Antidote

“Open your lips. I want to touch the inside of your mouth.”“W-what?”My face flushed bright red. It was obvious, even without needing to look in a mirror.While I was flustered, unsure of what to do, his hand grabbed my chin again. His face moved closer.“Don’t be embarrassed. Whether I touch with my tongue or with my fingers, isn’t it the same?”As he said that, he licked the space between my eyebrows with his tongue.Underneath my palm, pressed against his chest, I could feel the steady and powerful beat of his heart.As if under a spell, I opened my mouth again. He laughed out loud.A rough finger slipped between my lips. His thumb stroked the underside of my tongue, like a hand gently caressing a cat’s chin. Saliva pooled in my mouth. My breath became ragged. His coarse fingers rubbed against my tongue. My waist trembled.The thought that I must look ridiculous with my mouth open and tongue out crossed my mind briefly, but it quickly vanished.He pushed his fingers deeper, scraping against the back of my throat. When I started coughing, he patted my back as if to comfort me.“Suck on my fingers.”His voice was low and soft at the same time.“Please do this much. Think of it as payback for not showing me your face even once for ten days….”In the end, like a puppy or kitten, I sucked on his fingers as he instructed. His gaze was fixated on my lips, which were wrapped around his fingers.“That’s enough now.”After a while, he finally seemed satisfied and stopped me.I lifted my head.His eyes were rippling like the surface of the Koebis River, right before it overflows.“If we continue, I don’t think I’ll be able to hold back….”He fiddled with my ear using the same wet fingers.“Ah.”I let out a short moan.My knees were already weak, and I could barely stand.“Let’s go.”He tightened his arm around my waist, pulling me close.“W-where?”“It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Don’t worry, I’m not suggesting we go outside.”A cheerful smile appeared on the young knight’s face.“But the steward….”“Don’t worry.”“Don’t worry?”“You came to get apricot oil, didn’t you?”He pulled a small glass bottle out from his pocket.“I’ve already received it.”Then, he tucked it back into his pocket. Just as I was giving him a puzzled look, he suddenly lifted me up.“Ah!”I cried out in surprise, and he laughed.“I’ll give you what you’re looking for, so just stay with me for a while. You could use the excuse that the sandstorm was too strong to return quickly, couldn’t you?”With that, he effortlessly carried me out the door.“Put me down!”I shouted, and he shrugged before gently setting me down.However, as soon as my feet touched the ground, my body slid down.I sat on the floor with a thud, looking up at him dumbfounded.Jiyod chuckled playfully.“Did it feel that good, so much that your knees gave out?”Only after hearing those words did the situation slowly sink into my mind. The kiss had been so intense that my knees and hips had lost all their strength, unable to support even my own body. I was utterly embarrassed.A few seconds later, Jiyod reached out and grabbed my wrist. He gently pulled me up and then picked me up again as my body wobbled.“Don’t worry. There’s no one around. Because of the sandstorm, everyone’s holed up in their rooms, probably lazing around. And even if someone did see, they’d pretend not to notice.”His lips moved close to my ear.“Besides, it’s not the first time I’ve carried you around the castle, so everyone’s used to it by now.”His words reminded me of the strange looks I got this morning in the kitchen when I asked about the commotion. The young boy even shouted that I was definitely faking it, so there was nothing to worry about….Was I really in such a passionate relationship with this man before?It was hard to believe.At the same time, I suddenly remembered the rumors about me being sick with a fever, which caused me to miss the time to leave Karlac.I reached out to feel the back of his neck. The thick, muscular nape exposed between the collar of his shirt was solid and hot, but it didn’t feel feverish at all.“What are you doing?”Jiyod grabbed my wrist, causing the arm that was holding me to tilt slightly, making my body wobble. I wrapped my other arm around his neck.“What’s the matter? Should we head to the bedroom?”He whispered in a lowered voice.I frowned.“That’s not it. I heard rumors that you were suffering from a fever.”“Ah,” Jiyod made a sound that was somewhere between a sigh and a groan.“You believed that?”“Is it okay for someone faking illness to be wandering around outside?”I retorted, and he laughed, shaking his shoulders.