Ugly Bastard

“What the fuck is going on with you all bastards!? Have you all gone mad?!” Screamed the man hidden in a cape, standing at the head of the big wooden table while slamming his fist against the wood so hard the corner of the table shattered, sending chips of wood flying all over the floor.

“Years of work! Years of planning! Everything turned to dust in a few days! How can you be so fucking careless? Just as we succeeded with a major plan that was constructed for years, we went and smashed it all to bits within a week! What the hell is going on in that Moonstar Kingdom? Every time we take a step forward we need to take two steps back soon after!” Shouted the man gazing at the forms of people hidden by the dark capes similar to his.

The members of High Council of the Dark Association sat quietly, not daring to utter a single word of rebuke at their leader's outrage lest they become the sole target of his rage.

His rage was justified, but no one considered themselves responsible for the failure. It all seemed to be just a streak of bad luck. But to tell that out loud, would, no doubt, bring even more anger from their leader. 

Two weeks ago they successfully realized their plans in the Western Region of Moonstar Kingdom, destroying the High-noble’s house, deposing Margrave O’Sullivan and successfully taking out of the picture a major thorn in their side - an A-class adventurer Paula Stormbringer. This success would allow them to proceed with their intricate plans to conquer the entire underworld of that region and unite all Criminal Guilds and bands under their rule.

However, before they could even put down the congratulatory champagne glass, the next set of events has thrown the biggest damn piece of lumber into the spokes of their beautifully unraveling scheme’s wheels, crumbling their intricately built yet solid plan, into small pebbles. 

The events that happened in the last week were simply an incomprehensible disaster. The entire net of their associates and loyal followers in the several counties all around the Great Tree Labyrinth was uprooted as a rotten stump. All Noble houses who sided with them, all merchants, gangs, bands, guilds, safe houses. All perished within a week. And that is when they were fully prepared for the Royal Investigator's arrival into the region after that attack on Margrave O’Sullivan’s mansion.

All their contacts and guild members should have timely gone into silent mode of operation. No contacts between each other, big or small. No documentation, no illegal deals and activity, no matter how small and insignificant. All should have been prepared so that not a single trace could be found by the investigation that was coming for the region. And yet…

The strategy to thwart the Investigators was a well-thought-out, and effective set of rules that all Dark Association guild branches followed to the letter. This allowed them to hide for a century, growing their organization to span throughout the entire human realm. 

The last few months after the Vega Village incident proved its effectiveness as never before, showing that even with all the attention of the Investigative Bureau pointed solely on their guild, there was no evidence to grab at.

There were dozens of criminals and minor nobles apprehended in Lord Belmonts investigation, from Knights and Esquires to some insignificant Baronets. Yet, no evidence that could implicate an important associate or any major member of the Guild was arrested. 

There were of course suspicions and even major searches in some of their member’s mansions and bases. But investigators were left with nothing, having no other choice than to walk away and give an apology. 

The underground net of Dark Association Guild was not disrupted, and as soon as Royal Investigator left the region, the guild could restore their activity, and proceed with their plans again.

Which spoke even louder of the degree of their fuck-up this time. What even the best investigator of a country, Lord Belmont, feared far and wide by the entire underworld society for his uncanny mind, could not achieve at that time, surprisingly was pulled off by some no name upstart rookie Investigator, fresh out of Bureau Academy, sent there just as contact for the Investigative Bureau to keep the official in Capital up to date with news from the outskirts.

What the hell was going on?

“Who the hell is that - Investigator Lorenz? Where the fuck did he come from?! HOW THE FUCK DID HE UPROOT THE ENTIRE WING OF OUR GUILD IN THERE?! Some rookie motherfucker fucked us so hard we lost decades of our intricate planning!” Shouted the Dark Association Guild Leader in rage.

“I have investigated him before, when he was just assigned to the duty. There was nothing special about him, Sir. Just a regular paper pusher, with no ambition or special skill. No any special talent. His system is barely worth being accepted into the academy. Has weakness for all three sins: women, gambling and alcohol. Right as he arrived in the region he was under our observation. He never put any effort into his work. Spent his time getting by. Was even noticed playing in underworld casinos. Regular in cheap whorehouses and pubs. Most of the time he was in town he barely left the red-light district and even then he was seen more often drunk to the degree of losing consciousness than sober. There was absolutely nothing suggesting he did any in depth investigations.” Said Lady Nigh Knives.

