Antidote

I was climbing the stairs leading to the northern annex where my quarters were when a dark figure quickly descended from the shadowed top of the staircase.The light from the glass lamp in their hand flickered.I placed my right hand over my left chest, which was still fluttering from the shock.It was Lister. He was dressed in a long indoor robe and thin silk slippers. His eyebrows shot up.“What took you so long?” he grumbled.“The reins?”Oh.I let out a short groan.Because of that scoundrel I encountered in the corridor, I had completely forgotten to bring the reins!“Sorry… I didn’t get them.”“What?”Lister’s eyes gleamed.One corner of his mouth lifted, as if he had just found a good reason to torment me.“Did you take a nap somewhere? Or were you just being lazy? How can you fail at something as simple as fetching the reins?”His voice was full of delight.I dropped my gaze to the floor.My face was still hot. My lower lip and the tongue that had been insistently sucked still throbbed. They might even be swollen… I was immensely relieved that the darkness of the stairs prevented Lister from getting a good look at my face.“Well, well. I suppose even someone like you wouldn’t dare lift their head.”He sneered.Staring at my toes, I barely managed to mumble an excuse.“On the way to the stables… I ran into a strange man….”Lister’s voice changed at my excuse.“A strange man?”His tone was so intense that I instinctively looked up. Lister’s brow was deeply furrowed.“What do you mean by that?”“I was taking a shortcut, and on the way… there was a strange man….”“Who was it?”At that, I clamped my mouth shut.I knew the man’s name, but if I told Lister, I’d have to explain why Lord of Ipsen had spoken to me, what we had done together, and every detail of our conversation. Even if I kept silent, what if Lister sought him out and questioned him?Recalling the man’s lips as they roughly claimed mine in the dark corridor made my face flush again.I shook my head.“Slan, answer me. Who was this strange man? Who dared to mess with you?”You’re the one messing with me right now…. I swallowed those words.“It was someone I didn’t know…. I just… ran away.”Lister bit his lip anxiously at that. He quietly muttered a curse.“Good.”He approached me, and the hand that wasn’t holding the lamp rested on my shoulder. My body flinched, but I didn’t pull away. Lister patted my shoulder a couple of times before withdrawing his hand.“He didn’t do anything weird to you, did he?”He pressed insistently. I blindly answered no.“I’ll go get the reins tomorrow. It’s already dark tonight….”“Fine.”Lister responded in a somewhat brusque tone.“Go change your clothes. I’ll be having dinner, so come serve it. Change and meet me in my dining room.”“Got it.”I nodded obediently.Satisfied with my compliance, he quickly retreated. I hurried past him and climbed the stairs.—My head ached. It was the usual headache that greeted me every morning when I opened my eyes. It was like a small insect gnawing at my skull and swimming through my brain. I pressed my throbbing temples a few times. Enduring the pain, I forced myself to change clothes and step outside.As a slave, I belonged to the Glenburg family. Lisbeth didn’t give me much work to do, so my tasks mainly involved serving Lister.Lister had several servants attending to him and a good number of squires, but he still insisted on having me put on his shoes or trim his nails. And whenever I displeased him, he threatened to send me to repair the castle walls or clean out the stables. Of course, as long as Lisbeth was around, he couldn’t actually follow through on those threats, so I mostly just let his words go in one ear and out the other.The Glenburg siblings were assigned a large residence made up of two buildings on the western side of the inner walls. The grand building, made of marble and agate, was surrounded by a beautiful garden and stone corridors. Though Lisbeth was now retired, she had once been one of the top court knights, and Lister, in addition to being a court knight, held the position of inspector under Duke of Karlac’s command, so their residence was one of the finest in Karlac Castle. The main building alone, excluding the northern annex where the servants stayed, was a three-story structure of considerable size. Lister’s quarters were on the top floor of the western side. It was a typical Kalak residence consisting of a bedroom, a drawing room, a bathroom, a private dining room, and several other rooms.It took a full ten minutes to reach his quarters from my room, even at a brisk pace. I had to descend one flight of stairs, cross the northern courtyard to enter the main building, walk along a lengthy outer corridor, and then climb another flight of stairs before finally arriving at his quarters. This made the daily morning trip to Lister’s bedroom quite a nuisance.Lister, being a knight, was rather diligent. Nine times out of ten, when I went to his room in the morning, he was already up. Today was no different.I placed a glass basin filled with water on the table and washed his hands and feet. Lister didn’t say much, but when I knelt on the floor to wash his feet, he couldn’t resist making a snide remark.