“In this weather, probably only you or I would be out and about. So, as long as you keep your mouth shut, we should be fine. How about we settle it with just one more kiss?”I silently stared at his shameless face.So, what we did earlier wasn’t a kiss?Without waiting for my response, Jiyod pressed his lips against mine with a loud smacking sound on my upper lip, then quickly pulled away and started walking again, still holding me. He walked briskly down the short corridor inside the castle walls and up a few steps. When we entered the corridor leading to the tower, a spiraling staircase leading up the round tower appeared. He didn’t seem to find me heavy at all, not even a drop of sweat appeared on him.“Where are we going?”“We’re going up to the watchtower.”“Won’t there be people?”“There’s no one there now. Earlier, I secretly handed them a bottle of wine. By now, they’re probably passed out drunk on the lower floor.”He laughed gleefully. I looked at him with a mix of disdain and disbelief.“As a knight, shouldn’t you be angry about such poor discipline among soldiers…?”“Why would I care about the discipline of Karlac soldiers? They’re not my subordinates.”He replied nonchalantly.His words reminded me of his Ipsen lineage.The Ipsen people from the northwestern coast had long been enemies of our eastern Karlac. The Karlac people didn’t hesitate to mock them, calling them barbarians.The centuries-long power struggle ended thirty years ago with the Conquest War. After six years of siege, the Karlac army finally captured Ipsen, exterminating its ruling bloodline. Anyone with even a drop of that blood, anyone who hid them, and anyone who helped them escape, regardless of age or gender, were beheaded and their heads were displayed on the castle walls. It was said that the bodies filled the deep crevasses and the blood stained the coastline red. The Karlac army brought back many war prisoners as slaves, and Jiyod’s mother was among them.Of course, our Karlac’s atrocities didn’t end there. The then Duke of Karlac dragged the most lowly pig herder among the Ipsen slaves to the royal court, declared him the Lord of Ipsen, and forced him to kneel before him. He died of starvation, locked away in the crumbling Ipsen castle.Karlac continued to bestow the title of king. Prostitutes, beggars, grave robbers… they all died miserably with the title of king, and the last to receive it was….My thoughts were interrupted by his question.“And don’t you remember? You were the one who showed me this watchtower.”Ah….I let out a short sigh.“Sorry, I don’t remember. Honestly, I still don’t remember you well.”As if he understood my confusion, Jiyod spoke calmly.“Because of your madness, your mind…”He tapped my forehead lightly with his finger.“…wanders a bit, but what does it matter?”His voice was cheerful.“I don’t mind.”“Even if I were to push you down the stairs?”I blurted out a spiteful question. Perhaps the madness growing inside my skull had burst out at this moment.Jiyod fell silent. His expression hardened. A faint crease appeared on his otherwise flawless brow. Looking at his face, I felt incredibly awkward and uncomfortable.Just as I was about to apologize for my rude and thoughtless question, Jiyod spoke again.“I know you won’t do that.”“How can you be so sure?”“Because I just found out that you still enjoy kissing me.”His voice was meltingly sweet, and my face grew hot again. I shrank my neck and whispered in a small voice.“…Put me down. I can walk.”“Really?”His voice had a playful tone.When I made a flustered face, he chuckled softly and set me down on the stairs. My knees wobbled once, but thankfully I managed to avoid collapsing embarrassingly like before. I slowly climbed up one step. The narrow, steep staircase spiraled around the tower. The handrail was low.As I stepped onto the next stair, Jiyod, who was two steps below me, suddenly pulled my wrist from behind.My body was yanked backward.I fell back against his chest. His hand gripped my chin tightly, and his lips pressed against mine.“Ah…!”I didn’t even have time to scream.His lips met mine. His thick tongue pushed into my mouth. It felt like my mouth was completely filled. The sound of our tongues rubbing against each other echoed loudly. My face flushed bright red. I tried to turn my head away, but his firm grip on my chin left me no room to escape. His tongue sucked so forcefully that it hurt, rubbing against mine so thoroughly that I could feel every tiny bump on his tongue.My waist began to tremble, and my lower abdomen grew warm.His fingers trailed down my back, gently caressing near my tailbone. Each touch made my body jolt slightly.As soon as his lips pulled away, I slid down to the floor again. My hips landed on the edge of the stairs. I looked up at him in a daze. Jiyod touched his chin and grinned.“How about now? Do you still think you can walk?”