Antidote

“I’ve taken in a slave like you, feeding and clothing you, but you really have no sense of your place, do you?”Lister spouted nonsense at me again today.I clasped my hands together respectfully and lowered my eyes, listening to his rant for more than ten minutes. Despite my best efforts to maintain a humble posture and attentively listen, he kept repeating himself, as if he had endless grievances.“Are you listening? Are you listening to me?”He fumed.“Slan, look up.”I did as I was told. Even though I obediently followed his command, Lister’s face contorted in displeasure. He stomped his foot, then, unable to contain his anger, he let out a wild scream. He then paced back and forth in the drawing room, circling like a dog in need of a bathroom break. That habit was something he inherited from his father. I had witnessed this spectacle dozens, no, hundreds or thousands of times since childhood.“And what’s with those eyes?”He shrieked.Unable to hold back, I let out a sigh.At that, Lister freaked out again, looking like he was about to grab me by the collar. I stared straight at him (since he hadn’t ordered me to lower my gaze again) and spoke.“Why don’t you gouge them out?”“W-what?”Lister’s face twisted into an expression of disbelief.“You, you think I can’t do it?”“Of course, you can. And you should, right? Who would say anything if you gouged out the eyes of a mad slave?”My voice involuntarily took on a mocking tone. No wonder—this was the umpteenth time we’d gone through this back-and-forth over the past two years. Lister’s fury exploded. He stomped his foot. A scream erupted from his mouth. He raised his hand, but then, seeing my right cheek still swollen from being slapped three days ago, he clenched his teeth and lowered it again.“You want to get hit again?”He threatened instead. I shrugged my shoulders.“Go ahead, hit me. The rumor that a knight of Karlac slapped a slave will spread far and wide again.”“You… you…”How a slave was treated depended on the master, but treating one too harshly was something people talked about. Especially if that slave used to be the former Grand Duke of Karlac, a member of the ruling family, before losing their status.“Lister! Listerrr!”Just then, a timely helping hand arrived. Lister’s head snapped around. His lips trembled.The door burst open. A woman wearing a thin, fluttering long dress rushed in. She was about forty years old, with short black hair adorned with a crown made of crystal and glass. Her green eyes blazed like fire.Lisbeth looked back and forth between me and Lister, who was standing in front of me with his hand raised.“Were you harassing Slan again?”“Whatever I do with a slave is none of your—”“You wretched brat! How despicable!”She kicked Lister in the shin hard enough to make a loud thud. Lister yelped and doubled over in pain.“I’ll tell the Duke of Karlac to strip you of your knighthood immediately! I’ll hang you upside down at the top of the castle tower until the crows eat out your eyes!”“Ow, ow! That’s too harsh!”“Too harsh? What do you think Father would say if he knew?”“Why are you bringing up Father, who’s already dead?!”“Shut up!”Lisbeth’s strong fists, which were once renowned as the best in the knights’ order before she had a child, rained down on Lister’s shoulders and chest several times. Lister let out a short, sharp scream and staggered back. His arms twitched as if he wanted to resist, but it seemed he had no intention of raising a hand against his sister, who was over ten years older than him. He just stood there, taking the blows.I watched the scene, barely holding back my laughter. Lister noticed and veins bulged on his forehead.“Sister! Sister! Look at that! Look at that slave mocking us!”“Look at yourself! How could anyone not laugh? I should have opposed your knighthood from the start! Before rumors spread throughout all of Karlac that the only son of the House of Glenburg is an ill-tempered brute who beats and abuses his friends!”“Who would call a slave a friend…”“Not even twenty years ago, you two were pulling each other’s hair while riding horses!”“That was over twenty years ago!”Lister screamed. Only then did Lisbeth lower her hands, panting. Her body wasn’t the same since giving birth to her youngest daughter, and she grabbed her trembling fists and issued a stern warning.“Don’t pull any more of this crap. Understand?”“Who… Alright! Alright, I get it! Just take care of yourself, Sister. You’re more out of breath than me.”Lister, who had been beaten without resisting, anxiously tried to support her shoulders. Lisbeth pushed his hand away.“Leave me alone! Slan, come here. Let’s go. Kerstin is looking for you. It seems she’s really taken a liking to playing soldiers with you… I had a new soldier doll made, so please play with her. I no longer have the energy to deal with that little rascal.”“Don’t be ridiculous, Slan! Don’t even think about setting foot near my sister’s quarters until you finish what I told you to do!”“Shut up, Lister!”“But!”“No buts, just shut up!”“Damn it…”“Damn it?”