Academy’s PTSD Chaplain

27 – 27. Martyr’s Blood (4)

The Sofia Subtitle, who had been staring at me intently for a moment, finally let out a deep sigh and spoke.

“Ah…. I’m fine. I’m more worried about you, Father Juim.”

“I’m perfectly fine.”

“Ahaha… perfectly fine… Father Juim, always….”

There was a sadness in her expression. As I looked at her, for some reason, my heart felt uneasy.

“Father Juim, I trust you.”

“Thank you.”

“So, I hope that you will also trust me, Father Juim.”

“….”

With those words, no more conversation ensued. We silently continued our tea in stillness.

The already cold tea tasted more bitter than I had thought.

————–

The restaurant is quiet and peaceful. I can hardly believe that I can be here.

Feeling awkwardly, I entered the restaurant and took a seat at a table as far away from the window as possible. A server was coming this way.

“I’ll take your order. What would you like?”

“Um….”

I stared at the menu on the table. It’s been so long since I ate out that I couldn’t decide what food to order.

As I took longer to choose from the menu, the server gave an awkward smile and turned around.

“Let me know when you’ve made up your mind~.”

“Um….”

The server stopped in their tracks and looked back at me. Avoiding her gaze, I asked.

“What’s the best-selling dish here?”

Upon hearing that, the server smiled bashfully and turned back towards my table. A faint smell of food tickled my nose.

“Here, the seafood stir-fried rice is the most popular…. It might be a bit too much for just one person. So….”

“Is it delicious?”

“…Yes?”

“I mean the seafood stir-fried rice. Is it the most delicious and popular dish?”

The server nodded. I moved away from the menu and said.

“Then, I’ll have that.”

“There’s a lot of it….”

“There’s one person in our group. So, it’s okay.”

“Ah, I see. What would you like to drink?”

“…Just water, please.”

The waiter backed away. I pushed the menu to one corner of the table and leaned back in my chair.

“Phew….”

Due to an unpleasant incident yesterday, my mind still wasn’t at ease. Despite muttering to Sister Camilla, there was no relief, just a lingering sense of discontent.

I came all the way here today to meet someone, but if there were no plans, I might have locked myself in the dormitory, smoking cigarettes and brooding.

I took out the Bible from my pocket. Although the desire to smoke filled my thoughts, the image of Sophia, who coughed in the cigarette smoke, made me glance around unnecessarily, wary of others’ reactions.

As I continued reading the Bible, how much time passed?

“Ah, here you are.”

A familiar but strangely unfamiliar voice reached me. I closed the Bible and looked up.

“Lieutenant Mayhem.”

“Now it’s Lieutenant Colonel in reserve….”

It was Lieutenant Colonel Mayhem. He had already been discharged with the rank of colonel, but to me, Lieutenant Colonel Mayhem felt much more familiar.

Lieutenant Colonel Mayhem, seated across from me, put a cigarette in his mouth and fumbled for matches. I stared blankly at his actions.

Seeing me like that, Lieutenant Colonel Mayhem chuckled.

“You’re not saying anything.”

“Excuse me?”

“Back then, even if I just put a cigarette in my mouth, your face would sour. You said you hated the smell of smoke.”

“…That’s a long time ago.”

“Yeah, it’s a long time ago. Back then, I even spoke politely every time.”

“At that time, we weren’t that close, so it couldn’t be helped.”

“Yeah, that’s true…. It was like that back then.”

Silence hung in the air. Lieutenant Colonel Mayhem, who had struggled to find matches for a while, gave up on smoking and put the cigarette he had in his mouth back into the pack.

“Food? Have you already ordered?”

“I’ve already ordered.”

“Is this the menu? Hmmm… Seafood stir-fried rice?”

“Yes. Do you like seafood?”

“Well…. Father Antonelli. Do you know him?”

Lieutenant Colonel Mayhem sighed. I stared at him without saying a word.

“I am done talking. Since the war ended, I have never had seafood in my mouth.”

“I see.”

“Isn’t it strange? I couldn’t eat it before because it didn’t exist. It’s strange how the thought of seafood never crossed my mind.”