“…….”In the end, I was carried in his arms all the way to the top.Only at the end of the stairs did he set me down. My face was still burning.As he pushed open the small door leading to the watchtower, a cold breeze rushed inside. It smelled of sand.He stepped outside first, shielding the wind with his cloak, and naturally extended his hand toward me. I stared at that hand. The nails, which seemed to have been broken and regrown several times, were uneven, and his knuckles were thick. The palm that wielded a sword was covered in calluses. Veins stood out on the back of his hand, and it was tanned to the same bright golden-brown as his neck. Slowly, I reached out and took it. His fingers gently wrapped around mine.He pulled me outside the door. I didn’t resist and followed him out.The chilly air touched my cheeks, and the wind was so strong that it tousled my hair.“This is the highest point in Karlac. The terrain is slightly tilted, so it’s even higher than the tower near the Azure Gate.”Then, he murmured softly, “You’re the one who showed me this, too…” I pretended not to hear and walked past him.The sandstorm was fiercely lashing against the pointed roof of the watchtower.The clouds hung low, so there was less sand than below. The cold wind blew in a straight line, hitting the tower and splitting to either side.I placed both hands on the brick railing.Below, Karlac unfolded before me. The majestic, ancient city, shrouded in crimson sand clouds, was spread out in one sweeping view.Eastern Karlac was a city built between two rivers flowing from the west and south. The two rivers merged into the Koivisto River in the southwest of the city.Every early spring, the river flooded, expanding its width twelvefold. People panned for gold and caught ayu fish along its banks. When reeds grew thick downstream, Karlac nobles would hunt wild ducks there. Farmers cultivated corn and wheat in the brief period of early summer when the black silt brought by the water turned fertile, and they harvested reeds to make paper. When the dry season arrived with the full onset of summer, the places where the river had flooded dried up and cracked.Now, that river was stained red by the sandstorm.The vast city lay between the two rose-tinted rivers. The sturdy city walls stretched out, following the curtain of sand clouds. The ivory outer and inner walls rose tall, and behind them, the flat roofs of buildings could be seen.Inside the inner walls lived nobles, magicians, and knights. Between the outer and inner walls resided wealthy merchants, foreigners, and artisans like blacksmiths and glassmakers.Beyond the outer walls, the vast thousand-year-old city of eastern Karlac stretched out. Among the winding, intricate underground passages, canals, drawbridges, and broad avenues were packed buildings of varying heights.All of it was blurred, enveloped in a mirage-like sand cloud.I stared at the sight in a trance.Suddenly, a hand rested on my shoulder.I turned around.Jiyod was standing beside me.His expression was tender. His high nose bridge cast shadows on the deep hollows beside his eyes. His gray eyes were hazy, as if lost in a dream.The hand on my shoulder was firm and rough, yet the way it slowly stroked my shoulder was incredibly gentle.We stared at each other in silence for a long time.He was the first to look away. He grasped my shoulder and guided me northward. Beyond the railing, he extended his arm and pointed to a spot.“That’s where I’m staying.”I looked in the direction his finger indicated. There was a one-story building on the northernmost part inside the inner walls. It was partially hidden by other structures.“Behind the glass greenhouse and the hanging garden. Can you see it?”“I see it.”I nodded.The edge of the building he pointed to peeked out from behind the towering side of the hanging garden.The story of the Duke of Karlac giving him the most dilapidated building resurfaced in my mind.“…Isn’t it too small? You have quite a few people with you—knights and their attendants…”Jiyod chuckled softly at my question.“Why are you even worrying about that? Don’t worry. There are people who don’t like that I’m even staying inside the inner walls, so do you think they’d allow me to keep knights there?”He shrugged.“The knights and their families are outside the inner walls. I only keep a few with me there—Urkal, Ismion, and Lady Rea, plus a cook….”Jiyod mentioned a few names I didn’t recognize.I looked up at him, studying his face.His hand on my shoulder tightened as he pulled me into his chest. He embraced me, wrapping my body in his cloak. The warmth spread, heating my body. His chin rested on the crown of my head.“It’s not as luxurious as before, but it’s livable.”I wriggled in his arms, trying to shift away the head resting on mine, and looked up at him. His eyes formed soft crescents, and a perfectly shaped, gentle smile graced his lips.