Aka Amy

"This is nice," the little tortoiseshell cat said as they wandered around my small one-bedroom apartment.

"A bit spartan though," they added after a few moments. "What do you actually do here?"

I shrugged, "Not a lot. I sleep, I read, and on occasion I join my Goddess and some human associates in an online fantasy video game."

"I heard about that," the cat replied as they squeezed in behind my computer desk and started messing with the wires. Or at least that's what it sounded like. "One of those MMORPGs right?"

"Correct," I replied as I tried not to get too uptight about them unplugging things or damaging some of my belongings.

The cat eventually emerged from the other side of my desk, with some dust and cobwebs clinging to their whiskers. It was a not-so-subtle reminder that I hadn't actually given the apartment a thorough cleaning since I moved in back in the spring.

They didn't seem to mind though, and hopped up onto my sofa before jumping off the back of it and wandering into my kitchen. From there they called, "You said something about cream earlier? It's in the fridge, right?"

"No," I shook my head as I took a few steps closer to keep them in view.

The cat was standing right in front of the fridge, rubbing their cheek against the appliance as if they were trying to claim it as their own.

"I'll have to go out and get some," I added. "I don't need to eat or drink, so I don't keep any food here."

Siggy turned and looked at me for a second, then moved right up and started rubbing themself against my ankles. After a couple seconds they continued past me and hopped up on my sofa again, then sat down on one of the cushions.

"C'mon angel," they said as they looked back at me. "Have a seat. I'll let you give me pets and scritches while you tell me all about it."

"Tell you about what?" I asked with a small frown.

The cat tilted their head to one side and responded, "Take your pick. What happened two and a quarter centuries ago? What's the deal with you and whiskey? What happened to your goddess that led her to experience two human lives? What came between the two of you this past spring?"

"I was right there next to her when she was apologizing to you Raven," they reminded me in a pointed tone. "That was only half an hour ago. I know you have plenty of stories to tell."

I couldn't help tensing up slightly as I thought of all the secrets they'd probably overheard these past two months, how much sensitive information they'd have accumulated about my Goddess.

The cat obviously saw my reaction. Before I could comment they added, "Don't worry Ravenna, I've already sworn to keep Amethyst's secrets. I'm on her side, ok? She and Theresa have been very good to me, the last thing I'm going to do is betray her trust."

"So come here and sit down so we can talk," they continued. "Not about me, and not about your goddess either. Not directly anyways. This is about you, ok?"

I sighed, but moved into the living-room. Rather than join the cat on the sofa I sat across from them on the large easy-chair. Then I asked, "What do you want to know about me?"

Siggy responded, "Let's start with the beginning? How did Amethyst come to have an angel of her own? As I understand it, most small agrarian gods wouldn't have bothered."

I didn't start talking immediately, I couldn't help feeling reluctant to share even more of my and my Goddess's secrets with the small feline godby. On the other hand I knew my Goddess trusted them, and I was confident She wouldn't mind my speaking openly with the little torty as well.

"Very well," I finally stated. "You're correct, as a small local deity my Goddess had little need for an angel. Then in the fifth century faith in Her was threatened, as monasteries and missionaries turned up and set about the business of converting the local population."

The cat sighed, "I've had similar experiences myself. And I'm familiar with how it happened in Ireland, thanks to Fergus's stories."

I nodded once then continued, "My Goddess created me as Her messenger, and perhaps as something of an ambassador. I was sent to meet with angels of the different xtian gods and factions, to find out if there was any chance of cooperation? My Goddess wasn't trying to fight or destroy the encroaching faiths, she was hoping for some manner of co-existence."

"At first it seemed like the other parties had some interest in that," I stated, although the bitterness in my tone gave away the truth. "It was mostly just lip-service though, and over the next four or five centuries faith in my Goddess continued to wane. She went from being worshipped as a local deity to being revered as a local legend. Her memory was corrupted into that of popular healer who worked in the service of the xtian god. It was better than being simply forgotten, but it was clear that the ultimate goal was to eliminate Her."

"During that time I also made my first angelic friend," I added. "Her name is Tatiana, and she was in the service of one of the xtian gods at the time. Unlike many of the other angels I met she was actually nice to me, and seemed sympathetic to my Goddess's plight. Later she rejected her god and fell from his grace. We remained friends though, and have stayed in touch through the centuries."

Somehow while I was talking the cat managed to make their way off the sofa and up onto my chair. They ended up laying across my lap with their furry little tummy exposed. And despite my reservations, I found my right hand drawn to their soft warm fur.