“Are you saying the fault is entirely on us?” Grumbled one of the voices from the caped people sitting around the table, which earned him a vicious gaze from the Guild Leader, making him gulp nervously. Even though the face of the Guild Leader was hidden under the cape, the man felt a chill crawl down his skin, so he smartly decided to shut up before he lost his head.

“If not yours? Then whose? Have you read the report?! What happened to our rules regarding documents and witnesses!? Where are their Spirit trace erasing artifacts that we spend so much money on? There were papers incriminating each other lying in their offices. Stolen goods in warehouses. Meetings happening in unprotected places with witnesses all around them. Fucking traces that a noob spirit magic user fresh out of Academy like that Lorenz could find! New members without memory blocking magic. Senior Guild members interacting without proxies and showing each other their identities. Having a Guild party gathering with invitation, for crying out loud! Have they all lost their minds?!”

“Those bastards as if they did it on purpose, breaking each and every rule of conduct that we created! What the fuck are you all doing allowing something like that?! What’s happening with our sect's discipline for a god-damn rookie Investigator to uproot the whole branch by a streak of luck?!” Roared the Guild leader. Everyone bowed their heads, not finding anything to tell.

They all read the report and were just as baffled as him. The whole event looked like a streak of collective idiocy from their side, that no one could understand and explain. Their sect fucked up so hard and in so many stupid ways, that the guy named Lorenz, conducting this investigation seemed to be the luckiest guy in the world. He literally fell and stumbled on all kinds of incriminating evidence left by their Guild members all over the place. And if he was at an impasse one of their members would just come out and announce he is working for Dark Association, and point out a few more people. They literally sentenced themselves as effectively as if they were doing the investigation for him, and then dragged him by the hand, presenting him with all the incriminating evidence they could gather on themselves. Were they all tired of living? Was it some kind of collective suicide? The hell is this collective idiocy?

The situation was so deplorable, that Guild had to hurriedly dispatch Lady Night Knives best squad to dispose of those that were already captured, right under the nose of investigators, losing a few most talented assassins in the process. 

At the end of the day they decided to go for preventive actions and silenced the branch leader, Viscount Torez, burning down his household and making sure there were no witnesses and further evidence that might lead to even higher level members of the guild. As the leader of the branch, he was a major hub of information. If even he caught the fever of idiocy of his subordinates, the magnitude of the disaster would have grown exponentially. The Guild decided not to risk it.

Luckily his death did indeed stop the lucky streak of Investigator Lorenz, stalling his investigation and saving at least part of the branch from being exposed. However, this move also effectively “castrated” their Guild in Western Region of Moonstar Country. 

Half a Western region was now free of their guild, thanks to Investigator Lorenz’. The other part of the guild was so frightened the members went into hiding, cutting off all contacts and without the leader of the branch there was no way to connect with them anymore. Many of them no doubt would be leaving the guild now for fear of capture. 

What is worse is that their branch’s underworld bank's documentation has been partially leaked, right before they did a major wipe out. Many of their deals in recent times were exposed implicating their clients in the whole region. This was a major loss of prestige in the underworld circles. And that is when they were finally ready to capture a local black market. 

It all now had to be postponed. The best way of action was to concentrate on other regions and return to the West when all the dust lay down. Which could take months if not years. 

Even now the interrogations of already captured members continued and who knew how many more members would be incriminated more. But at least with the death of Viscount Torez the disaster was localized. Now even when the Royal Investigator comes back he would not be able to proceed further.

The last two weeks event was the biggest crackdown on their guild of all time. And the Lorenz has become a synonym to Doom for their whole Guild.

“The region is a beehive right now. The additional Investigator teams were sent from all over the country. If we move carelessly we might create an even bigger mess.” Said Lady Night Owl. “Investigating that Lorenz would be too dangerous. We risk exposing ourselves further. Any person sent there may be traced to our main branch.”

“Lady Night Owl is right.” Said Lady Night Knives. “It is too dangerous to send any common member of the guild to investigate the cause. We still don’t know what method that Lorenz used to uproot our members. However, the bullshit he composed for the report may be just a bunch of garbage made to lead us by the nose. If that was all a facade, and they devised a strategy to hunt us, the entire guild may be at risk if we don’t find out the truth immediately.”

“You think they may know we have ears in the Investigation Bureau? Is that what this report is? A mockery toward us?” Asked the guild leader.

