ALL NOVEL 39. Goddess Problems (Amy)
I sat back on the sofa and had a sip of my cola.
It was early Saturday afternoon, and I was having another lazy relaxing day. Tess was being more productive, she'd been at her desk in our office since we finished brunch a couple hours ago. She had some extra work to do for her course and she'd closed the door so she could focus on her studies.
The privacy worked out for me too, it gave me some time to think about a few things that were bothering me.
This time tomorrow me and Tess would be at my parents' house, for the first time since Hailey's birthday. It would be my first time seeing my mom and dad in almost nine months, and I was anxious about how that would play out.
Part of me was scared I'd wind up in tears again, that I'd have to flee their home like I did last time. Except the last time I was there I was insecure, anxious, and vulnerable. Now I had the power of a goddess, and I wasn't insecure or vulnerable. And my parents knew about the magic, but not how I was connected to the goddess.
Another part of me was scared that my visit would end in tears, but it'd be my mom doing the crying. I worried she'd be rude or insensitive, and instead of me breaking down or backing off like I used to, I'd stand up to her, stand up for myself. Maybe I'd be just as rude or insensitive back at her, and she wouldn't know how to handle it.
After a few more minutes worrying about that, I decided it was a problem I could deal with tomorrow. The bottom line was my parents were probably my smallest problem. Maybe seeing them would ruin my day tomorrow, but I'd get over it pretty quickly. I had bigger, more important things to worry about.
I focused once more on what Tess and I discussed last night, and what she decided. That whole conversation was still on my mind today and would probably remain on my mind at least till Tess's birthday.
The thing with the ring was easy enough. I already knew what I wanted to get for her, it was just a question of whether I'd be able to get it through conventional means or if I'd have to conjure the thing up from magic. I had two weeks to deal with that but I figured I shouldn't leave it till the last minute.
Overall though, the whole topic still left me uncomfortable. To be honest I sort of regretted making the offer to Tess last month. I really should have put a lot more thought into it before mentioning it to her. And for that matter I kind of regretting offering to teach her to be a wise woman in the first place.
She really wasn't interested in the old knowledge, and she was right about it all being outdated and irrelevant today.
She didn't get into her granny's journal because she wanted to be a witch, she didn't try summoning a goddess for any sort of religious or spiritual reasons. She was sad, bored, drunk, and lonely. She did it because she thought it sounded cool, it was a fun way to waste an evening, and because there was an off chance it might work and she could ask for divine help finding a new girlfriend.
In short, she was in it for the magic from the start. She wasn't interested in the deeper knowledge or anything else along those lines.
Now I'd sort of committed to doing this with her, and I wasn't sure how comfortable either of us were with the concept.
And I knew I should probably discuss these feelings and concerns with her, but I also knew it was something I should have mentioned any time in the last thirty days rather than waiting till after I made an offer and she accepted it.
And maybe it was a good opportunity to demonstrate that I wasn't infallible, and a reminder that I wasn't omniscient. I'd still feel like a jerk though if I tried to rescind the offer at this point. Unless I had a good reason not to go through with it. Maybe something about safety, like if it could put Tess at risk somehow.
After a few more minutes worrying about all that stuff, I decided I needed to talk to someone. And as of yesterday, I had someone I could safely discuss my goddess problems with.
I glanced towards the office, but the door was still closed. I had no idea how long Tess would be working in there, but for now at least it seemed like I had some privacy.
In a quiet voice I spoke the name, "Ravenna."
Just like yesterday, she appeared within moments. She didn't do the 'angel of death' routine this time, she was already in her barista form. She immediately prostrated herself before me, kneeling and bowing everything.
"You called, my Goddess?"
"Get up Ravenna," I said softly. "And please speak quietly."
She stood up and looked at me expectantly.
I frowned as a completely different thought crossed my mind. "Were you at work? What happens if you're busy when I summon you?"
"I exist to serve You my Goddess," she replied quietly. "Nothing else matters. When You call, I come."
"Won't other people question that?" I asked. "I mean if you're handing someone their latte then you just poof out of existence..."
She smirked, "Well You can always look and see what I'm up to before You call. Then You'd know not to just summon me straight away."
I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. Of course I had clairvoyance magic, of course I could see her no matter where she was on Earth or in the heavens. I just had to remember to use it.
"Ok," I grimaced. "I'll try and keep that in mind for next time."
Ravenna had that expectant look on her face again, as she waited for me to get to the point.
I asked, "If Theresa were to become a cleric for me, if I grant her some power and some magic, could that put her at risk in any way? Maybe from other gods? Would they be able to sense her? Would other angels be able to sense her?"
The goth angel raised an eyebrow, but she provided me with some serious and snark-free answers to my questions.
"Other Gods and angels will be able to find her if they're specifically looking for her, though that would assume they already know her or have encountered her at least once before. She'd be noticeable to Gods and angels who happened to come across her randomly. Other supernatural creatures would be capable of noticing her as well. Anyone carrying a divine blessing like that will stand out to those who are sensitive. The distance would vary based on how much power You bestow upon her and how strong the other party is, and how closely they were paying attention. Generally they'd have to be within sight of her to notice the blessing. Other Gods and supernatural beings aside, the only real risk is if You grant her too much power and leave Yourself weakened. I suppose there's also a risk of her blowing herself up, depending on what gifts You give her and how careful she is when she uses them."
