This Is Where I Want To Be

198. Flickering

Soren

The wedding was over. Almost the same as going to court and getting a certificate. It was very culturally appropriate. Men were in one room, feasting, and drinking. Mostly the elders of the family, signing papers and documenting the rest of your life. Your wife was waiting alone in another room, not seen at the ceremony. She didn’t have a fancy dress to wear, nor was sold on a podium. Not like on the compound where the men wanted to see their wives and display their newest prize. My mother would never see Isla in a wedding dress or plan the perfect day. Isla was happy to sit and wait.

En-gannim didn’t have weddings. Men took wives, and I could not understand how we got there. On Earth, it was a much grander affair. Every man who mattered was in attendance in that massive hall where Juliet was auctioned off. I remembered that night. I was there, hiding away in the corner because I had a feeling that if she saw me there, she would be thrown off-kilter. It was one of the worst nights of my life. I shook myself. I had to get over it. Like my father said… I never had to see my bride if I didn’t want to. She would never come to me with problems. It would be a male servant who talked through us, and at the breakfast and dinner table, I could choose if she was allowed to eat with me. I played with the pack of cigarettes in my hand. For the longest time, I carried it wherever I went. The lighter came to life and died again as I spun the wheel. Flicking it and letting it die. I took one out and lit it. I was never a smoker. Most men on Earth had gotten used to the habit. No one cared if you lived so long without the fear of cancer. I dragged the stick and stared at the kindling at the tip. For a thousand years, I would be alone.

Ian had brought me more and more into his confidence. It did feel strange to be in the midst of all Ian had to deal with for so long. Hearing how much effort and energy he had put into saving En-gannim from Juliet. I had two weeks of reading how the teleporters worked before I would go to Fahan after the wedding and help him with all their problems. I had to gather men and women to work for Fahan in all capacities and train them to manage the things Fahan would never be able to do. I was not on the sidelines like I was with Juliet and her men. There, I could make a real difference. Or that was what I was telling myself. I could work myself up to have a real profession and purpose.

After a few days of negotiating with the Chadari, Dimitrios told me what happened when Juliet tested the stone in the water. A smile played at the corner of my lip. She was f-ing amazing. We would’ve been great together.

Being stationed at the Embassy revealed a lot. They had been there before me. In those tunnels with doors so vast and high… you had to wonder what the Werewolves had hidden away. I expected it to be only a vault with the planet’s treasures like Ahasuerus had accumulated. If all of Palmyra’s writings were on paper, hiding secrets would take up a lot of space.

I took another drag and pressed the pack back into my jacket. I sighed, looking at the lighter. I had designed it myself and had it made for Juliet. She had given me a small gift, and I wanted to return the favor. My hand ran over my hair. I still used the little book to try different styles. An elastic on a wrist for when I needed it. I pushed the lighter into my pocket next to the pack. I picked up my glass and emptied the contents. It had already been my fourth or fifth. I lost count at some point. The last bit of liquid courage had caught me by surprise. The world outside spun. I longed for a fire. Juliet sitting between my legs, listening to stories and sharing moments. My hands would massage her shoulders, unable not to touch her. I loved playing with the soft strands of her hair.

The evening was over. Ian made his excuses, and the rest of the men departed. My father left with them. It was better that way… I might have said or done something stupid if he had come to talk to me. Once, I felt so at home in that place. For the future, it would be my prison. One way or another. Marcus was taking prisoners. I still didn’t know what Ian had done when he encountered enemies. Neither did I know what was going on. None of them had come. Not to get us out or to find out if we were okay.

Ian patted me on the shoulder and walked off to his room. I recoiled, knowing what was about to happen. I followed his fuzzy form as he almost hopped to his room in anticipation. I was probably more nervous than Isla. I hoped Ian would honor his word and not ruin her any further. She would have no more therapy or help. If I had to get her out, we would have to hide on some obscure little island and live together for the rest of our lives. It was not ideal, but where else could we go? Back to Earth. Palmyra?

After another glass, I was drunk, stumbling to find my bed. The door slid open. Rana was there, waiting like she had to. It was custom. I cursed at the idea of rituals. Every night, she would wait, and if I let her stay, that was it. If I didn’t, she would get up and leave. “What are you doing here?” I asked, plopping down on the bed next to her. I needed to close my eyes for just a second and not have sex. Her touch didn’t put me off completely. Rana was beautiful. I had to admit. That night, she seemed a vision out of a magazine. Her breasts almost spilled out of the nightclothes she had on. The rest hugged her smooth curves. The veil made it all rather sexy, covering her mouth with just enough chiffon, lace, or silk. Whatever. What did I know about materials? I pulled it off and tossed the thing on the ground.