“That does not seem to be the case. If they did. They’d do a better job at information manipulation. I don’t see a point in them trying to mock us either. That would give them nothing other than to expose the fact that they know of our insider in their midst. It’s illogical.” Said Lady Night Owl.

“Then what the hell is this? What the hell happened there? He really walked from door to door, uprooting our guild step by step? This is some kind of nonsense! Lady Night Knives is right. We need to know if this may happen in other branches. We need to find a solution! If we don’t send anyone it may be too late afterward.” Said Sir Night Tide.

“I agree, but if we can’t send a common member to investigate, then one of us must take this task upon himself!” Said Guild Leader, making everyone face scrunch in displeasure. No one wanted to go there to face several squads of Senior Investigators that already reached the region to back that upstart Investigator Lorenz.

“I will go there myself.” Said Lady Nigh Knives, raising her hand.

Everyone nodded in agreement, silently happy that someone volunteered, saving them from danger. However, they were also sure that no one other than the best ex-shadow of the Saintess herself was more suited for this job. None of the members of the guild had a better suited set of skills to conduct a covert operation under the nose of the best Investigators of the Bureau.

The guild leader looked around the room, stalling his gaze on the sole empty chair of Lady Night Breeze that has not shown up yet again, before sighing. He had to take action soon. Her absence was too costly for the guild.

“Very well. If everyone agrees, I entrust this task to you Lady Night Knives. As for the others, I want you all to get back to your associates and agents and make sure the rules and precautions are followed to the letter.” Said the Guild Leader. “Now tell me what news we have from the North, Sir Night Game? Did you manage to contact the invading force of the Night clan?”

*****

Investigator Lorenz sat on a squeaky chair in the middle of the dark, damp room with no windows. Pair of candles standing on the table near the wall, dimly lit the room just enough to see the person that kept walking around him in circles as a wolf hunting a scared to death fawn. However there was no escape as a mean looking knight standing in front of the door gazed at him with deadly stare, no doubt ready to behead him the moment he so much as simply moved to stand up from the chair.

Another young woman sat behind the candle lit table with a stack of papers and a simple quill of ink, while holding a small wand. Every time she moved the wand, a drop of ink would float out of the bottle and turn into a whole sentence of words on the paper.

“I will ask you one more time and I want an answer that will sound believable. Who do you work for? Who put you up to it? Who recruited you? Who is your contact and curator? What are your masters planning?” Asked the woman patting his shoulder as she walked behind him, making him shiver.

“I…I…D…D…don’t understand what you want to hear, C..Commander Beatrix. I really don’t know anything other tha…than what I reported.” Said Investigator Lorenz, turning to look in the direction of the woman behind him but was slapped on the cheek so hard his head whirled back forward.

The handsome, delicate, almost feminine face that he was always proud of, that helped him score countless women in his life, now had been filled with bruises and collared black and blue, looking absolutely ugly and miserable. 

“Do you take me for a fool here, boy! Give me the fucking names! This is your last fucking chance before I start chopping you part by part until you squeal everything I need!” Said Commander Beatrix.

“I did not do anything! I am loyal! I swear! I swear! I just did a normal investigation! Nothing more! No one put me up to anything! Please! Please!” Cried the young man gazing at the mean looking knight at the door and the girl sitting behind the table, who did not even lift her eyes to look at him this whole time. “I swear! I swear! I am not a traitor!”

“How the fuck do you explain it then? How can you explain all this bullshit that happened here? Ah?! Do you want to make a fool of me and Royal Investigator Lord Belmont, you little fucker!? Is that their plan?”

“I don’t know! I don’t understand anything! What did I do wrong?! Please I just…I don’t understand!” Cried Investigator Lorenz.

“He sounds genuine, teacher.” Said the man at the door. 

Commander Beatrix sighed, walking up to the front of the sitting man and gazing into his eyes.

“He does. Which is more irritating. So you want to know what you did wrong?” She asked of the scarred man.

“Please.” Whispered the man with a shuddering voice.

“Listen here. Lord Belmont himself conducted the investigation in these towns just a few months ago. He dragged traitorous nobles out of their beds, pillaged government buildings finding traces of corruption, hunted down disloyal army commanders, beheaded mob bosses and gang leaders right in the streets, burned down underworld hidden bases together with merchants that conducted illegal business there. He bent this whole fucking county over and fucked it so hard, the god-damn ground has trembled!” Shouted the woman, grabbing the man by his chin and forcing his face up to look at her.

