Vaudevillain

“You know, it doesn’t look much like a tower,” Riptide said as the group looked up. “It’s kinda short.”

“It’s a relic from a bygone era,” Sweet Dream said. “It was probably plenty tall back then.”

The Tower of Londinium sat on the edge of the river that ran through the city. Guards dressed in towering black hats and red coats marched along with robotic, steam-powered guard dogs. Tourists, and you could tell they were tourists by their fashion, milled about the area taking pictures on unwieldy cameras. Every once and a while, an eager tourist would attempt to walk through the front gates or climb over the railing that surrounded the historic site only to find themselves thrown out by the zealous guards.

Dylan took the crowd in before turning to look at the building properly. Vert had done a decent job of recreating the historic building but had added a more stylized flair. The parapets on the towers were made of metal, not stone, with pipes running through them. Said pipes continued around the walls, weaving through the brick like a shirt stitching. Periodically, Dylan saw steam hiss out of the pipes, likely powering something around the walls.

Looming over the walls was the main building, the Tower of Londinium itself. It too had the telltale steampunk treatment. However, the piping here ran around the building like ivy, and in fact much of the piping was covered in the titular plant. It seemed the ivy was using the pipes as a watering can, and Dylan wondered how they dealt with the heat.

“Okay, so this quest is instanced,” Oro said.

“Why’s this one instanced but the last one wasn’t?” Dylan asked.

Oro shrugged. “Beats me. The forums are complaining about it like crazy, though. Most of them want Vert to make all the main quests instanced.”

“I kinda like everything being open world,” Jack commented. “It makes it all seem more real.”

“I’m with ya there,” Dylan said. “Dr. Zlo couldn’t have half the fun he does if these quests were removed from the main world.”

“Whatever the case, we start this quest by talking to the head guard,” Oro said.

“You think its the one with the biggest hat?” Sweet Dream snarked.

Riptide laughed. “No, dude. It’s the biggest dog of course!”

“I know an easy way to find out,” Dylan said.

Everyone turned to look at him. Dylan straightened, adopting his Approximo persona. He meandered over to the closest guard with an amicable smile.

“Excuse me, could you tell me where the guard captain is? We have to speak with him.”

The guard kept a straight face.

“Oh, you won’t get much out of him!” one of the tourists chirped. “They have to keep a straight face at all times!”

“But their face is still so round,” Approximo commented. “And my friends and I have to speak to the chief guard. We have important information for him.”

The tourist smiled and wrapped his arm around the hero. “Oh, well in that case you could wait with Ron and I until the ceremony of the keys! We’re here on a retirement trip. Ron’s got family this way and we figured it would be nice to see them along with the sights. Isn’t that right, Ron?”

A second tourist, a man dressed in a shirt that said ‘I heart Londinium’ and an expression that matched the tower stones, nodded.

“Oh, Ron and I have had a lovely time of it here,” the tourist continued. Dylan noticed they also wore an ‘I heart Londinium’ shirt and a large belt bag. The tourist reached into the bag and retrieved a map that was somehow larger than the bag itself.

“We’ve been to all sorts of places today. Saw the globe at the theater further in the city, and the great Ferris Wheel as well. Ron says it used to be a waterwheel before the city went all steam power but I think he’s making a joke.”

Approximo looked at Ron’s face and couldn’t for the life of him find anything funny about the man. “That’s nice to hear.”

“Everything alright, Prox?” Gameset asked. “Did you get an answer to your question?”

“Oh, are these your friends?” the tourist asked. “How nice! You’re all dressed in such distinct clothes. I’m Leroy, and that’s my dear Ron. We’re on his retirement trip and seeing the sights. In fact, I was just explaining where we went to your friend Prox here. He’s such a delight!”

“Dude, this guy’s great!” Firestarter laughed. “We should use him to talk Dr. Zlo’s ear off!”

Mirror Mirror chided her companion. “Don’t be rude.”

