ALL NOVEL 49: Generosity that Spans Several Seconds
“–to the Scarlet Devil Mansion,” I said as I landed on the library floor.
Patchouli was sitting at her desk and looking over some notes. She wrote on plain 8x11 paper, but her handwriting was long and flowy like the dedication in a fantasy novel. Yukari stepped out of a portal beside Patchouli’s desk. In front of them was a youkai I hadn’t expected to see.
It was Cirno. She sat opposite Patchouli with her legs and arms tightly held together. She was shaking with a manic grin on her face.
“C-c-can I go now?” asked the blue ice fairy. She bounced up and down. The fairy was holding a paper cup.
“Soon,” said Patchouli. “Our interview is almost over.”
“Are you interrogating her?” I asked.
“Yes?” asked Patchouli. “It only makes sense to interview the fairy that survived learning to read. I was hoping that Cirno would have insights regarding Maroon’s manifestation, but I’ve been disappointed so far.”
“S-sorry about your friend,” said the ice fairy, to me. Cirno lifted the cup to her mouth. It had a black plastic lid on it, and Cirno loudly sucked air through the opening. “This c-coffee stuff would be way better with i-ice in it! Got any more?”
“I’m going to have to cut you off,” said the librarian. “However, iced coffee is a real drink. I will serve you some that way, next time, if you continue to cooperate.”
“Thank you!” said the fairy. She spoke quickly. “Can I leave though? For real? I think I gotta pee! It’s weird!”
“Yes,” said Patchouli
Before she was done speaking Cirno had fired an immense icicle into the ceiling. It made a hole through which she could fly away. The ice fairy shot off like a champagne cork. The librarian sighed.
“Rude!” said the librarian. “Demon–fix that!”
“Please stop giving fairies coffee,” said Yukari Yakumo, making me resolve to buy some myself if I ever hosted another picnic. Kourindou had begun stocking coffee. Yukari had met that request, since it was one of the most popular topics during her check ins. Maybe the coffee was just bread and circuses for a population set to be culled one day, but Sasha was happy at least.
“I don’t think it will hurt her,” said Patchouli. “I made it extra strong, so it would match her aspect.”
“No, I meant that she’s likely to cause problems by relieving herself on someone’s doorstep.”
“Ah,” said the purple witch. “Perhaps next time I’ll use decaf, so she’ll be less excitable.”
“That won’t help.” Yukari leaned over and fake-whispered to me. “Doorways are both portals and boundaries. I’ve seen very many interesting things, treating doors like windows and windows like doors!”
“But doorways are my domain,” said a new youkai who rolled in through the library door. She literally rolled; she was in a throne-like wheelchair made of dark wood. The doorway, which normally led to the hall, instead opened on a red expanse full of faint bubbles.
The youkai wore flowing orange robes covered in stellar symbols, and had a black three point hat. Her hair was long and blonde. Her eyes were yellow and startling, like the merciless eyes of a hawk. This was Matara Okina, the Ultimate, Absolute Secret God, and one of the founders of Gensokyo.
Wiki had told me everything about her that very morning, because I’d told him I was going to have to go to Hell and she was one of the very few youkai known to take people there. She was a mashup of several gods; her powers involved making doorways on the back of literally anything, but also manipulating life and mental energy. She had access to a secret realm called “Land of the Back Door.”
I did the deepest bow possible, a ‘dogeza,’ which was something else Wiki had taught me that morning. He’d claimed that Okina was a simple god and would respond to simple things like reverence. I’d thought that he just wanted to see me bow to him (I’d bowed to Emeff instead), but I was suddenly glad we’d had the lesson.
“Okay,” said the wheelchair-bound god. “I will aid this one, as requested, because he has more sense than the rest of Gensokyo put together.”
“I assure you he does not,” said Yukari. “He didn’t bow like that for me!”
“In my defense,” I said to the ground, “I thought I was dreaming, and you’d summoned me to the top of an exposed septic tank.”
“It is unfortunate that we are meeting in a library,” said Okina, shaking her head. “Requiring you to grovel in waste would be even more elevating!”
“I see.” I stared at a floorboard.
“This is no dream. Rise, Jake Thorne, and I shall tell you how to save your friend and Gensokyo itself!” I got to my feet.
“Wait, Mister Thorne did find a solution?” asked Patchouli. She furrowed her brow at Yukari. “That’s what this meeting is about? You could have said as much this morning!”
“That’s against policy,” said Yukari as she fluttered her fan.
—
Okina explained some things about her place in Gensokyo and the difficulty of my B-rank mission before she got to a real explanation. Since she got there at all, she was already more forthcoming than Yukari. I learned that Okina and Yukari worked together to maintain Gensokyo’s isolation, which was imperfect, and that I’d be going on a mission to retrieve something that had broken through unexpectedly.
