Yagami Light in Game of Thrones

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***

Moving along the Golden Road in King Robert Baratheon's retinue, Light thought about how to kill him.

Poison seemed the obvious way. As the king's squire, it wouldn't be hard for Light to put poison in his wine. After reading about poisons in the Cliff's library, Light decided that the best way would be Lyssa's Tears, a slow-acting, colourless, odourless poison that would allow him to write off death as a common illness. But where to get it? The poison can be found in the Maesters' possession, but no one will give it to Light willingly, and stealing it is too risky: if the King dies and it is discovered, Light, as someone with close access to the King, will become one of the main suspects.

In addition to poison, natural death can be faked through an accident. Let's say a hunting accident. The King likes to hunt and he likes to drink. That's a dangerous combination, you could run into a beast. Yes, that's a good way.

But the king must be killed no sooner than Light has proof of the queen's treason in his hands. Otherwise, Joffrey Baratheon will quietly ascend the throne, peace will continue, and Light will remain an insignificant figure. Unless he gets a knighthood.

Light had already thought of where to start looking for evidence. The brothels in King's Landing, I'm sure the king frequents them. Which means there's a chance that one or even several prostitutes have given birth to bastards - bastards who look more like the king than his 'legitimate' children. Light's interest in brothels won't arouse suspicion: a fifteen-year-old, alone in the capital for the first time, decides to take the opportunity to finally lose his virginity. Talking up prostitutes can be done with gold. From Lord Tywin, Light received a hundred dragons for the capital's expenses.

Generally speaking, the king had at least one bastard: Edric Storm, whose mother, Delena Florent, was a cousin to the wife of the king's brother Lord Stannis. It was said that the boy took after his father in looks. Alas, the boy lived in Storm's Edge, far from the capital, and Light could not use him. The king might have other bastards, in other parts of the country, but finding them in the capital was more likely. After all, that was where Robert Baratheon had lived for the last fifteen years.

Suppose Light managed to find the bastards, 'blabbed' to Stannis's squires or Renly, and they passed the information on to their lords. To make sure the Baratheon brothers get the message, you could start a conversation with them about heredity, about incest in the Targaryens, whose silver hair and violet eyes have been passed down from generation to generation.... as were the golden hair and green eyes of the Lannisters. Would Stannis and Renly suspect that Light was deliberately leading them to think something, or would they think the foolish young squire was just blabbering and they, so clever and perceptive, had figured it out for themselves? If you play the fool correctly in front of them, the latter. While the royal brothers are figuring out what to do, Light will kill the king, Joffrey will ascend to the throne, and then Stannis and Renly will refuse to bend the knee and rebel. What forces will they be able to attract?

Stannis is Lord of Dragonstone and master of the ships, the royal fleet is commanded by him. That said, he is unpopular and has almost no friends. Renly, on the other hand, is charismatic and well-liked. And he is Lord of Storm's End, suzerain to all the lords of the Stormlands, whose combined forces reach thirty thousand swords. The Lannisters have over forty thousand swords, so the lions will win, provided the king's brothers can't attract the other Great Houses to ally with them. And if they can?

House Martell might support the king's brothers out of revenge: fifteen years ago, Lannister men killed Elia Martell, Rhaegar Targaryen's wife, and their children. True, their army is the smallest of all the Seven Kingdoms. A more serious threat is posed by the three houses that supported Baratheon's rebellion: the Starks, the Arryns, and the Tullys. The Tullys are related to the Arryns and Starks by marriage, and Lord Eddard Stark was raised by Lord Jon Arryn. So all three houses will stand as a united bloc - but on whose side? That depends on Lord Arryn, the King's Hand. Who will he trust: the Queen or the Baratheon brothers? If the brothers, sixty thousand swords will be added to the enemy's forces, and the only thing that can help the Lannisters in this situation is an alliance with House Tyrell, which has an army of almost eighty thousand. This must be taken care of before Robert's death. If Lyght brings up the idea of betrothing the heir to the throne to Lady Margaery, and if the king listens, the alliance of the lion and the rose will crush any forces the king's brothers can field.

