Why are you special?

… this is not Death’s office.

I'm standing by an ocean, looking out at clouds over the sea in hues of orange, pink, and purple as the sun sets. I can hear the waves gently crashing on the white sandy shore, the seagulls calling… I can even smell the salt air. Someone went to a lot of trouble to make this relaxing.

Which of course, means there is reason for me to be nervous.

I hear a voice behind me, "So I hear I have a great grandchild on the way." It's a grandfather's voice. Calm, relaxed, not a threat at all.

No, I don’t turn around. I can't see behind my like usual from my buffs, and it's unclear if the Egyptian thing about not looking at such folks directly is true or not, but it made it into my home set, so I'm respecting it… "So I take it you're The Comforter's Father, then?"

He chuckles, "I am."

Yeah, that’s a message from home all right. I am DEFINITELY not turning around. And I'm reminded of my sins… "I've done many bad things…."

I hear a sigh, "Yes, you have. And you know what. But tell me: How have you been dealing with folks who repent?"

Well...  "Mostly with mercy?"

He quotes a line from home, "With the merciful thou wilt show thyself merciful; With the perfect man thou wilt show thyself perfect; With the pure thou wilt show thyself pure; And with the perverse thou wilt show thyself froward."

I nod slowly, good to know he's not planning on smiting… "Should I put Fred back?"

There's another sigh from behind me, "And what would that do to that exceptionally loose, but otherwise wonderful woman Wanda?"

Right, "That would just compound the problem, wouldn't it?"

I can hear him nodding, which is weird, as there’s no sound there… "Indeed. There will be fallout from her actions, of course."

Yes, well, "I was already planning on keeping an eye on her anyway."

A chuckle from behind me, "I know."

You do. Everything, as I understand it, "So… why am I here?"

The grandfatherly voice continues in a calm, conversational tone, "My daughter hasn't exactly been doing her job as well as she could, and needs a … leave of absence… so she can relearn a few things she once knew. Yet her job is still necessary. I'm giving you the choice of filling in while she's away."

Ooh, that carrot… I am absolutely a greedy and power hungry person, and totally want to be a deity, but… "I have a few concerns about filling in…."

The Father chuckles, "Relatively legitimate ones, even. Your new brethren will be tasked with 'showing you the ropes' so to speak; throwing you into the deep end with no idea how to swim would be counterproductive. And you'll get a … slightly relaxed… version of the non-interference directive: You'll be able to keep your current material body as an avatar for as long as you make it last, and you'll be your own Prophet, keeping your current boon. This is to let you help out Ms. Westwood, raise my great grandchild… also grandchild… and handle other responsibilities you have on the material plane. These are, of course, contingent on your acceptance of the job."

And if I don't, the boons wouldn't particularly matter anyway. I don't expect to get a better offer. Ever. For anything. "Yes please. What happens next?"

My new adoptive father chuckles, "You'll see… and I'm glad you like your new office."

This is an office? Makes me wonder why Death’s is so small… and the world splits.

I'm here, at the beach. I'm also here, with the prior Life crying in my arms. I'm also here, grabbing souls to place in new bodies. I'm also here, monitoring new bodies from conception to birth, from birth to weaning. I'm also here, placing souls as the bodies are ready to receive them. Trillions of times over.

… and it's not confusing.

I can devote my full, undivided attention to enjoying the pastel sunset in my "office," exploring the attached villa, and reading MY library. It's beautiful, peaceful, and everything I'd want in a retreat.

I can devote my full, undivided attention to identifying which souls to pick up (I'm favoring my brother Death at the moment, as he has been sorely neglected in the distribution… and the old Life has apparently been quite stingy with everyone else, too… except herself… but he was the only one on a literal starvation path).  And somehow, I know how this is supposed to be done, and can easily do it.

I can devote my full, undivided attention to guiding sperm to egg in that lovely centaur couple on their wedding night.  And again, I know exactly how to do it. It's a simple matter, and the two should enjoy their son.

I can devote my full, undivided attention to guiding that stray arrow *just so* to keep it from causing my charge permanent injury: A lucky miss for the girl who's supposed to grow up to reunite the split minotaur clans… assuming she accepts her role. I know why she must be born, and the limits on how far I'm allowed to intervene with divine power in this case.

… and on, and on, and on.  Everything under my charge gets my full, undivided attention. All at once. And it all makes perfect sense.

I guess I know why distracting the old Life didn't work.  Speaking of… let’s focus the story on my perspective on her for now.

I cradle her in my arms and rock her back and forth, "Shh… you're going to be okay…"

"How…." she sobs, "how can you be so kind after all I… wait… why am I just this me? What did you DO?!"

I smile sadly, "I said 'yes' to your Father. Ours, now... that's all. I'm covering while you're on a 'leave of absence' to learn… something. I'm unsure what. He said it was something you used to know."

"So I'm… mortal?" The old Life is shuddering now as she sobs.

"It's not so bad…" I try to comfort the very naked woman in my arms, who still looks like an old-style fertility statue made flesh, "... a 'leave of absence' isn't permanent; you get to come back when our Father says you're ready," although I have no idea what happens to me at that time, but that’s not relevant right now, "And you of all people should know that death isn't the end here."

"But I'm mortal! I'm just this me! I'm just a weak… what am I?" the old Life looks down at herself.

Huh, apparently I can read her stats… "A level one Tiefling commoner… to explain the appearance, I imagine. You're starting at the very bottom… and apparently I'm not supposed to get you dressed or load you down with coins," because there's a young couple who will  desperately need a wet nurse, but can't pay much, and so they need someone who's not going to turn down what little they can offer: Some clothes, some food, a place to sleep, and an occasional copper. But I'm not supposed to tell you that part, "It'll be rough, but you're going to get through this. And you're still family… I'm pretty sure all your brothers and sisters will be watching out for you in their own ways," even if you did try to kill one of your brothers,  and had the rest on thin rations, "... but there may be a bit of residual bad blood, so I wouldn't expect more than an occasional nudge in the right direction."

This is weird.  Still: I could get used to this. I don't know everything but… wow.  Also, I'm getting all the porn I could ever want, as I'm there when anyone who's doing something that could make a baby, or might if the birth control fails, or might if they decide on a different position… and giving them my full attention, too. And unlike the old Life, I have a body that I'm free to do whatever with… so I can join in on occasion.

And yet, the old Life still has my full attention when she speaks up, "But how…"

I try to smile warmly, "Our Father planned this out. Things may not make sense to us, but… well, when has one of His plans ever gone awry?"

"Never." She takes a breath, "OK. I can do this… I think I'm ready."

I nod, "All right then…." and cast a Greater Plane Shift to place her exactly where she needs to be…

… which is extremely naked on a public road, soon to be leaking milk, with quite a few people passing prior to the poor parents that will need a wet nurse. She is going to have QUITE a bad day.

But she will live. And so will a little baby that wouldn't otherwise, simply because her mother can't produce milk due to an old injury she thought was healed.

And WOW, Wanda is going to have a rough childbirth. That little one is coming out half-celestial, half-fiendish, and half-dragon. Six wings, two arms, two legs… that girl is going to be flying before she's walking. And she is going to be so cute. I should probably be there to help.

I cast a spell to head over to where Wanda waits (very patiently, as she has satyrs taking turns to keep her calm).