Winterfall

I struggled to sleep right away as my mind danced with imagery of my training with Quinn. The way her body flung backwards. The sounds of her shallow breathing. The blood spewing from her body. Her near lifeless expression. All of it began to haunt me.

I had almost killed her, my best friend. The smell of iron mixing with dust. The pounding in my chest as I watched her regain awareness. The pulsating fear that raced through my body and the rush of panic that flooded me.

It all was coming back to me in waves as I curled up in a ball on my bed. I wept against my pillow as my body trembled.

Maria, dear, calm. Théoden attempted to sooth my nerves. Attempted to pull the thought out of it. However, I clung to the memory like a dog with a bone. Over and over it replayed in my mind. My friend, my first best friend outside of Théoden, outside of the royal houses, was almost killed by my hands.

I…I…I can’t. I managed to utter through the bond. The memory was growing stronger. Tearing into me like Marcel’s blade did.

I can help. Théoden said cautiously. I can modify it if it is too much for you.

I moved my head to where I could stare out my window. He could modify it. However, that would mean both him and Quinn would have to dance around the reality of what really happened. Most of all that would make me a coward. And that was something I did not want to be.

No. I can…manage. I managed to say.

Alrighty. Try to think of something different. A happier memory may make you fall asleep. Théoden told me. I sensed his concern as I had been like this for almost two hours now.

I…I can try.

I focused on Théoden and I. I focused on multiple memories of us. However, that didn’t help. I began to weep over something I couldn’t have openly due to my arranged marriage.

So, I tried to focus on…well I didn’t have much else to focus on. My life hasn’t been that great recently.

Children, focus on children. Théoden said as he flashed a memory of me with the children.

I smiled as children’s faces beamed with happiness as I was reading one of my favorite tales. Children, something I wanted but didn’t want to have right now as my life was chaotic. The brief bit of joy started to fade quickly.

No Maria. Think of this. Théoden told me as he flashed another memory of me enjoying a delicious treat.

Food, now why didn’t I think of that? Food always made me happy especially if it was something sweet. I sensed he found a bit of amusement in this as a variety of sweets flashed through my mind.

So, instead of counting sheep, you need to count puff pastries. Théoden joked as he continued to showcase them in my mind.

Don’t judge me. I can’t help I like sweet things.

Easy Maria, it was a joke.

After a few minutes of this my mind quieted down with the days events and I was finally able to close my eyes and rest.

South Haven shorelines appeared in front of my eyes. “Maria.” Théoden spoke softly as he wrapped his arms around me tightly. “Everything is going to be okay.”

I remained silent against his cool chest, listening to the sound of his calm beating heart. There was always something about being in his embrace that soothed my mind, body, and soul. I knew we were soul bound, we were magic bonded, and he was my rock through my darkest days.