ALL NOVEL 31. Amy or Amethyst (Tess)
"This is a lot less flashy and fun than I thought it would be," I admitted. I tried not to pout, but the whole thing turned out to be nothing like I expected.
Amy gave me an apologetic smile, "It's like any new skill Tess. You have to put in the work to get the results."
She had a sip of wine before adding, "And I appreciate that we can't do this full-time. A couple centuries ago you'd be spending all your time learning this stuff from your mom or grandma, it'd be your profession and you'd start learning it from childhood. Doing it as a hobby means it's going to take that much longer to learn."
Even if I didn't like it, I knew she was right. We were only working on this stuff on the nights of the full moon, plus maybe an occasional weekend. It was still disheartening though when I tried to evaluate my progress, or lack thereof.
It somewhere around midnight on a Thursday in the middle of March, and tonight was another full moon. The lights were out, instead we had a bunch of candles set up around our living-room and kitchen to set the mood.
We moved into our new place back at the beginning of September, and it was perfect. We had a balcony, a second bedroom which was currently set up as an office for both me and Amy, and the main area was a large open-concept space. We had a big open living-room, a little dining table and chairs, with the kitchen on the other side. Plus the bathroom had a proper shower and separate tub and both were big enough for two, and Amy was happy with the larger kitchen and nicer appliances.
Me and Amy were sitting together on the floor of our new living-room, using the coffee table like a desk. My granny's journal was in front of me, next to a new journal of my own that I'd started using for this stuff. And like we'd been doing every full moon since September, Amy was trying to teach me about witchcraft, the way my ancestors would have learned it long ago.
And that was the problem, really.
Back in the summer when she offered to teach me this stuff, I thought she was offering to teach me magic. I thought I'd learn to do the amazing miraculous tricks that she did all the time. In fact she was offering to teach me to be a witch or wise woman, like my ancestors hundreds of years ago. And that was a lot less flashy and a lot more down to earth.
I drained the last of the wine in my glass then sighed, "I know you're right. It just feels like a lot of work and not much progress. We've been at this for what, seven months now? And I feel like I'm still on page one of 'Witchcraft for Dummies' while you're..."
My voice trailed off as I couldn't come up with a suitable metaphor and I ended up shrugging and shaking my head.
"I'm sorry Tess," Amy said as she leaned closer. She gave me a kiss before she continued, "Don't compare yourself to me, there's no fair way to do that. You're trying to learn some complicated skills while it all comes naturally to me. It's like..."
This time her voice trailed off as she searched for an analogy.
"Instead of magic, think about flying?" she finally stated. "Like birds, insects, bats, all sorts of things can fly naturally right? Humans figured it out eventually, but it took balloons, blimps, and airplanes. And to get to that point, humans had to figure out how flight worked, how air worked, how the birds and bugs and bats did it. Then they had to figure out the materials, the tools, the mechanisms. And granted lots of people 'fly' today, but how many of them actually know how to do it? How many could build their own airplane from scratch, then get in and fly it?"
She gave me a sympathetic smile and continued, "That's what you're trying to do with magic. You're learning how it works, what makes it go, you're learning the tools and the mechanisms. And only after you have all that knowledge and understanding, will you be able to put it all together and make it go. Do you think the Wright brothers got discouraged because birds could fly so easily while they were stuck figuring it out the hard way?"
"I get it," I grumbled quietly. "And I appreciate the work you're doing trying to teach me all this stuff. I guess I just wish it was easier, you know?"
I gave her a hopeful smile and said, "When you offered to teach me this stuff I thought you were going to do something flashy and I'd be able to cast spells and things right off the bat. I didn't think it'd be like taking a bunch of night-school classes in herbology and runes and mysticism and all those other basic skills."
"And maybe all that wouldn't be so bad if it felt like there was some progress along the way?" I added. "Like I guess if I was learning some little magic tricks before moving up to big stuff? And I get what you're saying with the flying analogy, I guess I'm saying I was hoping there'd be some little achievements. Like paper airplanes or flying a kite or something?"
Amy nodded, "I get it Tess. And if this were a thousand years ago then it'd be easier to see those little achievements. Like if you were learning this as a child in a little farming village, you'd see the wise woman who was teaching you this stuff working little miracles of her own. And you'd be doing that too. Like helping cure someone's fever, or making sure the chickens were laying eggs, that sort of thing? The stuff you're learning now doesn't have much application in the modern world, when people can grab an aspirin and buy their eggs at the grocery store. But it's all part of the big picture, and before you can do stuff that literally breaks the laws of nature or physics you have to learn how to get there. You have to learn how the laws of nature work, before you can subvert and break them."
I was quiet for a few minutes after that. I knew what she was saying, and I knew she was right. And that was the problem. I was trying to learn stuff that wasn't necessary or relevant in the modern world. My real goal was to be able to work magic, but all the prerequisites were so out-of-date it was really difficult to feel connected to it.