There was no fear in her emerald green eyes. Big and round. Flawless skin. Blond locks curved her features. Straight and thin. I could feel the strands in my fingers, twirling it around. Her face was round, with a button nose, a small mouth, and perfect lips. She was the epitome of a natural beauty. Girl next door with unthreatening eyes. I touched the face before me. She knew what she was doing. I was undressed in no time. She lay down next to me, waiting. Every time, it would be like that. She would need me to tell her what to do. Where I wanted her and how I liked it.

The skin of my shoulder was touching soft thighs. I glanced around and let my eyes roam up and down her shapely legs. It sent uncontrolled ripples of pleasure through me. Just imagining touching her was enough to make me twitch. I didn’t need to pretend. I could do what I wanted. So I stretched out a hand with a searing need. A way to quench the thirst. A path to cleansing myself of Juliet laid before me. My fingers stroked up her leg and rested between the apex of her thighs, squelching her to slickness. My head was right there. The wetness and sounds sent me into a frenzy of lust. I reared hot and hard against her. Rana gasped as I forced one sliding thrust into her.

Impatiently, I went at it, wanting it over. I kept pumping and piercing her desperately. Nothing helped. I couldn’t get myself there. “I can do something to put you at ease.”

“Shut up,” I growled. Rana turned her head sideways.

I thrust harder and rougher. Rana’s ragged breaths and whimpering did nothing to deter me. She was holding out rather well. The anger was edged in my mouth and eyes. Rana dared to touch my chest and ran her hand up my neck and into my hair. I had to balance on one hand to hit hers away. “Don’t touch me.”

The flashing images of Juliet laughing after I was done too quickly the first time popped into my mind. My first time. She had touched every part of me. Teased my lips apart. I had tenderly assaulted her with all the love I had that day, throbbing inside her way too soon. I will never forget how she laughed at me.

“You were supposed to comfort me.” She mocked.

With every thought, my pounding became more deliberate. If I had only held out so long that day. I lifted my eyes, strange flashes pulsed against the wall. What I was doing tempered with my own sanity. I frowned as I kept going. Juliet’s figure came in and out against the wall, continually catching my attention. As if she was disappearing and coming back in blips of time. All I could do was cry out in frustration, closing my eyes in a futile attempt to forget her. My drunken stupor made me want to believe she was there. When we said goodbye, it wasn’t final at all.

“If you need me to do anything, I will do it.” Rana’s breasts were bouncing in front of me. I looked up at her words and saw more flashes in the distance. My eyes came back to Ran’s face. She just wasn’t who I wanted underneath me. I thought about flipping her so I couldn’t see her at all. Just that ass and legs. Lean down and grab one breast in my hand.

“S- I can’t do it.”

“Just take your time.” I wanted to strangle her. Make her stop talking. I picked up a pillow and pulled it over her face. I kept slamming harder, lifting her legs in one way and then another. Anything to get me closer. I looked up again. Juliet’s features were contorted. I kept my burning eyes on the vision my mind was conjuring up. A breathless desire to rid myself once and for all. Or to focus on the image I could get off on.

Juliet appeared against the wall, in full view, and in person. I stopped abruptly, pushing the cushion onto Rana’s face, not wanting her to see Juliet. My mouth hung open in disgust. I was enraged for so many reasons. How dare she. “Get out!” I yelled.

Juliet’s lip pulled up. “Just leave! Get out!” I felt myself go slack and rolled off Rana. Defeated. The small frame darted off the bed and ran for the door. Juliet is selfish and cruel. How could she stand there and watch? “Where are you going. Clean up and come back.” I screamed at Rana. I stood up and walked to where Juliet was standing. I slammed my palm against an empty wall. “You better get out and never come back.” She didn’t dare appear. The flickering started again. My chest heaved. A moment later, Rana stepped in again. If Juliet wanted to see it. So be it.

“Get on the bed. All fours. And so help me. I will take you to the block myself if you say anything.”

I knelt behind her, giving myself rugged pumps. I parted her lips. Juliet was next to me. I looked up, and her fist was next to her face. She was fully manifested, a raging storm behind her eyes. The punch landed on just the right spot. The world went dark.

