Why are you special?

Yes, it's a tavern. There's many rows of wooden benches and tables, about half of which are full of folks in clothing that's worn a bit too thin. There's a stone fireplace with a cheery fire… that I quickly recognize is magical; a Campfire Bead. A cheap (market price of 720 in the books) reusable magic item that makes a campfire for up to eight hours, effectively once a day (it has a cooldown period of twice as long as it burned before you can use it again). There's a pot over it… and my nose tells me there's nothing but water in the pot.  Huh….

Looking around, I start paying attention to what people are eating and drinking… and basically everyone who is drinking has tea - thin tea, at that - and everyone who's eating has… some kind of gruel, that is faintly magical. Combined with no food being sold in the markets… are they seriously trying to feed everyone with magic? That's got to be an incredible strain on the nearest dungeon… how often do they need to clean that thing out?

To confirm, I silently cast an Arcane Eye, and have it invisibly follow one of the serving wenches into the kitchens… and yes, that's what's going on. They have a few dozen iron pots with a nonsense phrase labeled on each one and a little sign on a hook above that's either red or green… and yes, they're magical. As I watch, the waitress scoops a bowl of gruel out of one, notices she doesn't have enough to fill the bowl, steps to an empty  cauldron with a green sign, reads the nonsense phrase, watches a moment as the cauldron magically fills with gruel, and then finishes filling the bowl with it, flipping the sign on the one she just left from green to red.  

Yes, those are Cauldrons of Plenty.  They magically create enough food to feed thirty six people for a day. A bit pricey for what it does at fifteen thousand crowns market… to break even on the hardware at a silver a meal would take like eleven or twelve years if you sell all meals it provides every day… and that doesn't cover the labor, the building, or keeping the dungeon in check. To make an actual, viable business out of it, they'd have to charge like five silvers a meal, assuming they put enough in the bowl for an entire day, and those bowls are noticeably smaller than that.

And it's just gruel. How do they… ah. I watch as the waitress takes the full bowl briefly to a young man with a lute on his back, who concentrates for a moment, and nods. Of course. Prestidigitation. It's an at-will cantrip, and one of the things it can do is flavor food. Makes it palatable, at least.  Still, they'll have to charge a comparatively large amount relative to farming.  And they can't farm, because the ground is dead here. Which kind of locks them into magical food, unless they want to be heavily dependent on trade….

As I'm musing, I'm also having my scrying sensor from Arcane Eye continue to follow the serving wench. She takes the bowl of gruel to a patron, who sighs and hands her three silver coins… which is a lot for what it is. A "Poor" meal for a day lists at one silver, and a "good" meal at five… for enough food for a full day in either case. This is just one meal: He'll need at least two or three of those. I dismiss the scrying sensor as the waitress curtsies and moves on…

… to our table. Right. "Oh, new faces… that means I'll need to see your ID cards, I'm afraid."

I shrug, "No problem. Is a guild card acceptable?" and we all pull out out guild cards, which she takes the time to carefully examine.

The waitress raises her eyebrows as she confirms them, "If you let me take these back for a rubbing, a basic dinner is free. Good as gold for the tax man."

If she steals them I can track them down and/or forge them easily enough… "First time that card ever got me a free meal. That should be fine. How much would it cost otherwise?" Not that I don't know….

As she sashays back to the kitchen, the waitress calls out, "Two coppers for a tea, three silver for a bowl of flavored food, and we'd need to watch you for rationing."

Rationing? I glance around… explains why I'm not seeing anyone who's fat… but nobody seems to be starving, so… it's clearly not that bad. As our server fetches food, I wonder … why free for adventures? When she gets back with our bowls of flavored mush, I ask her about that.

She laughs, "So you're all from out of town, then… basically, delvers don't live long, so the Duke keeps trying to encourage folks to join the guild: More meat for the grinder. Fools, the lot of you, but somebody's got to keep the big bad beasties down in the dungeon where they belong."

Because the massive magic use in keeping everyone fed makes monsters multiply quickly… that dungeon probably needs to be cleaned out daily. I look at my companions, and they nod, "We'll check the guildhall in the morning. For now… two private rooms, please. On opposite ends of the building, if you can."

The waitress pauses, eyeing our group, "Men and women?" she hazards.

I shake my head, "Nope. One for sleeping, one for… 'entertaining guests' … some of us have more steam to blow off than others, and it can get a little loud."

She glances at the ridiculously proportioned Wanda, and nods, "I see. Well… that's four crowns."

I pull out six and hand them over, "Cleanup will be a pain, best to get the extra out of the way now. "

She looks at me a little flat, "I'll cheerfully take your money, but it can't be that bad."

Yes, it can, "You’re probably going to have trouble renting out the room for a while." I mean, OK, we could just set up a Mage's Magnificent Mansion, but the mess would still be there, so… wouldn't help. Maybe a Keyhome apartment, but then we'd need to clean up… or have a summon do it, but I don't want to advertise just how strong we are yet. Wanda's Wonder twins will draw excitement enough.

She shrugs, "We don't have many overnighters anyway. Just don't burn the place down or anything."

Hmm… "Thanks." I turn to Wanda, "OK, so when she gets back with the room assignments, you know what to do."

Wanda nods, "Yep! Anyone who wants milk comes upstairs with me a few at a time to get it straight from my taps. And once everyone who's up for it is all exhausted and full, I call you over to finish it off."

The waitress frowns, "You’re selling milk? Straight from the tap? Where's the cow? That might break the flooring…."

Wanda laughs and slaps her giant jugs, "I'm the cow! I'm up to about twelve gallons a session, twice a day. And I'm not SELLING milk, I'm giving it away.  You want some?" Wanda bats her eyes at the waItress.

While it is fun to watch Wanda wet all the men's meat, I could go for some girl on girl action… yes, I get to see ALL he attempts at mating as Life, but my pet is in a league of her own… and Diplomacy is a good skill… "Oh, do please help her out. I end up milking her most the time, and my hands… well, it's a lot of work. And hey: She's not rationed out. Pretty good odds you can drink your fill. And she's quite sweet."

"Yeah!" Wanda adds, "And it can get a little painful when nobody helps, and I can promise I'll make you feel really good!"

Ah, those puppy dog eyes did the trick, I can practically see her resistance crumble, "OK, I'll help you out." The waitress shakes her head as she goes to get the room assignments.

As she walks off, David inquiries, "Mind if I have some milk too? It's far better than this flavored swill."

Wanda pretends to consider, "Maybe… but I want a snack from your salty snake too. Fair is fair, after all."

David smiles, "Of course. I wouldn't have it any other way." He really wouldn't. He tends to bed Wanda every night. She's quite attentive… and literally built for pleasure from the ground up. With close to a thousand years of memories to work with, I was able to give her quite a suite of mental triggers… she goes off very easily, and will basically always do so as well whenever her partner does. And she likes the taste of body fluids. So she really enjoys giving head. And anal. And handjobs, and riding… I may have gone overboard with the mental reprogramming, but she's fun to watch.

Speaking of… the waitress comes back with two keys with numbers on them. I smile as Wanda, waitress, and David head up to one of the rooms….