“Oh, no! It’s nothing!”Lister clenched his teeth but bowed his head when Lisbeth’s eyes sharply narrowed. Since their father, who ruled Glenburg, passed away last year and their mother returned to her homeland, Lisbeth inherited the title and had been acting as the head of the family, so it was only natural for Lister to back down.I quickly returned the corners of my mouth to a neutral position. Lisbeth tugged at my arm, and I obediently followed her. Behind me, Lister yelled, “Hey, Slan! If you don’t bring me what I asked for by today, I’ll send you to clean the stables!”Lisbeth led me out of the drawing room, clicking her tongue in disapproval. I looked at the wrinkles forming between her brows.Her posture was upright, her black eyebrows thick, and her expression strong. But the hand extended from beneath her long sleeves was no longer as it once was—it was thin, the back of her hand pale, and her wrist bones protruding. I gazed at it, momentarily lost in memories of the days when that hand, hardened with calluses, gripped a sword. I remembered her strong arms, solid shoulders, and the beautiful lips that were once smooth and firm.“Slan. Are you alright? That cheek—Lister did that, didn’t he?”I just smiled.Lisbeth sighed.“I’ll call a healer.”“It’s fine.”I shrugged.“There’s no need to call a healer and spread bad rumors. I’ve already applied some ointment, so it should heal soon.”“Tsk.”She clicked her tongue again.“Let’s apply some more ointment. I have some excellent medicine for wounds. When Kerstin fell off her horse, we used it, and it worked wonders.”“You don’t need to use such precious medicine on me.”“What nonsense…”“No, really. It’s almost completely healed.”A faint bruise was still visible above my cheekbone, and my cheek was slightly swollen, but the pain had mostly faded.“Thank you for helping me. You saved my life.”“Hmph. That Lister… honestly…”I shook my head and gently placed my hand on the back of hers.Normally, a slave like me touching the hand of someone so far above my station would be unthinkable, but she either overlooked it generously or deliberately encouraged it, as if the vast and unyielding difference in status between us didn’t exist—just like in the past.Lisbeth covered the back of my hand with her other hand.“Don’t worry. This situation won’t last much longer.”“I know.”I answered, though in truth, I was skeptical.Still, one thing was clear—this life as a slave was a million times better than spending my days alone, imprisoned in the Tower of Helga. After that day two years ago, I was left with only two choices: die, or be confined to the Tower of Helga for the rest of my life. Compared to those two options, my current life was so much more relaxed and peaceful.I was trying hard not to hate Lister. Although he sometimes hit me, said hurtful things, or gave me unpleasant tasks, he didn’t entirely treat me like a slave.“Please tell Kerstin that I’ll visit her next time. Today, I need to finish what Lister asked me to do.”Lisbeth’s expression hardened at my words.“Whatever he asked you to do, you don’t have to do it. You’re… you’re different from the other slaves. We never intended to treat you like a slave.”“I know. And Lister doesn’t really treat me like one. He lets me talk back to him, doesn’t he? If I were any other slave, I’d have lost a hand or a tongue by now.”I hoped my voice sounded as cheerful as I intended.Lisbeth sighed, as if she understood my true feelings.“What did he ask you to do? It wasn’t something ridiculous again, was it?”“No, just a small errand. His bridle broke, so he wants me to go to the northern stable to get a new one.”“A bridle? There are plenty of those here too, aren’t there?”“He probably just wanted to be difficult. It’s fine. I might as well take a walk and get some fresh air.”“Will you be alright?”She was asking if I’d be alright with other people seeing me.I smiled, crinkling the corner of one eye.“I know a secluded path. You haven’t forgotten that I’ve lived in Karlac Castle my entire life, have you? Until I was eight, no one, not even my nanny, and of course not my parents, could ever find me when I hid. Lister never won a single game of hide-and-seek against me…”At my words, she burst into cheerful laughter, a warm light flickering in her eyes.“Yes, that’s right. Those were the days.”She gently stroked the back of my hand with her fingers, then let go.“Go ahead. But don’t forget Kerstin. She considers playing soldiers with you the greatest joy in her life.”“Of course. But tell her I won’t go easy on her.”