***

Juliet

Rana screamed, scrambled, and got to her feet. I had the red blade in my one hand and wanted to slice her throat. Instead, I struck her harder than I had Soren. Gave her an uppercut. Her eyes tilted back in her head, and she fell to the ground. Never had I been that repulsed. The way he had treated her. It was her f- first time and… I picked her up and threw her on the bed next to him… In my mind, Soren had just raped a girl. My chest was rising and falling with fury. I wanted to cut him up myself. His hair lay wild over his face, passed out and limp. His whole body reeked of perspiring alcohol.

I ran for Isla’s room. They had no idea who Ian was. The stupid daft idiot, how could he trust our enemies. And then use her like that. Isla wasn’t in her room. I searched the house. I paused when I heard her voice. Isla was happy. I glanced back at the room I had just come from. Cringed at my own stupidity. Soren had done it for his sister.

Ian was actually talking to Isla, coaxing her to speak to him. “I do like you.” I heard Isla’s tiny voice.

“May I take off the veil… Soren told me not to… But I already sleep with one veiled woman.”

I heard the material lift. “You are so beautiful, Isla. I want you.”

“I never got to my training.”

Lips-smacking was all I could handle. Isla was in bed with our enemy. My head tilted to the side. What was I doing there? The frustration of all the pain I had caused filled my soul. I slid down against the wall. I wasn’t leaving. Marcus and the men would be there the next day when Ian met with Fahan. Everyone in the house would die. I just wanted to warn them.

After Marcus had left me in the bed, I jumped up and followed him. The way he was… I knew something was wrong. I listened to his orders. Saw the old Marcus in full view. His doubts about the two siblings plagued him. Louis knew I was there. That was why he was so angry and couldn’t answer the question of how I really felt about Soren.

The panting soon came. Isla didn’t make a sound. Her breathing was deep and labored as she took every hard thrust. “Are you going to cry again?” Ian asked through ragged breaths.

“No,” She said sweetly.

“Then touch me. Wherever you want.”

“Yes, that’s a good girl.”

I rolled my eyes. If any of the men… I thought about Michael saying that very thing to me, at least under different circumstances. I closed my eyes as Ian praised her over and over. Instructing her what to do and how good she felt. Did the man really fall in love with Isla? Another branding pair was a possibility. Our enemy discovers all our secrets from the wife he cared for.

I kept my eyes closed. The man had stamina. I had to give him that much. Soren pounding into Rana was now an image burned into my head. He struggled to get off and kept going and going so long I felt I would die. I started going in and out of my ability. I lost control, and rage filled every part of me. Glad that he felt the same when he noticed me. I didn’t recognize him. Soren was so careful with me that day we slept together. After he had cummed the first time, we had spent time together, talking and laughing. I had to guide him to get me off. It took so long. A wandering smile played on my mouth and turned to an ache in my gut. At that moment, I didn’t want to love him. How easy it was for our race to fall off the scale of what is good.

The second time I got on top of Soren, I stopped before he was close. Kissed him till he was far enough so we could keep going. We ran through all the positions we could think of at the time. Like two stupid kids experimenting. At that point, I had none. Just what I had learned from school and what I had read and seen. Soren and I had used each other to figure some things out… It brought another smile to my lips. How it had felt to be that comfortable around someone. Things I didn’t have the guts to do with Louis yet. Not wanting to feel like an idiot. And getting feedback was not in the nature of my four cowards. All I got was how they wanted more. Sadness soon followed for how Soren had helped me through that time. Soren had showered with me to get Damian out of my system and the room… I had gone down on him to practice that, too… My insides churned. It was how our marriage would have been. Care, compassion, and patience. Laughter and fighting. Making up and having babies. Reading together and debating for hours around the dinner table. He would have let me read and write. Not let me out of his sight and walked me to the market when I had a need. Soren would let me work alongside him and his father. Even in a veil, I would have been allowed to clean. In the background, when the doors closed, I would help with the books and stock-taking. Soren would’ve taken me to see my parents. I would stay with them when the baby was due, and we would have sat around a fire. Or watch our son play in the street with all his friends. If we had a girl… We would’ve taken her to three different houses to get out of a funk. Or to the market for sweets and a cool drink on those scorching days in the desert. Like my dad had done with me.

