This Is Where I Want To Be

217. Restoration Part Two

Juliet

“How do you want to do the next leg?”

“Slowly… and… carefully,” I said at the edge, looking at the depths down below. It was so far to fall you couldn’t see the bottom of the canyon. Stone pillars vibrated and rumbled, sending loose rocks into the abyss.

“I don’t want to take a chance teleporting. How Charlene ever did it, I don’t know.”

“No, neither do I... Oh no, wait, Romero drugged her,” we laughed as we took our first jump.

Caleb and I strained from rock to rock till our muscles ached and spasmed. It was grueling, and by midday, we called it quits and sat down. There would be no turning back, and Caleb couldn’t travel so far with me in his arms. For the few days we were on those rocks, we wouldn’t be able to travel to Earth to look for Louis. I used those times I didn’t need to concentrate to keep him quiet and nudge him till I couldn’t anymore. Caleb seemed a little distant and deep in thought as if something was bugging him. “You going to share?” he took a bite of his sandwich, “Do you regret coming?” he slowly chewed, “Are you scared? I can always ask Jessy to get you out of here.”

Caleb smiled, “How would that look? If I left my mother in the middle of all this,” both of us took in the enormity of all our vision could see. It was only flat rocks till the horizon in every direction; no more forest in sight, and we were stuck in a sea of stone. The sun was scorching, and mirages formed wherever my eyes landed. The wind was still, luckily only soft gusts of air.

“No one needs to know why you left… They probably don’t even know where we are.”

“It’s not that,” Caleb lowered his head and took another bite of the sandwiches Jessy had sent us.

“Is it the food? Are you hungry? Jessy can send something else.”

“Mom!”

I laughed, “Fine… don’t share.”

Caleb took a long sip of water, “How will I meet someone if I’m not on Zoreah?”

My eyes shot up; Caleb was horny and lonely. He didn’t really have friends his own age, thrust into—my world. I sighed; I felt instantly out of my depth. What the hell did I know about raising a full-blown riphath teenager. Where was his father? “Uhmm… I…”

“I could have… before Chris and I left with you… After killing so many people, sleeping with someone doesn’t seem such a big deal anymore. I made such a big issue about it when Ira tried to get me to—”

“Get rid of your frustrations…” Caleb nodded and laughed. “How does it work anyway? Riphaths are so laid back. Why do they have such a strong sex drive? I would think they never think about it… or anything.”

“No… it must’ve been tough for Chris to go against his nature. It is the one area where we—”

“Have desires.”

Caleb could only laugh and nod, waiting to swallow another bite, “And I am half vampire.”

“Yes, I kinda forget about that one little detail… Why didn’t you?”

“I wanted the connection.”

“Oh, Caleb, don’t let my relationships set a standard for you… Louis’s past is not the bar.” I was going to kill Louis when I saw him again. Everything Caleb had seen had made an impression. How could it not? Even I had to admit—seeing Louis sleeping with other women had changed me, and I was prepared. How much worse for the boy. Louis should come home and deal with all the consequences.

Caleb’s voice was low, “Do you think that’s why he is so empty?” My nails dug into my hands, but I had to nod, “How can you forgive him? Let it go…”

“I haven’t… Caleb, my life… has not been easy; I had to make up some principles I live by… The most important one is… if I don’t know what to do, I don’t do anything. And when I do… nothing can stop me.”

Caleb considered my words, “It’s not a perfect rule.” I shook my head. “With Louis, you have no choice? Because, like you said, unconditional love goes both ways,” I wiped away the stray tear slowly rolling down my cheek. Yes, Louis chose to love me, and I chose to love him—no matter what. Was it wise to love someone regardless of whatever happened? “I want… a relationship. It is why I never did. Chris’s example is what I follow. The way he loves you despite everything. You guys aren’t even the same species—”

“Caleb, you’re going to set me off.”

He laughed, “Come, let’s get to jumping. We might have to sleep on one of these platforms tonight.”

I shuddered at the thought. The sandwich stopped halfway to my mouth. Caleb and I looked at each other, and then we looked back at the way we had come. There was a lonely figure jumping from rock to rock. The silhouette was dark in the distance, only a blur, “What in the actual f—.”

