What We Do to Survive

My second-to-last class with Professor Williams was about as uninteresting as I had expected it to be. There were two rituals planned back-to-back, performed by two unremarkable third years with whom I’d exchanged perhaps a dozen total words despite having taken several of the same classes.

The first went well from what I could tell. It was about as simple as this sort of sacrificial enhancement rituals could get. The odd-looking bat creature he sacrificed apparently had the unusual ability of ‘hearing’ mana instead of sensing it in the more traditional sense. From what I could see of his circle, it seemed like the gray-haired girl was also angling to acquire some of its more mundane sensory enhancements as well, though there were only a half-dozen runes dedicated to that portion of the ritual.

The second ritual resulted in our class’s latest fatality. Even before he began his casting, it was clear to see that the lanky third year had copied a lot from the work of Erna, one of Professor Williams’s protégés who had demonstrated a sacrificial ritual for us about halfway through the semester. Furthermore, his runework was… sloppy. Not bad per se, but I could see two different places where the mana flows would clash without even really examining it. Such issues could be ironed out during the casting itself, but they were a bad sign.

I never did get to see if his casting was as sloppy as his preparations. He had only just begun charging the ritual circle when the decrepit-looking goblinoid he’d planned to sacrifice managed to slip a hand out from the cuffs holding its arms behind its back and promptly ran one dirty, dagger-like claw across the back of his exposed ankle.

The off-green mana slowly pouring into the prepared ink pulsed and twisted. For a moment, I thought that he might be able to maintain control of the ritual. Then he let out a piercing cry of pain and collapsed to the ground.

Professor Williams’s shield spell snapped into place, a dome of barely visible sand fully enclosing the ritual circle. Seconds later, most of our class was similarly encased in protective bubbles as everyone realized what was about to happen. My mana spun, a tight shell of woven blue tendrils forming around me like armor. Though it looked impressive, I could feel the painfully obvious faults in its construction, a sign of my still-recovering mana core.

Thankfully, there was no need to test the strength of my defenses. The ritual detonated in a spectacular burst of green and red. Viscera from both our former classmate and the goblin sacrifice splattered against the dome Professor Williams had erected and then slid slowly down to puddle on the floor.

We sat in silence as a storm of swirling green mana raged on for several long minutes. Then, it slowly dissipated, leaving behind an empty dome scoured clean of ink and life alike. Professor Williams finally let her spell drop and turned to look over at us. “Well, that was an exciting way to end the class, hmm?” she said cheerfully. “Normally I’d ask for an essay on what exactly went wrong, but I think we all saw what happened here so I’ll let you all off, just this once.” She winked conspiratorially, then loudly clicked her tongue. “Well, I guess we’re done a little early today, why not. You lot have enough on your plates as it is. Class dismissed.”

I tried to leave immediately, but Camille cornered me before I could hurry out of the ritual chamber. Thankfully, she was just as loaded with work as I was, so we simply agreed to meet sometime next week to ‘talk about things properly’.

Then, it was time for something I’d been unintentionally putting off for several days now. I needed to go see Lea and reassure her that I was alright and that everything was fine. Apparently, Miranda had let slip that she was away taking care of me this past weekend and Lea had been growing increasingly frantic and worried in the days since.

I did feel somewhat bad about it, even though the situation had been unfortunately unavoidable. It had been an entire week since I’d visited her last, and she’d been stuck in a small, windowless room all this with just Miranda for company. Miranda was doing what she could, but I had at least temporarily vetoed the idea of putting my friend into stasis or some other form of suspended animation, so there was only so much even my very capable succubus could manage.

After briefly stopping by my room for a change of clothing and a shower––my clothing stank of Brenda’s perfume––I made my way over to Miranda’s room. She was probably not back there yet, my class had let out nearly an hour early and hers was unlikely to have done the same, but that shouldn’t be a problem. Perhaps it was even better for me to meet Lea without her present.

I slipped silently into Miranda’s room and, for the second time since I’d brought Lea to Avalon, immediately wished I had been just a little bit less hasty. It was undeniable that my childhood friend had grown into an absolutely stunning young woman. She had the sort of figure that most people needed high-level shape changing magic and illusions to achieve, with perfect clear and smooth skin, curves in all the right places, and just the right mix of fat and muscle that drew the eye to her long legs and slender waist.