Ian finally finished. I had to decide what I would do. Ian dismissed Isla. I followed her to her room. She took off the veil, and the smile on her face was all I needed to see. “One thing you will find out. And the hard way is that evil people also fall in love.” Beatrice’s words still haunted me. Our enemies also fall in love. I didn’t think Ian really loved Isla. But maybe in a year. Six months of Isla’s sweet and serving nature coupled with her desire to sit and do nothing but be a good wife to her husband. It didn’t really matter anymore. We couldn’t keep the brandings a secret for much longer.

I scooted in under the bed. It was the only place I could sleep. Isla would not freak out too much if she saw me. Did I really love Soren? Yes… Yes, I do. And Louis knew.

***

I woke up with a start. Soren was knocking and calling softly at Isla’s door. The bed moved above me, and the door opened. “Soren? Are you well?” Isla gasped and complained.

“Don’t worry, I’m okay, are you? Did Ian behave himself?”

There was a pause. I rolled out under the bed and saw the same smile as the previous night. Soren faked one to appease his sister and nodded. “I’m happy for you, sister.”

“Get out of here.” He smiled again and stepped back.

I ducked out with him. Rana wasn’t in his room. Soren sat down on the bed. “Julie, are you here? I’ve been calling you for what seems an eternity.”

My shoulders dropped. What did I expect was going to happen? I wanted to see him shun her. Push her away and use her as a cover and stay there still devoted to me. He seemed sober, and the bruise on his face was... ugly. I sat down next to him and put my head on his shoulder. He grasped my hand and kissed it.

“You raped her.”

He shoved me with his shoulder. I looked at him and had to close an eye, cringing at his bloodshot purple eye. Swollen and cut open over his cheek.

“Yeah, you pack a mean punch. You know I don’t have any abilities.” His fingers lightly traced his features.

“You deserved it.”

“Like Louis never raped you?”

“What!?”

“Oh, come one… You going to tell me it was any different? That night when he dragged you into that car. What happened after that?”

I closed my parted lips. I had a lot of excuses for what happened between Louis and me during those few months on the compound. Had it been different? No. When I thought about it, Rana didn’t want to stop. She never faltered in her duty. I closed my eyes and breathed out the ragged breaths I was holding. I turned away from him.

“Marcus is coming. Today. When Ian goes to Fahan… There will be an ambush. And when he is off planet, they will take over the Island and the water supply… Even the hidden teleporter. I don’t know how much we know. But I guess it’s enough to change things for good.”

“Why are you here?” Soren pressed my knuckles onto his lips.

“They will kill everyone. Women, children.”

“Julie…”

I got up and paced. “I would say. Take Isla and hide. When they come… You could dump it all on Louis, who will let you live. If they know you haven’t crossed over.”

“So that’s the reason. You wanted to see if I… had turned against you all.” He made a sarcastic sound.

“I don’t know what to do. If you tell Ian… You will die, Soren.”

“Julie!”

“What?” I spun toward him, recoiling again when I saw his face. He smiled. My Soren was there. How could he change so much from one moment to the next?

“What will I tell him happened to my face?”

We both laughed.

“Did you get to finish later?” I mocked.

Soren grabbed my wrist and pulled me closer. He tucked his finger into the hem of my pants. “Every time you’re pregnant, you come to my bed. I’m starting to think it’s all hormones.” Soren rested his head on my swollen belly. The bump wasn’t big, but it was there.

I chuckled. “Could be.” I pulled out the hair stuck in some blood. He groaned. “You have to get it looked at.”

“Julie!” He said softly.

“What?”

“What are you avoiding today?”

I took his chin in my hand and tilted his head up. Soft and tender eyes pleaded with me. “The same thing I avoided back then.”

“And what’s that?”

“Losing a loved one.”

“A loved one?” Soren got up, poured some water, and downed the contents.

“You had a real chance to be happy… Why did it have to be like that? Why didn’t you wait? Choose someone on our side?”

“You!” He snapped. “I’m angry. No! I’m livid!”

“You’re a little behind in your stages of grief.”

“Screw you.”

I laughed. “What a decent cuss word for someone so young.”

“I miss you. I’m angry that I didn’t fight that day… I just walked out.”

My heart dropped. “Yes… Me too. If I could go back, I would.”

Soren’s bruised eye darted in my direction. He stepped over the threshold. “Is it too late. Can we fight it now?”

I shrugged. “If you like.”

“What does that mean. Do you love me or not?”