Judging by the way the king has ignored his new squires all along the way, it's unlikely he'll listen to Light. What if we go through Prince Joffrey? Make friends with him, persuade him to go to Highgarden, and casually mention Lady Margaery's beauty. And hint to Margaery that this is her chance to be future queen. Then in all probability the heir to the throne will fall in love and persuade his parent to marry him. To the first point of the plan - to befriend the prince - Light decided to proceed immediately.

Light found Prince Joffrey in the company of his bodyguard, Sandor Clegane. The prince held his saddle with a bored manner, as if everything around him was beneath his dignity.

- Your Highness.

Joffrey gave Light a suspicious glance.

- You look like a Lannister. You're my mum's kin?

- Lancel Lannister, Your Highness. Your mother's cousin and your father's squire.

The prince's gaze shifted to Light's saddlebags with the books packed in them.

- What are these? - Joffrey chuckled. - 'You're bringing a library with you?

- Books on military tactics, your highness.

Light thought that would get the prince's attention, but he was wrong. Joffrey pouted his lips capriciously.

- And my father says it's all nonsense. He who acts boldly wins, not the one who has read more books. Prince Rhaegar read a lot, so what? My father killed him anyway.

Well, the heir is a bit of an arsehole. We need to change our approach. Light grinned cynically.

- Prince Rhaegar wasn't all at home with his father. He thought he could get away with kidnapping your father's bride. He got what he deserved.

Joffrey nodded as if he had killed Rhaegar Targaryen himself.

- Yes! My father crushed his chest with a war hammer. Rubies fell from his breastplate! - Joffrey laughed shrilly. - When I'm king, I'm going to kill someone too.

- Anyone in particular, Your Highness?

Joffrey thought for a moment, then jerked his head irritably.

- I don't know. I haven't decided yet. Maybe my Uncle Imp. He's a dwarf, and I hate dwarfs.

- When you're king, your highness, you'll be able to kill whoever you want.

Sandor Clegane laughed hoarsely.

- That's right! He'll be able to kill whoever he wants!

Joffrey swelled with pride.

- That's right! You said it right, Lancel. And you, Hound. When I'm king, you, Lancel, will be my counsellor. And you, Dog, will be in the King's Guard.

- I won't take a knight's vow,' Dog growled.

- We'll do without it,' Joffrey said graciously. - What did you want to talk to me about, Lancel?

Light took on an embarrassed look.

- 'I've never been to the capital, Your Highness. Is Red Castle really as grand as they say?

- Of course it is,' the prince said dismissively. - It is the most important castle in the country, you fool!

- I read that King Maegor the Cruel ordered all the masons to be killed when it was finished so they wouldn't give away the castle's secrets.

Joffrey nodded approvingly.

- 'That's right. I would have done the same.

- Have you ever been to Highgarden, Your Highness? They call it the most beautiful castle in the country.

Joffrey was a little confused.

- Highgarden? No.

- But never mind, Your Highness. It is unlikely we will be allowed to leave the capital for so long.

Joffrey is angry.

- I'm a prince of the Seven Kingdoms and I'll go wherever I want! To Highgarden or anywhere else!

Light smirked faintly.

***

King's Landing disappointed Light. The capital of the Seven Kingdoms, this foul-smelling wretch? They don't even have stone pavements! The houses are mostly wood, too. Only two buildings, the Red Castle and the Great Septa, looked decent. When Light comes to power, he'll tear down all those shabby shacks and rebuild the capital.

After changing his clothes and laying out his luggage, most of which was books, Light went to the king to ask if his grace had any errands to run.

- Pour me some wine and get out of here,' the king muttered. After drinking half a cup, the king was pleased and gestured for Light to stay.

- So you're Cersei's cousin? How old are you, fifteen? Have you slept with a woman before?

In a previous life.

- No, Your Grace.

Robert laughed.

- 'Then here's my royal command to you. Go to a brothel and fuck a whore, preferably two or three. The best brothels are on Silk Street. Don't come back till morning!

***

Light did go to Silk Street, but he didn't follow the king's orders. Instead, he started asking around, and soon the gold led him to his destination. In one of the brothels, Light found a girl who had serviced the king - and bore him a daughter.