At the moment, both of those features, as well as most of her other ‘assets’, were rather prominently on display. Lea was clearly not expecting company, or perhaps she was just expecting Miranda’s company judging by what I suspected was the double-ended dildo Miranda had mentioned when I’d caught the two of them enjoying themselves lying on the bedside table.

My friend was sitting up on Miranda’s bed, butt naked and utterly engrossed in a slender book with a bright red cover. She had the hand not holding her book buried between her legs, knees up in the air and legs spread wide as she rather aggressively pumped something in and out. Over the rather loud squelching, I could hear her breathing come in ragged gasps and her bare feet were kicking and twitching against the white sheets.

I closed my eyes and sighed silently. I just knew that this was going to be a whole mess and there wasn’t much I could do to avoid it. I had no issues with seeing Lea like this, I’d never really had many issues with nudity in the past and between some of my classes, Rea, and my cows, I had grown mostly inured to it, but I had a feeling that Lea wasn’t going to quite see it that way. She’d been horribly embarrassed about it last time, and this time it was just the two of us without Miranda’s utterly shameless behavior to help put her at ease.

Well, unfortunately there was probably no helping it. I opened my eyes and loudly cleared my throat. “Good afternoon Lea, sorry to interrupt. Don’t mind me, I’m just going to take a seat while you finish up.” The moment the words were out of my mouth something told me that there was probably a better way of phrasing what I was trying to say. Unfortunately it was probably a bit too late for that now.

Lea’s book snapped closed, followed a moment later by her knees as she let out a high pitched eep and frantically moved to cover herself. “Orion!” she cried out, her already flushed cheeks burning a rosy red, “I didn’t hear–– I didn’t realize you were coming!”

Lea’s head swung back and forth rapidly, looking between me and the bed around her. I could see a familiar dress lying balled up on the floor near the foot of the bed, her discarded undergarments scattered around it. After a moment, Lea simply wrapped the blanket she was lying on up around her waist and futilely attempted to hide her breasts behind one slender forearm.

I took a few steps towards the bed, making Lea’s big blue eyes widen, then leaned down and scooped up her dress. “Here,” I told her. I gently shook it out, then tossed it over to land beside her. Smiling faintly, I made a point of turning around and folding my hands behind my back. “Sorry about that, I got out of class a bit early and wanted to come see you as soon as I could. I promise I won’t look.”

I heard a soft rustle of cloth behind me and then Lea’s arms wrapped around my shoulders. I had to stop myself from reflexively blasting her with a force lance at the sudden contact; even Brenda made sure that I could always see her coming when she threw herself at me. It was just another sign of how much my control had degraded, my mana sense should have warned me she was moving before she’d crossed the bed, not only once she was within arm’s reach.

“It's alright,” Lea whispered softly, her mouth almost uncomfortably close to my ear and her warm breath tickling the back of my neck, “I don’t mind if it's you. I’m glad you came, I’ve missed you.”

I could almost taste the emotion in her voice, a mix of longing, fear, desire, desperation, and countless more that I wasn’t sure how to describe. I was glad for Miranda’s warning from before, or else I think I would have been thoroughly confused. As it was, I still wasn’t really sure how to respond.

I didn’t know how I felt about Lea’s apparent crush on me. On one hand, there was probably no other person in the world about whom I cared as much as I did Lea. She was my last remaining link to a kinder past that I had thought utterly lost until I found her again. I knew that, when we had been children, our parents had sometimes spoken of matching us together when we were both older. Some of it had definitely been said as a joke, but there had been hints of something much more serious in the final months before the end.

Lea was smart, kind, beautiful, and, very importantly, far removed from the entire culture of backstabbing and political maneuvering of Avalon. Far too many students died each year from relationship disputes for me to ever feel comfortable with an Avalon student I wasn’t already planning on betraying. Realistically, there wasn’t much more I could want from a partner.

On the other hand, well, I wasn’t really the person Lea was crushing on, was I? That person was an illusion that existed only in her mind, a kind, gallant white-knight that she had built up from our scant few interactions over the past months. The Orion in her mind was not me, and I was absolutely terrified of what she would think if, when, she ever learned the truth.