There was a moment of silence. As the waiter handed us a pitcher of water and cups, I quietly poured some water for Major Mayhem and myself.

“Thank you.”

Major Mayhem drank the cold water in his cup in one gulp. It seemed as though the water flowing down his throat was soothing his bitter insides.

He set the cup down with a much-improved expression. When I poured another glass for him, he swallowed it in one go.

I couldn’t read the emotions in his eyes. There was a thick mix of tangled and complex feelings. Major Mayhem let out a sigh, murmuring to himself.

“The more time goes by, the more we age… It seems I am changing a lot. Time can be cruel at times.”

“Isn’t that true for everyone?”

“Yes. No one can defy time, that’s for sure. But…”

Major Mayhem let out a bitter laugh. His left arm, resting on the table, looked lonely. I averted my gaze from his right sleeve, which hung weakly without his arm.

“Did you bring your prosthetic arm?”

“What for? It would be uncomfortable to meet you with it.”

“Still…”

During the Great War, the headquarters was once hit by artillery fire. Since that day, Major Mayhem was left disabled.

Seeing the subtle expression on my face, Major Mayhem chuckled lightly.

“Hahaha! I’m fine, so don’t worry too much. I’ve gotten used to using my left arm now.”

“….”

“By the way, I almost died back then. But losing just an arm was a small price to pay. I was lucky.”

“…Major Mayhem.”

In that moment, it was difficult to hold back the surge of emotions bubbling inside. It felt like a lump in my throat. I took a sip of water and spoke.

“Major Mayhem, you still seem lively as ever.”

“Haha… well…”

For a moment, Major Mayhem awkwardly laughed and looked elsewhere.

“Well, it’s not really like that.”

His eyes glistened as he gazed at a distant mountain. Whether it was due to his moistened eyes or the lamp on the table, I couldn’t tell. I subtly turned my head away from him.

“Actually, it wasn’t really like that.”

“When my wife sees me, she frowns. The kids have grown so much that it’s time to enroll them in the academy. Clumsy with my left hand… Thankfully, we’re well off with the pension from the palace. It’s a relief not to worry about money.”

“You’re getting a decent pension too, aren’t you?” Lieutenant Mayhem turned to me.

“I’m not sure. I’ve never checked my account, so I don’t know.”

“Hmm… You might be letting the money sit idle. Soon, go to the bank and check.”

“…I’m not sure if I should spend that money.”

Lieutenant Mayhem sighed. I continued without paying much attention.

“If that money is legitimately earned through my work, then it shouldn’t matter. I…”

“…Antonelli Priest.”

“I feel like I’m a sinner. I should have stayed in the Empire with Lieutenant Mayhem. Instead, I went to the Holy Kingdom and ended up in a tough situation…”

“Because of Helena?”

I looked at Lieutenant Mayhem. His gaze was still hard to read, perhaps a result of his long service in the military.

“It’s not just because of that.”

“Is it partly because of that?”

“Lieutenant Mayhem.”

“Enough of that now.”

I clenched my fist tightly. Lieutenant Mayhem didn’t bat an eyelash, but he spoke.

“You should think about settling down too, getting married, having kids. Helena would be sad to see you like this.”

“I can’t do that.”

“Antonelli Priest. Let me tell you… If I didn’t have a family, I can’t imagine how I would have endured those hellish times. It’s still too frightening to even imagine.”

His words were so gentle. I knew that he was only expressing concern for me.

“Consider building a family, Antonelli Priest. Having a family can heal the wounds of the heart more than you think.”

“…”

“Of course, getting married is your choice… I’m just offering advice. Don’t misunderstand.”

“Yes. I understand.”

I loosened my grip on my fist. Seeing me like that, Lieutenant Mayhem smirked and said,

“But have you considered attending something?”

“What are you talking about?”

“The Phoenix Veterans Association. Our former Phoenix Battalion members would love to see you again.”

“Is that still active?”

“That’s a disappointing sound. We gather regularly, you know. Haven’t I sent you a letter recently? If you have the time, I’d appreciate it if you could attend at least once.”