“There is an artifact lodged in Hell, deep beneath Gensokyo,” said Okina from her wheelchair. “If it is not excised Gensokyo will be destroyed.”
“And this is a B-rank mission?” I asked.
“All matters relating to the protection of Gensokyo are S-rank,” replied Okina. “But some are of greater difficulty than others, so this one may accurately be thought of as B-rank among S-rank missions.”
“BS-Rank, if you will,” suggested Patchouli. Based on mysterious grins, only one of the two gods in front of me got it, and I knew from experience that she wouldn’t explain shit to the other.
Okina had permitted me to get up from my prostration and take a seat beside Patchouli in the great library. We’d pulled up a couple of plush red chairs. There was one extra chair, but Okina elected to stay in her wheelchair and Yukari had chosen to stand by the door instead.
It felt a bit like Patchouli and I were students in the principal’s office, hearing how our GPA might be improved, which was an absurd way to feel because this was Patchouli’s domain and I was thirty years old. On the other hand, I was the youngest person there by decades or centuries, so perhaps my feelings weren’t too far off.
Yukari watched from where she leaned against a nearby wall, as tall as the doorframe. She was quiet for once as she slowly waved her fan. To be fair, I wouldn’t know if she spent ninety percent of all her time silently observing through portals with just that same non-expression, as though she were a spider with her feet on her web. Still. It was weird to witness the Goddess of the Gap so quiet at a meeting, and still physically present. Clearly Okina was of great importance, equal to Yukari herself.
“Your Greatness,” I said to Okina. I was trying to be deferential without being disingenuous, but I might have been laying it on a bit thick. “What is the form of this artifact?”
“It is like a needle, and our realm is a mere bubble,” she said. “Or perhaps it is an arrowhead and we are a rabbit. A sharp object, thrust–”
“You don’t know what it is,” said Patchouli. “Only that it is a threat.”
“More or less,” said Yukari. She smiled. “Have you ever gotten a rock stuck in your shoe?”
“With all due respect, Miss Yakumo,” said the librarian without a detectable trace of sarcasm, “I don’t go hiking very often, and when I do, I prefer to fly.”
“That’s fine, I’m not explaining things to you anyway.” Yukari looked me in the eyes. “You can feel it there, even if you don’t know whether it’s a stone or a bean or a bolt. It hurts, and if you ignore it your foot is going to get damaged. Maybe it’s metal. Maybe you get a blister, maybe you bleed. Maybe you are subject to infection and you die an odorous, gangrenous death.”
“How often does Miss Yakumo go hiking?” I wondered aloud.
“Often enough,” said the youkai that could teleport and fly. “The point is that the threat is small, distant, unknown, and uncertain. We have large, nearby, clear and identifiable threats to worry about… so could you handle this one in the meantime?”
“What are the real threats?” I asked.
“I thought you were questing to save Maroon?”
“There’s no point in that if nobody deals with the real threats.” Beyond that, I knew there were things that were more important than me and my friends. I’d always known it.
“They are being dealt with, Mister Thorne,” said Yukari. “If I thought you should worry about them I’d send Reimu to Hell in your place.”
“This is supposed to be my meeting,” Matara Okina reminded us.
“Your Greatness,” I said, bowing. “Please forgive me. I will stay my questions.”
“A wise course,” she said. “The artifact is a problem of unknown scope. You will journey into the depths of the Earth so that we may get eyes on it, and ascertain its nature.”
I quirked up an eyebrow at the youkai who could make portals anywhere that were full of eyes.
“My power works better at the surface,” said Yukari with a shrug. She didn’t elaborate.
“This will be a perilous journey,” continued Okina, a bit stiffly. “Even with the protection of the spell card system and the guidance of the Great Librarian, you will be putting yourself in mortal danger.”
I felt myself relax a little. I’d worked with Patchouli for a while by then, and having her help would be a boon indeed. She cared enough to keep me from dying… or dying pointlessly, at least. And I was getting used to mortal danger.
“Once per day I will extract you from the depths so that you may recuperate to try again on the next.”
Okina went on to explain that she would lend me some of her power to deal with the enemies I encountered, but not much. I’d mostly need to figure it out on my own, and I’d only get one run per day. Apparently I’d start my new ‘contracting’ job on Monday, and I’d be free from normal duties until it was complete.
I wouldn’t put together the significance of the once daily return limit until later. Okina also explained that I could beseech others for help or even allow them to go in my place, if I thought they would. I suspected that Reimu and Marisa wouldn’t leap at the chance, if it was a mere student pestering them on their day off, but I’d keep it in mind.
“Now is the time for questions,” said the Ultimate, Absolute Secret God. Patchouli raised her hand, so I hesitatingly did the same. Okina gestured to me so that I might speak and I had to resist the temptation to make my first question ‘do you actually answer questions?’
