Yakumo Yukari Gapped Me to Another World; Now I'm Trapped in the Human Village Full of Pathetic Touhou Maniacs

I ended up falling asleep pretty fast, uncomfortable hospital bed notwithstanding. When I woke Sasha was pointedly not watching me sleep. The sun had risen and was streaming in through a window, brightening things after the awful events. The white tile floor and the sterile walls glowed with sunlight.

I was grateful to be alive.

“How are you feeling?” I asked Sasha. She was sitting up in bed, but had her blanket drawn up to her neck.

“Unholy,” she said, confusing me for a moment. “I remember getting stabbed, but it looks like someone undid the damage? Also, I got a transfusion from an anonymous donor.”

“That’s… odd,” I said. I wondered if it was the same person who had helped me, or two different mystery donors.

“Was it you?” she asked. “Doctor Yagokoro wouldn’t give me any details. She said something about patient confidentiality.” Sasha sighed. “I asked her for immortality. I might have irritated her.”

“Whoops,” I said, “But it wasn’t me. I also almost bled to death. I needed a transfusion.”

“I thought they weren’t going to kill you? Because of Remilia’s protection, or whatever? Sorry, most of the fight is a blur to me.”

“It was Arnold who cut me,” I said. Her brow furrowed.

“Did you get hit in the head?”

“That’s why he had to swing twice. He missed the first time.”

“Stop fucking with me.”

Then I explained events concisely and unambiguously: I’d put myself in mortal danger to make Remilia appear, with the help of Wiki’s danmaku to motivate Arnold to supply the danger. Remilia had shown up, Sakuya had saved everyone, and then Keine had saved me from Remilia’s ire.

“So Arnold really was just willing to cut your head off.”

“Raghav and Wiki both hit him with the compulsion… oh yeah, Wiki’s danmaku emotion is fear. Who knew.”

“That means all three of our friends would kill you?”

“Raghav isn’t my friend,” I objected. “Also, it was for the greater good!I admire them for it. Koishi hesitated, but they just did what I asked.”

“You’d kill yourself for a chance of saving three lives?”

“I mean… it was also about stopping the evil youkai in general.” She was making me feel dumb.

“Uh-huh. I guess it was Remilia who provided the blood, then. Are we vampires now?” The thought seemed to both frighten and intrigue my roommate.

“No, no, Doctor Yagokoro said that definitely wasn’t the case. She enjoys when people ponder, though, so she gave me a few hints.”

The doctor chose that moment to walk in. She was there to check on us. Eirin wanted to examine Sasha’s wounds, and Sasha glared at me until I looked away. Apparently this office didn’t provide hospital gowns, despite the Outside World accuracy of the rest of the room. I only realized she was naked between the glare and my own ongoing nudity.

I put two-and-two together without ogling her, is my point. I definitely didn’t sneak a peek.

“It would appear that you are healing quite well,” said Eirin. “I’m impressed that a single donor could do so much for you.”

“So one person donated blood for both of us?” asked Sasha.

“That is indeed an implication of what I said, although it may be untrustworthy, to the extent that you consider me a liar.” Eirin raised an eyebrow at Sasha’s resigned expression. “You have a lot of experience with cryptic youkai, I would guess. You are pondering so little.”

“Donating that much blood isn’t safe,” I said. Losing blood is physically taxing. It takes literal months to regenerate. There’d been a whole slide on it during orientation day at the Scarlet Devil Mansion.

“At least she had eaten recently,” said Doctor Yagokoro with a smile. I shivered. I had some strong suspicions about the donor’s identity.

“I’d better not get AIDS,” said Sasha. “Or, I don’t know, blood poisoning. You checked for type, right?”

“Yes,” said the doctor. “You’d already be dead if that was a concern. Don’t worry, it was extraordinarily compatible blood. Idealized blood, even.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means you won’t experience blood poisoning.” Eirin straightened some papers on the edge of the bed, and I was ninety percent sure they were just a prop. She peered at her patient. “What’s more, is that I don’t see any viruses. Either way, we can import treatment if it becomes necessary.”

“I appreciate that,” said Sasha. “Also that you prevented scars from forming. Thank you.”

“That was not my doing,” said the youkai with silvery-white hair. She waved a hand, then lifted an eyebrow in my direction, or at least, it seemed that way to me. “Any other questions?”

“Where are my clothes?” asked Sasha. I looked back at the ceiling.

