“…”
“I’m just asking…”
“Director.”
“Oh… yes, let’s do that. Let’s do that.”
The tone of voice that changed back and forth and the eyes that turned like marbles.
He soon changed his complexion and said as if nothing had happened.
“I’m not crazy.”
“I don’t think so.”
“I’m perfectly sane. Really, I’m not that hurt.”
“That’s impossible. You were just vomiting blood and couldn’t get up.”
“I was just tired, sorry.”
“Please give me a proper answer.”
“I’m serious. I’ve regained my senses. Anyway, we need to go find our group.”
He handed over the torch he held.
“It’s made from the oil we collected while grilling fish. It’ll come in handy. Deputy Jung, take it.”
“…Director.”
“But I think I need to follow slowly. My body’s tired from moving after so long, and I’ve lost quite a bit of blood… If you go ahead, I’ll catch up. How’s that?”
“Director.”
“If we move together in this state, it might just be clumsy…”
“Director, please listen.”
“…”
“What’s the problem?”
It was a question he had wanted to ask since earlier.
“Why are you acting like this?”
Why did this situation happen?
If Lee Jaehun had been normal, this wouldn’t have happened. In other words, he was in an abnormal state, causing a significant rift among their group that was slowly splitting apart. They were uncertain where to go, what to do now. All of this had unfolded since Director Lee Jaehun was captured by the green monsters.
But he wasn’t the type to talk about his issues with others. He didn’t trust others, didn’t see people as people.
Surely something had happened to him when he was caught by the green monster.
He might be turning into a monster.
“Right now…”
I, and we, couldn’t know anything.
Because he wouldn’t tell us.
“I don’t think I can get myself together right now.”
“…”
“You’re afraid that moving together might make it more dangerous, so you can’t trust yourself.”
“I always trust myself.”
“Is there anyone in this world who trusts you?”
“…”
Lee Jaehun didn’t answer, and that was enough. Jung Inho could sense the hidden affirmation in his silence.
“Why are you like this?”
But he couldn’t understand.
“Why did this happen?”
“…”
“What happened?”
“Nothing happened.”
“Why won’t you tell us…? Can’t we talk about where it hurts, what you suspect, what needs to be done…”
“It’s too much trouble.”
“We’re just talking, aren’t we?”
Beneath the scar-like remnants of fear, a righteous anger boiled.
“Is that really such a difficult task?”
Just because we’re gathered here now doesn’t mean we’re a group of villains.
They were just ordinary. Not overly kind, nor excessively bad—people who had lived in the previous world without any major issues. They too thought they would be grateful to those who helped them and empathetic towards their pain.
But Lee Jaehun always tried to bear everything alone. Initially, we might have seen it as convenient, but now it had gone too far. One-sided sacrifices always hurt both the person involved and those around them simultaneously.
According to him, Lee Jaehun simply wanted efficiency, while we felt guilt. The accumulating favors and debts created a proportional sense of indebtedness. Who could fully accept a sacrifice without even a single agreement?
They could have worried, shown care, and helped as much as they wanted.
‘Demands to speak up when in pain must have been really difficult.’
If only he had spoken.
“Saying ‘stop getting hurt’… perhaps you didn’t understand that, did you?”
It would have been good if he had said he was in pain or struggling.
If not, he could have resorted to nonsensical coercion like before. He could have exaggerated over trivial matters, hesitated, screamed, and shouted his desires.
That would have been better. At least ‘Director Lee Jaehun’ didn’t unconditionally impose guilt on us.
As the other blinked without a word, suddenly, a storm brewed within.
“Why did you come? I was worried.”
“…”
“That you might die alone without anyone knowing. That after being eaten by a monster, your remaining body would burn in a fire and never be heard from again.”
“…I see.”
“Please, just… please stop suddenly…”
With that, strength drained from his limbs.
“…Please don’t die, Director.”
Still, the sound of shattering glass echoes in my ears.
It was inevitable. Before me lay someone who had been beaten and torn to death, while Jung Inho returned to the past without knowing the cause or the process. And yet, someone who had fought so hard to survive was once again on the brink of death. The burden of having a secret that even I couldn’t explain was agonizing for anyone.
No one remembered the tragic events he had experienced in the past. Saving someone who should have died recklessly brought another imminent death. Unfamiliar events came knocking. It felt like standing on a sandcastle built up high with sea water, unsure if it would bear my weight and stand firm or collapse and scatter into the sea.
The time when my inevitable slaughter was determined, unknowingly, was surprisingly unsettling.
Yes,
I admit it.
‘I’m scared.’
The death encountered in the previous time was etched into me as fear.
