Unintended Cultivator - A Xianxia-inspired Cultivation Novel

Sen had, very knowingly, procrastinated about returning to the city. Some of it was that the spirit oxen were always just so happy to see him. That held especially true for the young ones. After getting permission, he even took a few of the boldest calves flying. He didn’t take them very high. He didn’t want one of them to panic and bolt off the qi platform just to fall and hurt themselves. But the ones who took the chance seemed amazed and clustered around him, clearly begging for another turn. It was nice to spend time with beings that had few if any ulterior motives. In the end, though, he knew he had to go back. There was just no getting around it. That didn’t stop him from dawdling on the way back because he’d been able to at least make a good guess about what was waiting for him. His guess was mostly right. Within seconds of landing in the manor courtyard, Lo Meifeng came storming out of the manor with a very fake smile.

“Did you enjoy your afternoon?” she asked in a sickly-sweet voice.

“Parts of it,” Sen hedged.

“I’m so glad to hear it,” she said, the sarcasm so thick it felt physical pressure against Sen’s face. “So, when can we can expect an announcement of the happy news?”

“Happy news?” asked Sen. “What are you talking about?”

“Oh, you haven’t heard yet? You have been away. Let me fill you in. After you very visibly flew out of the city in broad daylight with a foreign ambassador on your arm, people just assumed that you two were running away together. An elopement! Oh, the women were swooning and weeping in envy. Wait, no…” said Lo Meifeng, pressing a finger to her lips, “that wasn’t what really happened. You were taking the ambassador hostage to put pressure on Kanshun. What a loyal friend to the king you are. Wait, wait, no, you took the ambassador out of the city to have a duel. When she came back and you didn’t, it was a sign that you must be dead. Judgment’s Gale, the mighty hero, Lord Lu had been cut down by that evil foreign woman! You must be his restless spirit. Will you stand watch over the armies as we march off to war to avenge you?”

Sen winced. He’d been wrong. This was so much worse than he’d expected.

“You know those stories are absurd. None of that happened,” said Sen.

“Of course, I know that. But it doesn’t matter than I know that. Nobody else knows it!”

“Right,” sighed Sen.

“Just so I have the facts, what did actually happen?” asked Lo Meifeng.

“Well, we went out to this nice spot I know. We had an argument. I threatened her—”

“You threatened her how?”

“I threatened to kill her, her father, pretty much their entire ruling class, and to wipe their nation from the pages of history. But she hates her father, so I’m not sure if that part really counted as a threat,” said Sen with a frown.

Lo Meifeng’s hands curled in a way that suggested she might want to strangle him before she said, “I just… Why would you do that?”

“I was trying to make a point. Actually, I was trying to make a couple of points now that I think about it.”

“I have rarely found I needed to threaten to topple a nation to make a point.”

“Yeah, that argument was sort of complicated. She wants to—” Sen cut himself off as it struck home where they were standing.

Looking around, he could see that all activity had stopped. Everyone was looking at them and, more importantly, listening to them. That might not be an entirely bad thing. At the very least, it should put an end to any rumors that he was carrying on some kind of secret marriage with a foreign ambassador. Even so, who knew what kind of new rumors were going to be started from what they had overheard? They’ll probably have me invading Kanshun single-handedly by tomorrow morning, thought Sen. He cast an unamused look around the courtyard.

“Don’t you have work you should at least pretend to be doing?” he asked in a voice loud enough to carry.

Everyone flinched. People immediately turned their eyes back to whatever task they were performing before they started shamelessly eavesdropping. Sen looked at Lo Meifeng.

“Yes,” she said to his unspoken question. “There is a better place to have this conversation.”

The pair retreated to Sen’s office, where Grandmother Lu was waiting for them. Sen braced himself, even as he put up a minor wind barrier to keep anyone from listening in. It wouldn’t stop sound from escaping, just mangle it up so much it was incomprehensible. He smiled a little as he imagined Pan Shiji’s baffled expression while she pressed an ear to the door. Sen didn’t actually know if she would do something like that, but the thought still amused him. His tiny bit of fun had, though, he turned his attention back to the matter at hand.