After another minute or two I finally asked, "So what you're saying is, there's no shortcut where you'd just poof the knowledge into my head?"
Amy sighed and got to her feet. She took our wine glasses over to the kitchen and refilled them both, then came back and sat down on the sofa.
"I could," she finally replied. "It's not exactly like that, but there's something we could do that would let you skip all this stuff and jump to the end."
I thanked her for the wine as I got up off the floor. I sat cuddling against her on the sofa and asked, "So what's the catch? I can tell from your tone there's a catch."
She shrugged, "You wouldn't be able to pass it on or teach anyone else. It would be more like a part-time job or something, where you could earn some magic."
"What do you mean?" I asked as I sipped my wine. "What's the job?"
Amy sipped hers as well and replied, "Basically you'd be sort of like a cleric or priestess. I could grant you some power in return for your worship and loyalty and all that stuff. Stuff I don't really want from you, or anyone else. I don't want to play the part of 'Goddess Amethyst' to anybody, least of all my girlfriend."
"But that's who you are," I replied with a frown. "I get that you're not comfortable with having people worshipping you or praying to you, but..."
"It's not me," she shook her head. "Amethyst is the name on my drivers license but I'm just Amy. The goddess gave that up when she fell in love with Mary, then she died twenty-two years ago. I inherited her legacy and I can access her power and some of her memories, but I'm not her. Like I said last summer when we figured all this stuff out, I'm still the same trans girl you met after the full moon last July."
I sighed, "You're a Goddess Amy, even if you don't like to admit it. If someone does the summoning ritual for Amethyst the Goddess, they'll get you."
My girlfriend frowned and shook her head, "I'm still just me though. I'm a human, I was born November twenty-third, nineteen-ninety-nine. I have a human sister and human parents. And a human girlfriend. I grow and age, I can get sick and I can get hurt. And I can die."
"You don't have to though, right?" I asked. "I mean, since you got access to those old memories and your power, you have the power of a Goddess."
I could tell Amy was uncomfortable with the direction the conversation had taken. She gulped down the rest of her wine, and she looked uptight. I was about to tell her to forget about it, but she spoke up before I could.
"You're right," she replied quietly. "I could live a normal life and grow old with you, then make my body younger again whenever I felt like it. Or I could stop it aging entirely and just stay twenty-two for as long as I wanted. Or I could make myself any age at all for that matter. I could make myself impervious to disease, and I could heal any injury I got. Or I could even make myself invulnerable to injury. I could make my body effectively immortal and live here on Earth forever like this."
She sighed and added, "I could do the same for you too. You could become my priestess or cleric or whatever we wanted to call it, I could grant you some magical powers, and we could both live together forever, a goddess and her acolyte. That's not what I want though. I'm just a twenty-two year old trans girl and college student. Forever is a scary concept for me. And yeah I can access Amethyst's memories, but they aren't part of my everyday life. They're not me. Yes I've played around with the magic. I've done things to make life easier for both of us. But you know I'm not flaunting it, I'm not being greedy or cruel or shallow about it. And I'm not comfortable with the idea of people worshipping me or praying to me or doing anything else along those lines."
"I'm sorry Amy," I leaned closer and put my arm around her. "I didn't mean to upset you. I was feeling frustrated and disappointed about magic not being easier for me. I shouldn't have turned it into a debate about your identity."
She leaned her head against my shoulder and sighed again. "Let's call it a night for this stuff. I don't think either of us are in the right mindset for it."
"Thanks Amy," I replied quietly. I was sure she felt disappointed, but she was right. Neither of us were in the right place mentally or emotionally to keep pushing at the lessons.
We were both quiet for a bit, then Amy seemed to make a decision.
"We'll talk more about this at the next full moon. If you're still frustrated, if you still want a shortcut to some power and magic, then we'll discuss the details of how that would work. And if that's what you want to do, well your birthday's a couple weeks after that. So if that's the direction we end up going, we can think about doing it then."
She added, "Even if that's what we end up doing, I'd still like to keep working with you on the traditional stuff. It wouldn't contribute to what sort of magic you'd be able to do, but I'd still like you to have the knowledge and skills."
After a few moments I asked, "If we did the shortcut thing, why would I still need to do the traditional stuff too?"
Amy sighed softly, "I don't want that knowledge lost to the world. It's... I get that a lot of it isn't applicable anymore. That's why it's in danger of being lost in the first place. I still think there's value in it, it's part of our heritage or legacy I guess."
I thought about that for a minute or two, then smiled as I teased "You could always write a book you know? I get that when this stuff was originally shared with my ancestors that wasn't an option. Heck they were probably illiterate so it had to be an oral tradition. But nowadays a book would be a lot more effective and potentially have far greater reach."
Even though I was mostly joking, it left my girlfriend with a thoughtful look on her face.
"That's not a bad idea," she finally said. "I'll think about it. I'm not sure I have the writing skills to pull it off, but I could probably learn."
