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***

We make our own monsters, then fear them for what they show us about ourselves.

Mike Carey

***

Carlton's not having a great day.

It started out good, arresting Chavez was so ridiculously rewarding that he rode the high all the way back to the station hours later.

It all went downhill there.

With Juliet and Shawn and Gus all watching.

And Drimmer.

There's always been something about Drimmer. And if he was Shawn, he'd had some pithy remark about that stupid movie, but he's not, thank god, because Carlton will shoot the next person that tries to make him watch that movie again.

Carlton's known him for years. 

If by now, you mean they've existed in the same organization and seen one another in the halls over the course of those years. They may have even participated in the same task force on occasion.

There's nothing memorable about him except that he smells sickly sweet whenever he passes too close. 

He's gray. His clothes, his personality, his work.

Carlton's been more impressed by newbies right out of the academy than he is by this veteran of the force.

His mistake, he supposes.

John would have his head for not catching on sooner.

No one is gray like that, naturally. It only comes after years of leaching away the good and the bad, everything that makes humans human. 

It's a sickness, a disease, and Carlton should have seen it much sooner than he did.

As it is, he was distracted. Finally relaxing after Juliet had ceased her disastrous attempts to find him a girlfriend, the FBI had infuriated him by sweeping in, and Vick was viciously amused by his fury and whatever the fuck he was feeling for the annoying Spencer.

He hadn't quite figured that out yet, either. 

Now, he might not have the chance since there was no way Vick was going to risk herself stepping in to save him. Ocampo was foaming at the mouth, and the FBI were gnawing at his heels and Carlton's only allies were a junior detective everyone seemed determined to ignore and a series of patrol officers who couldn't get involved without getting themselves in trouble.

Malcolm and Hewett offer to anyway, but Carlton would rather have them in his back pocket for the day they have to break him out of prison.

The one light. The one good thing. The one spark that gives him hope is just how quickly Spencer Junior dismisses the idea that Lassiter is the killer.

Like he'd never even entertained the possibility.

Guster's a bit more suspicious, smart man, but Spencer just laughs, and Carlton's torn between being pleased that Spencer doesn't think he's a murderer and insulted that Shawn finds the idea that ridiculous. Carlton is a dangerous, dangerous man; he has killed people before, always in the line of duty, mind you, but he has.

It's a stupid thing to be insulted over John and Henry tell him over whisky at a pub Shawn doesn't know about, but the fact that it's stupid doesn't make Carlton feel it any less.

Since he's stuck in limbo, there's too many eyes on him to handle the situation himself, Carlton has to sit back and trust that Shawn Spencer, the Fake-Psychic who's never taken anything seriously in his life, takes this seriously and finds a way to clear Carlton before he's behind bars and things get ugly.

Carlton can't risk getting locked behind iron bars. The metal might not be as dangerous to him as it is to a full-blooded fae, but it's enough to put him at a disadvantage in a fight.

And a cop in prison?

There'll be a lot of fighting.

Malcolm and Hewett are following Shawn and Gus and Juliet respectively. 

And the fact that Juliet's been assigned to work with Drimmer is disheartening, to say the least. She has so much promise, so much color, almost as vibrant as Spencer, and he's terrified Drimmer's going to leach it all away.

She deserves better than that.

Also, Spencer is a pig and needs to learn to clean.

The state of his side of the office makes Carlton's eye twitch. 

How does Guster put up with this?

Still, it's only Spencer's certainty that keeps Carlton sane, and the fucker doesn't even know it.

Since Carlton has plenty of time to dwell, he dwells on Spencer.

The man doesn't think much of Carlton, he realizes. Thinks he's too slow, too dim, too uptight, too incapable.

It's depressing, and it makes Carlton reach for the nearest bottle. 

Carlton is a good detective. He solves a handful of cases for every one Spencer and Guster solve. They might not all be on the same level, but still. Carlton has worked hard to be a good detective, and he takes pride in his work. He loves it. It's the only thing that he can do in this world to make a difference. He doesn't have the temperament for politics that some fae have. Or the thirst for business that others do. 

He's too human.

But he's too driven to do menial work. He's too passionate for a cubical and a computer. And he'd rip someone's head off if he had to work retail.

He's too much for the human world.

