ALL NOVEL 38. Terms & Conditions (Tess)
I sat on the sofa and had a sip of my wine as I watched Amy walk around the room with the lighter. She was lighting each candle one at a time, and we had a lot of candles so it took a few minutes. Once she had the ones in the living-room going, she went over to the kitchen and did all of them by hand too.
The last few months she'd been doing it the easy way, showing off with her magic. Just a grin and maybe a little gesture if she was feeling theatrical, and a few dozen candles would ignite simultaneously.
Dinner tonight was the same. Considering it was a holiday, and a Friday night too for that matter, we'd have normally ordered something in. Pizza or wings or Chinese or something like that. That was sort of a tradition for us. Instead she insisted on making a home-cooked meal from scratch.
I knew why she was acting this way. She was trying to demonstrate that there was nothing wrong with doing stuff the hard way. Or putting in the hard work. Or she was eschewing magic rather than showing off, so I wouldn't feel envious or left out. Or maybe it was all of the above. I had no doubt she was going to all this trouble tonight because of the conversation we were going to have once she finally finished lighting all the candles.
Not that I could blame her. I kind of understood her point, and her desire not to let that old knowledge just die off. And that wasn't even touching on the concerns I had and she probably shared, that the things I'd have to do to get this magic shortcut might change the relationship between us.
After another minute or two Amy finished lighting the last of the candles. She put the lighter away then picked up her glass of wine and joined me on the sofa.
She had a sip of her drink then turned towards me and said, "Ok Tess. Do you want do some more of the traditional training first? Or do you want to talk about the other thing?"
"Let's talk about the other option," I decided. "Get it over with, then maybe we can do the regular lessons afterwards."
She hesitated, and had another sip of her wine. Finally she asked,"You mentioned this morning that you had more questions. What were they?"
"Last month you said that I could become a priestess or cleric or something," I replied. "You said there were some things I'd have to do, and in return you could grant me some magic. A shortcut, instead of me spending the next ten or twelve years learning herbalism and spiritualism et cetera. Before I can make a decision I really need to know all the details, the fine print. What I'd have to do, what would be expected of me, and what I'd get in return. And if there's any risks or dangers, for either of us."
Amy sighed and had some more of her wine as she seemed to think it over, or perhaps she was organizing her thoughts. Finally she took a deep breath and began the explanation.
"I've been thinking about this since the last full moon. I've reminded myself what Amethyst the Goddess did, how she did it. I don't think I'd do things the way she did, but it gave me some idea of what's necessary, and what I'd want to change to make it work for us."
She blushed and grimaced slightly, "I've been taking some ideas from the games I'm familiar with. So the title would be 'cleric' rather than 'priestess'. You know I'm not comfortable with the idea of people praying to me or worshipping me. Unfortunately there's no way to get around that, but we can keep it to a minimum. There's a few things you'd need to do. The first one's easy? You'd have to believe in me, but I think we already have that covered."
There was a little smile on her face as she said that part, and I couldn't blame her. Hard not to believe in her when I'd been sharing a bed with her every night for almost nine months.
Amy clarified, "That's not just about believing I exist, but believing in my power or whatever. My divinity? Which you already do, even more than me. So anyways, that one's covered. The next thing is, there would have to be some sacrifices. I'm not talking about lambs or sheep or rams or anything like that. This goddess wants cookies. Chunky chewy chocolate chocolate chip cookies, the six C's of deliciousness. One box of cookies on every full moon, plus our two holy days. Put them on a plate, leave them out before going to bed."
"Do I need to leave out a glass of milk too?" I asked with a smile. "And if you eat a whole box of cookies before bed you'll get a tummy ache."
I honestly thought she was kidding, but my smile faded as I realized she seemed serious.
"Not milk," Amy said as she shook her head. "I think a little glass of chilled ice-wine would work better. We'll figure out what kind goes best with the cookies."
After another sip of my wine I asked, "And to clarify, your two holy days are really April thirtieth and July thirty-first?"
"Yeah," Amy nodded. "They used different days back in the past, but I don't see any reason why I can't pick new special days."
I pointed out "It's a little bit weird that one of the religious holidays I'll be observing is based on my own birthday."
Amy shrugged, "The other one's based on your granny's birthday, but those are the days I've picked. Moving on to the third thing. I will provide you a symbol of your faith and you will wear it at all times. It'll be important, literally a gift from 'your goddess', it'll probably be enchanted in some way."
The way she was taking this all so seriously surprised me, though it reminded me how she treated the 'witchcraft lessons'. For someone who hated being called a Goddess she seemed to take at least some of the responsibilities to heart.
"About this symbol," I asked. "You said I'd have to wear it. Are we talking about jewelry? Or clothing?"
Amy replied, "Jewelry. It'll be something small and tasteful, so it shouldn't get in the way or be too much of a problem. Like I said, you'll have to wear it at all times. That means once you put it on, it shouldn't come off."
I hesitated, "Ok... So it'll have to be something that's going to be safe in the shower, and if it's made of metal it'll have to be something hypoallergenic."