“Alright, alright.”I quickly withdrew and left Lisbeth behind.I walked through the narrow hallway lined with colorful stained-glass windows and soon reached the exit. There was no one there. The door, with its glass panes held together and sealed with clear wax, bore the emblem of Karlac—two crossed bows and an arrow piercing through a shield, the emblem of Glenburg.I traced the Karlac emblem with my fingertip for a moment. Then I pushed open the door and stepped outside.The blazing sun was leaning towards the western wall of the fortress. I slipped between the rows of gourd-shaped sandstone pillars.The clouds were hanging low, and the dry air, signaling the approaching season of sandstorms as summer waned, could be felt. The air carried the scent of sand.The reddish sunset painted the entire outer wall of the Karlac fortress in a golden hue as it cast its warm glow upon the sturdy red sandstone walls. The bright golden light wrapped around the fortress like a mist. The high fortress, composed of several large, square buildings stacked on top of each other, pierced through the red clouds.I stood for a moment, gazing at the sunset, then resumed my steps.Karlac Fortress was as familiar to me as my own courtyard.I vaguely recalled the joyful memories of running around this complex, ancient fortress, which had undergone repeated renovations and expansions over the course of a thousand years, as if it were my bed.The memories of sneaking through the narrow passages between the intertwined outer and inner walls, designed like a coiled snake to fend off invaders, laughing as a child; of darting around the cleverly arranged corridors and hallways like a sandstorm; and of getting lost while counting the identical gardens and fountains with clear intent, all came to mind. It was somewhat amusing that even in my current state of decaying sanity, I could still vividly remember that this fortress had a total of 255 fountains and 79 gardens, including those no longer in use.The paths connecting the gardens and fountains were just as intricate.The knights, nobles, servants, and slaves residing in the fortress each had their own routes, and I knew exactly where to go to avoid encountering them.There was a deserted corridor that could be reached by walking through the camellia trees, which had grown as tall as me, at a point where the inner and outer walls converged closely, with a high watchtower rising above.This corridor, about ten meters long, had a small, old fountain. It hadn’t been cleaned properly, so sand had accumulated at the bottom, and the part where the water came out was broken, causing the water stream to be weak.The sun was setting, and the corridor was dark.The end of the long hallway, lined with pillars, was shrouded in darkness. Only the faint glow of the red sunset illuminated the edges of the pillars.I heard the sound of water flowing. I slowed my steps. My feet crunched the sand grains scattered on the tiled floor.And then it happened.I had no premonition of it. The corridor was steeped in silence.Something emerged from the darkness and grabbed me around the waist.It moved with the speed of lightning. A hot, firm arm wrapped around my lower abdomen. My mouth opened instinctively. My heart dropped and then leaped up again with a thud. I tried to scream, but something covered my mouth first. It was a warm, rough hand. It was as tough as coarse leather. I dug my nails into the arm that had grabbed my waist.A meteor crashed into my mind, and my heart pounded so hard it hurt.Something soft yet scratchy brushed against my cheek. It barely touched me, then pressed against me slowly, lingering. It took me a moment to realize it was someone’s lips.The strength in my struggling arms drained away. My brain spun inside my skull as if I were about to lose consciousness.“I didn’t think you would come here.”A low voice whispered into my ear. With that voice, hot breath washed over the rim of my ear. Goosebumps prickled on my skin.The hand covering my mouth dropped away. I immediately tried to scream, but my body spun around before I could. My cheek pressed against a solid chest. Thick fingers grabbed my chin. My face was lifted, and I found myself staring into a pair of blazing, flashing eyes.The long eyes beneath the slanted eyelids were a transparent, colorless shade, gleaming like those of a wild beast.My body froze.The sound of my ragged breathing and the pounding of my heart echoed painfully in my ears.“How have you been? Dame Lisbeth wrote to me three or four times, telling me not to worry about you, but… how could I possibly believe that?”The unknown rogue babbled something incomprehensible. I tried to calm my racing heart but failed repeatedly. My jaw ached from the firm grip. I tried to shake my head, but it wouldn’t budge. The arm wrapped around my waist was as unyielding as a block of iron.Those eyes, far above me, moved closer. He lowered his head and pressed his lips against my cheek again. I nearly jumped out of my skin. Had he not been holding me so tightly, I surely would have.“I’m sure you’d laugh if you heard how I’ve been these past two years. Like a madman, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. There were more days when you appeared in my dreams than not… I was the one on the battlefield, but I couldn’t stop worrying about you, safe in Karlac… I can’t explain it. Why do you look like that? Isn’t it funny, how I’m behaving like a madman?”His voice was filled with passion. But I couldn’t say anything in response.I couldn’t tell who this madman was or what he was talking about.