Upside Down – Alternate Destiny

Chinatsu leads me downstairs to the dining room, where we find our parents sitting at the table drinking tea and talking quietly, which stops the moment they notice us. Looking at Dad, I can tell he’s upset and worried. Mom, well, it’s easy to see that she’s been crying.

Chinatsu lets go of my hand to head to the kitchen while I walk over to the table where my parents are. Mom turns a little and opens her arms. Climbing into her lap, she wraps me up in her arms while I rest my head on her shoulder.

A few moments later, Chinatsu brings me a glass of water. Turning, I sit with my back against Mom with her arms around my waist and take the glass from Chinatsu. After taking a sip, my body demands more, and I drain the glass without taking a breath.

“Thank you. Can I have another, please? Oh, and a couple of aspirin too. I have a headache, and my stomach hurts.” I tried to speak normally, but it came out as a hoarse whisper. Chinatsu glances at Mom, then nods and takes the glass back to the kitchen to refill it.

Dad gently asks, “Are you alright, Sora?”

“I think so, or hope I am. I have a headache, my stomach hurts, and my throat is really sore. Probably from crying so much.”

At least my voice was a little stronger that time. Chinatsu brings back the glass with some aspirin, hands them to me, and sits down next to us. I take them with a drink and begin to speak.

“I’m sorry, I know everyone is worried about me.” I pause to collect my thoughts for a moment, then continue, “I have no idea why I’m so afraid of Mr. Akiyama. The second I saw him, I was frightened. I thought it was just my anxieties, but I completely lost it when he called me Ms. Ito, and my instincts were screaming at me to run away.” I shrug. “I dunno, there has to be a reason…”

Dad nods as I trail off from what I was saying. I need to get through this because I can’t keep upsetting my family. I’ve never been like this before. Yeah, I’m afraid a lot, but I can usually force my way through it. I might have regained a small measure of composure, but even thinking about this has me wanting to cry and hide.

“Sweetheart, you don’t have to worry about Akiyama. Neither he nor his people will come near you unless you say they can. Believe me, I’ll never allow someone to touch you without your permission. I’m so sorry that I even brought him here.”

Honestly, it makes me feel a little better to know that he won’t be coming around again, so I give him a small smile as I tell him, “You couldn’t have known what would happen. No one knew. As far as I know, that was the first time I’ve ever seen him, and yet, here we are. So, please, don’t blame yourself.”

“Nonetheless, I’m sorry… Your mother told me that you want to see a psychologist. If you want, I can make a call to Dr. Sato to have him set up an emergency appointment with a female psychologist for tomorrow morning.”

“Thank you. The sooner, the better. I need to get to the bottom of all of this, or I’m going to be a basket case.” I snort and smile self-deprecatingly. “It isn’t as if I’m not already one, but just being even slightly more normal would be awesome.” I spread my arms as I continue, "Truthfully, I don’t know exactly what I’m after, but I have to wonder if being normal is even possible for me.”

Dad looks at me oddly for a moment, nods, then takes out his phone and says, “Okay, let me make a call.”

While he steps into the hallway, Chinatsu says, “Mom, I’m supposed to go back to school tomorrow, but I can’t leave her like this.”

Of course, I immediately tense up in Mom’s arms while thinking, ‘What? She’s going to leave me? No! I can’t do this without her!’

“Sora, relax… Chinatsu, I’ll call the school tomorrow morning and extend your leave of absence. I don’t think it would do much good for you to go back to school. You wouldn’t be able to concentrate on your studies, and there’s no way I’d separate you two as things stand.”

“Thank you,” I quietly say with my head bowed.

I really don’t think I can get through this without my sister. I realize it isn’t fair to put such a heavy burden on her, but honestly, without her, I wouldn’t even be this functional. Let alone be able to leave the house without her beside me.

I pick up my water and finish it. Then I ask, “Chinatsu, would you take a bath with me?”

“I’d already planned to. Are you ready?”

I nod and state, “Yes.”

“Okay. Let me go get us a change of clothes. Do you want another nightgown or clothes?”

“Clothes, please. I don’t really want to parade around in a nightgown all day.”

“Okay. I’ll start filling the tub and grab us a change of clothes. I’ll come to get you when everything’s ready.”

“Thanks.”

Dad walks back into the room and puts down his phone. “Okay, Dr. Sato added a colleague to the call. She canceled an appointment to fit you in. Your appointment is at NTI Medical Center with Dr. Sasaki Airi at 10:00 tomorrow. Do you want me to go with you, too?”

I slowly shake my head. I’m grateful that he’s offering, but I reply, “No, thank you. You’ve missed enough work because of me already, and I should be okay with Mom and Chinatsu there.”