“I don’t recall receiving such a letter.”

“Did I write the address wrong…?”

Lieutenant Mayhem smirked. I couldn’t help but chuckle at his foolish appearance.

“But really, did I mess up the address? Where do you live now?”

“I’m living in the faculty dormitory at the Calday Imperial Academy.”

“Oh, damn. I wrote it wrong.”

Looking at Lieutenant Mayhem with a somewhat puzzled expression, he burst into laughter.

“By the way, unexpectedly an academy. Are you enrolled as a student?”

“I’m a professor in theology. How could I be enrolled as a student at my age?”

“Hmm…? How old are you now?”

“I’m twenty-nine this year.”

“Oh… time really flies. Quite fascinating.”

It became even more perplexing. When I noticed my mouth curling up, Lieutenant Mayhem pointed at me and laughed.

“Now you’re smiling. You’ve been so serious until now.”

“Have I?”

“Yes. So, will you attend the veterans’ association?”

I recalled the faces of the Phoenix Division members I had fought with on the front lines. Each of their features only vaguely came to mind, as if they were all unfamiliar even if I attended.

“…I’ll think about it.”

“There are many friends who want to see you. Especially those soldiers who were saved by you.”

“Is that so?”

“Yeah. For them, you’re practically a savior of life.”

Well, so am I. Lieutenant Mayhem showed a wry smile. I lightly sipped the water in my cup.

Looking at me, Lieutenant Mayhem asked, “Did you order alcohol?”

“I only ordered water. Lieutenant Mayhem, didn’t you quit drinking?”

“Oh… what nonsense. You should drink on a day like this. Waiter!”

“No…”

* * * * *

We stepped outside the restaurant, enjoying the lively atmosphere. As the cool night air brushed against our bodies, tingling with the warmth of alcohol, my body shivered.

“Ugh… It’s been a while since I had seafood, and it wasn’t as bad as I thought… Next time, I’ll introduce you to a restaurant I know well.”

“Yes, understood.”

“Are you drunk?”

“I’m fine.”

“Alright. I should go in soon. My wife might get angry.”

“Please go inside.”

It feels a bit awkward. I exchanged farewells with Lieutenant Mayhem and turned away.

“Priest Antonelli! Make sure to attend the veterans’ gathering this time! I’ll send you the details in a letter! Promise! Promise!”

I paused for a moment, then resumed walking. Lieutenant Mayhem’s voice was no longer audible.

The streets of the island were bustling in the late evening. I hurriedly returned to the dormitory.

My pace gradually quickened. When I reached the academy, I was almost running, panting heavily.

“Whew… Hoo…”

The roughness of my breath was unsettling. I hastily searched for my keys in my pockets. Even as I inserted the key into the keyhole, it frustratingly kept slipping.

Finally entering the dormitory, I breathed heavily and rushed to the bathroom.

“Ugh, cough…!”

Grabbing onto the toilet as my stomach churned, only a thin stream of saliva flowed from my mouth, and nothing else came out.

I touched my hand. It was warm. I wasn’t feverish.

“So, why…”

Why was my stomach so tight?

Unable to shake off this suffocating feeling, I knew the reason but denied it, shaking my head.

I sat on the bathroom floor, unable to move. Even wiping my face with my sleeve, the surroundings blurred.

“Why… Why…”

Lieutenant Mayhem, whom I hadn’t seen in a long time, had become a strong person, overcoming past pains. It was almost unbearable to witness.

The old comrades gathering for the veterans’ association were strangely pitiful.

They had laid bare their wounds, long-held grudges, and painful pasts. They looked toward the future, moving forward.

“Ugh… Why am I the only one…”

Why was I stuck in place?

A choked sound escaped my throat. It was an unpleasant noise. I covered my ears.

“I, I also…”

I wanted to move forward. I wanted to throw away this painful past.

I was sinking. Stuck in the slimy swamp, struggling for breath. In a remote place where no one could rescue me.

As I realized that fact, something inside me seemed to crumble. I…

“Cough! Huh…! Helena…!”

At least, at least for today…

Meeting you was regrettable in the most intense way.