Why Are You Becoming a Villain Again?

“Will the families gather under my banner?” I asked Grandma, sounding almost as if lamenting.

“They were loyal to Asena, not to me,” I said as I looked down at the documents.

The next families listed were not those who originally pledged allegiance to Prysters, but those Asena had brought under her power.

It was astonishing to see the power she had amassed over the years since she became the family head... but at the same time, it was unsettling.

With Asena in such a condition, it all seemed futile now.

Grandma said, “They will all come together. The alliance Asena built is stronger than you think.”

“.......”

It was all so new and awkward, handling the family head’s responsibilities for the first time. Nothing felt certain, and I was filled with unease. The thought that the lives of hundreds, perhaps thousands might depend on my choices only added to that feeling.

To reassure me, my Grandma continued, “.....They have to come together. The families loyal to us are bound by interests... but there’s a bigger factor.”

“You might not realize it, being so kind. And since Asena never showed this side in front of you, you’re even less likely to know.”

Grandma then looked at me with a faintly proud smile.

“Everyone is afraid of Asena. She never showed her emotions, so the allied and subordinate families were always on their toes, not knowing what pleased or angered her. And with the clear justification of war, they wouldn’t dare not support us... for fear of her retribution. Do you understand how significant this is?”

I was slightly surprised by what she revealed, but it quickly made sense. It was just like her, the villainess, to inspire such fear.

Did she read my expression? Grandma continued, “You think it’s wrong?”

“What? No, I haven’t thought that.”

“Hmm. So, are you surprised that Asena gained control of the families through force? But don’t worry too much. Asena treats her subordinate families well. Enough, I’d say. She just mixed in a little fear into the process. Effective governance needs the power of fear, after all.”

“I don’t doubt the alliances Asena has built. My doubts are about myself. Even as a stand-in head... as a commoner and as someone who was exiled from the family, I wonder how they will see me. Perhaps the families will turn their backs on me for Asena’s sake, especially since the perception that Asena doesn’t like me is so widespread.”

“Worrying about this is pointless. Just finish writing that letter. We have many missives to send out today.”

-Tap tap tap tap!

Suddenly, rough footsteps from outside caught my and Grandma’s attention.

Then came hurried knocks.

-Knock knock knock knock!

“Lady Liana, Lord Cayden! It’s Helen!”

At her urgent voice, I said, “Come in.”

-Creak.

As Helen opened the door and immediately saw our faces, she exclaimed, “Lady Asena has woken up...!”

****

Asena awoke to a familiar scent. As her eyes opened, the servant tending to her panicked and started shouting, but she didn’t hear any of it.

She just lay there, thinking.

‘So, I haven’t died after all.’

She even felt more invigorated than before she fell asleep, almost delusionally so. And the realization that she had recovered disgusted her.

She had no idea how much time had passed.

All she knew was that she had been lost in a deep sleep for a very long time.

She dreamed of nothing, not even Cayden, but she could feel the passage of time... It had been an age since she last opened her eyes.

With the servant running out in alarm, she was left alone in the room.

Looking around, she quickly identified the familiar scent that had awakened her.

It was Cayden’s scent. This was his room, his bed.

And as she realized she was in his room, the harsh reality hit her – Cayden leaving wasn’t just a nightmare.

She had lain in his bed out of longing for him.

Though she had repeatedly declared out loud, holding on to the hope that he was alive, deep down she had accepted that he was gone.

He was dead because of her commands, her selfishness.

Asena reached out to the spot where Cayden always lay. It felt as if he was still there, lingering.

Unaware, tears began to stream down her face.

She wasn’t fully lucid, having just woken from a long sleep... but the pain in her heart was as acute as the reality of his departure.

“....Oppa...”

Her voice, weak and broken, searched for him. As soon as she awoke, she looked for him.

Then, all strength drained from her body. She couldn’t - no, she didn’t want to endure this reality.

Her eyes began to close again.

“....Sena..!”

Was it a hallucination? The voice of Cayden she so longed to hear echoed in her ears. Asena let out an exhausted smile, then gradually began to lose consciousness.

Being able to hear his voice one last time was enough for her.

“Asena!”

At the sound of her name, unmistakably heard a second time, Asena’s heart clenched painfully in shock.

Her listless eyes snapped open, scanning her surroundings.

And there he was, standing right before her.

Wrapped in bandages covering various wounds, he was breathing heavily, staring intensely at her.

For Asena, it felt as if the world had stopped.

She couldn’t even breathe.

Even when she blinked, trying to gather her senses to discern if it was a dream...

He was still there, standing.

“.....Can you hear me now...?” He spoke.

Asena’s shoulders started to tremble violently.

She couldn’t respond. She couldn’t even make a sound.

Instead, she just cried.

Covering her face with her hands, she stifled her sobs and wept profusely.