“I sent them to be laundered,” said Eirin. “I did the same for Mister Thorne. Apologies, I forgot that you were naked.” She looked down at her own red-and-blue clothes, probably checking to see if she’d remembered to wear them herself. “I can provide you with clothing so that you can comfortably go to the laundry service.”

“A paper gown?” asked Sasha. “Too breezy for me, thanks. I’ll wait for someone to bring my clothes to me.” She looked at me as though I’d be able to help her with that, but I wasn’t about to walk through town naked (or so I thought).

“I have something better in mind,” said Eirin. “Just a moment.”

She left the room. Several minutes later she returned and gave us our first magic items, which turned out to be headwear.

—

“Just a moment!” called Reika. Sasha and I were at the bathhouse to pick up our clothes. The attendant was somewhere in the back. I heard a thud; she must have been moving boxes.

“She's been busy recently, huh?” I asked.

“Yeah. They really should hire another worker, so that someone can always be at the counter,” said Sasha. I tried not to look right at her.

I pulled at my collar, which itched slightly. I was distinctly uncomfortable and I regretted pulling my tie so tight. It felt and looked like I was wearing business clothes. That was the effect of the magic item.

However, the clothes were just an illusion. Eirin hadn’t warned us that they were mere magic, and I hadn’t said anything either even after I’d noticed. I could sort of see both views at once. Whichever I focused on became more real.

Thus, with a thought and with my ghostly sight, I could see Sasha and I walk down the street completely nude, like we were the emperors in a morality tale.

Sasha thought I was embarrassed because the magic items were bunny ears, not because I could see through her clothes.

I hadn’t decided whether I had the courage to tell Sasha the truth about it. She might get mad, especially if I said something dumb like “you lost weight!” She had lost a few pounds, but she’d kept most of it in the right places.

I shook my head. It became difficult to see the clothes as genuine once I’d inferred they were an illusion. Like one of those visual puzzles, where someone points out what a bunch of shadows are supposed to be and you can’t see in any other way after that.

“I’m glad bathing is so popular that Reika is kept busy, though,” said Sasha. “So, look, there’s something I gotta say before we go back to the others.”

“What’s that?” I asked. The bunny ears had even generated illusory underwear. I was trying not to blush as I talked to her. Staring at her eyes was worse, somehow; she was staring right back.

“Just, thanks, I guess,” she said. “You tried to save my life when they were going to kill me. I’m glad you did.”

“I couldn’t actually do anything,” I said, looking down, then staring straight at the bamboo floor to make sure I didn’t see anything I shouldn’t. “I was powerless, except that I could bring Remilia to the fight, which I can’t do again.”

“It’s the thought that counts.”

“The others would have done the same. They really did the same.” I’d decided to be proud of them; yes, they’d kill me, but only because they were super outstanding utilitarians.

“You were the fastest to put yourself in harm’s way.”

“I suppose… but without Arnold, Wiki, Raghav, and even the other students, help would not have arrived in time.”

“Only because you shouted directions for them.”

“I didn’t, in most cases.”

“Look, jerkass, just take the compliment before I change my mind.”

“Okay,” I said. “Thank you, and you’re welcome. I’d save your life again, and I know you’d do the same for me.”

“How do you know that?” she asked, her voice quiet. She looked away.

I felt my head tilt. “Are you saying you wouldn’t?”

“I’m pretty selfish. After I’d been stabbed, all I could think was…” She stared at the floor. “Anyway, I’m not sure I deserve that sort of protection. I only care about myself. People shouldn’t jump in front of bullets for me, or tridents, or whatever the fuck.”

“You were the first to get to her feet again when we were attacked.”

“That was fight or flight.”

“Well, you have more fight in you than the rest of us,” I said. “That can be a force for good. It is a force for good! You’ve been helping Wiki and us with our human protection project!”

“That’s because you're my roommates, not because I care about humanity or anything.”

“Helping even one person is caring! I didn’t want to save your life because all human life is valuable or something–it’s because you’re valuable,” I said. “To me. As a friend. Look, jerkass, just take the compliment before I change my mind!”

Sasha laughed. “Thanks, then. I’ll try to be better in the future.”

“You’re good now. But… me too.” We exchanged a smile. Her clothes were solid, until I remembered that they didn’t have to be and then they went illusory again.

“Shit, man, just take off the bunny ears and go naked if it makes you so uncomfortable.”

My face burned at the thought. At least we hadn’t seen any youkai on the way back. I was certain that they’d be able to see through it just as surely as I could.