“How does it feel? Washing my feet, I mean.”It was a routine I had repeated hundreds of times over the past two years, so why was he asking now how it felt?I shrugged as I wrapped his feet in a towel dampened with water.“I don’t really feel anything.”“Slavery must really suit you, huh?”“Seems so.”For some reason, my response seemed to irritate him, and his face twisted in annoyance.After washing his feet, I applied evening primrose oil to his toenails. I did the same for his hands. Only after I had put his shoes on him could I straighten my back and stand up.Lister stared at me for a moment before speaking with a dissatisfied expression.“Take your medicine.”He pointed with his finger to the broad round table in the center of the bedroom. I nodded and walked over to the table.On the table were a glass pitcher and a cup, along with today’s dose of medicine. I placed three or four small pills from a shallow dish into my mouth at once. I took a sip of water and let the pills roll on my tongue for a moment.The tiny pills slid down my throat, making their way through my esophagus.I swallowed the remaining water and refilled the cup to drink more.After confirming that I had fully taken the medicine, Lister slowly got up from the bed.“You don’t need to serve breakfast today. I’m meeting the Duke of Karlac and will eat with him.”The title Duke of Karlac refers to the sole ruler of Karlac. At the same time, she was my great-aunt.I frowned.“She hasn’t been in a good mood lately… It’s no wonder, though. Who wouldn’t be upset with an Ipsen barbarian wandering around the castle?”He sneered. I had an idea of whom he was referring to as the Ipsen barbarian, but I kept silent instead of acknowledging it. Lister’s sharp gaze scanned me up and down.“You’re not interested?”He asked, as if testing me, and I looked up at him.“Interested in what?”“Lately, whenever two people gather, all they talk about is that bastard. They say he’s the hero of heroes, having returned after suppressing the twenty-year civil war in Northwest Alto. Surely, you don’t think that way too, do you?”“I don’t know anything about that.”Lister crossed his arms and stared at me. After a long pause, he shrugged.“I suppose not. You shouldn’t, anyway. What good would it do for a slave like you to be interested in the rumors of Karlac Castle? Don’t waste your time chatting and fooling around with others.”“…I won’t.”I responded curtly, feeling annoyed. Lister laughed snidely.“Well, if the other servants have any sense, they won’t bother associating with a lowly slave like you.”Ignoring his nonsense, I dressed him and found his cloak to drape over his shoulders. As he left, he gave me one last instruction.“Make sure to fetch the reins. If you haven’t brought them by the time I return, I’ll have you kneel in the courtyard and whip you.”I just pouted.After Lister left, I immediately headed to the kitchen.The kitchen was quiet. Breakfast for Lisbeth and her children, who also had the habit of waking early like knights, had already been served.The elderly cook gave me an awkward look as I entered. I managed to get some soup and bread from him.He offered to cook something new, but I declined. It would be ridiculous to prepare a new meal for a slave. The watery soup made from leftover ingredients and the bread from last night were enough for me.I quickly ate the soup and bread in a corner of the kitchen and then left. I didn’t want to bother the uncomfortable old man any longer.In fact, it wasn’t just the cook—everyone was like that.It wasn’t merely because I was a lowly slave, as Lister claimed.As a slave, even the lowest-ranking servant here had a higher status than me. But since I was not born a slave and did not plan to remain one forever (though I was highly skeptical of that), and since the Glenburg siblings didn’t treat me entirely as a slave, it was unlikely I’d ever fully fit in with them. I had no desire to get closer to them, either….Moreover, about a year ago, when Lister severed the wrist of a knight who had been harassing me by pulling my hair, no one dared to approach or be friendly with me after that.I felt melancholic.But my crime was severe, and even though it was due to madness, it was considered a grave offense in Karlac, second only to treason, so I was incredibly fortunate not to be executed or imprisoned in the Tower of Helga.And likewise, I owed a great debt to Lisbeth and Lister, who took me in despite risking the Duke of Karlac’s displeasure….I put on my outer garment and stepped outside.A strong wind was blowing. The wind carried the scent of sand and the cold of the north.It was the precursor to a sandstorm.Soon, a sandstorm would sweep through, and everyone in Karlac Castle would shut their windows tightly, cover