- Her name is Barra,' the girl shyly stroked the little girl's black hair. - You're his squire, aren't you? Tell him. Tell the king that I love him, that I'm waiting for him, that for a whole year I haven't slept with anyone but him, no matter how Madame scolded me!

- All right, I'll tell him.

But I don't think he'll be interested. The King has dozens of your kind, if not hundreds.

- Lancel Lannister,' said a soft voice behind him. - What an unexpected meeting.

Light turned round. In front of him stood a short man, about thirty years old, in a long black coat, with a wedge beard. His sneering eyes, of a strange colour, either grey or green, looked at him intently, as if weighing every feature, every gesture on an invisible scale. Barra's mother curtsied.

- Lord Baelish,' the girl whispered. - 'I was showing my Lord Lancel Barra. I hope I haven't disturbed anything?

- Not at all, my dear,' Baelish said affectionately. - It's all right. Go on, Lancel and I need to talk alone.

When the door closed behind her, the smile disappeared from Baelish's face.

- So, you've found the King's daughter. I hope you realise this is not to be talked about?

After sleeping with the maid in the Cliff, the king quickly forgot about her. But the Queen didn't forget. Before she left, she had the poor fool flogged and made her drink moon tea. Barra and her mother would be in worse trouble if Cersei knew they existed.

- I won't say anything to the queen,' Light promised.

- Good,' Baelish said. - I'd hate to lose one of my employees. I own the place, you see.

- It must be a more profitable occupation than a master's work on a coin.

- How can a humble man like me match the wealth of the Lannisters?

Modest? Well, well.

Baelish settled into a chair and offered a second to Lyte.

- Our king, alas, is too often unfaithful to his consort. As the owner of most of the capital's brothels, I know this better than most. And you, as the queen's cousin and the king's squire, are in a delicate situation. If there is a conflict between Their Majesties, you will have a hard time choosing sides.

He asks whose side I'm on. What's the best way to answer? No, it's not. Which answer would seem more plausible to him?

- I was born a Lannister and only recently became the King's squire.

Baelish grinned.

- Yet you promised not to tell Cersei anything about Barra.

- The girl is no threat to her.

- Well, that depends,' Baelish said. - She looks a lot like her father, which is more than can be said for the Queen's children. Some people, I mean the Queen's enemies, might use Barra as some sort of proof. Proof of the Queen's infidelity.

He knows! The man is more dangerous than he seems... but that doesn't mean he's an enemy. Light shrugged his shoulders.

- What nonsense. Many children look more like their mothers than their fathers - that doesn't prove anything.

- Not normally,' Baelish agreed. - But so far all the Baratheons have been dark-haired. I think I saw a book by Grand Maester Pycelle-something about the origins and history of the great houses-that mentions it. Combined with that book, Barra could be very dangerous to the Queen. And if the queen's enemies find the king's other bastards, and they too turn out to be dark-haired....

The master over the coin was meaningfully silent.

- Are you accusing the queen of treason?

Baelish raised his hands in a mock gesture.

- Not you, not you. On the contrary, I wish to warn her majesty of the danger she faces-through you. Cersei will believe her kinsman more readily than she will believe me, won't she?

Why would he do that? What does he want?

- At the beginning of our conversation, you didn't want me to tell the queen about Barr.

- A test,' Baelish replied carelessly. - I wanted to see how you would respond. I don't really need Barra or her mother. Flea Bottom is full of her kind. But I appreciate you looking out for my interests.

- Or maybe I just felt sorry for the girl.

- Pity is a poor judge of character. You'll realise that when your whole family is under attack. Soon, very soon, the Queen's enemies will make their move.

- Robert's brothers?

Baelish nodded.

- One of them, Stannis. And the Hand, Jon Arryn. But I implore you: don't tell Cersei you got the information from me. Tell her you figured it out on your own. The more the queen will appreciate your help.

I see. He wants to pit the Lannisters against the Arryns and the Baratheons while keeping a low profile. But to what end?

- Why are you helping me, Lord Baelish?

- Let's just say I have personal reasons.

Light realised the conversation was over.

- Goodbye, Lord Baelish.

- Goodbye, young Lancel.

Petyr Baelish and Yagami Light exchanged a handshake.