“Sora, you are more important than work. I can always reschedule what I have to do. So, are you sure?”

Looking down at my lap, I murmur, “Honestly, I’d feel better if you were there, but I don’t want you to miss work over me either. I’m overly dependent on everyone here, and I’m scared most of the time. The only time I feel even remotely safe is when I’m surrounded by all of you.” I sigh heavily as I look up and into his eyes. “Now, I think I could be the only one in a bomb shelter, and I still wouldn’t feel safe.”

I pause, clench my fists tightly as they lay on my lap, and continue, “A lot of things have happened to me in a very short period of time from my point of view. For me, I passed out in my hallway and woke up like this just a few moments later. It’s been a bit more than a week since then… I haven’t been able to come to terms with everything that’s happened. I swear to you, I’m trying, but so many things just keep piling up. It isn’t like I’m refusing to accept what I am, cause I do. I don’t have a choice in the matter, it’s just… I don’t know… I can’t really explain it that well, but I’m sure that if I don’t get some help, this incident with Mr. Akiyama might very well be the final crack that breaks me.”

I take a slow, deep breath, force my hands to unclench, and attempt to relax. Then I continue, “I’m lost here. Why am I so terrified of him? I don’t remember ever meeting him, so it makes no sense. I had very little control of my emotions before this, but now, I have none whatsoever. Right now, I’m cried out and completely numb, so maybe that’s why I can even talk about this. I…Ahem~ I’m so done with being afraid of everything. I’m sick of the status quo.” Even though I just said that I’m out of tears, they form unbidden again, and dribble down my cheeks. “This… It just has to stop. I can’t do this anymore. I just can’t.”

Dad looks at me with a thoughtful expression. “Sora, you are extremely smart, but Sweetheart, you’re only thirteen years old. No one ever gets through life on their own. No one could. We all require support. I have your mother, you children, my friends, and my coworkers. You’ve been trying to shoulder a burden no one could possibly carry alone. We’ll always be on your side. No matter how old you are, you’ll always be our little girl, and you can always rely on us.”

Even as tears continue to dribble down my cheeks, I smile and nod. We all have our support systems. My main one is Chinatsu, and I’m hers. We both depend on our parents too. Who knows who else will be added to that list in some undefined future.

I glance at the doorway and see Chinatsu standing there. She smiles when I look at her and begins walking toward us, then asks, “Are you ready to take a bath now?”

I brush away my tears, nod in reply, turn to Mom, wrap my arms around her, and murmur, “Thanks Mom, I love you.” Then I go over to Dad, tell him the same thing, and hug him. Taking Chinatsu’s outstretched hand, I follow her to the bathroom.

　◇ ◆ ◇ ◆ ◇ ◆ ◇

[Monday, May 13th, 10:00]

After checking in with the receptionist, we take a seat. Dad ended up coming with us. A few minutes later, a lady comes out of the inner office and walks over to us.

“Good morning. I’m Dr. Sasaki.”

We all return her greeting.

“Which one of you is Sora?” she asks, glancing between Chinatsu and I.

“I’m Sora,” I reply to her.

Dad interrupts when he asks, “Excuse me, Dr. Sasaki, may I speak to you in your office for a minute before you talk to Sora?”

“Of course, Mr. Kobayashi.”

Dad stands and follows her into her office. A few minutes later, they come back out.

“Sora, would you come with me, please?” she says with a smile.

I won’t go into all of the details of what we talked about. You should already know some of what I told her. Suffice it to say, we talked for about ninety minutes before she stopped me and asked me to go sit in the waiting room. She then asks my parents to come into her office. They stand and follow her into her office and close the door.

[Eiji’s POV]

“Please, take a seat,” she says as she gestures to a loveseat while she sits down in a chair opposite it.

“So, Sora has a lot of issues, some of which I’m sure you’re aware of. She’s a very bright little girl and quite analytical in nature… However, at present, that’s making her situation just that much worse. She has no idea who she is anymore. What I mean by that is the identity she built up for the last thirteen years disappeared in an instant as far as she’s concerned. She has no idea how to rebuild her identity and is making it up as she goes along. Honestly, the only reason she’s remotely stable is because of Chinatsu and, to a slightly lesser extent, you two.”

She takes a breath and looks at each of us. “She’s striving to adapt to her new reality, rebuild her identity, and not disappoint or worry you three in the process. She accepts that she’s a girl and there’s no way to go back, and that she has no choice except to live as one.