So, what's he supposed to do if this ends his career?

He could become a vigilante, he supposes; that's pretty much what Spencer is. Ignoring the law to bring justice the way he wants.

But he's also too close to Spencer for the man to ignore him, and Spencer would make the connection. Carlton's sure of that now.

He could take the long road back under the hill, but then he'd never be able to come back. 

Mab would make sure of it.

And Carlton has barely lived half a life out here.

He likes the human world.

He doesn't want to go back.

Doesn't want to leave Malcolm and Hewett to try and keep the peace in the shadows on their own.

Doesn't want to leave Juliet to another teacher. She has so much promise. She'll surpass Carlton someday.

Doesn't want to leave Shawn and Gus to a less capable detective, who won't be able to make their contributions worthwhile as much as Carlton is.

Doesn't want to give Vick the satisfaction.

Doesn't want to stop fishing with Henry.

Doesn't want to leave John and his wife behind.

For fucks sake, he worked so hard for this life. He doesn't want to leave any of it behind, not when there's so much still ahead of him.

He could fall in love again, maybe work up the guts to ask out Spencer. He wants to have kids. Have a house filled with love and laughter the way John did. Wants to be Chief someday, but nothing higher than that because then there's too much politicking. 

He wants a lot, he knows. Even if he doesn't deserve all of it, doesn't he at least deserve some of it?

Suppose that depends on who you ask.

***

Henry Spencer, contrary to popular belief, loves his son.

Loves him more than his career as a cop.

Loves him more than Madeline. 

Loves him more than anything.

He may not be the best at showing it, but he does.

Maybe someday Shawn will believe him.

They're definitely better than they were before, but they're still not at the point where either of them can manage to be honest with the other.

And now Shawn's dragged what feels like the entire Santa Barbara police department into his lie. 

Henry has a huge, painful knot in his chest, just waiting for the day when it all comes crashing down.

Doesn't know yet what he's going to do when it happens, or even which side he'll be on at the time, but it is coming. 

Eventually. 

Shawn doesn't understand cops. He thinks he does, and maybe he gets the basics, but he doesn't understand how deeply ingrained it is that you have to be able to trust the people you work with.

Completely.

Absolutely.

There were nights Henry wouldn't have made it home to his child if he hadn't trusted his fellow officers that deeply.

Shawn's never needed that level of trust in anyone to survive. And his anger at Henry, because deep down that's all it is, has tainted anything associated with the badge.

It's almost like he's willfully blind. He dismisses it because he doesn't need it, and he misses the danger because of it.

His son is a genius, but he's never learned to stop and think.

That's Henry's fault.

Every time Shawn runs off, pulls something out of thin air, appears where he shouldn't, stick his nose into something, he whittles away a little bit more of that trust with the officers he works with.

Baring Juliet, who just seems to be an exception to everything.

But even she'll get tired of it eventually. One too many close calls will sour the strongest romance.

He's constantly surprised that Gus sticks around, but then, Gus probably doesn't think about the trust issue either. He trusts Shawn, and to him, that's enough.

It's not.

Henry knows they have a guardian angel on the force.

And he knows it's not Vick.

He suspects it's Lassiter, but the younger man's been surprisingly squirely when he asks.

Protecting Shawn could tank his career, so it's not surprising he's tight-lipped about it.

But Henry was also a cop for a long time, early retirement notwithstanding.

He knows there are some things out there that don't make sense. Things that live in the shadows and aren't quite human.

He knows Lassiter is one of them. Knows there's something different about him. Something not quite human.

Shawn, for all his brilliance, has no idea.

So convinced he's already got the measure of the man and the world.

Poor Gus would probably live under his bed if he knew the truth.

The only thing that stops Henry from saying anything, aside from not wanting to deal with the emotional outburst from Shawn, is his fear that it might prevent Lassiter from protecting him.

The last thing Shawn needs is to find out there's fae and real psychics in the world.

God, the trouble he could get into then.

***

It is a relief, in the end, to realize that Shawn really, truly never thought he was a murderer.

It's also a relief to realize he didn't miss Drimmer being part fae. He's entirely human, all his color was leached away by being a morally grey dirty cop.

Carlton doesn't even feel bad when he shoots him.