“Stop swearing.”

“Is it a dheka couple?”

Caleb stood, manifested, and put his hands to his brow, trying to see if he could make out two people, “It’s not a dheka,” I was scared... If it was— “You know how we just said Chris loved you.”

“No! You’re kidding.”

I had not wanted to look, still sitting focused on my bread. What would I do if Chris stopped me? I bit my lip nervously. Why did he come? He was supposed to be with Ira! It wouldn’t work if he was planning on sleeping with me. We needed to start the journey together and end it together. Romero didn’t even think it would work.

“He’s going to put us back an hour.”

I stood and looked at the man making the jumps. He was so small compared to our surroundings, “How do you know it’s him?”

“Smell him. The wind is just right… See, he is restoring all the shallow feelings Louis conjured up in me.”

“Oh, Caleb. I’m so sorry. I should’ve kept you safer from all the darkness out there.”

Caleb scoffed, “If you did, I would never have seen this.”

The tears spilled over. Caleb turned to me and dragged me into a warm, furry embrace, “I could go get him.”

I clutched him harder, “No, please don’t.”

He patted my back, and we sat there waiting for the man to catch up. When Chris could clearly see our platform, he teleported to us. It swayed with his weight, “Caleb! Turn around! You don’t want to see this.”

“What… Chris, what are you going to do,” I asked nervously.

“I am going to spank you like a toddler! Like I’ve wanted to do since I learned you and Michael fornicated. Now I have a reason.”

My lips pressed together in a stilted laugh. He took one step and roughly grabbed my upper arms. Chris dragged my lips onto his and relentlessly kissed me. Caleb had turned around and covered his ears with his hands. Chris followed my eyes and stopped kissing me. He walked over, grabbed Caleb’s ear, and dragged him in a circle around the small platform. I was just glad it was so sturdy. The scene sent me into peals of laughter. Caleb wasn’t fighting, allowing Chris to take it out on him.

Chris tossed him forward and stopped walking. He dropped down and rested two hands on his thighs. I ran my fingers through his soft strands of hair. He looked up and pointed with an outstretched arm towards where he came from, “I’m a riphath Juliet… How could you?” I was still laughing. He dragged me into his person. Caleb stepped forward, and Chris opened his arm, “How much time did I waste? Charlene forbade me to use the tattoo! Thank heavens I didn’t.”

“Two hours.”

“I’m sorry. Shall we keep going?”

“If you feel up to it?”

“No,” Chris sat down, “What do you have to eat?” I sent another message, and Jessy sent more food. I was so happy Mirach was open. “What were you guys talking about before you saw me.”

Caleb and I shared a knowing look, “Your son wants to have sex.”

Chris sprayed the water he was about to swallow all over the rock.

We slept on one of the platforms and took shifts, waiting for the wind to pick up. We were spared that conundrum, and the next day was another one of continued jumping. No one said a word. We were concentrating all the way. Caleb was the first to say he could see the end. Chris picked me up and traveled in one jump. Caleb wasn’t going to take the chance. Chris went back and brought him to solid ground, “Sorry, Juliet. Our trip to a mating room is never going to happen.”

I pouted, “You promised… And we can skip all this… You can travel over those rocks in one go. We could make the whole journey in like two days.”

“And if I miss?”

“It will be worth it.”

“I know it will… I’m pulling your leg… Why didn’t you ask me to come? What are you doing?”

“It doesn’t matter—it’s personal,” Chris cocked an eyebrow, “Anyway. Not anymore. Our branding is something that will never happen.”

“Are you going to tell me or not?”

“No… And you have to go back,” I shooed him away with a hand.

Chris laughed, ignored me, and traveled through the valley, taking stock and checking the environment. Caleb and I walked down, too tired to do anything else. We were aiming for the first watering hole. I fell in with all my clothes and submerged for a long time. Chris dragged me out and turned me towards him, “Start talking. Now!”