“Grandmother,” he said, offering her a shallow bow.

She glared at him with towering disapproval before shaking her head in clear disappointment.

“I can’t believe you, boy. First, you adopt a little girl and don’t bring her to meet me. Now, you don’t even invite me to the wedding?”

Sen groaned aloud and asked, “I’m going to be hearing about this for a while, aren’t I?”

Grandmother Lu cackled in obvious merriment.

“Years, boy. Oh, you’ll be hearing about this for years. Where is that absentee wife of yours, anyway?”

“You’re not angry with me?” he asked, deliberately ignoring the jibe.

“Oh, it was a foolish, absurd thing to do, going off with that woman. But you needed the break.”

Sen studied his feet for a moment before he said, “That obvious?”

“Only to people with eyes,” she said, then added, “or ears.”

“Were you just pretending to be mad at me, too?” he asked Lo Meifeng.

“Oh no. I’m actually mad at you,” she said. “Rumors are truth in politics. You made your life, which effectively means my life, much more difficult today.”

“You seemed a little bored lately,” said Sen. “I was just trying to help.”

Instead of the swift spark of anger he expected, she smiled at him. It was not a nice smile.

“You’re right. I have been bored lately, and I am out of practice with my stealth skills. I’ll be sure to remedy that. Soon.”

Images of being stabbed with daggers, stabbed with swords, or shot with arrows, all of them on fire, flashed through his mind. It’s a good thing I heal fast, thought Sen. Before he could do something smart, like apologize, Lo Meifeng spoke again.

“Now, sit down and explain to us why you thought threatening to declare war on an entire country seemed like a good idea.”

Feeling that he’d pushed his luck enough for one day, Sen did as he was instructed. He explained what happened from beginning to end. His memory was good enough that he could remember the conversations verbatim, so he repeated them. It took a while, and even Lo Meifeng seemed to have calmed down a bit by the end.

“So, then I played with the spirit oxen calves for a while.”

“You mean you procrastinated,” said Lo Meifeng.

“No, I mean I made efforts to reinforce my good relations with the one group of spirit beasts that I know isn’t going to attack me on sight.”

“You mean you procrastinated,” repeated Lo Meifeng.

“Yes, I mean I procrastinated.”

Grandmother Lu hummed a pensive noise before giving Sen a sympathetic look.

“I can understand why you threatened her. Doesn’t mean it was a smart thing to do.”

“Probably not,” admitted Sen. “But the last time I wasn’t extreme in saying no to something like that, I ended up in a room with a dead king.”

“He’s not wrong about that,” said Lo Meifeng. “Even so, the only bright light in this entire thing is that she’s on bad terms with her father. She probably won’t complain to him about you, and he probably wouldn’t listen even if she did. Right now, you’re someone who lives far away that made some vague threats and then admitted following through on them would be pointless.”

Sen almost asked why she wouldn’t complain about him to her father but the reason was obvious enough. She’d have to do a lot of lying to explain how the conversation devolved into threats. Lies she’d have to keep track of. Plus, it wouldn’t get her what she wanted. If her father decided to invade to avenge the insult, the most probable outcome was that Sen himself would decide to make good on his threats. She might end up with a throne in that case, assuming Sen didn’t kill her too, but it’d be a throne with no power.

“So, that’s a good thing, right?” asked Sen.

“That’s the only good thing,” said Lo Meifeng. “Just because Kanshun probably isn’t going to be a problem, there’s still the other problem.”

“What’s the other problem?”

“Half of those rumors have painted you out to be some kind of dashing seducer,” said Grandmother Lu with a laugh. “There will be women lined up outside the gates, just hoping you’ll notice them.”

Turning a panicked look toward Lo Meifeng, Sen said, “This is a problem.”

“Welcome to the future you made for me,” said Lo Meifeng, glaring at him.