“You….”I tried to ask who he was, but the question never fully formed.As soon as I parted my lips, his arm tightened around my waist. My body was crushed against him, and he abruptly lifted my chin and pressed his lips hard against mine. That’s when the scream rose in my throat, only to fade into nothing.I frantically pushed against his chest with both arms, but his iron-like body didn’t budge. My heels lifted off the ground. His tongue slipped between my lips. I was too shocked even to think of biting it.His tongue licked the inside of my cheek.A moan escaped my lips.His tongue entwined with mine, and he sucked on my mouth so hard it hurt.The kiss was so intense that my back bent backward. He followed my movements, not allowing even a moment’s break in the kiss.Ten years passed. Maybe… ten seconds, or perhaps ten minutes….He finally pulled away from me.At that moment, my knees gave out. If he hadn’t been holding me, I would have collapsed.My face was burning, and my lips hurt. The roots of my tongue ached from being sucked so fiercely. I should have cursed him out right then, but no voice came out. My fingers trembled.A strong hand stroked my back. It moved slowly upward from my waist as if counting the vertebrae, then gently brushed between my shoulder blades. It then slid back down and pressed just above my tailbone. My body jerked in response.“Why are you trembling like a child who’s encountered a molester?”A voice, tinged with amusement, whispered again into my ear. It was lower and more passionate than before.“Are you upset? It’s been two years, and I’d rather not bear the brunt of your anger here. How about this? Will another kiss help soothe your temper?”He leaned in toward me again, but just before I could scream, he abruptly stopped.A frown creased his brow. The hand that had been gripping my chin moved to brush my cheek. When I bit my lip in pain, his eyes briefly narrowed and then relaxed again.“What happened here?” he asked, touching the faint bruise on my cheek.I didn’t respond, only rolling my eyes at him.Who is this madman?I stared at him, and it seemed like he was waiting for an answer.In the dim light, I could see that his hair faintly shimmered with a golden hue. The dying rays of the setting sun painted the short strands with a reddish tint.His features were perfectly proportioned, with just the right amount of size and depth. The simplicity of his appearance was so structurally flawless that it seemed almost unreal.It was a face one would never forget after seeing it.I racked my brain desperately.Despite the madness and the medication dulling my mind, a few fragmented memories shot through my hippocampus like arrows.“Ah…”Sir Jiyod, Lord of Ipsen.I had met this man before.Somewhere, sometime… probably in Karlac. Though this young knight had spent most of his life on the battlefield, it wouldn’t have been strange for him to cross paths with someone like me, who had lived in Karlac my entire life. A few fleeting images came to mind, vivid and awkwardly detailed, making me question if they were truly my memories. Images like the veins standing out on his firm hand or the rugged line of his neck, and the way his pupils stood out in the midst of his gray irises.But just because I knew who he was didn’t mean that we were close enough to be embracing and exchanging such passionate kisses.“Sir Jiyod.”“Yes.”His eyes softened as I spoke his name.“I think you’ve mistaken me for someone else….”I managed to say it with difficulty.“Ah.”He let out a short sigh.The hand that had been touching my cheek slid down gently. But the arm still wrapped around my waist became increasingly uncomfortable.“Let go….”My voice was weak.It was no wonder, considering how intense the kiss had been just a few seconds ago.It felt as though my knees had turned to jelly.“I’m not mistaken.”With those words, he pressed his lips to my bruised cheek again. The roughness of his lips against the sore spot caused a dull pain to surge.“That hurts.”“Who did this to you?”Instead of answering, I pushed against his shoulder, but it was as solid as a rock.“Let me say this again, I’m not mistaking you for someone else.”“What are you talking about…?”“I know you’re on medication. I don’t know what Sir Lisbeth has been giving you, but… I thought you came here to see me, but it seems that wasn’t the case. Regardless, it’s a fortunate coincidence.”His large hand moved up and down my back, sending a shiver through me that was part fear, part something else. My stomach fluttered. I tried to twist out of his grasp, but it was like being wedged between rocks.His gaze deepened, and his gray irises gleamed. The last remnants of sunlight disappeared, leaving us in darkness.“If you have any mercy….”With that, he covered my lips with his again.I pulled back as if I’d been burned, but he followed me, not leaving any space between us.“After spending the last two years like a dog, don’t you think this poor knight deserves at least a kiss?”And then his lips were on mine again.This time, the kiss was softer. He held my chin, opening my mouth and slipping his tongue inside to rest on mine. My mouth filled with saliva, and I finally closed my eyes.He tasted me before pulling away. I was gasping for air, my face hot, and my breaths quick.He looked down at me with a smile in his eyes, pressing his rough thumb against my lower lip.“Did you enjoy that so much?”