I wiped over my face. The water kept trickling down my brow, “I’m going back. Found a way… You don’t want to… And you don’t talk to me anymore! So why do I have to talk!?”

“I would’ve found a way,” he said softly. I shook my head, “I’ll go with you,” I shook my head again. “I… am angry, Juliet. So angry, I can’t get desperate enough… How can you put him first after everything?” I was quiet and turned away from him. “It wasn’t your fault. He chose to take Rodrigo’s concoction. And then—”

“What did you tell Selena in the last conversation you had, which you didn’t share with me, ‘It’s my story, and I made a choice.’ It’s all I am to you… a choice…” Chris frowned and put his hand on his mouth. I needed to get him to leave and was deliberately pushing him away, “I was never a choice for him. Nor was he for me. Nor were you or Marcus or Michael.” His hand fell to his heart; he was concealing a smile when his hand dropped. I laughed and snorted at the same time, “Not working?” He shook his head, “Man, it was worth a try.”

Chris took a deep breath, “Okay… After seeing the picture of that thing you sent Charlene, I freaked out and forced Jessy to tell me. Caleb has been gone for the same amount of time, and it was obvious you guys were somewhere. We all thought you were looking for Louis.”

“I am… Caleb, I want to go and check out another place. You staying?”

“No! I want to go with you,” Caleb was chasing some speedy beast running away from him, “Can we eat first?”

Chris helped him and sank his claws into the thing in one travel. “Thank You,” the boy was tired, and I felt we needed a good night’s rest. I was rather exhausted myself and left the traveling and looking for my other half for the night. We built a large fire, and as if he knew, Caleb said he wanted to have a look around. Chris and I had so much sex in the last year; it felt like the last thing we should be doing. Chris watched Caleb walk away, “Caleb is having a hard time with what happened… I didn’t have many friends growing up. Sita was my first, and thinking back, working at school—I had Matt, but we were never really friends, not like you with Carl and Charlene. Ira has Silvanus—I still don’t understand how they ever connected in a… let’s say, usual way… Then again, I had Jamal… and now I don’t even see the guy anymore… He is staying on En-gannim, and once your girls come over to Mirach, he’ll probably follow. Marcus and I were very close at one point… until… too many things happened… With him, I feel like you in France even before I went to Zorea… I have to do everything… He never asks for help. Sammy sometimes asks for him… She liked living with the two of you for so long… Other times, she has nightmares, and not even Warden can calm her down… She wants Louis. He didn’t only leave you. He was her father more than me… Juliet, we created this life without thinking, and the kids are a big part of that… Do you really want Naji to grow up alone there on an Island with Marcus. Mael will also need a friend— for the kids to grow up together and be a part of a family, we need to be together. Although that doesn’t help, Caleb, and if we take all the kids to your space station, they will be even more isolated.”

“Will Ira start schooling the kids in the origin city?”

Chris was quiet for a long time, “No.”

“So Caleb either goes back and works for a living—sleeps around—or he goes to En-gannim to a camp.” Chris chuckled. “Their schooling here is very good—I mean, excellent. Romero will be ruling from our new island… Scholars will be flocking to teach all the kids there… We could bring teachers from En-gannim for Caleb and the older children. Imani and Yazen have to stay and protect the gate to their sacred grounds; they won’t mind what we do there.”

“So if you don’t start,” he gestured to the rocks we came from, “In their little village, what?”

“The rooms don’t work… The one Selena went into, I don’t know yet.”

“Caleb could make friends here… And even if he does get someone pregnant, it won’t matter,” we both laughed.

“He still wants to do both, which I think is the best for all the kids. They will have a purpose and also have to learn discipline by finishing their schooling. They will travel all over the galaxies… I could set some rules. One could be we have to sleep together in the same place every night. My mom and dad could also build a house there, and we could spend weekends together. Plan trips.”

Chris laughed, “Just a normal family.”

“Chris—”

“Juliet, I feel ashamed about what you saw. What I had to do to Sita to make her break. And in the end—a lesson I hope we all learn eventually—all our decisions have consequences, even the smallest ones, like going back in time for only an hour… What do you think will be our consequences if you go back and change everything.”