“I don’t think I’m going to take my old clothes back!” said Sasha. “I feel like a badass, minus the ears anyway.”

“I prefer my hat, thank you very much,” I said. The bunny ears wouldn’t fit under it, I thought, and their clothing-projecting properties might not work if they weren’t directly on my head. “You should at least wear normal clothes underneath, if you decide to keep wearing the ears.”

“Wait, what?” she asked. Fortunately, Reika saved me from having to answer.

“What’s with the bunny suits?” asked the bathhouse attendant. She yawned.

“Whoa,” said Sasha. “This is not a bunny suit. This is no-nonsense formal business wear. If anything, we are dressed like assassins.”

“Minus the ears,” I added.

“Well,” said Reika, “I’ve only ever seen Miss Inaba wear clothes like that, and she’s a rabbit woman.” Wait, were Reisen’s clothes semi-transparent to those with supernatural eyesight? I shifted uncomfortably.

“Fine bitch, we’re wearing rabbit suits.” Sasha pulled out her lapels. “How do we look?”

“Like rabbit women.”

“No skirts,” I objected, before Sasha could.

“True,” said Reika, looking right at my pants. “Rabbit men, I suppose?” I resisted the urge to turn sideways and I hoped that she couldn’t see through illusions, like I could. She handed each of us a bundle. “Your other clothes are cleaned, and also repaired. There was a lot of blood. What exactly happened?”

“I’m tired of explaining this,” I said. “Why don’t you have a go, Sasha?”

–

“Wait, where’d the blood come from?” asked Wiki.

“Don’t you remember that Arnold–” I started.

“No, dipshit,” said Sasha. “He means the donor blood.”

I told him everything I knew. Beside him, Arnold was rapidly putting on and taking off a very dashing black business suit. The bunny ears accounted for his size.

The red tie appeared loose on his chest every time he summoned it. His normal clothes were still visible to my magical sight, either way, including the hot pink cast he wore on his right arm. Eirin had given him the cast so that his wrist could heal.

I finished my explanation. There was an awkward silence. Arnold changed clothes a few more times.

“It unbuttons my shirt every time,” he said, as he tightened the tie. “I wonder if Doctor Yagokoro likes chest hair?”

“Cleavage, more like,” said Wiki. “I’m surprised it doesn’t give you a skirt.”

“She asked me which I preferred,” said Sasha. “Pants or a skirt, and I chose pants. A very accommodating doctor.”

“I thought so too,” I said.

“Wait, why didn’t either of you go for the skirt?” interjected Arnold, but Sasha went on as though he hadn’t asked.

“I’m just sad it hides my spiked collar.” Sasha touched her neck. Her spiked collar was as essential to her daily wear as her boots, which still survived. Both were ‘part of her identity’ by then.

“But she didn’t make you immortal,” said Wiki.

“Can’t have everything,” she replied. “I wonder where the collar goes, though? And Arnold’s clothes?”

“Nowhere, probably,” said Wiki. “The business suit is undoubtedly just an illusion.” Sasha frowned as she thought about that.

“How did the policy meeting go?” I quickly asked. “Any changes?”

“Raghav is the head of the new police force,” said Wiki. “He is recruiting officers. There will be a new curfew, effective immediately. At night the officers will patrol in pairs, and they will check in regularly.” He puffed out his chest. “I gave them all my security insights. We’re probably saving lives.”

The curfew sounded like it would make it hard to meet up with Sekibanki. I clamped down on my dismay. Wiki went on to describe how there’d be an investigation, so that they could identify the youkai that was stabbing people.

“Unfortunately, her power is that she’s unidentifiable, so…”

“What about Yuuka?” I asked.

“She won’t be punished,” he said. “She was following the rules. Inciting others to dastardly acts is not only allowed, but it’s a preferred social norm.” He sighed, and as he went on it seemed like a chill entered the room. “Eating corpses is perfectly legal, of course. Our culprit isn’t even guilty of murder, she’s guilty of breaking the spell card rules.”

“What’s her punishment going to be, then?”

“Unclear,” he said. “Possibly banishment.”

I nodded at Wiki’s words. Sekibanki had warned me that banishment was a preferred punishment. If she were caught fraternizing with a human and giving away youkai secrets, she would face exile. If not from Yukari, then definitely from her ‘associates.’

“Seems lenient,” said Sasha.

“It isn’t,” said Wiki. “For youkai, banishment to the Outside World means certain death.”