He feels bad he wasn't fast enough to stop him from pistol-whipping Spencer, but not the killing part.

All in all, he figures it all ends well. No one but Carlton got what they wanted, and a bad cop got taken down.

He got to laugh in Ocampo and Vick's faces, which is always good.

He's riding the high and has almost talked himself into asking Spencer to dinner when ABIGAIL returns.

Abigail.

She's perfectly pleasant outside the fact that she's dating Spencer, and really, it's not going to work out, so why are they bothering? But Juliet always looks angry when he says that, so he stops.

He still thinks it; he just doesn't say it out loud anymore.

Thankfully, there's an upsurge in fae crimes that gives Carlton plenty of distractions. 

Another changeling using his blood to corrupt families in a secluded neighborhood. He's relativity stupid, so it only takes Carlton a week to track him down.

While Juliet runs off to save Spencer and Guster from that stupid camp, Carlton, Malcolm, and Hewett take down a gang of small-time fae running a wish-granting syndicate out of a bar in the warehouse district, followed by a kidnapping ring in one of the most monied neighborhoods in the city, and then a loner ritualistically hunting early morning runners on the beach.

Red sky at morning and all that.

It's enough to settle Carlton for now.

But just barely.

Spencer and Abigail seem to be going strong for a moment, but it doesn't take Carlton long to realize she's not going to last. Spencer may be serious, and in all fairness, Abigail is, too, but she doesn't have the constitution for his tendency to throw himself into the middle of ridiculous and dangerous situations.

Yang is the straw that breaks the camel's back, and to be fair, there are not many camels that would survive that straw.

They hang on for a while, but Carlton can see the color leaching away despite their outward attempts to escalate.

Despereaux actually rates higher as a threat to any possible relationship with Spencer.

Not because he's a criminal but because he's a changeling. 

It took Carlton a little while to realize it. That odd feeling left behind at the crime scenes and that stupid cigarette had had him on edge until it clicked on the dock.

After that realization, he kind of likes him. 

Despereaux is just as desperate to stay away from Mab as Carlton is and, in true fae form, has worked a deal that double-crosses everyone without actually hurting anything other than wallets and pride.

He's a menace of the highest order, but only because he loves the thrill and the fun of it, not out of any desire to hurt.

Carlton locks him up but only warns him to stay in prison for a couple of months before he escapes. 

They make a gentleman's agreement to stay out of one another's way in public, but they keep one another's numbers close at hand in private.

It paid to have as many allies as possible when Mab finally decided to come calling.

Because she would come, of that Carlton and Pierre have no doubt.

It was just a matter of time.

Carlton walks away from Spencer.

It's hard, but it's also plain to see that Abigail has finally pushed Juliet to admit that she has feelings for Shawn, and Carlton knows that as soon as Shawn realizes Juliet is there, he won't see anyone else.

They'll be ridiculous and silly and happy together, and they'll get on Carlton's nerves together, but he'll be annoyingly happy for them and just drink at home alone in the dark.

He shudders to think of when they reach the phase of their relationship where they start to try and fix him up.

Maybe that'll be the day he willingly takes a vacation.

***

Yang is a special kind of madness. 

One that's purely human.

Even the most powerful of fae fail to reach the twisted levels that humans can. There are too many rules and bonds within their blood and magic.

The fae can't imagine a life not bound by rules, and humans can't imagine not having a choice.

Freedom is an intoxicating thing, so heavy at times that it feels suffocating, but once you're free, there is no going back into chains.

Carlton will die before anyone drags him back under the hill and into Mab's chains.

It takes Carlton a minute to work through it, watching Spencer solve clues one after another before he realizes that for all Yang's apparent rules, there is no reason.

It's like she has no purpose. 

There's no goal.

It's not right, but Carlton can't determine what's wrong with the situation. He needs to find Yang and see her in person because the colors and emotions coming through the clues don't make sense.

They contradict one another to the point that Yang must truly be insane or have multiple personality disorders, or she's listening too closely to those voices in her head. 

Something is wrong, but the pace is so frantic and Spencer so desperate, and then it's his mother, and Carlton feels like he just can't catch up.

Merry is an annoying beacon orbiting them all. Weird as he is, Carlton knows he's never hurt a living thing. He's so desperate for love and affection and understanding that it sloughs off him in wave after wave, and Carlton can barely breathe if he stands too close.