“And?”

“And I hate that you had to watch us sleep with other people. You were so jealous of Sita… I’m hurting for you… And… I can’t forgive Louis… I know Michael said you would’ve said if you felt it was wrong, but even now, you’re going to leave it, forgive him, and let it go. Like you do everything anyone ever does to you.”

“Chris, you’re the one who made the decision on Zoreah,” he stood to his feet and paced around the fire, “You killed a thousand pregnant women and all their concubines, men who weren’t warriors! How is that not worse than Louis sleeping around and killing them after… And let’s not forget that you told Marcus you would kill the children when he invaded Ian’s island.” Chris stopped and stared at me, “Yes, I was invisible, and I heard your whole conversation. Why did you think I went to Soren… Everyone thinks I went because I loved him, but I didn’t want anyone to die.” Chris wanted to say something, “I know… now… there is no other way to fight a war… but that also means Rana and all the vamps on our colony planet—have to go. Before Ian and Jacklin figure out where they are. It’s billions of vamps, Chris. If you think that will have fewer consequences than me going back in time to save and restore everything… then tell me not to do it.”

“Don’t do it!”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t want to go back!” I frowned, and then it hit me; I stood to my feet. “You’ll be choosing, but we’ll both be living our old lives over. And if I’m not in control of where we go, or even if I am, one of us is going to be sorely dissatisfied with the outcome.”

“No! I didn’t know you went back in time.” He didn’t say anything, “Oh, if I do it in a room… then—”

“Well, it might be because we’re connected with the tattoo… Let’s just go kill Soren and Ian, and Jacklin… Why haven’t you killed them yet? Silvanus told me what you guys were talking about. You’ve been keeping a lot to yourself.”

“Like you said, Chris, I won’t be doing everything anymore. We’re either on the same page, or I go on with my life. You’ve known that from the start. And you chose to wallow.”

“Wallow?! Wallow!? Seeing the love of my life get raped.”

“Oh please, like no other woman or man in the course of history has ever had sex with their spouse when they didn’t feel like it and went to work the next day. We live so long, Chris… come on, there will be those times when sex will be… just sex and a sacrifice of time and energy. Or another person’s preferences change, or they want to explore, and you have to get used to the idea.”

“This is different. That was different!”

“I know it was! You don’t have to remind me! I saw Louis push and push and push, and I had to watch myself cave because I was too young to know the difference… What do you think? I’m proud I let the people who are supposed to love me walk all over me… My father! None of us have even discussed what our parents did to get us here!”

Chris sighed and had to agree, “How are we still sane?”

“Did you watch Marcus and me have sex the first time?”

He nodded, “It wasn’t very romantic.”

“No… Chris, in this regard, I’m going to tell you what Ira told you. It’s you. You’re different. You’re like Kubra when it comes to a mate. You communicate. You let me in. You’re protective yet gentle and soft with me. It’s why I love you, why I fight the hardest for you, why I’m obsessed with you. Why I will never be able to let you go.” Chris wanted to say something, “No! Not even for Louis. Is that what you need to hear? Not anymore. Do you want me to tell you I finally realized he doesn’t love me the way I need to be loved? Marcus doesn’t give me what I need. Michael doesn’t give me what I need... Only you… And I knew if I only got you to love me, too, I would have everything I ever wanted…but you never did.”

Chris was crying at this point. I should’ve stopped there, “I was never an obsession… enough for you… without me begging for it, working my ass off for it. F— Chris, can’t we say we love each other and it be enough? Even if I get what you’ve always given me, it’s been enough. Your worst—is the best I’ll ever have and all I’ll ever need. If you’re in my life, my story is complete… There is no story without you. And if you want me to prove it. I’ll go kill her right now.” Chris snorted through his tears. “I was completely honest with you, and if you go back now, I still want you to take me away before I meet anyone else… Yes, we would never have slept together if Louis arrived fifteen minutes earlier. But like he said, one car ride didn’t change the way I feel about you… All it did… was change the way you feel about me. And that scares the crap out of you because then you’d still be on Earth, unmanifested and with freaking Sita, trying to make it work.” Chris groaned. “Is that why you don’t want to go back? I’ll make sure you go home, Chris. Whatever I choose to do, I’ll make sure you’re happy. Like you make sure I’m happy.” I handed him a tissue, and for a few minutes, there was silence.