As I ran my fingers back and forth through the floof on their belly they began to quietly purr, while I continued my story.

"Anyways I'm sure my and my Goddess's story was no different from that of hundreds of others at the time," I said, accompanied by another quiet sigh. "First it was the xtian missionaries converting Her people. Then the vikings came and brought death to Irish shores, although we were far enough inland and our community small and poor enough to avoid any direct attacks. Then in the twelfth century the Normans showed up, and unlike the vikings they spread out across the land in conquest. Which cost still more lives, and more of Her faithful were lost."

I grimaced as I added, "The black death arrived in the fourteenth century, and that was yet another blow to my Goddess's people."

Siggy rolled over so I could give them some ear scritches while they kept purring and gently kneaded my thigh. And I continued telling them my story.

"By the seventeenth century my Goddess had been all but forgotten," I sighed. "At best She was remembered as an old myth or local legend, while but a single family still knew Her name. The knowledge and secrets had been passed down from mother to daughter over the generations, although I believe some of the details were gradually lost or misunderstood with each retelling of Her story."

Apart from purring the cat had been silent for a while. They finally spoke up, "Then something significant happened in the next hundred years, right? Two and a quarter centuries ago would be the end of the eighteenth century."

My hand stopped stroking their fur as I hesitated. It was painful to talk about, even now. The little cat didn't push though, they just waited quietly as they lay across my lap.

For a moment I thought about getting myself a drink. I'd been keeping all the bottles of whiskey my Goddess conjured up over the last few months, they were stashed in one of my otherwise empty kitchen cupboards. At the same time I felt guilty about that. Up until last week She hadn't known, hadn't remembered. It left me feeling like I'd been cheating Her, by taking advantage of Her missing memories.

In the end I decided against a drink. I needed to talk with my Goddess again first, to ask Her permission honestly, now that She had Her memories back.

With yet another sigh I resumed petting the little torty as I began the next part of my story.

"As belief in my Goddess waned She had less need for me," I explained. "She could have dismissed me, un-made me. It cost Her energy to maintain my existence, and without any real need for an angel the wise and prudent choice would have been to destroy me rather than continue wasting energy on me. But She refused to consider such a thing. Instead I was allowed to do as I wished. I spent much of the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries living and travelling among the humans. Both within Ireland and elsewhere in the British Isles, and mainland Europe."

"I always came back to my Goddess's homeland though," I added. "And needless to say any time She needed me I was there for Her."

Siggy commented, "She said your visits to the village pub were legendary."

"Yes," I grimaced, as my cheeks started to flush. "I suppose I had a reputation for drinking. And perhaps for inciting something of a party atmosphere..."

The little torty sounded like they were smiling as they asked, "Raven were you one of those loud happy boisterous drunks? Did you sing and dance? Or carouse with the locals?"

"Perhaps," I mumbled as my cheeks felt like they were on fire.

"So what changed?" they asked, and this time their voice was quiet and sad.

I let out a much longer sigh as I slowly shook my head. "I fell in love with a human. He wasn't the first, I'd had relationships with humans before. I'd lived among them for two centuries, in that time I'd been close to a number of men and women."

My voice grew quiet as I forced the words out. The best I could do was a very abbreviated version of what really happened.

"I met him during the harvest of seventeen ninety-seven," I mumbled. "It was a happy time, there were always celebrations at the end of the season. I spent the winter with him, but by the end of May he was gone. And it was my fault."

Siggy responded softly, "I'm sure it wasn't your fault Ravenna. What really happened?"

"War," I whispered. "The Rebellion of Seventeen Ninety-Eight. I was an outspoken supporter of the rebels, and when the fighting reached my Goddess's village I inspired my lover to take part. He and many other young men in the area fought, and they were victorious. It was a famous battle and a famous victory for the rebellion. But it was one which my lover did not survive."

The cat turned and sat up on my lap to face me. In a soft compassionate voice they told me, "You cannot blame yourself for his death Ravenna. Please trust me on this. I was a warrior goddess, I know what I'm talking about. You didn't kill him."

I frowned, "I know that. But if I'd been there with him, I might have been able to save him."

"That's the thing," I added as my voice got a little harder. "In all my time amongst the humans I never once let on that I wasn't one of them. I kept my angelic nature secret, for my and my Goddess's safety. Conflicts between the Irish and the English almost always involved religion, but always different flavours of xtianity. If I'd gotten directly involved and word of that got out, if it became known that the angel of a pagan Goddess joined the rebellion, that would have brought ruin on Her. The xtian gods might have intervened directly, or sent their own legion of angels. And the last of Her believers would have been discovered and executed."

