ALL NOVEL Thank you.
"Is it on?"
A sudden sound of clattering and the world went spinning.
"Nu! It's going to take me forever to make a new one if you break it!"
"How do people even use hands? They're so inflexible compared to immediate mana manipulation..."
The world righted itself with sounds of crackled fizzling as the sights settled on a demure woman with a faint orange glow about sitting in a chair against a mostly white background. Her white shirt and long tie was offset by her long skirt that made her look professional but the expression and smile on her face softened it all.
A strong green arm appeared in view, holding a piece of board with the words 'Delta -Dungeon Core'
"Take er... 5, no 6!" Numb said cheerfully as above Cois screamed for everyone to get out of his spotlights as he worked.
"Hello, my name is-" Delta got out before the entire thing went dark.
"I think I hit stop record-"
---
"Take 9!" Numb yelled.
"My name is... Delta," Delta said, looking a little more haggard and one side of her hair looked smoky.
"I would like to first welcome all those who are reading and to those who are listening to 'There is No Epic Loot, Only Puns'," Delta said with a huge sigh of relief as nothing seemed to go wrong for the moment. Clapping her hands together once, she looked into the camera.
"Welcome and I hope you've had a wonderful time so far," she said with a small bow of her head. She waved her hands suddenly as if thinking of something.
"Don't worry. This isn't the actual chapter. I'm a little strange but a whole chapter spent thanking everyone would get on people's nerves I suspect," she said to the camera.
"It's getting on my nerves right now. They should be thanking us," Nu said from behind the camera.
"This is a celebratory non-canon event or so the script says to celebrate the 200th chapter!" Delta said excitedly as Bob slid into the scene behind her and slowly ejected 200 slimy chapter scripts along the floor before retreating.
Delta's smile became fixed.
"I thought he was going to carry them in a cute basket?" she asked off-screen.
"He got hungry!" Rale the frog yelled back cheerfully.
"Should we make a new take?" Numb asked, uncertainty and Delta reached under her chair for a stiff juicebox.
"Keep it in, Wyin can edit it in post," she said with a pained look.
"200 chapters that have only now begun to show the signs of plot! Isn't it grand?" Delta managed to recover her bright tone as she spoke again.
"Lazy perhaps. Grandly lazy. Slice of life is supposed to be a slice, not the whole pie. I could have maimed so many idiots by this time," Nu replied with a huff.
"It's called a slow burn, Nu. Cois assured me that a slow burn is still amazing if the result is 'hot'," Delta said back with a beam.
Delta leaned in close to the camera.
"Thank you," she said with a thick tone and then sat back.
"So, before the chapter begins proper, let's have some words of wisdom from the cast and their expectations of the future!" Delta pointed to the ceiling.
"Maestro, hit it!" she ordered and Cois let out a scream as one of his lights exploded, sending down a rig of metal and mushrooms that caught fire and sent the white screen toppling off to the side where it revealed Delta was recording in Jellagon's throne room.
"...Edit in post?" Numb asked.
"...Just roll the clips."
Question 1: What makes you love this world and why?
--
"Fishing and hunting. Guess my parents when they aren't being insufferable," Ruli said as she fished near Waddles.
"Simple things," she explained with a grin.
--
"Drink and being alone," Quiss said and the camera focused on his face.
"Drink. Alone."
The camera turned and shook as the goblin camera crew ran.
---
"I can't pick one. Can I have ten good things and a dozen reasons?" Deo asked the camera with a frown.
"Pick something, you degenerate," Grim called from the distance, a blur in the scene.
"Oh, Grim! Cause he always makes me focus!" Deo said brightly.
---
"Pain," Wyin said, then thought about it.
"No, not pain. Suffering," she corrected herself as she unrolled a long thorny whip made of plant material.
"Uh, Mistress Wyin, what's that?" Hob asked as the camera shook.
"A live demonstration," she purred.
---
"I hate this world," Mhaira said, sitting on a tiny chair with a confused look. A series of furious jabbing green fingers tapped a prompter.
The lich fairy squinted her eyes as she tried to read.
"World peace, love, and small happy children?" she said with growing disgust.
"I will never say those words, I would rather commit heinous acts of second-degree terrori-"
The camera went dark.
---
"I like good emotions and things working together," Sis said slowly on her chair of moving data streams as she thought slowly.
"I like unirabbits, my brother, Delta, Alpha, Beta, and Yal these days," she listed with her fingers.
---
"I love my new whale pal!" Bro said as he patted the massive creature lounging about at his side.
"I love explosions, scaring people, being mean to my sister, setting things on fire, and explosions," he also listed as he went fishing again.
"Fishing?" Gob asked.
"Nah, I don't like fishing. I've been doing it forever and it's so boring," Bro muttered then winked.
"But I gotta," he added.
"Why?" Hob pressed.
"Because-"
The footage looked to be corrupted at this point.
---
"Oh, I love Mila Darknessbane. I die for Mila. I will live for Mila. I have Mila statues and posters. I give you one but I'd have to kill you for peeking at my wife," the demon king said excitedly.
"We um is here to interview Beta?"
"Nonsense, I have a whole festive town called Milatown. It has a gift shop, this way!"
---
"We actually ran out of footage. Ruli's dad took up the next 200 hours of space with the tour. Milatown exists on three dimensions and has four gift shops," Delta explained to the camera as she stared blankly ahead.
"If it wasn't hell before..." Nu mumbled.
"So, I suppose this is where this all ends for now. Not much by way of a 200th special gift to the audience. I apologize to any voice actors or audio podcasts that are going to have to figure out how to make this work," Delta said regretfully then shrugged.
"Edit us out in post! It's only fair!" she grinned. As Delta stood up, behind her, every monster from Maestro to Mushy, to Boary to Fran, Bob to Waddles, Luna to Alpha, Ruli to Silver, and more stood with her.
All in sync they bowed.
"To the future and thank you!"
"Wait, I'm coming!" the monstrous voice of the Younger Brother said in a panic.
A single pale hand appeared then the camera went dark.