Chris came to stand in front of me, looking deep into my eyes, “I don’t have a list of why I love you… I never have. It’s not rational for me… No one! And I mean, no one can replace you!” It was my turn to tear up. “It’s unfair to say I don’t. I did not wait fifteen years for you because of guilt and shame.” Chris wiped away my tears. “I was as broken about leaving Earth as you were losing Caleb and me… And don’t ever say you came only for your son.” I laughed through my tears at my own stupid words. “I wasn’t there for you when you came back. I wasn’t there for you the last few months, and I’m sorry, Juliet. I’m so sorry. It got to me—everything I saw… I am as confused as you are.” I nodded because I was. It was unfair not to let everyone process things in their own time. “If we go back, we will still remember everything. People usually want to go back to forget.”

“Maybe… it can be a reason. We either remember everything here, or we go back and save a lot of people.”

“What is it with you and saving everyone?” I laughed. “Ira will be upset— he’s gotten everything he’s ever wanted. The guy planned it so well, and everything just works out for him.”

“Because as far as he’s able, he lives at peace with everyone… However, once you cross his line in the sand—”

“He’ll do anything.”

“Let’s not forget he drugged you to have sex with an unconscious woman.”

Chris reached out and caressed my cheek, “Why do we have to be half-animal?”

“Urgg, can you imagine if we were all human—how boring.”

Chris nudged me closer. I took a step forward, and his lips rested on mine. I closed my eyes, and our mouths moved slowly and passionately. His caresses were wandering, although it didn’t seem like he wanted to take it further. We were so comfortable with one another, our breathing steady, a sweet sound of affection. I fell into the moment and how he smelled, letting go and drifting off to the quiet of his loving gesture.

“Ugghmm!”

Chris tilted my head and deepened our kiss, driving the feelings with a more sensual tongue. My fingers closed around his shirt, and I held on for dear life. Chris let out a moan.

“Should I leave? I’m kinda tired.”

We broke the kiss and laughed lightly, resting our foreheads against each other. “You know toddlers are usually a mood killer,” Chris quipped.

“Well, I didn’t have this growing up, so—it’s about time,” we laughed again. Chris pulled me into his arms, and I nestled into his neck and hung onto him. He reciprocated, and we stood there until I felt ready to let go.

I fell asleep in his arms; that was until I woke up in pain, forced to my feet and ten steps away from our camp; my whole body spun together in a tight web of glow from my tattoo. The pain increased as he held me in place. I fought back, spiritually wrestling with Louis, concentrating all my love and energy onto his form out in the cosmos, hoping his heart would at least burn with the effort I was exuding. His hold slackened, my shoulders dropped suddenly, and I could breathe and slowly take in my surroundings. It was the first time he had put so much effort into forcing me to focus on him. I looked up at the clear sky, billions of stars staring back at me, ever-expanding, quieting the anxiety in my soul—yet something was wrong.

***

Louis

We were in the midst of a battle, guns popping off in every direction, humans fighting for a small piece of land, huddled together, focused on masses advancing on us. Ian and all his men were stuck in Europe. I had stopped counting the days and months since I last had Juliet in my arms, kissed her, or talked to her. I kept reaching for a packet of cigarettes every time things got too much for me—it would not come. Most cities were destroyed, and finding anything man-made and consumable would take hours—well, for me, it would. I wished Michael was there. I had seen him a few times and wanted to beg him to go and find me a cigarette. Every time he did come, I traveled away, hiding like the coward I was.

We took ground; Ian would counter swiftly and take it back. I didn’t even know what we were trying to accomplish anymore. We had no way of activating any electronics, radio waves, or any means of communication, and all our spies had been flushed out long ago. Nor could I travel out enough men with my one plate; it was for single use anywhere. We were fighting the war with one plate until mine stopped working a few days ago. I was waiting for Michael to come again and take me back for my punishment.