“Oh, don’t worry,” Leroy said. “I know I can be a bit of a chatterbox. Ron tells me it all the time, don’t you, Ron?”

Ron nodded.

“Leroy explained that we can meet the chief guard if we wait for the Ceremony of Keys,” Approximo explained, quickly getting a word in edgewise before Leroy could speak again.

“And then I suggested he wait here with us,” Leroy started. “It’s so nice to meet new people, you know. Why just the other day Ron and I had tea with a very distinguished scientist. He talked all about his inventions and how with them he could travel the world in eighty days! I said that was rather impressive, making something that made travel longer. The journey does always seem to be the important part. Isn’t that right, Ron?”

Of a Kind pulled Gameset to the side. “Are we really going to sit here and listen to this guy talk until Dr. Zlo gets here?”

“Don’t you want to see where this goes?” Gameset asked.

“I’d rather not have my ear talked off,” Of a Kind answered.

“But dude,” Firestarter interjected with a whisper, “this is great. Look at Mirror’s face.”

The three turned to see Mirror Mirror’s eye twitching in annoyance. The woman was trying to be polite, but it was clear that Leroy’s constant chatter was trying her patience.

“You think this is her villain origin story?” Firestarter joked.

“That’s not very nice,” Gameset chuckled. “Come on, let’s find a way to put a hold to the conversation.”

“I think I saw a mugging in a nearby alley,” Of a Kind said. “Or at least some graffiti we could remove.”

“Perfect,” Gameset said. In louder voice, she called. “Guys, I think someone’s getting attacked in that alley back there!”

“What!” Approximo shouted. “We can’t have that! Come on, everyone!”

The group ran off, leaving Leroy and Ron behind.

“It seems they were a group of heroes, dear,” Ron said.

“Oh, you think so? I guess I should have expected with such colorful clothing,” Leroy said.

“It’s understandable that you wouldn’t,” Ron said. “Fashion these days is all over the place. Just the other day I saw a man in a top hat and monocle flying across the rooftops.”

“Goodness, what a character,” Leroy said.

“Thank god you got us out of there,” Of a Kind said.

“As much as I loathe to speak ill of others, Leroy did have a bit too much to say,” Mirror Mirror said.

“Yeah, dude. It was great!” Firestarter laughed. “We should use him to talk Dr. Zlo into submission!”

“It would work, too,” Of a Kind said.

“Halt, villain!” Approximo shouted as he rounded the alleyway.

“I doubt anyone’s there, Prox,” Of a Kind said.

Approximo gasped. “Are you saying that you lied? I have it on good authority that if you do your pants go up in flames! Quick, Firestarter we need your help!”

“That’s just a saying, Prox,” Gameset said. “And Of a Kind only lied so could escape Leroy and his constant chatter.”

“I rather enjoyed the conversation,” the alien hero said.

“You were probably the only one,” Of a Kind answered. “And now we can prepare. I have a hunch Dr. Zlo is going to come during the ceremony of the keys.”

“You too, then?” Gameset said. “It does seem the most likely.”

“How should we prepare, then?” Mirror Mirror asked.

“Well, that trick we pulled with you and Prox worked excellently,” Gameset said. “When Dr. Zlo attacks, Prox can transform into a spear, you mirror him and then I throw Prox while holding onto you. That would bring all of us straight to the fight.”

“Without good backup,” Of a Kind said. “Firestarter and I would have a hard time covering you all.”

“Yeah, dudes,” Firestarter said. “Plus, we still don’t have a lot of firepower.”

“That’s not entirely true,” Mirror Mirror said. “Remember, I can’t be stopped when I’m mirroring someone. If I transform into Gameset again and she shadow boxes we should have no trouble at all.”

“That would mean keeping Gameset safe,” Approximo said.

“Mirror,” Gameset said. “What’s the furthest distance you can transform?”

“You know, I never checked,” Mirror Mirror said.

Gameset grinned. “I think we should. I’m getting an idea.”