Team Leader Kang, who was first witnessed, and Noh Yeonseok, who was geometrically stuck in a tree as an intern. The subsequent death of Director Lee Jaehun and all the trials endured thereafter were remembered as excessively terrifying events for Jung Inho, who had returned with memories of the past.
Even so, Kang Mina and Noh Yeonseok knew how to value their own bodies, but even that madman in front of me seemed to have no idea. That was why Jung Inho had come this far.
Instinctively, anger was drawn instead of fear.
“You’re not… yourself right now. Because you’re not yourself, that’s why you’re doing this.”
“…”
“Still, you used to know how to act like a human, but now you’ve almost become a monster. I don’t even know who’s a monster anymore. Well, most madmen don’t look like humans anyway.”
“That’s harsh.”
“Do you know? Among them, Director, you’re the first madman I’ve ever seen in my life.”
Anger was always the best means to forget fear, so Jung Inho could express his doubts to the presence before him.
“…Did you see us as people?”
To this, Lee Jaehun replied.
“Impossible.”
“…”
“How could I do that?”
* * *
‘I should make some sense.’
This was a world in a novel.
At the center of this world stood the protagonist, with extras dying as soon as they started, and third-rate villains being consumed for simple pleasure.
Already, Lee Jaehun was a person who saw others as tools and means. In the past world, that wasn’t even a strange perspective on values, and even in this life, Lee Jaehun’s personality was not good. Although it wasn’t a very noticeable trash, it was a common type of human who could be somewhere.
Before and after realizing the previous life. Lee Jaehun was never a protagonist and couldn’t even be a resident of this world.
How could I see you as a human being, too.
“…Then I’ll ask you one more.”
Consciously, I dragged out the jealousy.
I frowned my pale brow. Lips were slightly raised, and the forehead narrowed. For Jung Inho, the emotion of jealousy was a very reasonable concept, so it was a natural course of action.
Just be careful not to overdo it, very carefully.
“You all, saw me as a person?”
“…What are you talking about…?”
“I’ve always been an obstacle to all of you.”
“…”
“Stupid, irritating, one-dimensional…”
That, paper human.
‘Director Lee Jaehun’ was simply an existence created for the protagonist.
My choices were always wrong, and the protagonist’s choices, though often wrong, were truthful. I’m stupid, and you’re smart. Even his death was just a momentary thrill for Lee Jaehun, leaving no significance or meaning in the world.
It’s not that looking at him like that was wrong. Ultimately, everything Lee Jaehun had done was his own fault, so it was fitting that he received such a gaze and treatment. Lee Jaehun was just too amused by the current situation.
So how could I see you as a person like me?
“Jung Inho-ssi, I’m really curious.”
“…”
“Did I look like a person to you?”
I was always a villain.
“Was I in your life?”
You’re the protagonist.
The blood of the protagonist is valuable, and even the traces left by the blood of the villain are not worthy. Eventually, even the blood stains that fell on the ground were swept away like grains of sand in the desert.
“Look at this…. I’m someone who can get hurt or die, Jung Inho-ssi.”
“Is that so…”
“It doesn’t mean anything.”
However, Lee Jaehun was skilled in resignation and surrender. He knew how to let go of what he couldn’t have.
“…Even if I die, you’ll forget me soon, anyway.”
“I’m going crazy.”
“I’ll survive as long as I can.”
“I didn’t mean to bring that up.”
“You all have value in living.”
So survive, grow up. Someday, Lee Jaehun himself would have to protect and care for himself. The companions now felt sufficient to keep their worth.
‘Anyway, I can’t do it.’
Jung Inho, who had memories after returning, wouldn’t think so, but Lee Jaehun was eventually alive again. Since he couldn’t die anyway, he had to use everything he could.
So there was no problem. The protagonist in front of him or the chicks on the cushion were enviable and jealous, but Lee Jaehun was more mature than those guys. The age he ate was too much for children in their twenties to find it interesting.
Once this is over, Lee Jaehun could take a comfortable position and clean up the night jolt that was bothering him. He could proceed with the story of this world.
Since everything in the world was on my stage, there was nothing to worry about.
“I’m crazy, but….”
Ultimately, I’m an actor, and,
“Really, there’s no problem.”
There were no props.
This time, they would enjoy a perfect play.
“Even if it looks like a problem, it’s not. It seems to hurt a lot, even now it looks like I can’t use my hands. I know that, but now I can only handle what I can handle.”
“…”
“Just leave my body alone and I’ll take care of everything myself. I hope you know that.”
“…”
“I always try my best to find the best efficiency.”
The protagonist said to him.
“Just get out and die.”
So he answered.
“If necessary.”