France was a desolate scene with smoke hanging in the air. Dead men and vamps lay scattered all over the field. Wails, roars, and soft screeches coming from the wounded, “Louis, what do we do now? Our ammunitions are low.”

“Do you want to start evacuating? Retreat.”

“I don’t know. Should we meet with China again?”

“It’s no use; my plate no longer works.” The French general seemed defeated because the plate could at least travel supplies from nations with anything left to help us. “Reinforce the—” my words stilled mid-sentence. I halted and looked up, opening my mouth—no words came out. The man didn’t understand what was going on, and all I had was—I reached into my pocket to dig out one of the small rolled-up papers and a pen. I tried to speak again and winched. Juliet was on a mission to make me quiet. I struggled to write the few words, cursing at how good she was at giving it back.

[ Can’t talk. Got to go ]

I shakily pulled out the plate and asked Jessy for help. Once I did, she would know where I was. I wanted… no… I didn’t know what I wanted anymore; I was so confused, and when I sat down in the chair, I forgot the war and focused on my feelings—Juliet was keeping me quiet, and I didn’t know why. I had been going there a lot, their old home, in the living room where we had met for the first time. I would concentrate on her in those times—she abruptly let go of our connection, and I looked around the room, wondering if she had finally found me. No one was there, and the house was quiet and still broken down. It was a dreary prospect of what it once was. The only thing standing was a chair the new tenants had left behind. Next to me on the floor lay so many little rolled-up papers—ones I still needed to bury in places she would go looking… I was trying not to think, shutting off and silencing the world. It was so quiet anyway—Earth had no hope left. It would be Ian’s soon; he was only five hundred years old and had five hundred more to bide his time.

I opened my mouth to try and speak, and a faint noise echoed into the quiet room. Juliet was either tired or had been distracted; she usually lasted much longer. I smiled, thinking about her; it fell as soon as it came because I didn’t want to see her conjuring up feelings for me. It had been so long, anyway. She had not come for me and had not been back on En-gannim alone, where I could tell her, show her in a tiny way, I was still there. I was happy for her, but along with letting go, there was an emptiness, a drifting in my soul, a coldness I couldn’t explain. I feared the amount of time we’d been apart and if it would be too much to overcome. I was not the only one in her heart anymore. That fragile line—had cracked. It wasn’t her fault. It was mine. My past would be too much for her to overcome. The door creaked, bringing me slightly back from my dark thoughts. I didn’t even open my eyes because there was a storm outside.

The wind was very angry.

I was lost.

I felt lips on mine and thought I was wholly going insane. Another pressure of soft lips, and they moved over mine. A wet tongue worked its way through my slack lips. I gripped the armrests of the chair, tasting her. Legs slid in next to mine, straddling me. I opened my eyes. Juliet’s hands rested on my cheeks; her blue, teary eyes were looking deep into mine. She tilted my head and continued her remonstrations with more reach. My arms enveloped her. I crushed her into me and let my tongue fight back every thought, wanting to push her away or ask her to never go back. She reached for my shirt; I lifted my arms, hoping when she saw my body, she wouldn’t crash. Her hands felt their way around, and her eyes jumped open. I forced her mouth onto mine, got to my feet, and carried her to her old room. Juliet cried the whole time as I undressed her and myself. We both took in deep breaths of air as I thrust into her, going from sadness to release and relief of finally being so close to the person you had longed for. I worked us both to climax and slowly moved back and forth; I didn’t want it to end. “I… I’m sorry, Baby. I’m so sorry.”

Her contentment was gone in a second. She pushed me off and stood up from the bed. Juliet paced and paced some more. My cum would run down her leg at any moment—she hated the feeling. After a few rounds, she looked down and swore, stomping out of the room. The outcome might not have gone in my favor, and I would’ve let her beat the crap out of me to get over her jealousy. Juliet didn’t come back. I waited some more—nothing. Her clothes were still on the floor unless she grabbed something on the way out.