He already knows the poor kid isn't going to survive Yang. Maybe he'll make it through this round because he does look a year or so older when Carlton sees him dying on the warehouse floor, Spencer kneeling next to him.

When they end up at the drive-in, Carlton knows this is the end of this round. He tries to measure his steps and sends Hewett and Malcolm ahead to block Yang's only exit, though all he has to do is get within a hundred feet to know she's not going to run.

She wants Spencer. 

Isn't afraid. 

Isn't angry.

Isn't anything evil.

Shit.

That's why Carlton couldn't get a solid read on her.

While the rest of them celebrate saving Ms. Spencer, and Spencer and Abigail agree to commit to commitment, Carlton meets Hewett and Malcolm in Hewett's garage and rages because there's another one, and he missed it.

The thought consumes him through the search for the idiot millionaire. 

Old Sonora brings him out of it for a few days, but he has enough faith in Spencer and Guster that he isn't actually worried.

The thing at the Catholic school is amusing more than anything. That little psycho playing at being possessed is such an idiot that Carlton barely pays attention to the case, leaving it to Juliet until he has to run to the rescue in the end.

For a minute, he's worried the werewolf is real, another changeling or fae twisting its blood, but it turns out it's not the poor sucker; it's the therapist. 

Another reason Carlton will never trust a psychologist. 

He is a changeling. 

But unlike Carlton, there was no one around to help or teach him, and he gave into his blood. 

He uses it on his patients, twisting their problems into nightmares and taking advantage of their weaknesses.

Polexia is actually strong-willed enough that he can't do it to her, which explains why he wants to kill her.

Carlton likes her, even if she is kind of a bitch.

By the time Yang's book comes out, Carlton still hasn't found her partner, but he knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that she's never taken a life. He feels bad about her being stuck in a cell, but it only takes one meeting to realize she's happy there.

She wants Spencer to visit more, which Carlton will not be allowing, but she's happy. 

Humans are weird. 

Carlton's half-human, and he still can't figure them out.

Snatching Abigail and Juliet is inspired and means it's not just Yang who's obsessed with Spencer.

Or does it?

It's a fairly obvious end to the story. There's no plot twist, no surprise ending.

Whoever the mastermind is has to know that Carlton's going to save Juliet while Spencer saves Abigail.

What's the point?

People are just crazy sometimes, Carlton decides. Everything he sees is just a jumble like the mastermind can't decide if he's Yin or Yang.

Carlton does his best to comfort Juliet, who's struggling more than she ever expected to, but Carlton already knows she's going to come out the otherwise stronger than she ever imagined. Seeing that helps him stay patient while she works her way there herself. 

He dreams of Abigail breaking up with Spencer a week before it happens.

He sees Spencer grow up over lunch with Juliet. He zones out over burgers, looking out at the ocean, and sees the thick forests of British Columbia and a first kiss.

He's happy for them.

Really.

Okay, he's not.

She's too good for Spencer, and Spencer needs someone much tougher to stand beside him.

And it'll break Juliet's heart to discover that Spencer's not actually psychic.

Carlton doesn't have to be psychic to know that.

As Spencer and Juliet embark on their first tentative moments together, Carlton gets a call from John and finds himself standing across from John and Henry Spencer over a corpse that has, by any definition, seen better days.

The decay is so potent that Carlton gags for the first time in his career, and the officers on the scene swear it's got to be months old.

It's not.

It's barely been a day, but everything before that….

Carlton has to step outside and breathe clean air for a minute.

Fae blood. 

So twisted and dark that it took the poor bastard to hell before it finally killed him.

Carlton sends everyone except John, Henry, Malcolm, and Hewett out and looks closer.

The fae force-fed his blood into the man. His teeth, oddly preserved, given the decay of the rest of him, are stained black with it. 

It's even leaking out his stomach, which means the fae took his time and spent a lot of blood doing it.

Sick fuck.

A full-blooded fae, most likely too.

Which means Carlton has a fight on his hands and a very dangerous opponent running around free.

Henry doesn't seem as surprised as he thought he'd be to have it all confirmed to his face, but then he guesses that's why he was such a good cop. Steady and hard to ruffle.