the garden plants with cloth, and reinforce the glass windows with shutters. And when the sandstorm ended, winter would arrive, the same cold and damp, long winter as always.As I passed through the corridor from yesterday, I hunched my shoulders and stayed alert like a wary cat. But the morning corridor was silent, with no sign of anyone. Only the weak sound of water trickling from the fountain could be heard, as moisture seeping through the cracks in the old fountain tiles dampened the floor tiles.The northern stables were in disarray.Two young stable boys sat facing each other, greasing the wheels of a carriage. They glanced at me as I passed by, but when I looked back at them, they quickly turned their heads away, pretending to be busy.Inside the stables, an older woman was trimming a horse’s mane with scissors and a comb. Nearby, a young man was leading two large horses, urging them forward. The sharp scent of animals, dry hay, leather from the harnesses, and a mix of animal excretions and human sweat filled the air.The stable manager was a man around sixty years old. Since this position was honorary, it was usually held by retired knights. Without a word, he ordered an attendant to fetch a new bridle. He didn’t speak to me, and I kept my mouth shut as well.A few young attendants who were tending to the horses glanced at me and whispered among themselves. But when someone pointed a finger at them with an angry face, they scattered like startled birds.I awkwardly looked down at my feet. The attendant brought the new bridle, and I took it, quickly leaving the stables.Even after two years, it was still uncomfortable to face others, especially those I used to command with just a flick of my finger. I suppose I wasn’t a cruel master… It was better to be ignored now than to be tormented.I was a buoy drifting on the sea.A drop of oil in a glass of water.Soldiers carrying large wooden boards for temporary shutters in preparation for the impending sandstorm came into view. Attendants were nailing wooden planks over the glass windows.I hurried to make my way through the people.Once I entered the hallway between the deserted buildings, I finally felt a bit at ease.I never wanted to shrink back in front of others… but how could I control my own emotions?I stopped in the middle of the hallway, feeling downcast.The columns of the corridor were intricately carved with delicate diagonal patterns. Here and there, I noticed spots where the blue paint had peeled off. I slipped my finger into the cracked area and pulled at the dry, peeling paint. More of the paint flaked off. They would repaint it after the sandstorm passed anyway.I let the piece of blue paint fall to the ground. The tips of my fingernails were tinged with a faint turquoise.I began walking again.Just as I was about to leave the hallway and enter the narrow camellia passage, I heard footsteps behind me.I turned around.Perhaps I already knew who would be standing there.This time, I wasn’t as startled as before.After all, the corridor wasn’t dark, and he didn’t suddenly grab me by the waist.Jiyod was dressed in a black tunic. The Ipsen crest was embroidered on his chest in gold and blue thread. The blue mane of the ferocious beast was striking. His belt was plain, with no decorations except for a barely discernible pattern etched into the metal buckle. Yet, despite the simplicity, his presence was captivating.The cloak draped over his shoulders was the deep color of the night sky. Its edges fluttered like dark blue waves.“I thought you came to see me….”He spoke with a disappointed tone.“Guess I was wrong.”When I didn’t reply, he stepped closer to me.I thought about turning and running, but I stayed still.He stopped just a step in front of me. His gaze drifted to the bridle in my hand, and as if understanding the situation, a smile spread across his lips.“Do you do errands like this too?”“What else would a slave do if not this?”“Madam Lisbeth said she was taking good care of you….”“This was Lister’s order.”At that, a frown creased Jiyod’s brow. I quickly added,“A slave has to do whatever they’re told.”I looked up at him.I had so many questions I wanted to ask, but I didn’t know how to voice them. After all… how could I ask if we were the kind of people who shared kisses, touched each other so intimately, if I had ever allowed such things? How could I possibly ask such embarrassing questions?“How do you know me?”Instead of asking directly, I managed to phrase it more indirectly.Jiyod covered his mouth with one hand, trying to suppress a laugh. The corners of his long eyes glistened with amusement.“Is there anyone in Karlac who doesn’t know you?”“I mean personally.”When I raised an eyebrow, he tilted his head to one side and suddenly reached out. I tried to step back, but he was faster. His fingers brushed against my cheek.“You look better than yesterday.”“Oh….”His hand gently caressed the bruised cheekbone.For some reason, my face flushed.I lowered my head, staring at my feet.