I had only ever done what I had to, but would she ever see it that way? Some of the things I’d done, that I was still doing, well… They were monstrous. Only out of necessity, and I always stopped myself from going too far, but would she believe that?

There was a reason I’d put her up in Miranda’s room and not my own. Mistletoe deserved what was happening to her. She had squandered the gifts life had given her and was going to kill me! I was just defending myself and making the best out of a bad situation. I hadn’t killed her or tortured her or anything like that, she would have happily done worse to me if I’d given her the opportunity.

Rea, well, I’d saved her life! She was happy, well fed, and cared for. She had a job to do, plenty of time to spend improving herself, and access to any luxuries or things she asked for within reason. Her life was better than drowning alone and forgotten in a flooded city street.

It wasn’t like I was chopping their limbs off or testing dangerous spells on them or even torturing them and then feeding them to my pet kraken! All three of my ‘roommates’ were alive and healthy. However, would Lea see that? Or would she take one look at what I’d done and see only that monster Seatamer? She hadn’t been there, hadn’t had to make the tough decisions and bloody choices just to survive. There was blood on my hands, but that didn’t make me like him. It didn’t. I wasn’t a monster. I wasn’t.

My nails dug painfully into my palm and I realized that I’d frozen for a moment. I didn’t resist as Lea gently pulled me back until I was sitting on the edge of the bed with her kneeling behind me with my head cradled against her bare chest.

“Miranda told me you were very sick,” Lea said after a long moment of silence, “I’m glad you’re feeling better. I was really worried about you, but Miranda said it was too dangerous for me to come visit. You… you really scared me, Orion. After… everything… I can’t lose you too.” She leaned forward, resting her chin on top of my head and I felt a tear drip down onto my head.

I wasn’t really sure how to respond to that. It had been a… long time since someone had said something like that to me so earnestly. Eventually, I went with the simplest option. “I’m sorry for worrying you,” I said softly, covering the pale hands clutched together over my chest with one of my own. “It was an unforeseen consequence of some magic I had to do for class. Nothing too serious, but certainly debilitating. Don’t worry Lea, I’m not going anywhere. Not now, not ever.”

“Promise?” she asked weakly.

I opened my mouth, then paused. That wasn’t really a promise I could make, not really. I would try, of course, but Avalon was a dangerous place at the best of times. Any day here could easily be my last, no matter how cautious and prepared I was. I could lie, of course, but… something about that idea didn’t sit right with me. “As best I can. I’ll be with you for as long as I am able.”

“That's not a promise.”

“It's as close as I can get.”

Lea was silent for several minutes, simply continuing to hold me tightly as though I might disappear at any moment. Her presence was a soothing balm against my back, a gentle reminder that, no matter how dark this world we lived in might be, there was still light and warmth left to be found.

Finally, Lea sighed softly and slumped backwards onto the sheets, her white-knuckled grip on my shoulders pulling me down with her. I fell almost fully on top of her, pinning her bent knees and belly under my back and shoulders. “You’ve gotten way too heavy for this,” Lea whined, but her voice was much more cheerful than it had been before.

“Sorry, but you’re the one trying to break my ribs up here. Not really anywhere else for me to go,” I joked.

Lea laughed softly and finally loosened her grip. I slid over slightly to lie on the bed beside her instead of on top of her, then turned onto my side to face her fully.

Lea smiled at me, her blue eyes sparkling and hair forming a messy halo around her full faced grin. I smiled back and didn’t move as she cuddled up against my chest and wrapped me in a proper hug. She was warm and soft, her smile open and friendly without a hint of the mask that everyone else I knew wore at all times. “I love you, Orion,” she mumbled into my collarbone. “I know you’re busy, but… will you stay with me? Just for a little?”

I didn’t have much time, but Lea… she was worth whatever time I did have. It would probably hurt, but I had full confidence I’d be able to pass my exam tomorrow whether I spent eight hours tonight preparing or five. “Of course, I always have time for you. I love you too, Lea.”

I lay there silently as Lea clutched me as though I would disappear at any moment. I would have to remember to clean my shirt, and probably the part of my pants currently pinned between Lea’s thighs, before I left, but that wasn’t an urgent concern. Perhaps my time would have been best used on internal mana control exercise, but instead I just gently rubbed circles on Lea’s back and stroked her silvery-blonde hair. It was a waste of time, but… it was nice.