“But you know what he did not find? Not a single damn evidence that would point him at the Dark Association network and their leaders. I will tell you this. I, myself, have hunted Dark Association for years. Among all underworld guilds, this sect possesses the most intricate skills to hide from us. They can erase spirit traces with some kind of demonic magic, erase memory pieces from their lower level members with all kinds of taboo magics and artifacts. Even make them die before we manage to scour through their minds. I’ve found countless small traitorous bastards that did their bidding or took their dirty money without even knowing who asked them to do it or who they really work for. There were people who thought they were asked to go and do something by their long dead grandma. They just forgot she died. That’s how this guild works. They are in the darkness. Always act by proxy. Always cautious. Always ready to flee, cutting off their tails. They are like god-damn slimes spilling through your fingers every time you grab on them.”

“Even if you capture one of them, not a single lead could ever point to the true ringleaders of their local branches. In my entire career, not a single Investigator including me and Lord Belmont himself have managed to uproot the entire branch of Dark Association at once. SO HOW THE FUCK YOU, LITTLE TREACHEROUS PIECE OF SHIT COULD DO IT IN JUST ONE WEEK!? So stop feeding me with bullshit, boy. Did they put you up to it? Is this their scheme? What is their goal? Why did they feed us all these guild members right after taking down Margrave O’Sullivan?” She shouted into his face.

“I don’t know what to say! I swear everything happened just as I described in my report! There was nothing omitted! I swear! If it is some kind of ruse I am not part of it! I swear!”

“I’ve read your report. As did Lord Belmont. That’s why I am here today. Do you even realize how fake this all sounds? Tara read me some of this bullshit.” Said Commander Beatrix, turning to the young woman sitting at the table.

“During the visit to Baron Franco mansion on one of the leads received after the search of previously arrested Baron Richmond, you noticed on his coffee table some documents implying his connection with the underworld network. At the in depth search with a warrant you have found incriminating evidence against Baron Franco as well as facts suggesting another merchant connection to the Dark Association. When you searched the warehouse of said merchant, a great amount of stolen goods was found. Moreover, objects with the crest of the O'Sullivan family have been found. On the very first interrogation, the said merchant has given out a full list of his contacts, safe houses and bases of operation of Dark Association.” Read out the woman from the papers on the table.

“Does it sound like some kind of kindergarten detective story, to you? No?” Asked Commander Beatrix. “Well it sure sounds that way to me!”

“You know what I know about the Dark Association? I know that these bastards are so clever that even if we found one member and pillaged the deepest parts of their mind with Mind Magic, turning them into fucking vegetable, just as I am going to do with you fucker if you don’t start explaining it to me, we usually do not find a single fucking thing that would help us uproot the high level members of Dark Association. With all our skills and abilities we could not find a clue to find their network. With all the power at our disposal, we were not capable of doing it!” Said Commander Beatrix gazing into the terrified eyes of Investigator Lorenz. 

“But you went to piss in the alley and pissed on a Dark Association member. Went to drink tea at Baron’s house and he had incriminating evidence lying on the table. That fucking gang of Big Bill all out screamed in the middle of the street that they are Dark Association members! Maids of noble houses came out and snitched on their masters and even incriminated themselves. Random piece of paper you found falling out of the pocket of one of the men in the pub, had more information on the Dark Association’s network than our whole Investigation Bureau compiled in the year!”

But if that was not convincing enough. Voila! There’s another bonus! The mind search magic proved they were all really guilty! But unlike previous times, none of them had protective spells inside their mind. Barely any of them died in the middle of interrogation, not counting the ones done in by the assassination squad, as happened hundreds of times before. They all happily spilled everything they knew of their guild and their own crimes. What a happy story! Good guys had an easy win! Hurray! Is that what you want me to believe?!” Said Commander Beatrix, slapping his face once again.

“You will tell me what’s going on here, you traitorous piece of shit even if I rip your mind to pieces with my mind magic and turn you into a vegetable. Is that what you want, boy? You want to spend the rest of your life pissing into you pants and spit dripping from the corner of your mouth to the ground? Because if you don’t start talking in five seconds, that’s what I will guarantee to you.” Said Commander Beatrix bending forward to look him in the eyes.

“I don’t know! I really don’t know.” Cried Lorenz with his tears streaming down his cheek. 

“Alright. Be it your way.” Said the woman straightening up and turning to the knight at the door. “Ron, bring me the artifact. He leaves no other choice.”

The knight nodded silently and walked out of the room. Deadly silence spread in the room broken only by the miserable sobs of Investigator Lorenz.

