Antidote

I looked around for a stone to throw. As I lifted a stone buried in the dirt, a few long-legged arthropods quickly scurried away from underneath. I barely managed to swallow the scream rising in my throat.A few geese were floating in pairs on the blue lake. I hurled the stone with all my might. Only after a few tries did the stone finally hit the flock of geese, startling them into spreading their wings and soaring into the sky. Soon, one of them was struck by an arrow and fell from the sky.Feathers scattered, and the rather large goose flapped its wings a few times before sinking below the surface of the lake.Lister, who was holding a bow a few meters away from me, shouted triumphantly.“Go fetch it!”I looked at him in disbelief.“It fell in the lake.”“Yeah, that’s what hunting apprentices are for, isn’t it?”He replied nonchalantly.“It’s not that deep. Last time, an apprentice went all the way to the middle and retrieved it.”His face was full of a mischievous grin. He had clearly brought me here just to torment me.If I begged on my knees and cried here, maybe he wouldn’t make me go into the lake. But there was no way I wanted to do that. Gritting my teeth, I stepped into the lake.I shot a glare at Lister, who was watching me with a smirk.The water was cold. After three or four steps, weeds wrapped around my ankles. The lakebed, covered in mud and mossy stones, was slippery. A shiver ran up my neck. The water was clear, and I could see below. The depth didn’t seem that great, but within a few steps, the water level had risen to my chest. About two meters ahead, I could see the goose floating with its head pierced by an arrow. I took another step forward but slipped and ended up swallowing a bit of water. The distinct smell of freshwater flooded my nose and throat.“Need a hand?”Lister’s snickering voice echoed from the lakeside.Biting my lip hard, I barely managed to steady myself and moved further in. The surface of the water rippled as my toes repeatedly lost and regained contact with the lakebed. I reached out and grabbed the neck of the dead goose.I swallowed water twice more on my way out of the lake, and even my hair was completely soaked.Half crawling, I finally made it back to the shore, coughing and spluttering. As I threw the goose I had in my hand onto the ground, Lister clicked his tongue in disappointment.“Want to do it again?”I looked up at him with murderous intent in my eyes. A malicious expression crossed Lister’s face. He lifted my chin with the tip of the bow he held.“How about one more time? You look like you’re still up for it.”I wanted to leap at him and bite his hand, but I held back. What else could I do as a slave but endure?In the end, I had to jump into the lake three more times to fetch the other geese.Lister watched my soaking wet figure from atop his horse. By the time I retrieved the fourth one, I was so weak in the limbs that I fell several times. My throat hurt from drinking so much water, and the inside of my nose felt like it was being torn apart. My hair was disheveled and stuck to my face. I hurriedly pushed it away with my fingers as I came out of the lake.Lister looked down at me, then turned his head to look at the eastern sky with a “hmph.”The sun had risen to about the middle of the sky by then.“Shall we head back? I’m getting hungry.”I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of relief at his words.The journey back was even more agonizing than the way there.Since I lost one of my shoes in the lake, one of my feet was bare. Blood flowed from my toes, leaving red marks on the ground with every step. The smell of wetness clung to my hair and clothes. The cold north wind sapped my body heat, making me shiver. The sack filled with four large geese was heavy. My shoulders felt like they were about to fall off. Lister, still on horseback, glanced at me.“Want a ride?”He asked as if doing me a favor.But I was already too hurt to respond.Lister urged his horse closer to me.The clattering of the horse’s hooves echoed as they struck the gravel on the ground.“Slan.”He called me again.“Ask me for a ride.”I ignored him. He circled around me, speaking to me a few more times. When I stubbornly kept my mouth shut, he finally lost his temper, jerked the reins, and stopped his horse. He bent down and grabbed my shoulder.“So stubborn.”He clicked his tongue and pulled me up.“Come here.”I twisted my body to slip out of his grasp.“Slan!”Lister’s voice was tinged with anger.“I said, come here!”“No need.”I turned my head away from him and stared at the ground.“You…”Lister growled, then jumped off his horse with a thud as his feet hit the ground. He roughly grabbed my wrist. Pain shot up through my arm as my wrist twisted, sending a sharp ache through my joints, muscles, and bones.“It hurts!”I yelled, but he just pulled me closer with his other arm, wrapping it around my waist. The feel of his arm and chest against my wet clothes was revolting. I could feel the heat of his skin. Nausea and rage surged within me. I started to struggle.“Stay still!”At that moment, a sharp pain flared up on my cheek.A flash of lightning crossed my vision, and everything went black before coming back into focus.