“I am one-hundred percent on board with saving Gensokyo,” I said. “I recognize the importance of even an uncertain threat.”
“Excellent,” said the goddess.
“Even so, I must ask: how will this bring Maroon back?” Patchouli put her hand down.
“Ah, Mister Thorne….” said Okina. “Think often of Maroon on your journey, and she will manifest again in due time.”
“Just think about her? That’s it?”
“That is how youkai come into being, yes.”
“So if I were to remain on the surface and think of her there instead, would that bring her back all the same?”
“Perhaps in time,” said Okina. “Or perhaps your weak and mutable human heart would accept her absence, and she would fade away into nothing. Youkai are creatures of belief, and the most powerful beliefs motivate powerful action.”
Okina popped her chair into a wheelie, momentarily distracting me. She turned back and forth in place.
“A humble life lived with thoughts of the youkai could restore her, or it could erase her. A grand adventure in her name is more meaningful, don’t you think? And truthfully, she may not return even if you do this thing.”
“Oh…” I said.
Yukari frowned and snapped her fan shut, but she didn’t say anything. If she thought that uncertainty in success would demotivate me then she was sorely mistaken. I’d labored hopelessly for years in the Outside World.
And just then, I felt hope. This work was important. Maroon could be saved. I would do whatever it took.
Okina beamed at me.
“If you succeed in locating the artifact and she has not reappeared, I will manipulate life energy and assist you in manifesting her,” said the Absolute Secret God. “I don’t promise it will work, only that I will try.”
“Oh! Thank you.”
“You must reach the artifact first. And I prefer if you say ‘Praise be to Okina, the Absolute Secret God.” I went ahead and said it, that is how much I cared. I pictured Maroon bashfully accepting the idea that even the gods wanted to save her. “Well then, are there any other questions?”
“Your Greatness,” I said, “I am confused about one thing.”
Yukari’s shit-eating grin disappeared behind her fan just a fraction of a second too slowly for me to miss it.
“If you can open any door, why not simply open a door deep underground?” If she were risking the safety of Gensokyo just to give me a chance to make Maroon come back… I’d have to make a very horrible decision, and take the easy route even if it meant that Maroon might not remanifest. Heroes don’t delay in saving the world, even when the threat is uncertain, even if taking the long way would save their friends… probably.
“I may open any backdoor,” said Okina. “There are no doorways nor backs to open at the site of the artifact. That is why you must journey to it.” Okina had the power to make a door appear behind any person, the most literal interpretation of a ‘backdoor’ power I could imagine. I realized that she would do the same with me once I found the… whatever it was.
“Then open the furthest door and drop me as close as possible?”
“Ah, Mister Thorne. I would not doom you to a single attempt by using your only traversal to skip the first part of the journey. I’m sorry, but you’ll have to proceed on foot.” She continued to balance her wheelchair. “I will add that if you spend a night underground you will most assuredly perish. The creatures there are saintly in their patience and demonic in their ruthlessness, always waiting for their prey to sleep.”
“I understand.” I thought for a moment more. “How will I know where to go? Do we have a map or anything like that?”
“No,” said Okina. She waved a hand. “But I have sought out a guide.”
At that moment Nazrin walked in. The mouse woman’s basket was empty, but otherwise she looked exactly as she had the night before.
“You’re being bankrolled,” she said. “Thanks for telling me about the turnips, by the way. Someone has been holding out.” Patchouli studied her book intently, not acknowledging the mouse youkai.
“You’ll be coming with me into the depths of Gensokyo?” I asked Nazrin.
“Hah, no. I’ll be up here with Patchouli the whole time.”
“Oh,” I said. “Well, if I’m bankrolled, can you find my hat for me?”
Nazrin looked at Patchouli, Patchouli looked at Okina, and Okina looked at Yukari.
“No,” said the gap youkai. I almost said ‘dammit,’ but we were in the presence of too many gods for me to feel comfortable cursing anyone.
“I guess we’ll be in remote communication somehow, then,” I said. Patchouli nodded at my question.
“Even if Lady Remilia has a policy against remote work, I know some techniques. We should discuss it after this meeting.”
“And with that this meeting is adjourned,” said Okina.
Her chair settled back down onto its front wheels and she rolled to the door. She did it without putting her hands on the wheels or any control device that I could see. I reminded myself that like everybody else she could probably just fly.
“When you are ready you may travel to the entrance to the underground. I may not appear immediately, but I will be there with you when you most need me.” The goddess went through the door and it closed behind her.
“See you tomorrow, or maybe constantly between now and then,” said Yukari with a wink. She fell through a portal in the floor. The next day was a check-in day, so that made sense.
“Miss Matara made me wait outside until the right moment,” complained Nazrin. “I hope I didn’t miss anything.”