“Fuck, if I knew this would happen I would have just sat home and did not poke my nose into that woman’s business.” Muttered Investigator Lorenz with his head lowered.

“What woman?” Asked Commander Beatrix turning to him suddenly.

“That damn whore, Madam Irene. If not for those rumors about her, I wouldn’t even be there.” He cried. “If I wasn’t there that day I would not even be in all that mess.”

“That…is not in your report.” Said the woman sitting at the table quickly shifting through the pages.

“I…omitted it from my report.” Said Lorenz lifting his head, with a look of shame on his face.

At that moment the door opened and the knight returned with a magical device in his hand offering it to Commander Beatrix, but she asked him to wait with her raised hand and shook her head. The knight nodded and stepped back to the door, still holding the artifact.

“Now we're getting somewhere.” Said Commander Beatrix picking up another chair and shifting to place it in front of the Investigator Lorenz before sitting on it with her legs and arms crossed as she looked him in the eyes. “Who is this Madam Irene and why did you mention her just now?”

“I was just snooping around on some random rumor I heard, that’s why I was in that part of the town that day from the get go. But it turned out to be just a stupid lead. She had nothing to do with the events of my investigation at all. It was just someone's slander.” Said Lorenz

“That is not for you to decide. What I want you to do is to start from the very fucking beginning. What were your thoughts that time? What lead were you following and what brought you to that spot on the day you speak about. Everything that is not in the report. This whole event reek of a set up. If you are not part of it, then someone set you up a great deal. It’s in your best interest to tell me every small detail without forgetting anything if you want to get out of here alive.” Said Commander Beatrix, her voice going softer.

“There were rumors on the street. One of the local brothel owners had some kind of beef with the Town Lord. No one knew exactly what was the reason, but some said it was because she helped the Dark Association somehow. I checked that lead just in case. But all of it turned out to be absolutely baseless slander. At that time the word came that she was gathering other renowned members of the “Trade” from all across the region, for a presentation of her new brand products that she was going to be selling in the Boutiques. She’s somewhat of a local star and has a degree of influence. As her name is quite known, she decided to open up a few shops in different towns not so long ago. All of them mainly do business in cosmetics and…clothes or…apparel. You know the one that you would not normally wear for the walk in the park.

“Erotic underwear, we got it.” Said Commander Beatrix. “What about it?”

“Well considering the rumors that circulated I decided to investigate a bit…but…my face was quite known in the place…”

“We know you’ve been a regular client to almost every whorehouse in the region.” Said Commander with disgust. “Go on.”

“Khem… Well yeah…So, I knew it was dumb idea but just in case her gathering was just some cover up for some criminal meetup I….I….”

“You did what?”

“I…infiltrated their gathering by…pretending to be one of the…”

“Prostitutes. You infiltrated a women only gathering…let me guess by dressing as a woman?” Said Commander Beatrix. A mocking whistle came from behind her. Investigator Lorenz lowered his head too embarrassed to look at everyone present as the man at the door chuckled.

“Shut up, Ron.” Said the girl sitting behind the table at the side, but only when Commander Beatrix turned back and gazed at him seriously did the man immediately straighten up, erasing a mocking smile from his face and going quiet.

“Alright, with your face, I can see it may be possible. I assume that your system is also helpful in that regard. So that’s why you did not write it in the report I presume?” Asked Commander Beatrix, turning back to the interrogated man.

Investigator Lorenz nodded his head in silence.

“Alright. This will not be reflected in any documents.” Said Commander Beatrix and the women at the table tore off a part of the paper and whispered a word. The paper turned to ashes in a split second.

“Tell me the real events.” Said Commander Beatrix. “Start with how you got to the rumors and what rumor, exactly, did you hear? What did you see, hear and find out while crossdressing?”

The man looked at the ashes of the paper that the girl patted away from her palms and looked at the Commander and Knight in front of him before breathing heavily and started to explain his latest actions in the town for several minutes as everyone listened silently.

“Wait. Tell me this, could any of these girls you visited know who you were and where you worked?” Asked Commander, interrupting his story.

“Well, I was quite drunk a few times and may have said a bit too much once or twice.” Said Lorenz with shame written all over his face.

Commander Beatrix sighed, rubbing her forehead.

“You really are an idiot. This whole event is just one idiot on top of another. What the hell kind of investigation is this? Well, continue.” She said and Investigator Lorenz kept explaining all he saw and heard.