“Ah….”I let out a dazed groan. Something warm trickled down the groove above my upper lip, eventually touching my lips and seeping into my mouth. It tasted metallic—blood. The pain came next, reverberating through my skull. My knees buckled, and Lister caught my falling body with his arms.He had hit me so hard that my nose started bleeding instantly.No tears came.This wasn’t the first time something like this had happened.Lister, still holding me, was breathing heavily.“You… you…”He couldn’t contain his anger and roughly wiped the blood that had trailed down from my nose to my chin with his sleeve.“Why do you always bring this upon yourself?”I bit my lip.Lister, with a single arm, lifted me effortlessly and climbed back onto his horse. I huddled my shoulders, trying to distance myself from him, but he pulled me closer, wrapping his arm around my lower abdomen. His chest pressed against my wet back, sending a shiver of revulsion down my spine. For a moment, tears welled up, but I fought them back.The horse began to walk again.Lister grumbled behind me for a while, mostly cursing at me. But as I remained silent, he gradually quieted down.Silence settled between us, broken only by the occasional clatter of the horse’s hooves against the gravel.When we returned to the castle, Lister finally set me down from the horse. I glared at him with all my might. Lister’s expression twisted with frustration before he swallowed whatever he was going to say, perhaps realizing the pitiful state I was in.If he had any conscience at all, seeing my miserable appearance would have silenced him. My cheek was swollen, and dried blood stained the groove above my lip. My hair, which had dried tangled and matted, clung to my neck and back, making me look like a complete madman. The stench of fish and mud clung to my clothes.I glared at Lister one last time before turning and fleeing to the kitchen. I couldn’t bear to look at his face any longer, and he didn’t stop me either.The servants I passed on my way to the kitchen recoiled at the sight of me, hunching their shoulders. The cooks in the kitchen looked horrified when I barged in. I must have looked truly insane.I handed over the sack containing the four geese to them. The youngest cook reached into the sack and pulled out one of the geese, its neck and feet twisted together.“Are they to be prepared today?”The head cook asked me in a somewhat reluctant tone, and I just shrugged.“I don’t know.”He frowned.“I’ll lend you a bucket of water, go wash up.”He offered, showing a bit of kindness. I accepted his offer.“…Thanks.”“It’s nothing.”His gaze fell on my foot, where a broken toenail had caused blood to flow. He seemed like he wanted to say something more but held back.Taking the bucket from the cook, I headed to the well. A group of maids were chattering like larks by the well, fetching water. They fell silent and gaped at me as I approached. Ignoring their stares, I lowered the bucket into the well. Pouring water over my foot, I watched as the blood washed away, leaving a stinging sensation. I roughly washed my hands, feet, and face, then filled the bucket with water.Dragging the heavy bucket behind me, I returned to my room.My room was small and dark, but for a slave, it was luxurious beyond measure.I pulled out a towel I had secretly hidden under my bed and soaked it in the bucket. I stripped off my clothes, including the single remaining shoe, and sat naked on the small stool, slowly wiping down my body. My ankle, which had been tangled in weeds, was red and swollen. The nail on my left big toe had broken, with dried blood sticking to it. Carefully, I peeled off the broken piece of nail and washed the wound with water. I meticulously wiped every inch of my body with the towel.I gently untangled the matted hair with my fingers. The tips of my hair had faded to a dull golden color, split and ragged. I’d have to borrow a knife from the kitchen and cut it all off. The thought of it made me feel despondent as I stared at the ends of my hair.I scrubbed my hair as if doing laundry with the remaining water and then soaked my soiled clothes in the bucket. Mud and pieces of waterweed settled at the bottom.I gingerly cupped my still throbbing left cheek with my hand. Before the bruise from the last beating had even faded, I’d earned myself a new one.I waited until the clothes had soaked long enough for the mud and lake stench to dissipate, then pulled them out of the bucket. Wringing out the water, I spread them out on the floor to dry. I wasn’t hoping for them to dry completely, just enough so that I could wear them again.A spare set of clothes is a luxury for a slave.Lisbeth tried to be considerate of me, but she was born a high noble and raised as a knight; she couldn’t possibly understand such fine details.New clothes and shoes were always brought to me by the maids when it was time for a change. If it hadn’t been for that seizure two years ago, I would have lived my whole life thinking that was normal.If I explained my situation to Lisbeth, she would probably bring me new clothes and shoes immediately, but I didn’t want to bother her with such a request. I hunched my shoulders in melancholy. The cold air seeping through the cracks in the tiles made goosebumps rise on my skin.Since I’d lost one of my shoes in the lake, I would need new ones. I’d have to ask the steward for a new pair.At that moment, there was a loud knock on my door.Startled, I quickly grabbed the clothes I had spread on the floor and hastily put them on. It wasn’t easy putting on wet clothes. I had to struggle quite a bit just to get my pants on.Barely managing to dress, I opened the door. Standing there was a young girl, no older than thirteen, with large, wide eyes. She huddled her shoulders and thrust a large bundle at me.