“You probably know… I….”I hesitated for a moment before speaking again.“There’s a madness. Seizures, I mean. I had a severe one two years ago… In any case, if we had met before that, it’s not strange that I don’t remember you. And if, if we really were… in that kind of… relationship, like what happened yesterday….”I clamped my mouth shut.Now my face felt like it was buried in desert sand, burning hot. It stung all the way down to my neck.I cautiously raised my eyes. My gaze met Jiyod’s smiling face.His smile lingered, warm and… so sweet that just looking at it made my face feel even hotter.His fingers slowly trailed down, brushing the back of my neck, and touched my shoulder.“I’m listening.”He nodded as if encouraging me to continue.I mustered the courage to speak again.“I’m sorry. I don’t really remember you… or that we were that close… if we truly were.”As soon as the words left my mouth, a sudden wave of doubt surged within me.What guarantee did I have that this man wasn’t just toying with me?Even though I wasn’t one to judge people by their bloodline or origins, according to Lister and others in Karlac, the Ipsen bloodline that this man carried was said to be barbaric and wicked. How could I know if he wasn’t just toying with a former lord who had fallen to the miserable status of a slave, either as a cruel joke or with some malicious intent?I looked up at him, lost in my suspicions.His eyes were a muted shade, clear, with dark pupils that stood out. His expression was gentle. The traces of his smile still lingered in the corners of his eyes.But I knew more than enough people who could push someone off a cliff while smiling kindly like that.My feet instinctively took a step back.He didn’t follow. Instead, he spoke.“We first met six years ago in the northern quartz mining region.”My eyes widened.Six years ago…That was before my madness had begun.“I was there?”My doubtful tone prompted a fleeting, unreadable expression to pass over the young knight’s face. He stared at me silently for a moment before nodding slowly.My mind raced.But my memory felt as if someone had scooped out a crucial part of my brain, leaving an empty space that seemed impossible to fill.Suddenly, I remembered the bridle in my hand.“Oh!”I gasped.“I need to deliver this… I’m going to be late.”No one could tell when Lister, who had mentioned having breakfast with the Duke of Karlac, would return. If he came back and found both me and the bridle he had ordered missing, I didn’t want to imagine the fuss he would make.I turned to leave but then looked back at Jiyod.“Well…”I hesitated with my parting words.“…See you later, Lord of Ipsen.”No matter what kind of relationship we had in the past, whether his words were lies or truth, it didn’t matter anymore.I had committed a crime, lost my title and status, and become the lowest of slaves, trembling in fear every night, unsure when another seizure might strike. Past glory, wealth, power, and even love—none of it belonged to me anymore.As I turned away, wrapped in a lonely feeling, he suddenly grabbed my wrist from behind.I was pulled into his embrace before I could even scream.My waist was firmly held, and my chin was quickly grasped. I wasn’t surprised when my lips were seized because I had half-expected it.The kiss was long and relentless.At first, I scratched his forearm with my nails, but soon I stopped and instead gripped his sleeve tightly. I kept my eyes closed throughout the long kiss. His chest was as solid as a steel breastplate, and the arm around my waist was as strong as the roots of an ancient tree. Whether this familiarity came from the illogical thoughts my madness had created or because we truly knew each other as he claimed, I couldn’t tell.Finally, he pulled away.I stared at his wet lips. I noticed a faintly peeling patch on his lower lip. Without thinking, I reached out and touched it with my finger. A low chuckle escaped him. He bent down and whispered in my ear.“Don’t call me Lord of Ipsen. I don’t like it when you call me that; it feels like someone else. Use my name.”I just stared at him.A moment later, he slowly let go of me.I stayed still for a while, my hand resting on his forearm. Strangely, it didn’t feel awkward. I lowered my head to look at my feet and then back at the bridle in my hand.I had to go back.I stepped away from him. This time, there was no hand pulling me back.Lister arrived just minutes after I returned. It was a very close call.“The bridle…”He started to ask but then stopped mid-sentence.His eyebrows twitched, and his lips twisted. He strode over to me, spreading his legs to stand firmly in front of me, arms crossed, looking down at me.“Why?”“Why do you look like that?”I frowned at the question.“What do you mean, look like what?”Suddenly, he reached out his hand, pressing his thumb against my lower lip. I let out a short scream and stepped back.“Are you crazy?!”