I stood and perked my ear to listen for any sounds. Did she leave? I turned left in the hall and rounded the corner to Liam and Cindy’s old room. It was dark, the windows were smashed, and the wind and rain kept beating down the already dilapidated house. I walked further into the room, kicking away drawers and boxes. The dressing room door stood open, and sniffling noises came from inside. Juliet was standing with her arms stretched out, holding herself up against the shelves with her head hanging down. Her loose, long hair covered her face, “I guess a ‘I’m sorry’ doesn’t cut it. Not this time. You must think I’m borderline.”

“I’m not angry, Louis.”

“Disappointed?”

She looked at me and shook her head; I read her, and my eyes widened, “Oh, Baby, no!”

She nodded, “I thought you were leaving me.”

“No! I would’ve come back… As soon as I got a handle on this demon.”

Juliet finally came up, and our eyes met, holding for a moment; she had no choice but to take in what I had become. I closed the distance quickly. Her body was shaking, limp in my arms. I picked her up and remembered how young she was when I walked into her life. She was so sick and dying. What else could I do but take Rodrigo’s formula? Juliet cried for what seemed an eternity, and out of nowhere, my frustration flared. “So this is why you left?”

“Yes… what else?” Irritated, I took a second to connect with her train of thought, “The house… My notes. I left at all…” I sighed heavily, “It wasn’t me… the house. I wasn’t saying goodbye or erasing you.”

“Then what are you doing, Louis? Look at you?”

My back and legs were covered entirely. The skin was slowly making its way over my shoulders toward my chest and arms. My mother was so covered in the skin, and she had not kidnapped Rodrigo to take it away. Noya didn’t beg Ahasuerus to make her whole again, and I understood why. It was like having the uncontrollability of a strong, full-moon werewolf—all the time. The ability to devour and never stop and then have the capacity to hone it, manage it, and become a master. I’d kill so many vampires and dragons without even flinching. My already vampire senses combined with a wolf’s gave me too many variables to work with. I could understand how my mother fought her way onto a throne. “I’m scared, Juliet. For the guys.”

Juliet thought about the scene with her and Soren and how she broke out of creature-proof bondages after being starved for two weeks and being cut by a red sword. She had finally realized what I had when I sat across from her, lecturing her about behaving. During the three months, she was still pregnant; there were a few occasions when we fought in the battles against Ian… My strength had surfaced, and my skin began slowly replacing itself. I feared for what I might become. Juliet didn’t say anything, and she controlled her thoughts. We sat in silence for a long time. “What is your plan here, Louis. It looks like you’ve given up—you have no intention of getting a hold of this.”

“Did you watch it?”

“I had no choice.”

“And.”

“And what? What do you want me to say?”

I turned and flung my legs off the bed, “You blame yourself, don’t you?”

Juliet didn’t need to answer me; it was written all over her face, and her thoughts betrayed her. That self-deprecating streak that kept her on the other side of the vampire line—one I didn’t possess. She sat up and dug into her jacket. The familiar sound roused me out of my melancholy. She tossed the packet at me. I tapped one out and gave it to her. I took one and lit both. “Louis… out of everyone… we are the only ones who understand what Rodrigo did to us. The reasons for taking it and living with the consequences,” I nodded, taking another drag. I turned to face her on the bed, watching her while we smoked our cigarettes.

“We should’ve talked first. Now that we’ve had sex, I don’t really have much to say. You’re not thinking about anything, and all I’m thinking about—” She wrapped her arms around my neck, and her lips shattered my depravity. I hadn’t even gone slack after the first round, and she mounted me on my lap with an unrestrained whimper. Two half-done cigarettes went flying into the rubble. “Promise me you don’t think about them anymore.”

I looked down at our mingled thighs and how her body lifted and slid down on me. I gripped her legs, thumbing her naked skin, “It was like fifty years ago. I can’t even remember one of them... When I saw Jacklin in the club, it left a sour taste in my mouth. I knew I f—up. I should’ve killed her… And then I lied about it.”

