ALL NOVEL 43. Helping People (Amy)
"Are you really going to start sending your sister money every month?" Tess asked quietly. "And are you serious about getting her to do the thing with the cookies?"
I nodded, "Yes. If she does the thing with the cookies, then I'll arrange for the money to appear in her bank account."
She went quiet again, but I was positive she had more questions. Or at least some comments. I still had mixed feelings about it myself, but I wouldn't go back on my offer.
While she was thinking it over I finally got up and started tidying up. We ordered pizza as soon as we got home, but it turned out neither of us had much of an appetite after the day's events. I put the left-overs away in the fridge, then topped up both our wine glasses before returning to the sofa to cuddle again with my girlfriend.
She slipped an arm around me as soon as I was next to her, and I pulled her into another hug.
After another quiet minute or two she finally asked, "Doesn't that feel like you're bribing her for her worship? You're basically paying her for her faith and tribute?"
I shrugged, "It's a transaction. A couple hundred years ago people would set out part of their harvest, or some meat from their animals, or some cider? They'd make an offering to Amethyst, and she'd ensure their crops were successful and their livestock was healthy and their land was bountiful."
"This is a lot easier," I added. "Manipulating numbers in a computer or conjuring up a stack of paper money is nothing compared to what it took to make a few dozen acres of land stay prosperous all year long."
She was quiet again for a few moments, then asked "And in return, you get faith or worship from Hailey? Does it really count if she doesn't know she's doing it, or if she's not really a believer?"
I sighed, "She knows what I am. She's smart enough to figure out that the cookies and wine are sacrifices that she'll be making in my name. And after the thing today with Raven I know Alex has faith. Hailey will either come to terms with it and continue the sacrifices, or if she's uncomfortable she'll stop. Or maybe she won't even start? Your birthday's coming up in under two weeks, so I'll find out then if she's really going to do it or not."
Tess looked thoughtful again, before asking "How will you know? Do you have to go to her apartment and look? And what will you do with the cookies? Between me and Hailey, are we going to start having piles of cookies stacking up around here?"
"No love," I smiled. "I'm not going to be stockpiling cookies around here. As for the rest of your questions, let's just say that's secret goddess stuff. Best not to worry about it."
She smiled back, "Right. Amethyst works in mysterious ways, got it."
We both had some more wine, then her smile faded again. I continued to hold her as her expression shifted into a look of thoughtful sadness, and I was sure she was thinking about her friend again.
That was a heartbreaking revelation, and it left me wondering what my life might have been like if I'd been smart enough to figure myself out at that age. As much as I wanted to believe my parents were reasonable rational people, that they'd take the time to educate themselves and understand my situation and do what was best for me, I had my doubts. Especially with mom.
Ignoring how my magic scared them, I had a feeling mom wouldn't have accepted me as her daughter even if I'd had a gradual mundane transition. She had a preconceived idea in her head of who I was supposed to be, and she didn't seem willing to accept anything that strayed too far from that mental image.
I was pretty sure things wouldn't have gone as badly for me, if only because I didn't have the courage or drive to even push that hard in the first place. In fact odds were my life probably would have followed the same trajectory it did as an egg, but it was still uncomfortable to think about.
"Amy?" my girlfriend asked quietly, bringing my focus back to the present. She was frowning slightly as she stared at some random spot on the coffee table, like she had something specific on her mind.
"Yeah?" I responded just as quietly. "What's wrong Tess?"
She shook her head, "Nothing's wrong. I was thinking though? You're a Goddess. Couldn't you change the world? Make it a better place for other trans people? Or a better place for all queer folks? Like... Could you eliminate hate and prejudice? Or at least do something to protect people from getting hurt by that stuff?"
By the time she was done I had a cold, heavy feeling in my gut. It was the sort of thing I'd been dreading. Back when Hailey asked if I could make spring happen sooner, I knew she'd been joking so I gave her a joke answer. I could tell Tess was serious, but I was sure she hadn't really thought about the ramifications of what she was asking. And I knew she was asking because of the guilt and grief she had over her friend's death.
I was left scrambling to come up with an answer. I didn't want to tell her I simply didn't have the power. Not that I didn't trust her, but knowing there were other gods and supernatural beings around, it felt like a risk to let anyone know how limited I was. At least until I had a better understanding of how these things worked.
I also knew I couldn't dismiss her request with a joke, or try to laugh it off. For one thing it was something I'd actually be tempted to do, if I had the power. More importantly, I knew she was asking because of how much hurt she'd seen and experienced.
It took me a few seconds, but I finally figured out the best answer was to explain why the things she asked weren't a good idea.
"Eliminating hate and prejudice is a noble goal," I replied quietly. "But just magically changing the world would mean messing with people's minds. A lot of people. I'd be taking away part of their free will. I know it sucks, but the price of letting everyone have free will is some of them will choose to be hateful and ignorant. Some will choose to be jerks."
I continued, "And now that we know there's other gods, other supernatural beings around, doing any kind of sweeping global changes would definitely be noticed. For that matter any kind of worldwide change would be noticed by the humans too. It would probably expose me, and it might put you at risk. Along with Hailey and Alex and my parents."
Tess sighed. She was quiet again as she held me tightly. Then after another minute or so she shook her head and stated softly, "It feels so unfair. You have all this divine power, you're a Goddess, but you can't use that power to help people in need?"