It took me a minute or two to unpack all that. I already knew about the risk of weakening myself, which is why I needed to get Tess to do those four things I asked. The one I was least comfortable with, the worship thing, was the most important of the lot unfortunately.
Between Tess, Hailey, and Alex, I basically had three people who 'believed' in me. I knew Hailey would never worship me, not that I'd ever ask. Maybe I could ask her to leave out some sacrificial cookies once a month, but knowing her she'd probably demand a monthly miracle or something in return.
Maybe the biggest surprise out of everything my angel said was the mention of other supernatural beings.
"Ravenna?" I asked with a frown. "What other supernatural beings are there around here?"
She shrugged, "Around your apartment? None, that I've been able to detect. That doesn't mean they're not about though, some of them are quite good at hiding or masking themselves."
I rolled my eyes, "I meant on Earth. What other supernatural beings are here on Earth?"
"Ah," she smirked. "The only ones you have to worry about are the other Gods, nothing else can harm you. Apart from Gods and their angels, demons exist. They're rare though, I haven't encountered any yet around here. I'm aware of of one back in the British Isles though. Angels and demons aren't mortal enemies by the way, we generally have nothing to do with each other. We do our thing, they do their thing, we don't get involved."
"There are also what humans think of as Fallen," Raven continued. "They're angels who no longer serve the God that created them. Contrary to popular belief Fallen don't become demons or devils, they're really no different from any other angel. Mostly it means they no longer have access to a heavenly realm, so they're forced to remain here on Earth."
"I actually know a Fallen," she added. "I was friends with Tatiana long before the situation in Florence led to her rejecting her God."
I frowned, "Does that mean I could release you, so you wouldn't have to serve me anymore? Then you'd be a Fallen?"
"Please don't do that my Goddess," she responded nervously. "Fallen are angels who've rejected their divine masters. A loyal angel who's been dismissed by her Goddess will wither and die."
"Ah," I grimaced. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I won't do that to you."
"Thank you my Goddess," she sounded relieved.
Then she continued with the lecture, "Fairies or fae exist, though that's more of a blanket term for a variety of supernaturals. In fact pretty much all the supernatural creatures of legend and myth have at least some basis in reality, such as werewolves and vampires. None of these things can affect you in any way though, so you don't really need to worry about them."
"Finally there are some humans who are sensitive to or attuned with the supernatural," she added. "It's rare, but there are those who are naturally sensitive such as seers and spiritualists. And there are those who become sensitive through training, such as witches or other occult practitioners."
It took a few minutes to think through all of that. Finally I frowned, "And they can all sense me? And you? And if Theresa becomes a cleric they'll sense her too? Why can't I sense them? Why couldn't I tell Mike was an angel when he showed up at my door yesterday?"
"Detecting other supernaturals isn't always easy," she explained. "As I said earlier, most supernaturals are very good at hiding and concealing their nature. Sometimes you have to be specifically looking, using magic of your own to help see what's hidden by nature or by magic. I can usually spot other angels and Gods, unless they're actively concealing their nature. And you..."
She hesitated slightly before continuing, "You can sense them my Goddess. You should know how to do this. You claim not to be the same person You were sixty years ago, but I know who my Goddess is. I can feel Your divinity, it is unmistakable. I know who my Divine Master is."
I shook my head, "I'm not her Ravenna. She made herself mortal, then she forgot who she was. She grew old and died as a human. Her spirit or soul or whatever you want to call it got reincarnated as me, but I'm a different person. And even though I can access some of her memories and knowledge, it's not automatically available to me. I don't know everything she knew, I have to... It's like a deliberate act, for me to figure it out. I have to find the knowledge within her memories, and that doesn't happen unless I know what I'm looking for."
My angel frowned as she shook her head, "You're Her, You're... I can't speak Your name but You are Her. You're my Goddess. Whatever name You call Yourself, You and She are the same."
"Not really," I sighed. She obviously didn't get the distinction, I figured she probably only saw that divine spark inside me. How I looked and acted and what name I used was irrelevant to her.
After a few more quiet moments I finally sighed, "Ok Ravenna, thanks for the chat. I guess that's everything for now, you can get back to whatever you were doing before."
She looked amused, "You don't have to thank me my Goddess. Serving You is why I exist."
"Nonetheless I appreciate your help," I replied with a shrug. "So I will express my gratitude and thank you. That's the sort of person I am. Even if that's not something Amethyst would do in the past."
Rather than take her leave, my angel hesitated a moment before informing me, "I noticed there was a one-bedroom unit available in this building when you summoned me yesterday. I've already made arrangements to move my worldly belongings here. By the end of the week my mortal domicile will be apartment two-oh-four."
I honestly wasn't surprised, but I had a feeling Tess wouldn't be pleased. I was pretty sure my girlfriend didn't like the angel. I didn't want to ask, but I suspected she was jealous of my supernatural goth messenger.
"Ok Ravenna," I responded. "Going forward I'll try not to summon you unless it's an emergency. Next time I have some questions or want to chat, I'll send you a message on discord. Or text you or something."
That seemed to amuse her more than I thought it might, and she had a grin on her face as she vanished.