"Of course," she agreed. "I'll make sure it's suitable for the purpose."
"Was there anything else?" I asked.
She nodded, "Fourth and final thing. As much as I hate it, you'll have to do some worshipping. But we'll restrict it to the full moon nights and the nights of the two holidays. It doesn't have to be anything excessive, but for this to work I'll have to 'be the goddess' on those occasions, and when I do you'll have to be suitably reverent and devout."
I could tell how awkward she felt saying that. Both her tone and expression revealed how much she didn't want to do that. And despite how serious she was, I couldn't help finding some humour in the terms she was giving me.
"So... Would it count if we did that worshipping stuff in the bedroom?" I asked with a smirk. "I mean, maybe it'd be easier on both of us if we looked at it as once or twice a month we switch and you be the top?"
Amy's eyes widened and she gave me a funny look, then her cheeks went bright red and she facepalmed.
"You know what?" she mumbled as she kept her hand over her face. "That might actually work."
I suppressed a giggle, then had a gulp of my wine. Amy did the same, and after a minute or two we'd both calmed down again. Then I summarized her requirements into a short list.
"Ok, that's the stuff I'd have to do for you. The two constant things are I'll have to believe in you all the time which I already do anyways, and wear some piece of jewelry you'll give me. And on the nights of the full moon and your holy days, so maybe fifteen times a year, I have to leave out a plate of sacrificial cookies and a little glass of ice wine. And those nights I'll have to worship you, possibly in bed. And in return you'll make me your cleric? Which means what, exactly?"
Amy had another gulp of wine before replying. In fact she drained the rest of her glass.
"I'll grant you spells. A few at first, but you'll earn more in time. Sort of like when I'm playing a cleric in my video game? When my character uses magic she's calling upon the divine power and blessings of her goddess. You'll be able to do that too."
I slumped back on the sofa and frowned as I stared at one of the candles by the TV. "I'm not going to lie, this is all feeling kind of weird to me Amy. Last month you made my birthday and my granny's birthday your holidays, now you're making up this whole cleric thing based on a video game. It's... I don't know. You sound like you're taking this stuff seriously but it feels surreal, or a little like a joke."
She sighed and slouched back beside me, then cuddled up against my side. "I'm sorry Tess. I have no idea how to be a goddess and I don't really want to learn. I can access memories of stuff Amethyst the Goddess did, but that's not me. And I don't want it to be me. I'm not going to demand you have to wear white robes all the time, or you have to eat certain things, or can't eat other things. I don't need you to dance naked among the fields on the spring equinox or sacrifice a ram at the autumn equinox. So I'm coming up with stuff that I hope will work for both of us, and that can fit in our normal modern life, while still meeting the bare requirements."
"Who sets those requirements?" I asked. "Like... I don't know? When you say there's requirements it makes me wonder how that works?"
My girlfriend blushed and looked uncomfortable, "It's... There's stuff I figured out, stuff I've found in Amethyst's memories? Maybe 'requirements' isn't the right word. It's like a transaction in a way? I'd be loaning you power and magic, right? To make that go, I need worship and sacrifice in return. That's how gods work, right? Faith, worship, followers, all that stuff I don't want. But to grant you some divine power of your own, I need some of that coming back in."
She sighed again, "I'd like to tell you more, to explain the whole thing better? But it's stuff I can't share. Especially now that we know there's other gods around and at least one of them's taken an interest in me. Stuff I was keeping to myself before because I didn't think it was relevant, now I think I need to keep it secret because it might put me at risk or at least at a disadvantage if it was known. I'm sorry."
Her mentioning the other Gods left me feeling a little anxious and uneasy. Especially in the context of wanting to keep information secret because it could put her at risk. And I hadn't forgotten Ravenna confirming that some of those Gods out there were dangerous.
"Ok Amy," I said as I slipped my arm around her shoulders. I pulled her into a hug and said, "I'm not going to press about that stuff. And thanks for explaining the reasoning behind all this. I'm sure the naked field dancing and ram sacrifices were important a few hundred years ago, but I'd much rather offer you cookies and ice wine."
She cuddled against me and leaned her head on my shoulder, then asked quietly "So does that mean you want to go through with it? You want to do this?"
It took me another minute or so to think through it all once more. In the end I had one more question. "Will it affect our relationship?"
"No," she replied. "Nothing will change between us, I promise. Apart from the full moons and holidays, I guess. When I have to be the goddess."
I nodded slightly, "Ok then. Yes, I want do this. Can we start right now, tonight? I know last month you said we'd wait till my birthday, but..."
Amy shook her head, "I don't have the holy symbol ready yet. Um, what do you think would work better for you? I was thinking either a necklace, or a ring."
"Ring," I stated. I didn't even have to think about that. "If I have to wear it nonstop, a ring would be better. Necklaces get tangled up in my hair."
She smiled, "Ok Tess. I'll figure it out and have it ready for you in fifteen days. And um, you'll need to have the cookies and ice wine ready too."
I grinned, "I'll talk to Hailey and find out where she gets the cookies."