"What's the point?" she added after another couple seconds. "What's the point of having all that power if all you ever do with it is some little tricks for the chosen few, or messing with bank computers so you and me and your sister can enjoy some extra luxuries?"
I sighed as well, then pointed out quietly "I didn't say I couldn't help anyone, just that I can't help everyone. There's things I could do, but not great sweeping world-changing things."
"Like what?" she asked as she turned to face me. "What could you do?"
My heart started racing as I looked up into her eyes. I knew if I said it, there was a very good chance she'd take me up on it. And I wasn't opposed to doing what I was about to tell her, but it felt like once I crossed that line I wouldn't be able to go back again.
In the end I decided to tell her. The bottom line was I got my miracle last summer, now I had the power to give other people miracles of their own. It was wrong for me to keep it to myself.
I took a deep breath then replied, "I can help people Tess, but it has to be one-on-one. I can't just wave my hand and change the whole world."
I continued in a soft but serious voice, "By help people I mean other trans folks. I could give people an instant magical transition, give them the body of their dreams. I could magically update their ID and all their records. They'll have to come up with their own explanations though, because I'm not going to mess with their families' or their friends' heads. I did that to my own family by mistake, I don't want to do it ever again."
"I can also heal people," I added. "If someone's been hurt or they're sick, I can heal them. And I suppose if someone's in a bad situation because of transmisic or homomisic folks, I could probably help them get out of it. Not by changing other people, but by improving things for the victim. Sort of like what Mary originally asked of Amethyst, I could help them relocate, help them find somewhere better for themselves."
"Whatever I do though," I said as I got to the end of my speech, "It's always got to be one-on-one. Everybody is unique, everyone's situation is unique, so their solutions have to be unique as well. And I know that limits things, a lot. I have my own life, I can't spend all my time running around saving folks. That might mean I'm limited to helping one person a week, I don't know yet. And I know it sucks, but that's our reality."
After I finished, Tess stayed quiet for another minute or two. She was obviously thinking through everything I'd just said. My heart was still racing, and I drained the last of my wine as I waited to hear what she had to say after all that.
She followed my lead and picked up her wine glass then drank the last of it in a quick gulp. Then she set the glass back down and asked, "People you helped like that, would they have to start doing the thing with the cookies and wine?"
That actually made me smile. I wasn't expecting that to be her first question, but it was a valid one.
"No," I shook my head. "I'll be honest, it would definitely help if more folks did that? But I know it's not practical to ask that of everyone."
She nodded slowly, but pressed on with that line of thought. "So what would you ask of them? Like you just said about helping Hailey, it's a transaction. If you're out there using your magic to help people you need something in return, right?"
"Right," I replied. "If they're going to receive the help of a goddess, they need to know that goddess's name. Their belief, their faith, their gratitude will be what I ask in return."
I added, "They won't know me as Amy Price the trans girl college student. They'll know me as Amethyst the Goddess, with a capital G."
Tess was quiet again for a few moments, then finally stated "I think this is important Amy. I think you should do this, and I want to help. I already know one person I think could benefit from your magic right now, so what's the next step? Do I arrange for the three of us to meet up?"
Like I figured, as soon as I told her she was eager for me to get started. I thought she'd be urging me to start performing miracles for strangers before the end of the month, but I didn't expect her to jump on it instantly. My heart continued to beat a little quicker as I took another deep breath or two to force myself not to get too uptight.
I finally replied in a quiet but firm voice, "If you really want to help, then you'll do so as my cleric. The magic I grant you will include ways you can help people yourself, without my direct involvement. Invoke my name, let them know what Goddess you serve. Ask that they hold my name in their heart, invite them to join you in prayer to me, then invoke my power and grant them a miracle."
By the time I was done my voice had gotten a little intense, and I could tell it affected my girlfriend. Her eyes were wide, I was positive her heart was racing just as fast as mine. In fact I was pretty sure up until that moment the whole cleric thing had seemed kind of abstract and maybe a bit unreal to her.
Like she said, I was basing half of it off video games and RPGs, and we'd never really discussed what she'd actually do as my cleric. We hadn't talked much about what sort of magic or spells she'd get in return either.
Suddenly it was all a lot more real, she was faced with the prospect of performing miracles for people herself, and I was positive the whole thing had just become a lot more serious for her. Like we weren't talking about her performing silly magic tricks like lighting candles with a wave of her hand or refilling wine glasses to avoid getting up and going to the fridge. Now we were talking about her maybe changing people's lives.
Tess continued staring at me with wide eyes for a few more seconds. Her expression suggested she was more than just surprised. She felt at least a little bit awed.
She gulped, then finally whispered "Holy shit Amy. You're not talking about making me a priestess or cleric. Performing miracles is the sort of thing they attribute to saints."
I shrugged, "Other religions might call it sainthood. Your goddess is sticking with the term 'cleric'. Anyways, think it over Tess. It's just under two weeks till your birthday, you don't have to decide anything right now."
"Right," she slumped back against the sofa cushions as she let go of some tension. Then she glanced at me and asked, "What if I want to help someone before I'm your cleric?"
I sighed, "If it really can't wait two weeks, then I guess we'll have to get together. Invite them over here and introduce us, and we'll go from there."
"Ok Amy," Tess nodded slowly.
Then she pulled me into a hug and added, "This conversation... Actually all of today was a whole lot more intense than I was expecting, but thank you. I actually feel better now."
"You're welcome love," I smiled as I hugged her back.
