Vaudevillain

“Stretch?” Antonia asked.

“My friend here can shapeshift,” Gameset said.

“Ah, yes, I see,” Mycroft said. “That ability is murder on conventional fabrics.”

“I don’t murder!” Approximo exclaimed. “I am a hero.”

“A figure of speech, Prox,” Gameset said. “Sorry, he’s still not used to Earth customs.”

Antonia gasped. “A visitor from another planet! How exotic! Tell me, how does Earth compare to your home?”

“We don’t need to get into that,” Gameset said hastily. She just knew that her companion would put his foot in his mouth and offend these two.

“Oh, but I insist!” Antonia said. She clapped her hands and gestured for Approximo to sit beside her. “You wouldn’t believe how drab things get in this city.”

“Prox…” Gameset warned.

“But she insists,” Approximo said, already moving to sit. “And she is requesting so nicely.”

“Yes!” Antonia said. “Cordiality is vitally important to us.”

“So I am told,” Approximo said.

“Enough about manners,” Mycroft said. “Tell us, what makes Earth so unique?”

“Oh, that is hard. There are so many,” Approximo said. The hero furrowed his brow to think.

“This where we supposed to wait?” Of a Kind said, stepping into the room.

“Of course,” Mirror Mirror said, stepping in after. “The shopkeeper led us straight here.”

“Dudes, check out the decorations,” Firestarter said.

“Oh, hello friends!” Approximo waved. “I was just telling Antonia and Mycroft about the uniqueness of Earth!”

The two aristocrats looked warily at Of a Kind and Firestarter. The two heroes waved cordially but otherwise went about their business. Mirror Mirror, however, joined the conversation.

“A pleasure to meet the two of you,” the heroine said. “I am Mirror Mirror a teammate of Approximo here.”

“Charmed, I’m sure,” Antonia said. “Now, Approximo, you were saying?”

“Oh yes. I find your fascination with rocks very unique,” the hero replied.

Mycroft tilted his head slightly in befuddlement. “You don’t say?”

“Oh yes,” Approximo continued. “Putting such a high price on something as simple as a diamond. It’s truly unique. My planet uses machines to mine the essence of stars, and carbon byproducts like diamonds are common.”

Dylan chuckled as he continued to talk. Acting like a clueless person was fun. He could tell that both Antonia and Mycroft were losing that cheerful fascination and gaining a polite mask of cordiality. Dylan wasn’t about to stop, however. Approximo wouldn’t notice the obvious change in demeanor from the NPCs.

“Yes, it was surprising to see so many diamonds used as jewelry. Perhaps something so common would be used for children, diamonds are so wonderfully hard, but most adults would adorn themselves in stabilized versions of materials with short half-lives.”

Approximo continued to talk until a crashing sound came from behind the sitting room. Instantly, the heroes were on high alert. The sound came from behind the far wall in the sitting room, and it was soon apparent that a scuffle was going on.

“Unhand me, cad!” a flippant voice shouted.

“Uh oh,” Gamset said. “Sounds like trouble.”

“Then we should be stopping it!” Approximo said.

“Agreed. Think you can shift into something that’ll break the wall down?” Gameset asked Approximo.

The hero looked around the room, his eyes landing on the couch. “Maybe.”

Dylan activated Approximo’s power, changing his arm into that of a couch as he swung down. The force bit into the drywall, sending chips throughout the room and giving the model pictures a unique makeover. Antonia hiccuped in surprise while Mycroft put a hand over his mouth in shock. Approximo tried again, shifting his arm back before winding up for another strike.

This time the wall fell through, revealing a finely dressed tailor being manhandled by two players.

“Cease your evil!” Approximo shouted.

The two players turned. “Aw, man,” the first said. “I told you this was a bad idea!”

“Shut it,” the second said. “Just work on getting the guy out of here. I’ll deal with these and—“

The sounds of shutters slamming throughout the building drowned out whatever the player had to say. A mechanical whirring followed, and Dylan saw a veritable army of mannequins come to life. They moved toward the players holding the crafter.

“I told you it was too easy!” the first shouted.

“Shut up unless you have something helpful to say!” the second roared. He leaped at the mannequins, his body shimmering to form five others that stepped away from him. Each copy glowed a different color and wore a different emotion on their face. Approximo watched as one of the copies, colored red, dove straight into the incoming mannequins and exploded.

“RAAAAGH!” the copy shouted.

The blue copy sobbed, its tears growing to the size of basketballs and launching at the mannequins. The yellow copy screamed in terror, its shriek rippling the air and sending enemies flying. The green copy made a face at the mannqueins and threw a hand up, stopping the ones coming at them in their track. Finally, the pink copy doubled over in laughter, which seemed to buff up the other’s powers.

The kidnapper still holding Sir Worth sighed and pulled stones out of their inventory. The stones started to swirl around the player, magical effects appearing around him as the stones moved. A mannequin, having somehow gotten on the ceiling, fell toward the player. Without looking, the player took a step to the side, letting the mannequin fall to the ground. A laser blasting from the stone quickly removed the mannequin from the player’s presence.

“What should we do?” Of a Kind asked, moving up next to Approximo.

Dylan looked back at the NPCs, noticing they were cowering behind the couch. He turned back to see some of the mannequins moving their way, their intentions less than friendly.

“We should protect these civilians,” Approximo said. “If it seems like those two villains are getting away, we split up.”

“You know you shouldn’t split the party,” Gameset said. “But I agree in this case.”

“Prox should stay back if things happen,” Firestarter said. “I bet he can spread out the most to keep these guys outta danger.”

Approximo nodded. “Understood.”

The group spread out in front of the broken wall, readying themselves as the mannequins came close. Sure enough, the automated defenses were unable to tell the difference between the kidnappers and the heroes. Scissor bladed hands folded out of the mannequins’ arms as they moved close, their edges glinting sharply in the light. Gameset pulled a longsword and shield out of her inventory and Firestarter crafted fire in his hands. Mirror Mirror copied the pyromaniac hero, mimicking his moves. Of a Kind started with a duplicated grenade.

The explosion sent many of the mannequins flying. Approximo opened his mouth to say congratulations, but stopped when most of the mannequins in the explosion started to stand.

“Looks like they’re made of strong stuff,” Of a Kind said. It didn’t stop him from tossing another duplicated grenade into the pile. “I’ll deal with crowd control and try to limit the ones coming at us.”

Firestarter leaped forward. “No worries, dude! We’re going to melt these guys into slag!”

The hero leaned away from a bladed arm and grabbed, flaring his power. The arm grew red hot but stayed attached. Firestarter grunted, pouring more stamina into the fire. Finally, after much too long a time, the arm melted away.

“Okay, these guys have some protection,” Firestarter said with a huff.

Mirror Mirror, back in her base form after Firestarter jumped in, transformed to Gameset, matching the woman’s shielded stance.

“Hold on, let me try something now,” Approximo said.

The hero looked at the severed arm, shifting his own arm to match. He stepped past Gameset and Mirror Mirror then stabbed at a mannequin. The alien had a height advantage on the incoming dolls, which gave him enough reach to stab while avoiding retaliation. The transformed arm pierced through the mannequin’s defenses.

Dylan smiled, pulling back and kicking the severed arm. “Duplicate the arm!”

Of a Kind obeyed, scooping the arm and using his power to create enough duplicates for everyone.

“Gameset, Mirror Mirror, hold them off with me,” Approximo said. “Firestarter, can you melt the arm to look like a spear or javelin?”

“Totally, dude!” Firestarter grinned.

“Oh, I see where you’re going with this,” Gameset smiled.