“The bed is quite comfortable too…” he whispered softly.“So, how about it? Why don’t you come by sometime and check for yourself?”His voice was sweet, tinged with an unmistakable hint of temptation. The bridge of his nose turned slightly red.Even though I didn’t answer, he kept trying to entice me.“Did I mention that the new cook is quite talented? He’s from the south, some archipelago or something… Not only is he good at cooking, but he’s also got quite the skill in a brawl. He was born by the sea, so I suspect he might actually be an ex-pirate.”“A pirate?”“Just a guess. The way he handles a kitchen knife is no joke. His temper is so fierce, I doubt even the Karlac Count’s cook can get ingredients as fresh as he does. I sometimes wonder if he kills merchants and steals their goods…”As he spoke, he suddenly pressed his lips against my ear with a smacking sound. When I recoiled and covered my ear with my hand, he kissed the other side. Then he laughed out loud, clearly pleased with his playful success.“You’ll love it, I guarantee. How about we lie down together on the chaise longue, eating the shrimp and pickled oysters you like while sipping on cold white wine? I’ll burn some hinoki and camphor wood to warm the bedroom beforehand.”It was almost funny.It wasn’t until I heard those words that I remembered I used to like shrimp and pickled oysters.As I began to laugh softly, he looked down at me with a puzzled expression.“What’s so funny? Is the idea so good it makes you laugh?”I shook my head briefly.“No, no… It’s just… thank you.”“Don’t say that, just promise you’ll come.”Jiyod said as he leaned in to press his lips against my forehead. A quiet sigh escaped him, and he tightened his arms around my waist, pulling me closer to his chest.“Ah, I wish I could just snatch you up and take you with me…”His gaze briefly shifted to the tower below.After a while, he whispered quietly.“The wind is dying down. It’s better if we head back now.”As we descended the stairs from the tower, he handed me a small glass bottle.“Here. Isn’t this what you came here for?”Inside the small, round bottle, only half the size of my palm, a clear oil sloshed around. I quickly reached out to take the bottle.“I didn’t get a chance to thank the steward.”“I conveyed your thanks for you,” he replied as he started walking again.“About what I said earlier…”He brought up another topic. When I looked at him curiously, he gazed at me with a smiling face.“I know you would never push me down the stairs.”He repeated himself.“I know you would never do that to me.”His voice was filled with unshakable trust.I looked down at my toes without answering. A wave of skeptical self-mockery swirled in my mind.If it’s been done once, what’s stopping me from doing it again?When I returned to the Glenburg Manor, Lister’s fury was waiting for me. He barked at me, demanding why I was so late, his voice sharp and relentless. My excuse about the sandstorm didn’t seem to matter to him at all.In any case, I counted the floor tiles as I half-listened to his tirade, letting his words go in one ear and out the other. What occupied my mind were Jiyod’s burning lips from earlier, the sight of the red Karlac seen from the tower, and the warmth of the cloak that had covered my shoulders… Lister’s words evaporated like water droplets on glass under the weight of those memories.—He must have thought I’d start crying and pleading, unable to handle it.Lister had become as ferocious as a dog suffering from a toothache. His eyebrows were always sharply raised toward the sky, and his tightly pursed lips twitched with menace. After ordering me to fetch water from the well through the sandstorm, he stared at me with a kind of anticipation, but when I turned to leave without complaint, he stomped his foot in frustration.It wasn’t the first time something like this had happened. The servants looked at me with pity. Even the knights passing through the manor showed faint signs of sympathy in their eyes.I had to carry heavy jars, making several trips to the well each day. Once, I slipped on the sand piled up on the stairs and broke a water jar. My left ankle throbbed continuously after I misstepped during that fall.Meanwhile, the dark red sand clouds that had enveloped all of eastern Karlac finally passed.For a brief moment, the blue sky emerged, only for dark clouds to quickly gather again. The damp, cold air settled into every wall and floor of the building. By evening, sleet began to fall.The snowflakes thickened as the night deepened, but by morning, they had subsided.The rooftops, railings, and trees were dusted white with snow. In every corner of the corridors and courtyards, snowflakes mixed with sand and rolled around. People busily moved in and out of the buildings, sweeping away the snow and sand.After lunch, Lister, who had briefly gone out for an audience, summoned me as expected and began another tirade.