Juliet didn’t want to ask; her breathing became shallow as the pleasure let her defenses down, and I got a looming insight into how she felt about what she saw. Juliet thought I didn’t kill Jacklin because she meant something, and I mended my ways for her. My fingers closed around her hips; I pulled her down and kept myself deep inside her. I waited till she could look at me. Juliet’s feelings overwhelmed her as she thought about the other women and me in all those images; touching me, Juliet’s nails dug into my arms. How I enjoyed it. Her head dug into my neck, and she screamed. I reached for her ass and raised her body, and stopped before she would slip off, keeping her over my tip, working her over and over my most sensitive part. She couldn’t concentrate, and all she could see was my face: cold, distant, and distracted as I manipulated her body and used her. Seeing the way I had been in those moments of unadulterated lust on the verge of animalistic. Juliet opened her eyes, and I looked at her while I kissed her. She was seeing the same thing. Louis wasn’t there anymore. Her thoughts drifted to the first night we made love vs. now and how big of a difference there was. “It’s why I left, f— sake, can you think of something else.” Juliet grabbed my wrists and took over the rhythm and depth. The pleasure rippled through me. My desire was out of control. I could think of nothing else, and my eyes fixed on disappearing inside her and the way her hips rocked over me. I reached for her breasts and stimulated myself, having the mounds in my hands. Juliet wasn’t moving fast enough, keeping me where she wanted me. I slid two hands over her back and over her ass, grabbing both cheeks.

I stood and flipped her onto the bed. I released harsh grunts as I drove into her and got lost, delving at a frantic pace—consuming me. The sudden loss of her body made me fall face-first into the mattress. My claws dug into the material, and I dragged my hands frantically through it, ripping it apart. A sob got caught in her throat. “I told myself I would handle the consequences. I had meant it. I will fix this. As soon as I’m able… My mother could do it… Argh! So can I!” Another sob got held back. Juliet thought of the consequences. I had ruined her relationship with Chris. Marcus couldn’t even come home, and she was alone for months without anyone to talk to. All she had was sex, and she was sick of it. No one saw her or cared to push anymore. Everyone had shut down and kept asking her why she kept putting me first.

“I’ll deal with them on my own. Don’t try and come up for me.”

“You’re no good to me like this, Louis! You’re turning into your mother! You’re half werewolf, and now even that part of you is being manipulated. I don’t think if Rodrigo knew Noya was your mother, he would’ve done it.”

My senses returned a little. I stood with my hands on my hips, taking a deep breath, “I couldn’t take it back. I’m sorry… After I met you, here in this house… I couldn’t take it back. I wanted you. I wanted the life… a mate. I guess I felt like my life had to begin, or I would go mad. Now, if I were to ask… You won’t choose, will you?”

“No, sorry, Baby. You revoked those privileges the day you left me.”

I dropped my manifestation and sat down on the bed, defeated, deflated, and drained. Juliet appeared well across the room. I locked gazes with her; all I could see was the intensity she’d always had for me; despite everything I had done, she couldn’t let me go. Her heart was breaking for me, and the love was still there, and I still held my place in her heart. “Thank You for saying that.”

“Louis, I won’t be coming back for a while.”

“Don’t tell me…” I said quickly, looking away from her, not ready to say goodbye.

“Yes… I… didn’t know what to expect. I was scared you would ask me to choose.”

I raked my hands through my hair and couldn’t look at her. “I wanted to… I still do.” I turned around and looked at her, “I won’t! It’s one of the reasons I’m not coming back… You probably heard everything I said… I’m not sick of it… I’m over the worst… but… I can’t share right now. I want to—”

“Louis, I turned you into what killed your father. Don’t you understand? What you did on the compound or how you are with me right now doesn’t even come close? You being absent and using me like a who—”

“F—, Juliet! Shut up! You were doing so well, but you just had to open your f—ing mouth.” I stood and manifested, “When are you going to control that tongue! You know, sometimes a guy just wants to plow into a woman and f— her senseless.” I turned toward her; she was gone. My body shook with rage, and as my skin peeled, burned, and laid waste—a sudden prick stabbed into my neck on both sides. I flung around and saw two tubes in her hands. I swayed and fell back, “Don’t you dare take me back!” my voice trailed off, “I mean it!”