“What’s this?”“The chef told me to give this to you.”As soon as I took it, she spun around and dashed away.Reluctantly, I accepted the bundle and returned to my room.Inside, there were some slightly shabby but clean dry clothes, shoes, and a bit of food. There was also a glass bottle containing about a cup of wine. At this moment, it was more precious than any fine liquor.I quickly stripped off my wet clothes and changed into the new ones.Unlike my previous attire, these clothes were a light gray with no patterns. The sleeves were not very wide. I slipped my legs into the pants and tied them at the waist with a coarse cloth belt. The pants were generously cut. The shoes had rough leather soles. This outfit, in fact, suited my position as a slave better.I carefully spread out my old clothes on the floor, just in case.Then I sat on the bed and began tearing into the bread that the chef had brought. The bread had walnuts and dried fruits in it, but it seemed to be leftovers from the morning, as the surface was dry and hard. I drank the wine straight from the bottle. As the alcohol passed through my throat, the hard bread softened.When I had eaten about half of the bread, someone knocked on my door again.This time, it was Lister calling for me. My face involuntarily scrunched up, but I couldn’t ignore the summons. I wrapped the remaining bread in cloth, hid it in the corner of the bed, and stepped out of the room.Lister was in his dining room. It was probably another pathetic order to serve his meal. I kept my mouth shut and went to stand beside him, who was seated at the table.He had already changed into fresh clothes. His blue outfit had the Glenburg crest embroidered on the sleeves and chest in black thread. He looked me up and down.“What’s with that look?”“What look?”I snapped back, and he fell silent. But the silence didn’t last long. He started talking again.“What’s with that stupid outfit?”“Since it’s from this house, it must be Glenburg clothing. If this outfit is stupid, then Glenburg clothing must be stupid.”Lister’s face twisted. He gestured for me to come closer. I approached him warily.He looked up at my cheek from where he was seated.“Did you put any ointment on?”I scoffed at his absurd question. My reaction made Lister flare up again.“Yeah, that’s just like you. You’re asking for a beating, you know that? Do whatever you want.”With that, he stretched out his legs.I picked up the wine bottle from the table and poured some into his glass.It was a cold fruit wine served as an aperitif. Bubbles frothed up inside the crystal glass. Lister raised the glass and glanced at me. I met his gaze without backing down.Soon, the servants began bringing in the food.It wasn’t anything special since it wasn’t a feast.First came soft bread and freshly cooked soup. The soup had buttercream floating on top. Then came carp roasted in reed leaves, followed by a plate filled with grapes and figs.Lister emptied his glass, and I stifled a yawn as I poured more wine into it.He dipped the bread into the soup and ate it. Then he tore into the golden-brown carp’s belly with a fork. Out spilled well-cooked chickpeas and grains of rice. The aroma was appetizing, likely thanks to the generous use of spices and lemon.He looked at me again. Thinking it was a sign to pour more wine, I picked up the bottle but hesitated when I saw that his glass wasn’t empty yet.Lister frowned. He rang the bell on the table to summon another servant. When the servant entered, Lister brought him very close and whispered something in his ear.I had no interest in whatever he was saying, so I lowered my head and lost myself in my thoughts. My focus was on my throbbing toes. The tender flesh exposed under my broken toenail pressed against the leather of the shoe, sending a sharp pain up my leg with every slight movement.“Slan.”Lister called me.I snapped my head up and instinctively grabbed the wine bottle as I approached him, but Lister grimaced.He gestured at me. I looked at the tip of his finger.“Sit there.”The spot he pointed to was the seat beside him. At some point, an extra chair had been placed there, with new tableware neatly arranged in front of it. I stared at Lister blankly.“Why?”“Sit down and eat.”Lister smirked.“I’ll show some mercy to a poor slave. You’re hungry, right? When else will you get to eat food like this?”I narrowed my eyes at him, conveying my disdain. Sit beside him and humbly eat? I’d rather choke to death on fish bones than do that.“I’ve already eaten.”“What?”Lister’s eyebrows twitched. His breathing grew heavy. Afraid he might hit me again, I quickly took three or four steps back. He snorted, glaring at me.“You’ve got some nerve, eating before your master, you slave.”His voice trembled with anger.