With another sigh I finished the story, "So my lover went off to war while I stayed behind with the rest of the womenfolk. Despite the knowledge that I could have single-handedly fought and won the battle myself, I held back and waited. Had I gone with them, had I been there watching over him, I could have saved his life."

"Even if I left the rest of the fighting to the humans," I added quietly, "At least I could have saved him. He joined the rebellion to impress me, he took chances and fought bravely because I inspired him. And yet when he fell, when he needed me most of all, I wasn't there for him."

By that point Siggy had somehow moved from my lap to my chest, I was hugging them as they cuddled up against me. They nuzzled against my chin and asked softly, "Please tell me you haven't kept yourself isolated and alone for the last two and a quarter centuries? What have you done since then?"

I grimaced as I admitted, "I got drunk, and I stayed drunk. I may have also burned down a couple English manors, when my mood was particularly low."

"While I drowned my guilt in whiskey my Goddess retreated to the heavens and let herself go dormant," I added as I continued hugging the torty against my chest and stroking their fur. "I suspect She was afraid the last of Her people would soon be gone, and She couldn't bear to see it happen."

The cat prompted me, "Her people didn't die out though, obviously."

I nodded slowly, "There were a few close calls. By the time famine struck a few decades later there were only three left alive. Aileen Cleary and her daughter Caitlin, and Caitlin's baby Maire. Aileen and Caitlin performed the ritual and roused my Goddess, they asked for Her help. And after hearing their pleas She summoned me."

"I was still drunk at the time," I confessed quietly. "I'd spent the previous five decades alone with my guilt and my whiskey. My Goddess ordered me to sober up, and ordered me to see to the safety and survival of the last three Cleary women."

With another deep sigh I told the small cat, "That was in eighteen forty-seven, it was the last time my Goddess spoke to me. She went dormant once again, while I acted like a guardian angel to three humans. That was my sole purpose, until nineteen fourteen when Maire passed away from natural causes."

I spoke quietly again as I continued the tale, "Maire's great-granddaughter Mary performed that same ritual in nineteen sixty-four. When my Goddess woke from Her slumber She chose to help Mary Herself, rather than call upon me. She disguised Herself as a human so She could walk among them. She fell in love with Mary, and helped raise Mary's child Jodie. She let Herself forget who and what She really was, She forgot about Her past and Her people."

"And She forgot about me," I added softly.

"I'm so sorry Ravenna," Siggy whispered. "I'm sure she didn't mean to forget you."

It was hard to talk again but I forced myself to carry on, "I know. And you can probably guess the rest, if you haven't already figured it out or overheard it. Her life as a human came to an end, as they all do. And because She'd forgotten Her true self, Her soul was reincarnated rather than return to Her heavenly realm. She began a brand-new human life, bereft of all her past knowledge and experience, as well as her magic. It wasn't until Theresa attempted to summon Her that She regained access to Her divine nature. By then it was too late, the Goddess I knew was gone."

The cat sighed, "Hence her apology today. As of last week she's reconnected to her past as Amethyst, but she's still not the same person you once knew."

I shook my head, "She is still my Goddess, yet She is not the same person."

"I'm sorry Raven," Siggy shifted around in my arms, then stretched up and licked my nose with their rough tongue. "We all change though. Life, existence, our memories and experiences, all these things change us. Normally that happens slowly and over time, and this really isn't that different. It might feel more abrupt, but from the sound of it she'd been growing more distant for several hundred years."

The cat added softly, "And I know this might be hard to accept, but I believe she has changed for the best. Instead of hiding herself away again she's found a new purpose, and new people. And I know she still loves you, Ravenna. I know she worries for you, and she wants you to be happy."

To my deep chagrin I found myself having to wipe my eyes at that point.

I finally set the cat down on the arm of my chair as I got to my feet. I tried to keep my tone casual as I told them, "I'm going to go get you that cream I promised. There's a little shop down at the corner, it'll only take me a few minutes."

"All right Raven," the cat replied. "Thank you. And thanks for telling me your story."

I shook my head, "It's fine Siggy. Thank you for listening."

"Perhaps someday you'll share your story with me," I added as I headed for the apartment door.

The cat sounded like they wore a sad smile as they replied, "Perhaps."