“Who….”I tried to sound angry, but my face was too flushed for it to have any real effect.I started to scream but closed my mouth instead.My cheeks were growing hotter, like they were burning.“Shall we do it again?”I shook my head. As I looked down to avoid his gaze, he grabbed my chin and made me face him again.“It’s good to see you again,” he said slowly.His voice was gentle, and his eyes were soft. Without realizing it, I found myself staring into those eyes. The corners of his mouth lifted into a sweet smile.“I don’t know how long I’ll be in Karlac this time. I hope it’s a bit longer….”He paused briefly before continuing.“In any case, I’ll be around for a while. Everyone hated it when I stayed inside the inner walls, as you know. They’ve hated my Ipsen bloodline for years. They’re the kind of people who can’t sleep at night, fearing I might start a rebellion and cut off their heads.”He spoke about the scandal surrounding his lineage with an unsettling cheerfulness.My mind whirled as I tried to piece together fragments of knowledge. Sir Jiyod, Lord of Ipsen. This man’s father was a grand lord of Stravyn and Södergran in the North, with blood ties to the ruling family of Karlac. Their family once owned the largest estate in Karlac and, until they were defeated and bowed to the conquering lord of Karlac three hundred years ago, they controlled vast lands stretching from Lomberg to south of the Tavros Mountains. But all that wealth and glory had nothing to do with this man.His mother was an Ipsen slave. A bastard. He was the grand lord’s disgrace.As my expression hardened, he shrugged.A very tender expression crossed his face. His fingers played with a few strands of hair that had fallen over my cheek.“It would be nice if we could spend time together like before….”A low sigh.“I’d like to take you to the bedroom right now, but I think you’d faint if I did.”When I grimaced, he chuckled playfully. The hand that had been toying with my hair returned to my cheekbone.“Won’t you tell me? Who did this to you? It wasn’t Sir Lisbeth, was it?”I bit my lip and shook my head.“Hmm. Right. If she had hit you, it wouldn’t have ended with just this.”“I….”“Oh, you’re finally going to speak? I thought you were staging a silent protest because you were so mad at me.”“I don’t remember you.”He fell silent, and I quickly added, “I don’t mean I don’t know who you are. I do know who you are… everyone does. But I think you might be mistaking me for someone else….”“Slan.”He called my name.I froze like a pillar of salt.His long eyes softened into a sweet smile. Half of his face was already blurred by the encroaching darkness.“I told you, I’m not mistaken. There’s no way I’d mistake you. Your memory… it’s probably because of your medication. It’s a little disappointing, but it’s okay. I remember enough for the both of us. How is your illness, by the way?”A violent sandstorm seemed to rage inside my skull, my brain sloshing like liquid.He even knew about my medication and my madness….For the past two years, ever since that fateful day when my madness erupted, I had been taking medication. The drug was a vicious type that rusted my brain stem, seeped into my temporal lobe and hippocampus, and slowly eroded my memories.Had I really forgotten this man?A man I had been close enough with to embrace and exchange such passionate kisses?I couldn’t believe it.While I was lost in confusion, he lowered his head and kissed the top of mine. His lips trailed down to my forehead, and the kisses continued.“Mmm….”A moan slipped from my lips. In response, his arms tightened around me. Saliva pooled on my tongue, uncomfortable. I tried to resist, but my attempts were futile as his tongue forcefully invaded my mouth. A large hand on my back stroked me. Even through my clothes, the heat felt almost direct. Our bodies were pressed together, so close I could hear his heartbeat within his thick chest—or was it mine? From the contact, I could tell he was aroused.Every hair on my body stood on end.This was fear. It had to be.I pushed hard against his chest with both hands. His lips finally parted from mine.“Let go!”I thought I shouted with all my might, but the voice that came out was pathetically weak. I clawed at his forearm that was restraining me, and it fell away.As soon as the solid pillar that had been supporting me disappeared, my knees buckled, and I nearly collapsed. I barely managed to stay upright, avoiding falling onto my backside.Panicked as if I had just seen a ghost, I scrambled to turn around. My feet stumbled over themselves, but I didn’t care. I darted through the dark corridor, fleeing from him.I didn’t stop until I reached the towering wall adorned with the large crest of Glenburg. My hands and feet were trembling. My knees wobbled. My back was drenched in cold sweat, my neck damp as well.I leaned against the wall, staggering as I made my way back to the entrance. I climbed the three shallow steps of alternating blue and white marble tiles and pushed open the door.The glass door hinges opened silently. As I entered the hallway, a servant who had been refilling oil in a glass lamp on one wall was startled and stared at me. I gave him a weak nod of acknowledgment before quickly leaving the hallway.