He just looks annoyed, which is apparently his default expression, and not even the fae can change that.

It takes a week to track the fae down. Luckily, Juliet is distracted by Spencer, and Spencer is distracted by Guster and Juliet, and they're all too distracted with keeping secrets from one another to notice that Carlton goes a week straight without sleeping.

He makes McNabb cry four days in, and he actually feels bad about that and promises to take the man for beers once this thing is over.

They do end up getting those beers, but they're at McNabb's house and involve Francine because it turns out McNabb married a changeling and isn't nearly as unobservant as his kind nature makes him seem.

McNabb, because Carlton will never, ever call him Buzz, not even when he's bleeding out under the man's hands, notices Carlton's lack of sleep, and despite Vick reassigning him elsewhere when he raises his concerns, he follows Carlton the night he ends up cornering the fae.

Carlton, unlike Spencer and his fellow lone wolf fools, never goes into a situation without backup.

Granted, he can't ever make that argument because he can't explain that he knew exactly where Buzz was because he foresaw it three days before.

Still, he didn't go in without backup, so there.

It goes like this: Carlton, with McNabb ten feet behind and to his right, enters the warehouse ready to shoot anything that moves.

Somehow the fucker gets the drop on him anyway. Full-blooded fae aren't always as strong as changelings, but they have a much wider array of abilities. 

This fucker has twisted himself in some half-fae/half-plant thing that lashes out at Carlton with fingers that are thorny vines and splits open his chest in the span of time it takes Carlton to fire five rounds.

And for everyone who complains that Carlton spends too much time at the gun range, he might be bleeding to death and in unimaginable pain, but all his bullets hit their mark.

He can hear McNabb's rounds in the distance, the kid's a good shot at least.

Then the overwhelming fire from Malcolm, Hewett, John, and Henry as they all arrive two minutes too late.

Carlton may be half-fae, but he's also half-human, and there's only so much blood he can lose before there's no going back.

Out of the corner of his eye, he can see the mist rolling in. The long road laid out in front of him no matter what direction he looks.

The hill shrouded in darkness is there.

And a figure, tall and lean and stretched out and inhuman with eyes that glitter brighter and brighter as Carlton's vision fades and fades. 

He's unconscious for what happens next and what follows that.

Somehow, while he's out, the others figure out how to get rid of any trace of the fae and Carlton's blood from the scene, and he wakes up on McNabb's couch, chest wrapped in what feels like every damn bandage in Santa Barbara and a worried/annoyed woman he's never met looking down at him.

Francine McNabb apparently snuck out from under the hill as a teenager and never looked back. She was running for a long time, before she met McNabb and decided to risk settling in one place. 

She adores her husband.

ADORES HIM.

And she isn't pleased that he's put himself at risk to help Carlton, and she has no problem telling Carlton this in the midst of some of the most visceral threats he's ever been on the receiving end of.

Carlton likes her.

But that doesn't stop him from yelling right back that McNabb did it on his own and take it up with him and ow, damn it, doesn't she have any pain meds?

The animal-like scream she gives him in response is terrifying, more so than her attempt to strangle him after. Thankfully, the others return in time to pull her off him, and McNabb actually makes her apologize.

His level of respect for McNabb goes up.

So does his respect for Francine because she doesn't bother hiding that she's only doing it because he asked her to, and Carlton will never, ever be in a room with her unarmed again.

Francine McNabb isn't anywhere near as powerful as Carlton, but she retains the animal instincts and rage that have long faded for him.

Carlton wants to see her in an all-out fight, probably more than is appropriate.

Her blood lends itself to healing ironically, and just a pint of it is enough to get Carlton back on his feet.

It takes weeks before she and Carlton can stop feeling one another across the city, and they both celebrate when that horrible intrusive feeling is finally gone.

Normally, Carlton wouldn't just let another changeling run off and do what they want, but Francine is clearly devoted to McNabb, and the likelihood of her putting him at risk is slim.

So, while Juliet and Spencer are figuring out what it means to date and how to make it up to Guster, Carlton adds another member to his small army in the battle to keep Santa Barbara safe.

And then Mab shows up.

Or Marlowe, as she's calling herself in the human world.

~tbc~