“Nope,” said Patchouli. “And now we can talk about the actual logistics of going deep underground.”
“So is Miss Matara the one paying, or is it Miss Knowledge with the turnips?” I asked.
Patchouli gave a deep sigh. “I dare not invoke the darkest art of subcontracting, may God have mercy on my soul. Miss Matara is paying all of us.”
“I didn’t think you were religious.”
“I believe in gods that pay the bills. Speaking of payment… come with me, Mister Thorne. Let’s talk and walk.”
The librarian flew, rather than walking. Nazrin got to her feet and Patchouli apologized to the mouse youkai.
“There’s something I want to talk with Jake about in private,” she said. “It will be a few minutes.”
“No problem,” said the mouse. “I’ll find something to read, I’m sure.” And she pulled out her dowsing rods to search the library. Patchouli and I set off into the hall.
“Nice of you to give Nazrin a library card,” I said.
“She’s helped me locate things before,” said Patchouli. “Not much of a bookworm, sadly, but she works as hard as a beaver.” I refrained from commenting on Nazrin’s teeth.
“What did you want to talk to me about?”
“I spoke with the Mistress, and we decided that you had technically fulfilled your end of the bargain. We are going to give you the ability to fly.”
“Thank you!” I said, relief flooding me. “I promise I’ll do my best to remanifest Maroon anyway.”
“Indeed,” said Patchouli. “That is part of why we felt comfortable completing our deal. Flight will help you in your journey to get her back. It’s an advance payment of sorts, but also a symbolic gift. A token of trust.”
“A collaboration,” I said. She nodded with a smile, and I felt my heart warm. Caring about Maroon was something we had in common, and a basis for us to work together.
“However, you will technically no longer be an employee, and thus you won’t be under Remilia’s protection.” My heart froze.
“Uh, can I walk underground instead?” I asked. “It’d probably be safer. Don’t want to hit my head or fall or something.” Or get murdered that very night. Spending the night in Gensokyo without protection was unacceptable.
“The underworld of Gensokyo is full of obstacles that require flight to overcome,” said Patchouli. “Some of the obstacles will chase you. And at some point Remilia won’t have the ability to get to you fast enough to protect you, anyway.”
“I thought she could sense the future?”
“The time limit on that ability is perhaps less than ideal,” said Patchouli. “And it’s classified, so drop it.”
“Very well,” I said. “What about protection on the surface? Can I retain that?”
“She told me to tell you that ‘she promises to eat you last,’ and you should be grateful,” said Patchouli. She made a chopping sound with her teeth. “And she told me to do that, too.”
“Fuck,” I said.
“I recommend that you don’t tell a soul about your change in employment,” said Patchouli. “That’s why I waited until we were alone.”
“What about…” I said, looking around.
“Demons!” said Patchouli. “If you are listening, reveal yourselves.”
I yelped. Two koakumas had been flying behind us, but three more were just down the hall and out of sight. A suit of armor lifted its visor to reveal red demonic eyes. A koakuma stepped out from every door on both sides of the hallway, and a few stepped out from behind paintings. One stood up from behind a potted plant that I’d also failed to notice, and one was pretending to sit on the chandelier above. There were twenty of them or more.
“None of you will tell anyone that Jake Thorne is not under our protection. Understood?”
“Yes,” chorused twenty demons in perfect synchronicity, so their voice was one omnidirectional acquiescence.
“Nod if you understand.” They nodded. “You–nod harder.” One koakuma rocked her head back and forth like it might fall off. “Good. You’re all dismissed.”
They disappeared, not all going to the same place they had come from. We resumed our walk. I tried to get my heart rate back to normal. I realized I couldn’t taste my own fear, because if I could I should have been drowning in it.
“Can’t youkai detect it if I’m under her protection?” I asked. “During the attack, one of them said something about that.”
“It is detectable to some extent,” she said. “The association can be felt, but its nature is not necessarily obvious. As long as you continue to work with us, your attackers should be fooled.”
“And this doesn’t count as a manipulation?” I would technically be using Remilia as a threat against others without her permission.
“Oh, rest assured, Remilia won’t show up to save you, so it does not.”
“Fantastic,” I said. “So. Sakuya is going to teach me how to fly with sped up time. How long do you think it will take?”
“What gave you that impression?” asked Patchouli. “You’ll be flying in about ten minutes. You’ll have to practice on your own time, however.” We were nearing the mansion’s servant entrance.
We came to the fairy’s changing room. It was empty save for the two of us. Patchouli opened a cabinet and pulled out a box. Inside the box were a dozen sets of costume wings with what I thought were red bands for strapping them to your chest.
“These are..?” I asked.
“Prosthetics for fairies who don’t have wings,” said the librarian. She pulled a pair of scissors from her magical breast pocket. “Now take off your shirt.”