She felt she had no right to make a sound, no right to cry.

But her tears wouldn’t stop... she could only cover her face like this.

She couldn’t hold back her tears. Regardless of who saw her, no matter how much her shoulders shook, she kept crying endlessly.

She heard Cayden approaching.

For the first time, she restrained her instinct to want him.

She wanted to throw herself into his arms, wrap her arms tightly around his neck, press her body against his, and feel his warmth.

But she couldn’t. She couldn’t be so shameless towards him, the man she had almost killed with her own hands.

Cayden might already hate her.

Asena had nothing to say in defense.

So even though the man she thought was dead had returned, Asena couldn’t bear to look at him, let alone touch him.

The more intense her tears became, the harder it was to hold back her sobs.

Dizziness began to set in. Her head was spinning.

For a moment, she wondered if her glimpse of Cayden was just a figment of her imagination.

Maybe all of this was just a hallucination of her deranged mind.

As evidence, she heard no sound from Cayden, who should have been beside her.

Yet her tears wouldn’t stop.

She couldn’t remove her hands from her face. She couldn’t bear to look at him.

She felt vile, and at the same time, feared that he might hate her enough to wish her dead... She couldn’t make any move.

-Creak... Thud.

She faintly heard the door closing.

Had he left her there? Or, as she had feared earlier, was everything just an illusion?

Then, something touched Asena’s head.

She flinched at the contact but... she knew immediately what it was.

It was a touch too familiar.

“....Stop.”

His voice said.

Only then did Asena realize what the sound of the door closing meant.

It was Cayden sending all the servants away, so that she could return to her true self, alone with him.

Asena couldn’t hold back any longer.

She removed her hands and, following the direction of his voice, flung her arms out.

Her face collided with a familiar texture, and her arms grasped the man she had longed for.

Asena continued to sob, her shoulders heaving, tears flowing.

She prayed fervently that this wasn’t a dream. If it were, and if Cayden’s death was reality, she knew she couldn’t endure the disparity.

If this were a dream, she would rather die as soon as she woke up.

“...Sorry...sob... I just need to be like this for a moment, Oppa...”

He didn’t complain. His hand stroked her head.

With each touch, Asena felt his presence become more real, more tangible.

****

Time passed.

Eventually, her tears subsided.

But her arms didn’t loosen their grip. With her head buried in me, she didn’t move at all.

Whenever I thought she might be asleep, she’d tighten her arms around me, as if to confirm my existence.

The Asena who said she only needed a moment seemed to have forgotten it already. No matter how long I waited, she wouldn’t let go.

As relieved as I was that she hadn’t died and had woken up, I had been patient with her behavior. But now, it seemed like it was time to end this.

Otherwise, it felt like she might never let me go.

“....Asena, let me go now.”

She didn’t argue, a stark contrast to the times when she would be stubborn when we were alone.

Just as Keirsey had changed, so had Asena.

She lifted her head to look up at me.

This was the first time we had made eye contact since she woke up.

Her swollen eyes met mine, and she struggled to hold back tears again.

As she calmed her tears, I began to say what I had long wanted to say.

“.....You just woke up, so we’ll talk later... but I was angry at you, Asena.”

“.......”

“Just because you thought I was dead... you can’t act like this...”

I grit my teeth, suppressing the urge to lecture her even more right then.

“Okay, I won’t continue scolding…For now, just focus on your health. Stop making people worry.”

With that, I said only what needed to be said and turned away.

As I turned, her desperate arms reached out to me, but then she clenched her fist and withdrew.

-Thud. Thud.

As I walked away and reached the door, she spoke.

“.....It was a lie..!”

“.........”

I stopped in my tracks.

“....The things I said about hating you...! Saying I’d hate you for the rest of my life...! Saying I’d curse you...!”

Her voice grew more tearful, as if recalling our last farewell.

“....I...! Even after I banished you from the family.... sob... the fact that you got hurt because of someone as ungrateful as me won’t change...! I’m not asking for forgiveness, but....! Saying I hated you was a lie...”

“.....”

“Sob… Oppa... I-I’m sorry… Believing that was the final word I’d ever speak to you... Something irreversible...”

How much she must have regretted those words, as soon as she regained her consciousness, she was correcting them.

“It was a lie… Oppa.... Really… It was a lie....”

I turned back to look at her - Asena was crying on my bed.

When I left, I had wished she would hate me. I didn’t expect to return, but I truly wished she would let go of her feelings for me.

But wishing for that meant something else as well: It meant I believed the opposite was most likely. I believed she wouldn’t hate me.

Looking at her, I knew I had to confess a fact that was hidden deep in my heart.

My voice, heavy and cutting through Asena’s sobs, echoed.

“......I already knew, Asena.”

There was no need for her to convince me those words were lies. I already knew that.

--- End Of The Chapter ---

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