“Well, since you’ve eaten your fill, it’s time to earn it.”His lips twisted into a mean-spirited smile.“Oil and polish my armor. You have to do it alone.”Oiling and polishing a knight’s armor was a task usually shared among the squires, but Lister would sometimes assign it to me as a form of punishment. The weight of the full armor was no joke. Even parts like the vambraces, which weren’t particularly large or thick, were heavy enough to make handling them alone a challenge. Oiling the entire set and polishing it to a shine was hard labor. But at this moment, I would have much preferred polishing armor over standing here and looking at Lister’s face.I put the wine bottle I was holding down on the table and immediately turned to leave the dining room. I would have done so if it hadn’t been for Lister’s fierce shout from behind.“Where do you think you’re going?”I turned to him with an incredulous look.“Weren’t you the one who told me to polish the armor?”“You need to finish serving my meal first, don’t you?” he yelled.I bit my lip and returned to the table. Lister tapped his empty glass as if in protest. I tilted the bottle and poured more wine into his glass. He emptied the glass two or three more times in quick succession. Although Lister could hold his liquor, I didn’t like it when he drank a lot. About six months ago, he got so drunk that he beat me severely. He was so brutal that even he was startled when he sobered up and ended up apologizing to me.The meal ended in silence. To my relief, Lister didn’t say anything further. I hurriedly escaped from the dining room.Polishing the armor was hard work, but sitting alone and oiling the steel surface brought me some peace. The light from the brass lamp hanging in the corner flickered. I groaned as I disassembled the armor, oiled all the joints, and wiped the surface with a cloth soaked in oil.It was late at night by the time I finished. When I reported to Lister, he looked displeased.“It’s late now, so I’ll check thoroughly tomorrow after sunrise to see if you did a proper job… If it’s a mess, I’ll make you do it all over again.”I nodded absentmindedly.“Got it. Can I go now?”I was completely exhausted. My arms and legs felt as heavy as boulders. It was like my feet were sinking into a muddy swamp with every step. My big toenail still throbbed painfully. The ankle that had been wrapped in bandages was itching and stinging. I just wanted to lie down.Lister stared at my tired face for a moment and then nodded. I confirmed that and quickly turned to leave. But just as I was about to exit, Lister suddenly grabbed me.“What?” I asked irritably, turning back to him. He was looking down at me with narrowed eyes, as if observing me.“Don’t wander around recklessly.”“What?”“I mean exactly what I said. Don’t go wandering around—just stay put.”“What does it matter to you?”When I talked back, his grip on my shoulder tightened. Then he brought up something out of the blue.“You know that the Ipsen barbarians are roaming around Karlac Castle with their knights, right?”My heartbeat subtly quickened. I masked it by deliberately replying curtly.“So what?”“Well, you might get unlucky and run into them, and they might chop off your wrist or tongue, so behave yourself.”His words made me frown.“Why? Has someone already had their wrist or tongue cut off?”“Not yet, but you never know.”Lister sneered.“Those barbarians were raised on the battlefield, so they don’t know Karlac Castle’s rules and order. And the knights under their command are the same. If they happen to stumble upon you…”“If they find me? Why? Do they have some grudge against me?”At my words, Lister looked as if he had bitten his tongue.“…Forget it! Just stay put and don’t argue! If I catch you wandering around recklessly, I’ll break your ankle right then and there….”He threatened. I scoffed, pulled myself free from his grip, and turned to leave.When I returned to my room, I found new clothes laid out on the bed. The clothes I had spread out on the floor earlier were nowhere to be found. I was dumbfounded. I knocked the new clothes off the bed with a flick of my hand. The neatly folded clothes tumbled down, their long sleeves fluttering. I stared at them blankly for a few seconds, then climbed onto the bed and tried to sleep.My foot ached.I had skipped my medicine this morning, so I had a bad headache.My forehead felt slightly warm.I pulled the blanket over my head and closed my eyes.May tonight pass safely.I prayed once more, as I had for the past two years, and drifted off to sleep.—The sandstorm came a little earlier this year compared to last.A wind carrying cold air from the North Sea swirled around eastern Karlac. Coarse sand was mixed in with the wind. A fierce storm blew the sand from the desert north of the Tavros Mountains.Before the sandstorm hit, Lisbeth had left for Movik Shinen for convalescence. After her third childbirth, her health had sharply declined, so she usually spent every winter in the warm hot spring region of Movik Shinen. Last winter, things had been too chaotic for her to leave Karlac, but this year she planned to stay there leisurely until late spring. Moreover, the sandstorm season had arrived a bit earlier this year, so her departure had been moved up as well.When the sandstorm settles, the first snow will fall, and winter will arrive in eastern Karlac.The carriage carrying her and her three children left Karlac at the crack of dawn. Everyone at the Glenburg residence saw them off.I watched the retreating carriage with a gloomy gaze. It quickly disappeared between the buildings.Lister clapped me on the shoulder.