“I’ve been cooped up because of the sandstorm, and it’s put me in a foul mood.”As if you’ve ever been in a good mood.“I need to ride. Come with me.”He dragged me outside.The snow had stopped, but the sky was still filled with thick gray clouds. Even though it was midday, the surroundings were dark. The faint sunlight circled between the imposing blue pillars supporting the roof.I ignored the throbbing pain in my left ankle and hurried to follow him.A groom hastily brought out the horses.Lister’s beloved horse had a black coat with reddish spots, a prized steed descended from a renowned bloodline.The fierce stallion, restless from the recent sandstorm and lack of exercise, kept snorting.Lister approached the horse and patted its neck. Recognizing its master’s touch, the horse calmed down and lowered its head.Lister’s gaze shifted to me, standing sullenly at a slight distance.“What are you doing?” he called out to me.As I approached, his lips curved into a slanted smile.“I’m not feeling well, so I doubt I’ll be able to mount the horse…”It was a ridiculous statement.He was a knight. How could a knight have trouble mounting a horse? Did he not even realize how absurd his words were, or had he finally decided to renounce his title?“Should I bring a mounting block?”There was no need to provoke him unnecessarily. However, Lister chuckled at my question.“Why bother?”“…Didn’t you just say it would be difficult to mount the horse?”“What I meant was, there’s no need to bring a mounting block.”I frowned and looked at him.What is he up to today?What kind of game is he planning to torment me with this time?“You can just kneel down.”Lister said softly.For the first few seconds, I didn’t understand what he meant.Even after a few more seconds, I couldn’t believe what I’d heard and looked up at him. Lister’s green eyes gleamed like metal. I could read a sense of expectation, excitement, and exhilaration in them.“What did you say?”I asked again, just in case I had misunderstood. Maybe I had misheard Lister’s nonsense.But my hopes were shattered.“Kneel down so I can use your back to mount the horse.”He spoke in a voice more excited than usual.I stared at his face and then at the horse in front of us several times, bewildered.Kneel down?In the past, slaves or servants might have knelt to act as a mounting block for children learning to ride or for people with physical difficulties. But that was in the past. Moreover, Lister was a knight. A knight who couldn’t mount his own horse?“Hurry up!” Lister urged me.“But…”“Can’t do it?” he asked eagerly when I hesitated, his cheeks flushed with excitement. I lowered my head. My breathing quickened. Lister was waiting for me to say I couldn’t do it.A moment of silence passed.Unable to bear even that brief pause, Lister spoke again, nervously.“Think you can’t do it? You can’t, right? No way you can do it, right?”The groom who had brought the horse stood there, not knowing what to do, looking back and forth between us. After hesitating for a while, I slowly walked toward the horse.Lister glared at me, his eyebrows twitching.No way, no way? His expression seemed to ask.And as I finally knelt in front of the horse, a heavy silence fell.As I lay on the dirt floor, I could hear Lister’s breathing growing more ragged above my head.It wasn’t that it wasn’t humiliating. I just wanted this moment to pass quickly.But contrary to my wishes, Lister didn’t move for a long time. The rough sound of his breathing continued.“You, you…”His voice wavered as if on the brink of an outburst.“You think I won’t do it? You think I won’t do it, and that’s why you’re doing this? To mock me…”Suddenly, a sharp pain shot through my side, as if I had been set on fire. I couldn’t hold back a scream and collapsed to the side. Struggling, I turned my head to look up, only to meet Lister’s terrifying gaze.I swallowed hard. At the same time, anger and resentment welled up inside me. I bit my lip and turned my head down again. It was humiliating and infuriating to be rolling on the dirt floor like an animal. But what could I do? I was a slave. The lowest of the low in this eastern part of Karlac. If only I had been born a slave who didn’t know what shame or humiliation felt like…Lister, who had kicked me, gritted his teeth and muttered.“You, how dare you. To me. How could you…”He mumbled to himself for a while before turning around.His large shoulders trembled briefly.“I won’t ride the horse! Go sweep the snow in the courtyard! Make sure it’s spotless!”