“Of course I do. I… I have these pictures of what our life would have been like in my head that don’t want to go away.”

“So it’s not me. It’s only the relationship we would’ve had. Regrets of what your life could have been like?”

“Screw you.” He laughed at my stupid comeback. “I was fifteen... When I stood on that block, I didn’t once think you would even be an option. Not once did you show me any affection? Or asked. You are just as bad as they are.”

“Marcus was always there… What did you want me to do?”

“Something. Anything. If you came to the house just once… Just one time. I would’ve behaved. You knew what happened at Qadir’s house, but still, you didn’t come.”

Soren dragged me into an embrace. “All, I see… Is you not choosing me. I didn’t even have a chance to get in line. It’s just a matter of me not being enough… I don’t get it. I really don’t… That’s why I didn’t come, Julie. The way you looked at Marcus those Sundays on the couch… You never looked at me like that.”

“I… don’t look at anyone the way I look at him. It’s different. Can’t you understand that?!” Soren turned away from me. I tugged at his shoulder to make him look at me. “Do you think if we were normal people… There would never be regret going from one person to another… Even if we are in a happy relationship with one person. Would you never think about what could’ve been with someone from your past? Or maybe you would go through a breakup. And years later, know you made the biggest mistake of your life… It’s just not my story… Why is it wrong to be obsessed with love? And to be loved. If I can handle it. That’s my problem. You are the problem here, Soren. You are doing what you accused me of. Avoiding your fate.” I paused to take a breath. “It’s not that you are not enough. But this is MY life. They fought for me… All in their different ways and accepted everything and the time it took for us to get there… And in the end, Soren, it’s not about Marcus but Louis. It will always be. No one! And I mean, no one will make me cross that line.”

Soren stepped closer and ran his thumb over my lips. “I want to be a part of your story… We made a mistake. I’m sorry I didn’t come. I was only a child. Same as you.” Soft and tender eyes looked down at me. “All I do is wish that you would be mine someday.”

I disappeared. Soren straightened. The door opened, and Ian walked in. Even fully manifested, he started at the sight of the boy. “Yeah! Watch out, Ian.”

“If that was my sister… She will surely die today.”

Soren held up his hand. “Get your sister in here.”

Ian called out. A servant was directed. A minute later, she came walking in. That steady stride of her elegance still gagged me. “Rana, take off your veil.” Soren’s voice was so different when he spoke to her. She didn’t move. Ian yanked at the thing and held it in his hand. He cursed at the sight of her. Soren’s face was as stunned as Ian’s. The two men glanced at each other. “Rana, what happened last night? I was too drunk to remember one second of it.”

She didn’t raise her head. Ian grabbed her hair and hissed in her face. “Out with it.” He said pointedly.

What was Soren doing?

“He didn’t want to see my face. Soren put a pillow over me… The next moment, he was screaming incoherently. He wanted me out of the room. And then screamed for me to come back. I didn’t understand any of it. The next moment, he was knocked out on the bed. I got up, and there was a woman in the room. And she hit me too.”

Soren tried to keep a straight face. I could see his mouth twitching. “You want me to believe… that there was some invisible girl… in your room. And she hit both of you. Why I never… Guard!”

“Wait, Ian. I was drunk. Even if I hit her. She had every right to hit me back.”

“With what did she hit you to do all that? And no, that is not how it works here, Soren. Every man will mock you if you walk out the door.” Ian gestured at Soren’s face. “Guard!”

Another man came in. I cowered a little, and my chicken legs took a step back. He was tall and bulky. Scary as hell. Damian all over.

“Take my sister to the block.”

“Ian. Please. I don’t want a wife with no hands or no tongue. Where would the pleasure be for me if you took something away? All I have is her face.” Soren was piling it on. “She’s the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I might have gotten carried away last night.”

“We don’t maim women here, Soren. The block means... a courtyard where she will be put in her place… But… Take her home, Soren. She is your problem now. Do with her what you see fit… Just make sure no one sees you. Until all of that is healed.”

That wasn’t going to happen. They would all die.

Soren grabbed Rana’s arm and pushed her toward the door. He stopped. “Ian… There is something I have to talk to you about. Rana, leave and pack what you will need.”

Ian dismissed the guard. “You know that Marcus doesn’t know where my loyalties lay. After you told him of our arrangement… I don’t know… I…” Soren was faltering. If he left with Rana, Isla would die when Marcus came. If he stayed… they would all die. Soren didn’t know what to say.