“Let’s go inside. I’m hungry.”He wrapped his arm around my neck as if we were close. I jutted out my lower lip and frowned.The long winter was approaching. And throughout that winter, the master of this Glenburg residence would be Lister. Just thinking about it made my heart feel as heavy as if a boulder had been lodged in it.Several days passed quickly.Lister was unusually quiet.With Lisbeth and her children all gone, the now quiet residence was only frequented by maids and squire boys.The recovery of my shattered left big toenail was sluggish. Every night, I trimmed the oddly growing nail that dug into my flesh with a pair of nail clippers. Other than that, the past few days had been peaceful.But Lister’s nonsense didn’t last more than five days before it started up again.As usual, it all began with something ridiculous. One morning, he suddenly asked me an out-of-the-blue question.“You know, come to think of it….”“?”I glanced at him while swallowing my medicine. The round pill slid down my throat with some water. I took another sip of water before opening my mouth.“What?”Lister looked as if he was hesitating. His green eyes scanned me up and down before settling on the back of my hand. Finding his gaze strange, I quickly hid my hand under my sleeve. Lister then lifted his head to stare into my eyes.“What’s wrong?”I asked again.“You…”Lister uncharacteristically hesitated. His gaze traveled up my sleeve to the collar of my shirt.“Where did you get that outfit?”Ah. I shrugged.Now that I thought about it, hadn’t he already questioned me about this stupid outfit before? It seemed he really didn’t like this plain clothing.“The cook gave it to me.”“Why would he give you clothes?” Lister’s voice grew sharp. Watching his raised eyebrow, I answered in the quietest voice possible to avoid provoking him.“Well, I couldn’t wear the clothes I had before anymore.”“…So that’s it!”He opened his mouth wide, then clamped it shut.His lips twitched a few times.Finally, his face twisted into an ugly scowl.“Are you trying to protest that I ruined your clothes?”I couldn’t help but sigh at his absurd accusation. And that reaction only made Lister’s face twist further. He crossed his arms and strode toward me. I took a half-step back, but my backside hit the table. Before I could move, he was standing right in front of me.“You’re parading around in that rag in front of me because you won’t wear the clothes I gave you since I ruined your other clothes, right? Am I wrong?”It was such a ridiculous argument.No matter what I said in response, it was sure to provoke him, and since he wasn’t entirely wrong, I just dropped my head. As I stared at the floor, Lister’s angry voice barked down at me. Was he right or wrong? Did I want to explain myself? Did I like that ragged piece of clothing so much? Why did the cook give me those clothes? It was all useless nonsense.I suddenly missed Lisbeth desperately. As I remained silent, staring at the floor, Lister’s breathing grew rougher. He was breathing heavily, and I could feel the hot air pouring down on my head.Finally, he exploded. His hand viciously grabbed my chin.“Ah!”My chin was yanked up so suddenly that I couldn’t help but let out a scream. It felt like my jaw was going to snap. But Lister’s grip remained tight, regardless of my scream.“Why don’t you at least try to explain? Are you mute? Or do you just not want to say a single word to me? Should I really make you mute?”His threat to cut out my tongue made my face contort.I bit my lip and glared at him. Seeing my defiant gaze only provoked him further, and his expression grew even more vicious. The ends of his eyebrows twitched as they rose sharply toward the sky.“Do as you like.”“What?”“If you want to cut out my tongue, then go ahead. You can do it anytime.”“You, you…”He breathed heavily.My chin hurt so much it felt like it would break. Unable to bear the pain, I pushed against his arm with all my strength. Surprised by my unexpected resistance, his hand slipped off my chin, and I staggered backward. My back hit the table hard, causing it to shake. The kettle on the table wobbled and then fell. With a loud crash, the glass shattered, sending shards flying everywhere. The water splashed up, soaking the area around our feet.“Ah!”I stumbled to the side in shock. My body wobbled.A large glass shard had fallen beside my foot.“Damn it!”With a curse, Lister stepped forward without hesitation, his foot landing right in the middle of the mess. At the same time, his hand grabbed my arm.“Don’t move! What if you step on the glass?”I swallowed and nodded. Holding me tightly, Lister turned his head and loudly called for another servant. Soon, a maid quickly appeared from the hallway. Lister ordered her to clean up the broken glass. While she crouched down and cleared the shattered pieces, Lister never let go of my arm.