“She’s amazingly resilient. I say that because even in cases where people feel that they were born as the wrong gender, there’s a constant internal struggle over who and what they are or were. That’s the primary reason why the suicide rate is so high for them. I can’t see any sign of an internal struggle for her trying to remain as who she was. I think a part of that is her intelligence and personality type.

"Another factor is likely Chinatsu. When she retold a conversation between the two of them where Chinatsu told Sora that she was happy that she was her sister, she was all smiles. It was easy to see that it made her happy.”

She takes another deep breath and continues. “I can’t guarantee that I’m right here, but my feeling is that without you three, she would have tried to kill herself. This is depressing and highly stressful for her, so it’s understandable that she might consider it an option. I didn’t tell you that to scare you, but to give you an indication of how important you are to her.”

She stops for a moment, looking pensive. “As to why she’s so afraid and timid. That isn’t so clear. I believe that it most probably stems from an incident that was extremely traumatic for her. One bad enough that her mind repressed all memory of it. We’ll need to uncover what that is so that we can deal with the issue. Whatever it is made her feel as if people are untrustworthy and to be feared.”

“Okay, we understand that, but if she repressed the memory, I don’t get how we can do anything. We’ve got a rough idea of when it happened, but not why. This began around the time when her parents had to work a lot more and were hardly ever around. Since then, she basically withdrew from society, became timid, and thought everyone was going to hurt her. For a time, I thought she might be bipolar, but there was nothing else to indicate that. She, and her parents, refused to discuss the matter when we brought it up, so we eventually just dropped it.”

She nods and leans forward in her seat. “Mr. Kobayashi, I don’t often recommend this, but in this case, I believe it’s warranted. Hypnotherapy will allow us to quickly find out what the problem is so that we can deal with it.”

“Alright. Will you be the one to do it?”

“If you approve, then yes. I assumed you didn’t want anyone else involved with her case. After all, you did have me sign a Nondisclosure Agreement, even though it wasn’t strictly necessary. I’m a professional and would never talk about a case with anyone other than family without explicit approval or a crime being involved.”

I quirk an eyebrow as I look at Haruka to see what she thinks.

She takes a moment to answer, but finally states, “If you are sure that it will help her and won’t hurt her more than she already is. She’s right on the edge, and I don’t believe she can handle much more.”

“My wife is right. Sora’s extremely fragile right now, and she’s been through too much in too short a period of time. Honestly, I believe she’s about to drown… Alright, we approve.”

“I’ll do my best not to hurt her, I promise. Even so, dragging this back out into the light will be painful for her. I can mitigate a lot of that with hypnosis, but it’s one of those situations where you can’t know until you’ve done it. So, do you still want to do this?”

I glance at Haruka again, and she nods. “We do, but in the end, this should be Sora’s decision.”

“I was hoping you’d say that. Allowing her to make the decision gives her a sense of agency in her life. That said, I’ve already asked Sora about it, and she said yes, but only if both of you agree. One other thing: she wants Chinatsu to be with her during her sessions. I don’t really think it’s a good idea, but the whole time I was talking to her earlier, she was tense and wary. It felt like she thought I’d attack her. I’ve never dealt with someone so suspicious of everyone. So, if it helps her relax, I’m willing to allow it.”

“It will, and yes, they need each other. They always have.”

She nods. “Okay. Next question: when do you want to begin? Dr. Sato implied that her case was extremely important, so if you want, I’ll clear my schedule, and we can start immediately.”

“I think that would probably be best. I took the day off, so I'll be here if she needs me.”

I look at Haruka, who nods hesitantly. “It’s Sora’s decision as to whether to start today.”

“Alright, then why don’t we ask her and go from there?” the doctor said while standing up.

We stand as well and follow her back out to the waiting room. Chinatsu and Sora are sitting beside each other, holding hands. Sora looks at us, waiting for us to say something.

“Sora, did Dr. Sasaki explain what she wanted to do?”

“Yes, she did.”

“She wants to do this today. Is that alright with you?”

“Yes. I want to do this as soon as possible, but I want Chinatsu to be there with me, too.”

“We don’t mind. Chinatsu?”

“Of course, I’ll go with her if she wants me to.”

I turn to look at Dr. Sasaki. “Well, you have your answer, so make whatever arrangements you need to.”

Haruka glances at her watch and says, “It’s almost lunchtime. Why don’t we meet you back here in about an hour, and you can begin then.”

“Sounds good to me. I’ll see you then.”

As we’re walking down the hallway to the elevator, Chinatsu brings up another subject.

“Umm… Mom, should we reschedule Sora’s physical therapy appointment?”

“It completely slipped my mind with everything that’s happened. Let’s stop by the reception desk and do that. Thanks for reminding me, Chinatsu.”