“Out with it.”

“I think we have to evacuate. If they have the stone… Leaving and going to Palmyra. It might be our only option… They could attack at any minute.”

“You are scared. I do not have the time for doubt. Fahan will come and help us. I am not running away. Even if they cross that pink water in one wave.”

Ian left the room. The doors slowly closed.

“What are you doing? Do you want them to live? Was Marcus right?”

Soren was eerily quiet. “Ian has done nothing wrong.” He finally said. I couldn’t believe it. Ian had convinced him. He had made the decision himself to marry Rana. “Isla is married to the man. What do you want me to do?”

“If he finds out, you betrayed him… He’ll kill you. You have no idea who you’re dealing with. Ian has killed millions of Vampires.”

“He what?”

“He’s not taking prisoners, Soren. And he’s not following customs either… Challenging Marcus as he should… He didn’t even honor the cease-fire… He’s playing you… and Isla! Why do you think Marcus had to make the decision. It ends today. Either way. So what do you want to do? Sacrifice some more? Make another mistake. Because I can tell you. A guy like that will tire of your sister eventually.”

“You don’t know that… And this is also my life.” He yelled. “My family. Do you not understand that! My future with you is so uncertain... And I can’t take it anymore. Every time I see Ian. I see another way. How would I look Isla in the face?”

“No… I do understand. But with this, it’s also an uncertainty, and she can go home and be safe. Your parents had to be aware the war could go either way… You know what? I can’t understand why your father allowed it at all. Gamble on Isla’s future.”

“My father changed his mind... About everything… I was as surprised as you seem to be… Isla was happy for the first time. She wanted it.”

That was a lot of pressure for him. “I’m leaving,” I said, defeated. “If Marcus finds me here. I’m dead.”

Soren’s soft eyes turned in a second into something I had never seen. “Marcus, Marcus, Marcus! It’s all I ever hear. I won’t survive… If I have to go back into that Tower to see you with everyone but not be able to be with you.”

“After last night, Soren. Man up. It’s over.”

Soren’s cold, calculating eyes turned to slate. “Because I dared to dip into another woman.” He took a menacing step toward me. “Because I didn’t want to wait any longer. Who do you think you are? Did you not say you would congratulate me?”

I did say I would. My world came crashing down around me. Soren’s eyes and mouth sneered at my hubris. He had opened my eyes to the reality of it all. I had become addicted to getting what I wanted. Used to everyone putting me first and going to such great lengths to be with me. Jealous and thinking I could kill everyone that showed the slightest interest in any of them… Who was I to tell Soren what to do with his life, even if it was choosing our enemies. We left him there. We pushed him out.

Soren’s shoulders were ridged as he turned away from me, just to turn back to take hold of my upper arms. “I am going to be in your life one way or another. If I can’t be your lover. I’ll be your enemy. I will take your love for me and turn it into hate. I will come at you with everything I have.” He grasped my arm tighter and tighter and, with the other hand, slowly let one finger graze over my breasts and down toward my belt. He lowered his head towards my lips. “If you don’t kiss me, Juliet. I’m done.” Done. Done. He was where I had been about Michael. I had pushed him too far. The image of Chris almost kissing Selena flashed in my mind. How could I judge him? Charlene was right. I was selfish. I stared at him, deciding what to do.

I didn’t realize or feel Soren take the blade out of my belt. It popped next to my face. I disappeared, unable to catch my short breaths.

Soren’s hand faltered as he tried to take hold of me. “You are just like Ahasuerus. All you want is for me not to screw up your plans.” He said flatly. “You are cruel and selfish. You keep…” His words came out hopeless, anguished. “Using me… Now I will join you on that train. I am sick of sitting on the platform waiting… waiting for you… You will lose everything.”

Only love can hurt like that. Rip out your insides and leave a gaping hole that will never be filled again. Disappointment too acute to be processed. I had made a mistake. I reappeared and drew back my fist. I had to at least try to fix it. Soren blocked me. I jabbed again, and he kept stopping every fist, moving around me. I pulled his feet out from under him, taking the blade out of his hand. He fell on the bed. I was over him, pushing the sharp tip against his throat. “You would never be able to do it. Louis will have to.” I stuck the point of the knife through his skin. “Not today.” He rolled and kicked me off him. I glanced at the little glass plate in his hand. An alarm blared throughout the house. The doors opened, producing that giant vampire in the door.