“Why is your lip swollen?”My heart dropped at that moment. I quickly turned my head, covering my lips with my sleeve. Lister roughly grabbed my chin and turned my face back toward him.“Move your hand.”“No!”I twisted, trying to pull away from his grip, but his hold was too strong. Lister grabbed my wrist with his other hand, the one covering my lips.“What happened? Why are you like this?”“I don’t know! Nothing happened! I just bit my lip out of frustration because of you!”“Because of me?”His voice grew louder as I talked back. He squeezed my wrist so hard that it hurt.“Ouch! Let go!”I scratched his hand with all my strength. Lister cried out in pain and let me go, and I took the opportunity to spin around and dash away. Before leaving, I quickly threw the bridle at his feet. Lister’s angry shout echoed behind me.I managed to escape the situation, but it eventually led to even bigger trouble.A few days later, before dawn, at an hour closer to night than morning, one of Lister’s squires shook me awake.I groggily forced myself to get up. Without properly washing my face, I changed clothes, half-asleep, and followed where I was pulled—to the front of the stables. Lister was there, glaring at me with sharp eyes. The sight of him made me wide awake.He ordered me to bring his sword, and I thought he might cut off my wrist or gouge out my eyes. I tried to pretend I was going to get the sword while actually planning to call Lisbeth, but Lister grabbed me by the nape and dragged me along.“We’re going hunting.”“At this hour?”“Yes. We’re going to catch geese. My sister loves them.”I looked at him with a gaze that said, ‘What does your hunting have to do with me?’ He smirked as he leaped onto his horse. His squire handed me a heavy quiver full of arrows and a long leather bag, glancing between Lister and me. Why was he giving these to me?“Take those, Slan.”“Why should I?”“To carry them and follow me. You’re going to be my hunting squire.”“What?”I stared at him in disbelief, but Lister didn’t budge.In the end, I accepted the quiver and leather bag. Lister kicked his horse’s side. The horse raised its front right hoof before starting to gallop. I stood there dumbfounded, but when Lister turned and yelled at me to follow him, I quickly ran after him.The western Blue Gate was still shrouded in darkness.The knights guarding the gate looked back and forth between Lister and me, wearing confused expressions. But how could they dare argue with the only son of the Duke of Glenberg and a knight of the court? Since it wasn’t yet time to officially open the gate and lower the drawbridge, they opened the small side door near the Blue Gate and lowered a narrow drawbridge that barely allowed a horse to pass. Lister motioned for me to follow.The drawbridge swayed precariously. I panted as I followed him. It was extremely rare for me to leave the castle walls. Rare? This was the first time in two years, wasn’t it? And hunting, of all things?The area around Karlac Castle was a rocky desert, with deep, narrow rivers, cracked crevasses, canyons, and uneven hills. The only place suitable for hunting in this season was a small forest owned by the Duke of Karlac, where hunting was strictly prohibited.“Did you get permission to hunt?”I panted as I asked, and Lister chuckled from atop his horse.“Do you think I’d hunt in the Duke of Karlac’s forest without permission?”With that, he kicked his horse’s side, increasing its speed.It was hell.Soon, dawn broke, and a cold wind began to blow from the north.Goosebumps rose on my neck.I hadn’t even dressed properly. All I wore were indoor tunic and trousers.I panted heavily as I followed him along the paved road. The soles of my thin shoes weren’t made for walking outside. They were only meant to tread on the marble or sandstone tile floors inside the castle. In my desperate rush to keep up with Lister, my shoes caught in the rough gaps between the road’s tiles several times, tearing them. The soles quickly wore out. My toes ached terribly, and when I looked down, I saw blood pooling at the tips of my toes.The forest was even worse. I tripped several times over the exposed roots on the black humus soil. Every time I fell, Lister laughed heartily at my expense. I wanted to strangle him.He shot arrows at random and ordered me to retrieve them. When I took too long to find them, he mocked me for being useless. He claimed to have glimpsed a deer’s antlers, then shot an arrow at some random trees or between rocks where it got stuck. There wasn’t a trace of a deer anywhere. Like all Karlac knights, Lister had been trained in archery since childhood. If he truly intended to hunt, he wouldn’t be acting this way. This hunt was clearly meant as revenge for my running away from him the other day.After a long while, when he seemed bored of watching me search for arrows, Lister rode across a path through the woods to a large lake in the center.“Throw stones at the lake to scare away the geese.”He ordered me as if it were the most natural thing in the world.